Friday, September 14, 2007

Terror on the Horizon: Tomorrow's Day at the Amusement Park :(

The following post initally began as a response to Mark's post for today: Sept. 14th thoughts and happenings from the Lord of the Idiots blog

He was joking that he and his Dad had made plans for an enormous hiking experience and when Dad went for his first training walk, he required an ambulatory intermission (I think Mark was being silly, and said his Dad collapsed just moments into the walk.) Well, I'm sure I'm a lot younger that The L of T I's Dad, but I'm a whole lot fatter. And so I was inspired to write this. The more I wrote, the more I realized it might be a cute post on my blog:

As far as your Dad goes, tell him he's in good company. I agreed to go to an amusement park this Saturday. It's been planned for a while and we even have out of town guests coming, which means I need to get off this thing and channel some mania and clean my house, like the crazy person that so many believe me to be!

I hate amusement parks. If they would realize that blogging & crocheting are amusements then I would be in heaven. As it is, I've agreed to a Saturday of Hell. Now I realize that this will require walking around, in humidity and heat, with knees that don't really work and a cardiopulmonary system which gets about as much work out daily as it takes me to run from bed to computer each day - I will start heaving loudly after step four into this expected day of walking, and that is guaranteed!

All of which is enough to make me want to die just thinking about it. Despite my pleas already to get out of it, I believe I will be dragged there tomorrow. So if I never return, if you hear on CNN about a fat chick stuck forever on a ride, and I won't entertain thoughts of anything worse, you'll know that I've given all: for blog, for inactivity while loving my computer, for you, Dearest Reader.:)

I will be forced to ride on roller coasters (I'm definitely wishing for death now) because once you walk through the gates into these things with a boyfriend or husband the constant pummeling of 'oh, come one, come on, THIS one's not that bad,' becomes an overwhelming drill in your ear and most likely find yourself giving into it.

If not, I will find myself sitting on a bench in the heat and humidity (if I'm lucky) like a person three times my age, in protest or pure unadulterated fear. There are some things that this Tart's NOT getting on, and there are no questions asked. Now, is this a good time for me to pull out my crochet and get some work done?

I would love to post one of the pictures taken at last year's adrenaline entertainment debacle. For security reasons I can't, because to enjoy it you must see the looks on everyone's faces and muting them out to keep our identities would kill the purpose. Husband and I are on the first rollercoaster I'd been on for 18 years. That's enough time to birth a child and get it out the door to experience life, in case I have to remind anyone. That is how long I was able to avoid this since the last debacle.

This rollercoaster that we were on is in fact, the 'baby' rollercoaster, the lowest in scary I guess that this entertainment haven can provide. Well, somebody should have told me. In the picture I am screaming my head off, in what can only be described as: pure terror. Next to me, Husband is laughing, the sick, sadistic...I think he's enjoying the fact that I'm scared! But the cou de grace of this is the guy right behind us who looks like nothing is happening. Literally. He might as well be checking his cuticles, like is anything happening yet?

The truth is, the only part of the amusement park experience that I truly dig is seeing & buying the pictures of us after a roller coaster. Someone brilliant came up with the idea of snapping a pic at just the right moment to capture the look on any possibly terrorized people, and realized that some of us will actually pay for it.

I think I like those pictures, because they are proof I was there, as though there will in fact be brownie points given at some point, for doing things that terrify you. They are also better proof that I had a 'good time,' -- more preferable to the 5 inch bruise I got on my inner arm 18 years ago from holding on to the roller coasters so hard. A woman's got to have SOME security in this world!

The only other thing that was special for me last year was working so hard to win something at one of the booths. It was a lot like when you go to a County Fair, I had to get so many softballs into a bushel basket. And no, it is NOT easy. I think the lady running it felt sorry for me, I will admit, because I REALLY wanted the prize, and I kept trying. So, you know I won it. What was the prize? Okay, are you ready for this (especially Raine)??!! It was a sweet, stuffed plush SEA TURTLE, I kid you not! I'm at a loss for words. This turtle thing is for REAL!

1 comment:

Raine said...

LOLOL how funny!!! it was turtle!! I went to an amusement park recently and got on the scariest ride there. Just to prove I could. Know what I found out? I am too old for that shit. Its not fun anymore- its just freaking horrifying. However it was cool seeing the animal stuff (the old Marine world/Africa USA) so that redeemed it.