Monday, July 31, 2006

The Problem Here is the Bar Owner Tried to "Make her look Crazy": Big Mistake

Off of Today's MSN. Thank you MSN! It's long and I considered cutting it but it's pretty good even to the end. Tart says: Bestiality bad and very sick (and so unnecessary with today's personal toys.) and not what this article is about. Loving your pet: Good. Needing to marry it cause you're tired of being single? Umm...misguided at the least, I'd say. But entertaining. Read on.
Maybe not white tie, but a whole lotta’ tails
Pet owners’ marriage ceremony is veiled in irony

By Adriane Quinlan
The Washington Post
Updated: 3:01 a.m. ET July 29, 2006

BALTIMORE - During a 2004 debate about same-sex marriage, a Republican state senator in New Hampshire warned of a slippery slope and asked, "What about a person who loves their pet? Should we allow them to marry?" Why, yes, responds a burly man in a kilt -- traditional Scottish wedding garb -- who is waiting onstage in a bar to wed his male puppy, Mickey. "I have a closer relationship to Mickey than two of my three wives," explains David "Big Dave" Sanderson, who named the mongrel after puppy-eyed Mickey Rourke in the 1987 film "Barfly."

Sanderson was one of seven owners who swore undying devotion to their pets in rituals Thursday night at the Ottobar, where three dogs, two cats, a tarantula and a turtle were (unlawfully) united with human caretakers in what bar owner Mike Bowen called the city's first "interspecies marriage ceremony."

The tongue-in-cheek event had nothing to do with bestiality, participants said, but had something to do with animal rights, something to do with equal rights, and a lot to do with being single and thirty-something, weathering the taunts of the happily married and going home every night to your dog.

"Same-sex, interspecies, I don't care. Love is transcendent," said Steve Diamond, putting down his drink to pet his four-inch tarantula, Barbarella. "I'll be a good husband to her," he pledged. "I'm the one who does all the cooking and cleaning."

Perched on Diamond's arm, Barbarella was silhouetted against the animated film "All Dogs Go to Heaven" projected on a back wall. From speakers overhead, dogs barked renditions of Beatles songs, and near the stage, animal crackers "trotted" across the pale pink frosting of a wedding cake.

After a few dogs met, sniffed and tussled in the back room while their owners watched, about 30 drinkers clumped around candle-lit party tables sheeted in pink and sprinkled with confetti, and turned to face the altar as Baltimore musician Snacky Hillman climbed onstage, adjusted his black toupee, set down his martini, and struck a few chords on an electric keyboard.

'Commitment ceremonies'Each couple was led by "flower girl" Sarah Perrich. In her dirty white dress, sucking on a bottle of Yuengling and tossing plastic petals half-heartedly, she looked less flower girl and more Courtney Love in the video for "Violet." Beneath a bower laced with Christmas lights and roses presided the "honorable reverend" Bowen, outfitted in a judge's dark robes and a white winter scarf. Earlier that day Ottobar employee Angela Devoti had ordained him as a minister, online, through the Universal Life Church (

"Do you want to see my certificate?" Bowen said, pointing a finger to his chest. "'Cause I printed one out."

The state of Maryland allows "commitment ceremonies," but they carry no legal validity. Said John Wank Miller, supervisor of Baltimore's marriage license department: "The annotated code of Maryland gives you a definition of marriage that has nothing to do with animals."

The nuptial event was the result of an escalating dare. One fateful day at the Ottobar, Devoti gushed to Bowen about her cat, Emilio, and Bowen snapped back, "If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?" Devoti, maturely, said, "Well, maybe I will." Then Bowen retorted: "Well, you should do it. I'll do it. I'll marry you to your cat. At the Ottobar. In a public ceremony."

"My attempt," Bowen recalled, "was to make her look crazy and alone."

But when Devoti started spreading the news, jealous friends wanted in. Fionnuala Fox already had her Chihuahua Chachi's name tattooed on her left arm; why not take it a step further and get hitched? Fox mailed handmade invites, registered at local stores and dressed like a real bride -- one who happens to favor the snow-white four-inch thigh-high platform boots of a streetwalker. Having just split with a boyfriend, she saw this as an opportunity to, she said in the gravelly voice of a young cynic, "be married at least once in my life."

Growing trend?In recent years animal owners have increasingly treated their pets as "humans in disguise," patronizing a rising metropolis of dog bakeries and pet hotels. There are historical precedents: Roman emperor Caligula supposedly both married and appointed to the Senate his horse Incitatus ("To excite"). Two quirky news stories floated around the Internet during the past year: In December, a 41-year-old Brit jokingly married a male dolphin to mock her single status, and in June a traditional Hindu wedding of 2,000 guests celebrated the betrothal of a woman to a snake that she believed had cured her long illness.

Today, the Web site, created by British freelance writer Dominique Lesbirel, is the hub for pet marriage. Lesbirel warns it is "not to be taken as a joke." A series of screens lets couples click through their vows, and for a fee Lesbirel will send a T-shirt and a certificate of marriage. Within 10 days of its inception two years ago, the site had received over 100,000 hits and several angry letters from readers who had misinterpreted it as condoning bestiality, though Lesbirel said she had only intended the marriage "as a metaphor for committing to your pet for life" -- to better raise awareness about cruelty to animals.

"You have to take your love where you can find it," she said from her farmhouse in Greece, which she shares with a dozen stray cats.

Tart says: The article COULD end here, as I think Ms. Greek Farmhouse-dozen stray cat lover about said it all, but in case you want more:

Playground for romantic cynicsHer site illustrates the divide between the over-the-top attachment owners develop for their pets and the increasing difficulty of human romantic relationships these days. The Baltimore ceremony was a playground for romantic cynics; it could have served as the setting for Adam Sandler's drunken "Wedding Singer" performance of "Love Stinks."

Big Dave Sanderson wanted to use his marriage as a platform for protest. From the stage, he noted how many of his gay friends are "denied this by those hypocrites, the religious right." The event may have started as a joke, but Devoti sees the day coming when pet marriage will put offenders in cuffs (or the doghouse). "We thought we might as well marry our pets before laws go through and this turns into a huge congressional debate," she said.

Geoff Danek lumbered onstage in a Speedo and scuba goggles, with a plastic bucket in one hand and an acoustic guitar in the other. In the bucket was his red-eared slider turtle, Randy, who rested on a bed of gravel as Danek serenaded her thus: "We've been through heaven and hell / Now we're both growing out of our shells."

At the chorus, "Marry me, Randy," the Rev. Bowen harmonized, then clapped his hands, saying "Yahtzee!" With that, they were married, and a happy couple waddled off to a waiting limo -- actually Bowen's own black SUV -- which drove the pair around the block. The shaving-cream message on the back window: "Just Married . . . 2 my pet."

Inside, Sarah Cathcart stood onstage in a thong and leather chaps. "I will never be able to tell you," she said to her golden retriever, Calob, "how much I completely love you."

An hour later, a few feet from the bar where Cathcart was getting a drink, Calob, an old dog at 11 years, hunkered down and fell asleep -- a blissful wedding night.

© 2006 The Washington Post Company

Don't you love Pet Owners/Lovers? If it weren't for sharing Mental Illness and Pet Love (not entirely inclusive, those two things. I cut not on Pet Love (nor MI!) , I know my world doesn't go round without either! :)

I'm BAAAAACK from Vacation! Forgot to tell you all that I was gonna RV for a week. Will have to share, I'm sure but gotta take care of all those pesky dishes that have been just sitting in the el sinko! I'm glad to be baaaaaa-aaaack! Yaht-zee!!!!!

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Take this 'religion' and shove a Pill down its throat

Well, this whole Tom Cruise thing STILL gets to me via the stupidity of his friends. As it turns out, Scientology is filled with folks who don’t ‘believe in pills.’ That means to me, that it is a ‘religion’ that attracts people that don’t have a clue. I say that in general, but specifically regarding real illness, which includes mental illness, and how to help it. I’m wondering if these people wear garlic cloves to cure cancer.

This thinking has been spurred by my reading of the vacuous stuff that I love so much, you know celeb non-reality. I wouldn’t care normally, but I read about ‘possible sightings’ of Suri and the article had the TomKitten’s ‘good friend’ Leah Remini assuring the world that not only does she exist, but that she is normal. With a few extra ‘insights’ to boot.

As far as Suri ‘sightings’ go, its ridiculous to be looking for sightings of a baby. EVERYbody (as in celebrities with people interested in their kids) else does either a small picture or spread for a magazine to quell the interest and life goes on. That’s what the press/people are looking for. To have a tabloid interview a mother at a playground or even a half-a**ed two-bit actress/celebrity like Leah Remini (you’re thinking: Who the heck is she? The whiny/nasal wife on 'King of Queens.' You have forgotten her because Jerry Stiller, co-star, with 5 seconds of actual air time on that show has more talent and interest to him than her annoying personage. And she talks nasal in real life.) is ridiculous and unnecessary. Just provide a picture of the happy family and everyone will shut up about it. So to look for a ‘sighting’ is like searching for Satellite #256 in the southern sky in the western hemisphere on Tuesday nights. Who would bother? Either you see a picture of the damn thing for proof of its reality or you don’t care. No kid should be treated like they are UFO sighting. Whatever.

Now, all that is to set you up for what I’m really peeved and upset about. Not only does Two-bit Remini not believe in pills, which I find so very pompous and arrogant, but she had the unremitted gall to say Brooke Shields should not be allowed around a baby AND that since HER post partum was fine, why did Brooke need Paxil to get through it? Well, here it is from MSN:

"Remini, you'll recall, hasn't always had such kind words for her fellow moms. Last year, she had Cruise's back following his glib-free attack on Brooke Shields for what he called her "irresponsible" popping of Paxil to battle postpartum depression after the birth of daughter Rowan in 2003 (coincidentally, Brooke's second child, Grier, arrived on the same day and at the same hospital as Suri).

"I wouldn't trust someone who had those feelings with a baby," Remini told "Entertainment Tonight." "Do I think she needs help? Yes. Can you take a pill for something that deep? That dark? The answer is no. I got through it, but I didn't get through it by taking a pill." "

This says several things to me. It sounds to me like she is calling Brooke a bad mother. Was she supposed to send her kid away or would Remini like to call Social Services for her and have Rowan put in foster care. The truth is, serious post partum happens to people and not everyone has the resources to send their kids away. If Brooke Shields is a bad mom, if she’s feeling terrible things and needs help but pills are supposedly wrong, what does that say to the rest of us? A) If I feel scary things post partum, I am not normal, and my feelings are wrong, which makes me a bad person. B) If I take a pill, I am a weak person, I am wrong to think that medication could help me, I should rely on myself and be strong C) I may then hurt my baby, myself or struggle so badly and I have a breakdown (I assure you, they give pills in THAT hospital, LOL).

Now, I find Ms. Remini arrogant, pompous, vacuous for sure, but I now safely deem her, and the like, flat out dumbasses. What we have here is a failure to understand that some people’s postpartum is more difficult. Some people do need help. (I didn’t hear about Leah Remini losing her father during her pregnancy and I don’t recall her saying that she experienced anything psychotic, and these were happening with Brooke). I dare say, the Scientologic rhetoric includes a non-belief in psychosis at all (this is a guess). So obviously, I state again, what a pile of sh*t that is, a LIE, and a blaspheme to the mentally ill, having personally and excruciatingly experienced it twice. If I had a Scientology doctor (well I wouldn’t since they don’t even believe in psychiatry, hah!) or someone who said to my parents, “Oh well, whatever it is, I’m sure she’ll feel better if she does a few more jumping jacks” (which I was already doing.) and didn’t give me the shot of Haldol and Thoriazine in my butt, I’d sue him so bad his head would pop out of his a**hole. See, that would be negligent and mighty irresponsible, to let a person suffer life that.

Let’s talk about responsibility and the lack of it. It was truly irresponsible that Andrea Yates was not treated for post-partum depression after her fifth child (and any schizophrenia that may have popped up). Just think, that if it was standard procedure, by society and doctors, to pay attention to all of a woman, after birthing etc., and to LIFT THIS RIDICULOUS STIGMA, then she and her children would have lives.

I love this country’s values of hard-working self-reliance, seriously, but when are our morals and beliefs going to come in line with the simple concept of taking care of our problems, physical and mental, and not feel like a martyr doing it?

What can Remini be thinking? My pregnancy/postpartum was great so everyone else has it as good me? Could that possibly be more self-centered and selfish? And those words, self-centered and selfish, is what so many of those people seem like to me. The Tom Cruise event(s): Selfish. And all of this back up by their church friends: So selfish.

If they would just keep their damn opinions to themselves, they could run naked and quote Ron L. Hubbard in their little compounds all day, and it wouldn’t impact on me one little bit. But to have such stupid people, yet sometimes larger than life/celebrity ‘listened to’ people, spreading their misinformation, makes me mad because I only know too well that they are not telling the truth, and they don't care.

I just think Leah Remini is a bitch. Everything I’ve seen from her crappy TV work, to her wedding being planned on TV(pity her husband) to her ridiculous opinions. I don’t like feeling that way about all of them, because I really Want to like John Travolta’s wife (Kelly Preston) for instance, she seems so sweet. I can’t help wondering if ‘they’ (Scientogists) are all like this, though. If they keep on opening their mouths we’ll know for sure.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Advice to a Bona Fide Teen

I read Raine's post (Raine's Days, check my list) about some kids' romance with bipolar, as in thinking its cool and wanting to mimic it.

The fact is, to mimic or being anything other than yourself is pathetic. Case in point, when I was in the hospital at the tender age of 16, having finally gotten off the ICU unit of a fairly nice mental hospital (that experience would make your toes curl and nails to fall off, I probably should write about that more. Romance factor: -1,000) and was transferred to the adolescent mental ward. Lots of kids with real, devastating problems: cutters, people who had been on serious drugs, including heroin, and all the major mental illnesses.

I do not know what the original problem was of a particular girl, but in an effort to get more attention and to be 'cool' she started to specifically take on the problems of those around her. Not because she had those problems, not because she was retarded, but because she did not feel special enough inside to be who she really was, and thought if she had the mental problems of the 'cool' people she would be more important and loved.

The very opposite became true. Instead, we all Knew what she was doing, Hello, mentally ill people are not Stupid people, ya know? We thought she was ridiculous, annoying, a poser, a cheese, and that turned to stupid b*tch, you know all the things she would have rather avoided, in short pathetic, pathethic, Pathetic!!

In the hospital, I would know I've been in several, you make friends with people. It's natural, because you need that human influence, you don't get well in a vacuum. But never, I mean NEVER (well, I have one exception, I email someone occasionally, but we are not best buds or hanging out all the time) do you hook up with these people after the hospital. I'm not being cruel, I'm saying you are not creating lifetime friendships in the hospital, whether that breaks your heart or not. You are there to get well. You go home, and pray you don't ever go back.

So the upshot for this poser individual is that not only was she disliked by the rest of us, but her healing was held back, because she put layers of crap upon herself by pretending to be like others and not herself, and I know she had a lot of stuff to work through and was still there when we were long gone.

If you want to act, join Drama Club. Get really good at it. If you want to pretend to be bipolar, do it on the stage. Maybe you'll be good enough to play my part when my book and screenplay come out. Otherwise, get off it, because nobody likes a poser. Honest.

Go to school pretending to be Captain Jack Sparrow. People will think your nuts. And honestly, it would be stupid but a better 'nuts' than faking bipolar.

I know the type. You think its cool to be self-destructive. I think that's what it's really all about. From time immemorial, there are kids trying cigarettes, pot, cocaine, heroin. I think they are either trying to be cool (PATHETIC), or self-medicating. Hmmm....self-medicating.

I don't know if modern society has yet come in line with my true belief that Kurt Colbain was self-medicating for bipolar. I guess they have. Well, now 10 years later, some kids have caught on and want to recreate the glorious, romantic, rocker lifestyle.

Kurt Colbain was given The Curse, so huge that he used a drug that is immediately addictive on the FIRST try, and gives an enourmous high, yes, but it's hell, how do you get off it? Why would you feel the need to keep doing it to yourself? Nothing but HORRIBLE PAIN. If you think emotional pain is not real, you are in the wrong place, reading the wrong blog, and frankly not in the real world. He destroyed himself with it, because of it, because of uncontrollable ups and downs, and all the personal problems that we all have, even more so because his bipolar was just not dealt with right.

And that would be with real meds. I take a slew myself. I treasure my sanity and KNOW that it would Not Be Possible Without Medication. But its like being a diabetic, having to remember every day, niners, fivers, and niners, and mix the crap every day or week. I have mentally ill friends that are shocked by the amount of stuff I have to take. Don't disrespect me and and all the others by faking something that in truth requires a butt-load of medicine, therapy, psychiatrist visits, with your silly amateur crap. You're going to have to deal with life sometime.

Please fake a brain injury before you fake bipolar.

You can't fake it, we can all tell when you are, No one, not your friends, family or any true mentally ill person wants to be lied to and if you don't have a solid personality, no one is going to feel comfortable talking to you anyway. Focus on the gold inside you, I swear it's really there.

I think maybe people want to be Kurt or any other genius person with a monster illness because he was Cursed and alternately, Blessed. He was given the music gift, and I am sure so many would love to have that. But the truth is, his illness was so powerful that it destroyed Everything: his gift, his family, his Life. Pay tribute to him by not only playing his music, but by loving the different, in yourself and others, and focus on who You are. Or by God, so many other problems will ensue and you'll wish you had stuck to your own real ones.

Just a lil' something I wrote today.

I want to share an actual letter that I just sent to the NYT. I've been getting it for free in my email for a while and today I read an article about a prisoner serving several life terms who figured out how to get the pigment out of M&M's, made a paintbrush out of cellaphane and his own hair and was able to mail his paintings out, sell them for $500 a pop. He wants to give the money to the criminals' children fund, but I had a better idea. This is the REAL letter I just sent, the only difference is I took out my precious first name (damn I'm smart.) I think this goes very nicely with our topics of late.

A letter to the Editor:

Dear Sir or Madam,
I was interested to read about the prisoner who used M&Ms and a personally fabricated brush to paint ('Behind Bars, He Turns M&M's Into an Art Form'), just from the fascination with his use of such everyday objects to create art to ease his boredom. But the truth is this person is a convicted felon several times over. If he is able to sell several of his pieces for $500 a pop, it occurs to me that the money should not go to a charity supporting other criminals' children, but instead to the families of the people he has killed and maimed. Prison is for punishment and to keep denigrates away from the rest of us, and any money that a prisoner manages to make should go straight to the families that he has destroyed. How nice that he would cut off his arm to hug his mother, I think the victim's families may feel the same way about holding or talking to their loved one, even one more time.
Tart (Withheld last name)
Virginia, USA

P.S.- Dear Editor, I receive NYT online and don't know where to look to see if my letter is printed. Please advise. Also, I hope you can print this letter without my last name. Felons have all day to look me up, savvy?)

It may never be published in a major newspaper, sometimes no matter how good a letter is an Editor cannot fit it in. BUT today it was published for you on my blog. How neat is that!!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

My Laugh for the WEEK!

Everyone PLEASE read the responses to my predator/perp tirade from below.

My Response: First of all, mysti, I just love you and I hope you found that post a good vent. I just needed to write that after reading yours and Enigma's, and thinking about the subject, and don't worry about 'triggering' me, you plainly stated that it could be a trigger. It's not your fault that there are disgusting people (dare I say usually men) in this world and you are definitely doing all of us a service by reminding us of them. As an additional side note of personal opinion: I just hate that sickos don't automatically contract some personal disease and rid themselves from the rest of us. But that's me.

Raine, your response is my laugh of the week. Pun intended, I am so thankful to know a woman with such balls! I'll be honest, I would be horrified if some dickhead pulled his weiner out, probably embarrassed and shocked, but I like to think I would say something like, "What the..? What the hell is wrong with you, boy?" Hopefully I'd have the sense to run out and point and say, "Can you believe this?" Your way is much more effective, friend, and it really does make me happy that you did that. You go girl! I think that is a very high self esteem way to deal with it: Take no crap. Why the hell should you have to? I'm still chuckling. I love that so!

Where can I get a stun gun? I don't trust myself with guns, and I'm sure the police feel the same way, and I have pepper spray which I carry everywhere, but that sounds like the nifty device to have. Turning his balls into raisins: God, that is classic. Personal humiliation for the predator/perp seems to be the true deterrent. That is what he wants from us. Embarrasment, humiliation for him seems like what he is most afraid of. That is precisely why embarrassing him back/not allowing him to see you embarassed sounds like a VERY EFFECTIVE TOOL. I love it Raine, you ROCK!!

Alright, in the home front, Husband has survived nose surgery and, as expected, has turned into a complete baby. I have gone out to feed him twice, gotten his meds and various accroutrements: gauze bandages, tape, hydrogen peroxicide, bacitricin, eye drops, you know all the things a little baby needs to heal up after nose surgery. Just moments ago, I was called up from my blogging happiness to hand him the remote, No Joke, that was just a foot away from him on the couch. There's nothing wrong with his legs. How does this happen? I will allow babyment to go on for a day or two, and then he will just HAVE to get the remote on his own. Jeesh!

Of course, I love the silly wonderful man, and I like to think that if I ever DID birth one of his probably enourmous babies, that he'd reciprocate. In truth, he has already reciprocated, he has already comepletely shown his 'worth' if you will, by staying with me and caring for me as much as he could during my six month stay in Hell (That would be the State Mental Hospital, for the unknowing), even while having to serve and sail in the Navy, never 'leaving' me, despite people telling him he should, and despite that we had only been going out for two years. God has blessed me, in so many ways. I don't write poetry, I just write non-fiction, it may not seem like much, but I dedicate my words of love to him, my husband, and thank God again for so much good and love in my life. I'm an angry manic who is yet still loved. I apologize to those that all of this mushiness might sicken, and I'm not really trying to boast. But in this world, I've been hit hard, racked emotionally, and really physically too, I've been given a curse and I've been given a whole lot to make up for it. Not monetarily, at this point, but in personal gifts. I think about that a lot when I go outside to have my cig and I can't help but pray, Thank you, Heavenly Father, thank you.

It's not just what God has given you, you MUST use it (I'd like to say for Him). What good is liking to write if you don't write? What good would it be if paintings stayed in people's homes and didn't come out to play with the other kids? All of it requires the use of a person's capacity to Overcome Fear and use their talents. I think, yet again, this is the human struggle for each of us.

Well, who knows what I'm going to write on this thing when I open it up? Heck, I didn't know I'd say any of this.

Oh, I want to say how absolutely excited I was to see pictures and a letter from Harper Lee to Oprah's magazine this month. I LOVE her! She is gifted, talented, all of it but puts up with no crap. She will not give interviews and suffers no fools. In case you forgot, she wrote "To Kill a Mockingbird" and helped very much with Capote's "In Cold Blood" receiving pretty much zero credit for that one. Another one to go on my "Gotta Write this Famous Person" list. Yes, I think about it, but still sit here instead I do.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

keep it safe & secure

This is very much a reaction to reading mysti's (I keep your name in lower case to differrentiate you from the Lost One, mys', :) and Enigma's blogs and the discussion of safety, disclosure, privacy, and that ultimate question: What and how much do I write and yet keep myself safe from the predator, assumably a man with issues, the weirdo with criminal intent?

I do what I can. It's interesting that Husband, who is quietly one of most perfect guys on Earth, so quiet, in fact that I too, forget it occasionally, well that same guy works with computers daily, as some people know, and he is an absolute stickler for security. So, once again, Smarty-Pants is right.

Here's what I have to say about it as an angry manic-depressive. It peeves me unbelievably that humans commit crimes against other humans, and I wish that the human/as in the victim reaction were one of anger and wanting to make the son of bitch pay, to logically to see it through the judicial system (see I can be remarkably sane, I did NOT say take the 12-guage and blow his head off like the piece of shit deserves, now did I?), and to be super logical with their feelings. Instead, if it weren't bad enough what the piece of shit did, we/the victim feels ashamed. How many times do women even think that maybe they did something to cause it?

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no-------------------------------!!!!!!

Own your strength. And own your absolute right to protect yourself. AND own that you are a viable person (woman) that deserves to be loved, treated right, and expect that no man should ever touch you incorrectly, hurt you whether in mind or body. The fuckers do it, I know, but you need to hold your head high and smack them right back, it you can. And girl if you can't smack them back, you still keep on holding your head up high.

Why can't we instill a little self-esteem in ourselves. As mothers, I know women want their children to be chock full of it. We all need to be chock full of it, or else we'll continue to be a nation of women believing the ultimate lie. That we aren't worth it. If you take that road far enough, you will kill yourself.

I could not get thru all of mysti's. I guess I got triggered, cause I actually did start feeling weird and I couldn't get thru all of it. Why should a person have to know to be private? Why do children get raped? Meaning how can we live in a world so evil that a child would be expected to run for their life when they see an adult, or that a child would be intrinsically expected to know to run from anyone that might hurt them? No, they are Born with Trust, and a loving parent shields, protects, and teaches them slowly as they can handle the true nature of evil in this world. Why should mysti and her husband have to know that evil lurks like that? So cowardly, to create personas and find someone to work it upon, I'm speaking of the perp, and cowardly is just not strong enough of a word for the way Tart feels about it.

I am just filled with anger that anyone would do even some of the things mysti says her fuckup piece of shit perp did, and I believe her. I guess its a control issue for me, because I'd like to hurt every perp out there, if it be done physically or emotionally, whatever will completely break them down. I don't think rapists and other criminals are getting their due, I do not feel Christianly sorry for them because for every jerk that acts out and says its because they were beaten every day or incurred some other abuse, there's thousands of citizens that took the same shit and turned out fine.

Well that's enough wasted on that subject. It looks like I will be doing some English teaching. I find more about my volunteer assignment later in the week. It will involve people who are learning Medical Terminology, which is so amazing since I just got done doing with that myself! Husband's getting nose surgery, so hopefully they will stop the wretched snoring.

Ve speak onlze in generalities, becos the enemy may ve leestening, no? I have to admit I really felt strongly the things that Enigma and mysti were saying on their sites, because a poor little mentally ill woman such as myself can't take harrassment or stupidity. They won't let me have a gun, but I have no problem calling the cops, and they do. Mess with my site and not only with comments be deleted, but I'll report you. There's no point to it, I take the necessary action. I've said this before but in case some weirdo is getting excited about anything said, it never hurts to SAY IT AGAIN.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Random Pictures: For Fun, I Tell You

I was so montrously overwhelmed to discover that I have picture powers again, that I went nuts with it, for fun. Some Webshots, some my personal stash. Oh, I'm going to be baking my first birthday cake with my new mixer tomorrow (can you feel the joy and excitement. I'm the Happy Baker) and then we're going out o' town for the weekend. So, if I don't post till next week, ya now know why! Great Weekend to everyone!!
Pretty! This is in Alaska. (Webshots)
Velcome to my humble castle! This one is in Germany (Webshots). I watched Bram Stoker's Dracula last night. Unusual for me, because I avoid horror movies, but I like that one. Unfortunately, I had Very Weird dreams last night. Hoo, not so good.
These are actually from the front yard! I think they are Chinese Amaryllis. So beautiful, these pictures are from last year but they now come up every year and are blooming this very minute!
My adorable pug cutting board, my first purchase off of Ebay. You truly can find anything on Ebay!

Webshot photo of the Carribean. Don't you wish you were there? Aarrgh!!

If you recall my pirate is Mad Ethel Cash. Aye! I'm bonafide crazy, Ethel is an old fashioned name and I an old fashioned girl, and I love Johnny Cash, and a bit fond of money as well. It's fittin' I'd say!

Happy Weekend to all!! (If you can't tell the last few days have been good to me. I am so grateful for my sanity. I relish it, and pray that it will last. I am glad that I find myself sane, not manic, and I couldn't help but praise God for it.) Well, anyway, I'll be back. Aargh!!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Here is probably what might be an interesting post (or Not):

I was watching what I found to be a riveting program on PBS (WETA) on Sunday, about a guy who wanted to visit the actual places in the Bible.

He took along with him a very knowledgable archeologist who speaks 5 languages. They started out in Mesopotamia, in Turkey, which they believe where Eden was, went to Syria, Jerusalem, and so on.

They also spent a lot of time in the desert, with Beduins. Our main guy narrator said how amazing it was to be there, because you could feel so alone there while also saying it is impossible to survive there without help from others. The Beduins have an unwritten, steadfast rule that they will feed and bed any traveler for three days with no questions asked and will help them get where they need on the third day.

All during this, there are readings from the Bible, tying in the places with actual text.

The most interesting was the story of Abraham, at least I thought so. I'm no Bible scholar, I did read the little books for children in my Dr.'s office voraciously as a kid, that may be where I learned many of the "stories" plus I'm not a 'heathen' (as my previous Dr. would most likely suggest) and I've attended plenty of Church, Sunday School, even Seminary in high school (I had a very intense religion for those who haven't recognized what it was/is yet). Anyhow, Abraham is interesting because:

ALL the major religions recognize him as a Big Deal, he's in the Bible, Torah and Koran with Muslims taking him as a major and Important Prophet. As the narrator traveled through these ancient and very Muslim areas you could see the faces light up when he mentioned him. Muslims speak his name at least 5 times a day in their prayers.

He is the father of almost all people. He showed a complete faith in God, and proved that he would do ANYthing for him, even at an early age. When he was older and living in the desert, he and his wife had still not had a child (they were in their 70's) and there's the 'side story' of his wife giving him a handmaiden, as was custom, since having a son was sooo important. I think the resulting son was Ismael and he and his mother were eventually sent off by the jealous wife after she had the 'miracle child' Isaac (remember she was over 70 and thought to be barren). Don't worry about Ismael because he went on to found another set of people.

So you may recall the incredible story of God calling on Abraham to take this incredible, precious, miracle son and sacrifice him. (The PBS crew goes to the site where it is believed to have happened).

He was going to do it. I don't have children, but I can comprehend that something like that would rip his own heart out, feelings that don't have to be elaborated on even in the Bible because we know how special Issaac was. But it was the ultimate in proving that Abraham knew the truth: That what God wants is more important than what we want.

He was stopped at the last minute by an angel. He proved complete worthiness for being the Father of Nations.

Abraham's story is often compared even to Heavenly Father sacrificing His Son. Whether you feel comfortable with that or not.

So the narrator guy asks the archeologist friend/co-traveler, "I know you have children, would you do this yourself, if God asked you to?"

He gave a very good answer. He said that he didn't know if he could do it, but that times are different now and God would not ask that of someone now.

What he meant was for one thing that Abraham was living in a much less populated world (in fact, he was a father meant to populate and lead that world), I would say he was Old Testament and a certain Someone changed things forever in the New Testament, and that being the case part of that made sensible reason to test him in that way (no people, one son, it really proved so much).

When the archeologist is making that statement they cut to scenes of the massive amount of people that are now in the world today, just to make the point.

So how is it that God would test a person now, with no sacrifice of their only child? Well, my goodness, I don't think I could name all of the personal tests that human beings can go through. I have not gone through them all myself, but there is everything from physical illnesses simply because, to the trillions of ways we can torture ourselves and maybe even the missteps and bad judgements that got us there.

There are billions of personal tests that exist out there, as each of us are tested on this Earth. I believe that's true, AND for a reason, and None of us escapes our personal tests. None.

Which can be such a binding factor, cannot it not? If we accept that we are each all in our own personal hell, together we are, as the cliche goes: all the same, if not just in that one way.

But more than being personally tested, what does it mean for society or the world even as a whole?

The thing that struck me, and maybe its just my own reaction, is that God took this man, tested him, populated the Earth with him and now they're all here and what would be the test for these masses of people?

As much as I usually dislike people, do not like extended contact with them, even to go to the grocery store or Post Office, it really must have something to do with helping each other.

Yes, this is Tart's 'slant' or what I came up with after watching the whole thing. If you can't help the whole world, I think that God has made it clear that if you do the little things, for your family, or more if that is what you can handle, that is the right thing to do.

If that sounds too overwhelming, and yes, sometimes (okay, A LOT) it is for the Tart, I have been actually reading my FLYLady material that comes endlessly in my email now ( and so much of it is encouragement to take care of yourself. It is NOT selfish to to take care of yourself. If I did not take my medicine, go to the psych appointments, talk to friends to uplife myself, love up a critter (one is snoring on my lap right now), whatever seems like the simplest of things to some people, I would be DEAD. It would be a slow process, maybe, but my disease is incurable and deadly if left unchecked. And whatever your problem(s) is (are), if you do not tend to yourself you cannot do so for others.

I know we're heard that before. Take it to heart. It could never hurt either you or I if I speak this simple truth here on the blog.

I've been searching to know what to do with myself. Oh, yeah, I've got plenty of clutter and stuff to do here in the house, but what am I going to do with my time? I realized that just like when I worked a job, I am starting to again define myself by what I do. And seeing as how it pretty much looks like I don't do much, that hurts me, makes me feel like I am floundering in a sea of 'not knowing what to do itness.' It's a bit embarassing, because I keep imagining other people having some clue for themselves, I even know people who seem to rub it in my face (not many, because I stay away from them) but I don't worry too much about being honest about it on here.

So it goes.

After discussion with Husband and friend yesterday about old jobs, what we're good at, etc. one no brainer idea was I could teach English. AND I know of a non profit program that does so, I volunteered for it years (a decade) ago. And I have a degree in English from a university. And I actually got paid (hah, was that $?) to teach children in a learning center. So, I have done it. I cannot attest to my efficacy or I had the style for it, but I've tried it a few times.

Funny thing, I've avoided being a 'teacher' my whole existence. I wouldn't even consider it for after graduation at the university. So, it may last a whole of 2 days, but I left my name, etc., on a voicemail. We will see.

Did this come full circle, this post? Don't know. Sorry if I did a religious one, but even Tart is touched and sucked into into PBS stories. Just had to share :)

Saturday, July 8, 2006

In Case Anybody Wonders Why the Tart Cannot Stand Tom Cruise and his Blasphemic Lies

I hear plenty of folks chiming in as to why Tom Cruise is a jerk and has lost it, but just for vacuous laughs and information as to why I know it to be true, I feel compelled to write a little post about it.

I do not have a problem with Mr. Cruise's beauteous demeanor. Every pic I see of him, in fact, he glows mightily. He is one happy SOB, or Scientilogical Orb of Beauty, that's for sure. Good for him. I wouldn't be surprised if he were manic. Really.

Now, a lot can be said about his relationship with someone 20 or so years younger than him. I'm sure she is 'perfect' for his needs, and I think we can all see some of what that entails: a shut-up and take it kind of gal. What's most 'amazing' is that he continues to call her a 'woman.' No not even squirting out his infamous protege (which no one has seen, and I think the tabloids are centimenters from calling the whole thing a hoax. Vacuous knowledge, remember?) will convince me of that. Real women have lives and don't give up themselves to moon over some asshole. Well, plenty do, but I'm hoping they don't really think its a relationship, and I'm telling you, they are a long way from growing up and being called rightful women. Mr. Cruise says there's no such thing as mental illness, but I'm thinking that whole shebang is proof positive right there.

So that brings me to the meat of the matter. I cannot say enough what a disservice this asshole (was that too transparent, I'm sorry, I'm running out of qualifiers) has done to the mentally ill community and I do take his infamous statements made on the Oprah show quite personally. Look I loved Top Gun as much as anyone else but where on the blue blazes does he get off talking continuously mind you, as he had to repeat it the next day, about such off topics as, Mental Illness: Does It Exist, and Medication: Unneeded Crap that Only Whiny Post-Partum Bitches Think They Need, when he just needs to say something like, "Go see my movie, I gotta buy a whole lotta Pampers?" He could bang the couch while he said, it would have been okey dokey with me.

I live a reasonably normal life for a Bipolar Manic Depressive. I expect when ridiculous statements come out of person that somebody somewhere used to have respect for, that NAMI or some similar MI agency of truth will freak out and take him on. Not the case. Nobody did didly. And that was even more dangerous, because I fear that a shitload of idiots took him seriously.

I did not go through Hell, and I do not take medication 3x a day (which by the way, I admit to having forgotten a few doses. However, I still do the one thing I'm blessed with, typing, just fine, and that's more than I can say for Movie Stars with shit for brains doing their jobs properly. Is this a disclaimer? Hell, no.) to live my life as awesome as I can, only to be dogged by these problems for the rest of my life, to have someone beautiful and well liked, rich, and celebrified (my word, but I think you get the drift) jerkoff tell the world there is no such thing.

Why should that matter, Tart, you say? Because if he addresses millions with this rhetoric (and continues to believe it, damn bastard) and NO ONE counteracted him, (Thank you Brooke Shields for your ad in the NYT, umm but more lazy people watch Oprah than read. Really.) then that's a shitload of cowards that didn't stand up, and shitload of bungheads that might believe, you know, if they never met a real life mentally ill individual, I'm betting the possibility of, Oh, okay,I guess all those mental ill folks are all a bunch of whining liars. Stigma confirmed. And that's dangerous.

You know the German people had their reasons for following Hitler and not rising up and doing the right things in WWII. They were so downtrodden and economically oppressed that they longed for an Idiot to lead. Really, it didn't matter to them that he had these crazy notions that Jews were not only worthless and should be murdered in mass. I'm sure Mr. Cruise is not running for President/Furher and we're all supposed to say 'Oh it was just a silly little comment and now we know what a nutcase he is, so just let him and all of that be.'

No. This mentally ill person says no. I know this shit is real, MY ILLNESS and what I put up with, I don't have to whine about it and go off (Not today, anyway.) I'm saying this dude further screwed us by upholding the stigma (slander on me, right there) and spreading hurtful misinformation. I mean if he said AIDS could be avoided by putting Scotch tape on your forehead while having sex, don't you think there'd be an outroar??!!! The only one benefiting from that one is 3M, and I think even they would be a little embarrassed and put out a disclaimer. How come it's okay to spread lies about what is my reality? And millions of other valiant souls that live in the already shit upon, degraded, left on the bottom rung of society, swept under the rug existence that is mental illness. Did you really think Tart would put up with that? I guess I did, since I only react now, I only bitch now, and I don't have too much more to offer than this, since I'm real glad I never signed up for that NAMI card, useless piece of crap that it would be.

I am not PC, only very much so on this blog. This society is too damn PC and like a bunch of lambs walking silently to the slaughter. I'm not going into all the ramifications that I really mean by that because I save my political comments for other people's blogs. I'm saying for sure though, what a sad pathetic society that does not protect the most unprotected, out in the wind folks. That would certainly include children and the mentally ill. God Save Us All.
Wake up America, cause I got a lot of free time to volunteer and bitch, but not enough to solve this World's problems on my own.

Thursday, July 6, 2006

What IS That Frog in yer Throat???

Yeah, when I mentioned being sick in the last one, well, I think I really am. I think that 'glotis' in my throat when I lay down is in fact congestion. I now have the capacity to sleep, or wake up and sleep, into the motley afternoon.

This screws up the concept of 'niners' in the a.m. and I don't know if I should just take them when I finally get up, seeing as how that's where the blood pressure, cholesterol and thyroid meds are. I'm still thinking about it.

I've eaten. Yet I continue to shake. I had a cig. then put the patch on. Then couldn't take it anymore, and like a person putting their gum on a dish, I took it off and put it on the original silver thing it comes on and went out and had my second cig of the day.

Thank you, mysti, for your words of encouragement. I feel like I let you down a bit, but at the same time I know its all a work in progress and that someday I will get there. Still I try. And as we all know that is everything.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Hey, Day 3 of that not smoking thing...

Everyone loves a fat cat. I adore them!

...and I really had none today. YAAAAY!! There was a little cheating on day 2, as in cig. in the morning, patch all day, and one at night. I think it is all on my way back out of the smoking life, so I sweat it not.

This requires me to pretend, and thereby feel, like I am sick. I mull around all day watching TV and doing as little as possible, which is not unlike any other day, except I didn't even bother getting dressed. Today, I was in my genuine Hawaiian mumu Husband got for me on a Navy excursion there.

So I am proud. I am on my way.

Step One: Quit smoking.

Step Two: Exercise more. I'm thinking Pilates, when I finally order and get my DVD versions. I have the tape version and they are very cool, but I want to do it here in the 'cat's room' with the nice rug and literally run them on the computer. You see, I have a plan.

Step Three: Figure out what the heck to eat (or not eat). Has this not bothered fat people for centuries? Again will figure it out.

Stopping smoking came just in time. When I have my head back on a pillow while sleeping I've got this weird thing going on. I can breathe in okay, but it feels like a flap goes over my trachea when air wants to come out (this is not every time, but happpens enough to upset and freak me out) and that is NOT COOL. It's like I have to force it out my mouth. Has anyone heard of this? Am I getting cancer, emphesema or some other awful thing?

That and the fact that I feel like I have a constant cold and definite constant aches helps me not to go back to the buggers, even though I haven't thrown out my last pack (like an idiot, probably) and it sits there.

Oh, and did mention having a soft blankey while watching TV really helps. I just return to baby mode while trying to get over this. I am not ashamed.

Tuesday, July 4, 2006

My weekend was remarkably relaxing and I should say that's pretty unexpected. I realize I've grown some, in terms of either not getting upset by people or being able to get over it pretty well. That's saying a lot for me.

I am still amazed at others capacity to judge (while realizing that that I am judging as well to come to this conclusion). It seems the people who have the least sense, and really the least right to judge, do it the most, as in they are the most critical. You think to yourself, Lord what a pinhead this person is, they've gone through nothing significant in their lives (except maybe the makeup artist didn't probably blot the crease in their lips, and I'm not making this up, I know someone who went OFF about this when we were getting ready for a wedding. Hello?) yet the rest of us are their minions, idiots, and subservants and I can't imagine that anyone would put up with them other than family.

Oh how can I explain this all properly? I guess I really shouldn't. But I would like to put this out there. Does anyone else think it's rude for guests to be sitting in a person's living room while that Hostess makes a long distance call to relatives and during that conversation which you are pretty well held captive to, you hear hostess mention yours and Husband's name and you can tell from the reaction that the person on the other end (let's say her Mother/or sister that you were subjected to in the previously mentioned wedding above) says something nasty and the hostess is trying to react in a way that will not embarrass or hurt the practically jailed guests sitting uncomfortably on the couch, pretending to watch something stupid that was left on the tube for them?

Perhaps the biggest run-on sentence I've left here yet, but I've taken my meds, I can't be held responsible.

Anyway, I sure as heck did find that quite el rudo. Rude factor number one: What the hell's wrong with you Dumbass? Excuse yourself to go talk to whoever you want in your bedroom. See I can't cut on Hostess (supposedly) because she's nice, naive but more than anything, a dumbass. It's the Mother and Sister that are Vipers.

Someone once introduced me to the concept of 'common.' As in people being common or saying, doing common things. How common and mean is it, of Mom, when hostess has told Mom we're sitting right there for her to just blurt out or say something rude? (And let me say, it was obvious that she had) Like she doesn't give a crap about us or our feelings, which is just flat out common. And a few other things too, which I'm sure your imagination can float to.

So this occurred near the end of our stay. All had gone well up to this point. I had always felt anger at being judged by Hostess in the many previous forced visitations I'd had with her and her husband (my Husband says he's friends with them, so Yoko gets dragged along), so I was prepared for that and I was feeling no pain, literally.

The amazing thing is I did a fast turnaround, a very good recovery. In the past, I could have become sullen and pissed and ruined the rest of the evening. I always found it interesting that for the fact this couple acted that I was of no consequence whatsoever, yet I held such power to make everything a downer. It's unfair to suck the liveforce out of somebody and hold it against them. Look, it's not my fault I've was born with more neurons, brain chemicals and therefore more feelings and I have to put up with sniveling superficial lowlifes, who are focused on the wrong things.

It's people like them that make me say things like, "Isn't it ridiculous that normies look down on the mentally ill when we are so much better than them."

It's an oppression, even if one of the sensibilities, and I hate it. It takes such patience to deal with normies. I'm learning to hone that into looking like a laid back attitude, which normies always appreciate. WHAT-ever never sounded more real!

Of course not all normies are evil. People who have not dealt with mental illness in terms of reality, survival and something to live with either in themselves or someone they love and in turn become afraid/judgemental of it and don't want to even open their minds up (pun intended) to it: These are the people I am talking about. That's a lot of people. A lot of people with Lack of Empathy Skills.

You know someone's a knuckhead when they've been exposed to this, exposed to me, I've told them many of my stories, and yet they continue to have issues with me and simple concepts of reality for others. I have learned: That's them having issues. Them, Them, Them. Everything I might say is describing it for others, you the reader, but there is nothing I need to do to fix me, and sadly, There is no fixing Them.

I did decide however, that I could work on the package that is me, for all the superficial fucks, just to show up one day and make the jaw drop. That would be quitting smoking, which I'm in the process of, having started yesterday, and dropping some pounds. I felt an impetus after the weekend, call it the inner anger at being judged, but I thought it can't hurt to work on the things that doctors have been telling me for years I should do.

I know nothing I've said has expressed that I am doing this for me, but its true, I am. I want my power back. AND I know that I can do it. This is because I have proven many times in the past that when I set my mind to something, I do it. Period. Because I rock. If I work hard enough on it as well, I might really learn to not let anyone take my bliss away. At all.

What the? I guess you have to 'pretend' NOT to tag me!

I too have been tagged!

Ha! And you didn't think I'd do it, huh Enigma!!!! (I may go back do those other two peskies, ya never know!)

Four Things MeMe

Four jobs I have had in my life: (Wow. Only Four… let’s see…)
1. First real one: Cashier at a local restaurant.

2. Cashier at Sears in Men's Department. This was basically ringing up underwear and polyester pants for the over-50 set. Oh, and I learned to fold a mean pair of jeans (we did the whole wall of 'em). It's a skill that does me good to this day.
3. Obituary clerk for local newspaper (this was my last job, and hopefully last working for The Man. Next, if I do, I'll be working for The Woman, yup that would be Me.)
4. Favorite: Working for a Hallmark. Great company, wonderful atmosphere. I still love the company to this day.

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

2. Good Morning Vietnam
3. Shek/Shrek 2 (2 is better, I love Antonio Banderasas (sp?) feisty/lovebug kitty character
4. Pet Dectective (Jim Carrey)

Four places I have lived:
1. California
2. Roach infested apartment in Northern Virginia

3. A mental hospital or three. Wouln't recommend it. The neighbors are guaranteed a 'little strange.'
4. My own home with a backyard.

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Kathy Griffin on Bravo
2. The Closer (with Kyra Sedgewick) on TNT
3. SpongeBob!
4. That 70's Show

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. A beach in Delaware
2. Las Vegas baby! I highly recommend it!
3. Mexico
4. The Cayman Islands

Four websites I look at daily:
1. All my blog friends on my list
2. Ebay

3. MSN
4. My bank info

It looks like a lot of people have been tagged. I additionally tag BiPolar Guy and MissyEyore. And after all this I realize that I was not officially tagged!! Doh! Well I saw my name and felt impelled Enigma. Surprise, surprise, surprise (chanelling Robin William's Gomer Pyle. Rent my second movie, people!)