Thursday, January 31, 2008

How funny - a bipolar doing!

King Cavalier Spaniel & hydrandreas (Webshots)

BP Guy and plenty of others have encouraged bipolars everywhere to mark their moods, to keep track of them.
Well, this has got to be the fun way.
Only, I'd only do it once a day, not the several times a day as moods change for us.

I will be doing on my 'Good Stuff' for a monitoring of my progress on yarn projects (how neat!).
While poking around on site while looking at knitting sites, I found her imood emoticon, and thought that was neat!

So, welcome on the site. Check it out yourself (it is free & fun).


Ode to Physical Therapy (and a lessening of my back pain)

Bald eagle, Homer Alaska (Webshots)

As predicted, physical therapy for my back pain is just the ticket.

You have to work (gasp!) but it helps.

I'm working with a sphygmomanometer (honest, I think this is spelled right) - a blood pressure cuff!

It's such a slight movement, when I perform the exercise with the cuff in the small of my back, but it helps an ol' swayback like me know when I'm activating my core muscles located in my pelvis.

It turns out the core is deep in there, under muscles and also in charge of bladder control, at least in ladies.

It's a common problem for the muscle to weaken and therefore control of the bladder. Had babies ladies? You can understand.

And for those who haven't had children you're in good company - me! I'm convinced my years of depression, sleeping too long, avoiding breakfast and reality is all coming back to haunt me, now that I'm awakened by Abilify (I discuss this a few posts down).

Anyhoo, thank God that these people can help me, because my back was killing me.

Turns out you must strengthen the core muscles in the tummy in order to reach the multifidus, or back muscle, that runs the lenghth of your spine, widening at the base (read: source of my lower back pain).

I encourage people to talk to their doctors about physical therapy in lieu of drugs, that aren't going to last long enough for healing, or work very well anyway (my experience).

The physical therapist told me that 90% of back pain goes away for patients, regardless of what a patient does, but only 20-30% recur in those who do the exercises.

My thing is that I have found relief in a short period of time, and knowledge on how to help control it, just in the few light exercises I've had so far.

I'm just sharing my experience. I figure you never know when it can do some good for others.

Thank you, PT!

Tired of (C)razed (V)ile (S)uckers. Someone had to say it.

Aflak's ca-razy beneficent duck! (a steal off some site)

Oh, what to do when you're pre-menstrual and upset about your pharmacy getting snippy with you?

Do a post, Dahling.

I feel like crying. Heck, I did some of that a little while ago, along with a full fit directed at Husband, as he was being oh-so-logical.

Except for the part when he suggested it was my fault, that I always want the last word, AND he had the nerve to make fun of my hysteria.

He should be glad I signed the marriage agreement which is like unto a pact of confidentiality. So's that's all you'll get out of ME!!

But really, I am pissed am my pharmacy, those (C)razy (V)ile (S)uckers, the overloaded, understaffed, mean pieces de poo that they are.

Why take on so much work, if not for the bottom line. More customer's, selling more filth - OUGHT TO be able to afford the help, A-cord-dingly.

Who wants to be an underloved, overworked, underpaid pharm tech anyway? If this represents you, I bet you don't have the time to blog surf.

I'm thinking you are going home, tossing a handful of feed to whatever animal you have and falling face first, no teeth brushies, into the bed. You too tired to move, let alone fire up the 'puter.

But should you find this - don't expect a person who takes A LOT of drugs, (apparently against the norm. I've simply learned that I have to. End of paren.) who is keeping your industry in business, who is a significant reason for your paycheck, who keeps up with doctor's appt's, blood letting's, and in short does everything to keep it together and pop it in her mouth at the proper times,

to have overwhelming pity

for a person that, given a couple of years and who hangs in there, will be a full-fledged pharm making a lot money (off ME) and whom everyone has to listen to (even if they are a jackass).

I know. It's frightening how much I understand.

Don't hate me because it sounds so familiar. I'm nearly a master in the understanding of the human condition, and I'm simultaneously sickened by it. Just mail my Nobel, my Pulitzer, Thanx.

I am hormonal, I am about to be without Thyroid meds because of the inability of the Crazed Vile Suckers to get a hold of my doctor, despite an extra three days allowed.
If it was my job to do their job shouldn't I have been informed, there should be a form and background check on me performed, maybe a kickback on the side for my incurred administrative fees???
I just feel like saying f all of ya and going without.

Will this help me lose weight?
I assume this stuff is important for all the fuss that it is.
Someone please call Oprah, cause I know she understands my thyroid issues. We can talk for hours about the rest of it.
UPDATE: Feb 1, Fri. Got ahold of the reg Doc today and got them to call in my med. Yay. Oh, name change. (C)urt (V)ile (S)uckers. Thank you.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

A Note of Thanks

6:30 a.m. on a Sunday and I am UP!

That's what I'm talking about people: miracles.

Thank you, Abilify.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Abilify has changed my life...

American Pit Bull Terrier (Webshots) the simple fact that I can now get up in the morning.

Yes, that is a miracle.

I'm paying the price for years of non-use of say, my stomach muscles, while sleeping for the past three years thru until Oprah time each day.

I am the proverbial 'Sleeping Beauty.' Let me tell you, there's nothing beautiful about a flabby belly and non-existent back muscles. I'm just sayin.'

Now I must work like crazy to get them back. Guh-roan.

I do take naps now, and I think I have to figure the best times for them, but for the most part I'm up and Adam, feeding my animals, eating some OATMEAL myself (which for years I refused to eat. It's so healthy.) and going from there.

I've been on Abilify since mid-December 2007, they upped me from 15 mg to 20 mg's a week or so ago. I don't crave food normally, but the number on the scale is stubbornly the same. (I'm working on exercise). If you like details.

My anger is significantly lower. I'm not normal, but I don't rage like I did. Hence I type here less, since when you rage, you have so much to talk about. What a miracle less anger is!

But I don't quite say that with religious fervor because that says to me that I'm a bit of a prisoner to the ol' chemical-aroos. Ya know? Take a pill, and chill, that bothers me. I take so much stuff to get a little effect, barely noticeable and then Abilify comes along and goes and makes massive changes?

Makes you wonder how many things are merely controlled by brain chemicals in your head. If a pill can alter - who the hell's in charge here???

And when is this stuff going to stop being so 'fun?' Is the effectiveness going to peter out and I'll be at ground zero, waiting for the next wonder drug?

Am I an Eli Lilly 'drug trial in waiting?' Are they using me to judge the effectiveness so the next generation of sniveling 'give it to me's' and 'I want everything now's' get the benefit of my suffering?

Still searching for that mentor. Where's MY MENTOR???

You see, I'm still ungrateful yet insightful and haven't changed much!:) Hey, it's my life. Bipolar is not a cake walk, but sometime you get to eat a cupcake. for Kim Morgan's words and pictures about Heath Ledger 1979-2008

I'm not sure if there are people out there who don't understand the pull of movies or 'the movies.'

As though it were strange for any segment of the population to embrace and hold dear the the alternate reality, the magic that are movies, the writers that write them, the actors that act, taking what's on the written page and sometimes making something that causes one to cry, to laugh, to relate, to feel vindicated - all from what I think is celluloid 'film,' mostly fake, and created for our pleasure.

I'm bipolar so I happen to be a bipolar who loves celebrities, movies, actors, writers. But clearly, the quite 'sane' can be involved in loving these activities.

I found a blog called Sunset Gun at written by Kim Morgan, an entertainment writer for MSN Entertainment, who writes and runs MSN's daily film blog, Movies Filter and writes for Huffington Post (this from her profile).

For her January 28, 2008 post she wrote a wonderful, insightful piece about the recently, now dearly departed Heath Ledger.

I direct one and all to Sunset Gun for that post to commune with someone who expresses the shock and sadness that many of us feel over his death and who writes with a real sense of creating for the reader who Heath Ledger was, and makes us realize powerfully, if we didn't already know, what a loss the end of his short life is.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech

It has to be one of the most powerful speeches ever. This version has it in it's entirety, from the moment Dr. King stepped into the shadow of Lincoln's statue.

I don't care for the 10 second commentary after, I was just looking for the pure speech.

Take 11 minutes out of your day, to see why today is his.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Suzanne Pleshette Dead (2008)

Suzanne Pleshette, dead at age 70 (2008)

See here for MSN's blurb about her -

For my part, I guess once an obituary writer, always an obituary writer. I can't help watching for the 'celebrity dead' but the difference is I print here what I'm truly interested in.

Excited about Physical Therapy

hoops & yoyo product off of Hallmark

Ever since getting the puppy 2 weeks ago, it's become apparent that I developed some Serious Back Pain. I know that others get chronic, horrible pain all over their bodies (God bless you) and this is no comparison, but if not for the pain meds, it would be even worse to Me I expect, is what I am saying.

The thing is, meds for a physical disorder don't seem to be doing much.

And more than that, my therapist actually spoke at our last meeting, saying when She gets that sort of thing, rather than suffer for 9 weeks or something (I couldn't suffer that long. That's why I go to the doctor.) she asks for Physical Therapy.

Oh. What a novel thought. (We both have insurance, which makes this kind of thing possible. It wasn't always possible. Thanks to Husband, today it is.:)

So that is what I did and I am SO excited to say: I'm gonna get some!

I have a referral and am waiting til Tuesday to call the Phys. therapist person.

I am carrying 80-100 pounds on the front of me. I won't discuss my bra size but it's not helping either.

I looked in the mirror today and started to cry. How did this happen? I feel like I woke up and There It Is.

I carry it nicely, except I think people think I'm pregnant. No, no, no. I'm not!

I want to be me again. I am very motivated, I just don't have a clue how to take off this weight. And I assume that doing/teaching me how is the goal, and I am soooooooo excited!!!!!!!

More on this subject as it comes along.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Smitten Kitten: I discovered Bling!!

Smitten Kitten bling

Yes, from PictureTrail. I have a beautiful slideshow as we get closer to VD as well.
Mwanh to all.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

I wanna talk about Abilify

Campers, I've been on/am on a LOT of stuff.

I'm on things now, other drugs/not Abilify, that DO make you fat.

I'm on Abilify, for one reason, to eventually help wean me down from large amounts of FAT GIRL making medicine.

I KNOW there's plenty of people that know what I mean.

It's the choice - and a damn smart one - to go for being stable, having many more chances at happy, etc., EVEN THO a lot of the meds Make you fat. It's true.

You can get a college degree and even get married while fat. None of that while in the hospital - you know that?:)

But, what thu? Abilify is not a fat maker.

It really doesn't seem to be, in my one month estimation, my time on it so far. My weight is finally stabilizing.

I would not say that about Xyprexa. That stuff is evil, fattening. Unless you're getting something good out of it, you may be fattening your way to diabetes.

I was on it. I gained unbelievably. I am no longer on it.

So, I've said before, I don't tell what I'm on. I know I'm bipolar and if you've read my true to the core, two years worth of blog, YOU know I'm bipolar. So I mostly hold back because of posers, sad people who would be what they are not.

My blog's not for that kind of research. At least I try to keep it that way.

But I wanted to share that Abilify has been doing good things for me, even tho there is anxiety involved in the early dose. I'm going up soon, and should get rid of it.

It's a new drug. And I wanted to help out/give a head's up to those thinking of going on it.

Where'd I go?

Turns out taking care of a 8.5 pound puppy can put your back out.

'Specially if you've been sleeping for the the past 3 years and only recently started putting in 12+ hours a day in life.

Do you hear me? I dropped out of life and only since mid-December with Abilify turning me back into the Wonder Woman I subliminally knew I always was, have I been able to get up in the morning, go to bed at night, you know, be my semblance of Normal.

So now I'm on pain relievers and muscle relaxants to help. And if that don't help, I will request physical therapy.

And the puppy is cute as a button, smart as can be, learns fast and is needy. Oh, those puppies.:)

I may work at home, too, and if that happens, I may not blog ALL the time. Don't freak! We'll see.

And it's good to see you, too.:):)

I had to lau-ah-augh....

It snowed today in certain parts of the area. My area. I come outside to get in my car to go see Husband to do lunch and it's starting to snow.

But I got into car anyway, had lunch and returned just fine.

Around 5 I'm asleep with two Pugs on me :) and wake up to the news.

There was a 25 car pile up in the opposite direction of the road I took. A semi jack-knifed. All sorts of hullabloo with no extreme injuries or death.

And, like John Lennon, all I can do is laugh.

They said it, "Came out of nowhere!!!!!!!" and they didn't know 'what to to do!'

Didn't know how to drive in what turned out to be less than 1.5 inches of snow. How did they get a driver's license? Seriously?

And THAT is how I know people are stupid.

Monday, January 7, 2008

"Friends: Britney Suffers From Psychological Disease" - If I say I told you so one more time...

...maybe someone will get it. Here's the article off,,20169680,00.html?xid=email-peopledaily-20080107-20169680

The biggest beef I have with the 'expert advice' is saying you must 'hit rock bottom' to get it together, or realize you need 'treatment & recovery' which is frankly too damn hopeful when talking about bipolar because its not that easy(!).

Bipolar CAN be caught in different stages, as is obvious with that 'hypomanic' diagnosis. It's so everywhere on the emotional chart that we are caught in different places.

It took me a long time that not all real bipolars have had psychosis, to me the true designation of high, manic suffering. Turns out I barely find ANYone who was diagnosed this way.

I guess we have the typical talking about Britney's simultaneous drug/alcohol problem (which is not surprising) and not bipolar when talking about 'treatment & recovery' of it, like a little chemo & your fine. Hah!

Bipolar does not have a 'treatment center' named after it. It is not about treatment and recovery as it is chronic and you, darling, are in 'recovery' for life.

Many people have to hit 'rock bottom' or more correctly 'rock-ass-high' to realize that the drugs for our illness are for real, and you gotta take them. Meds that your very professional doctor gives you are the basis for life, as far I'm concerned. But I paid my price for that rock solid belief.

The mother part, well it is nigh impossible to do anything while really in the throes of the illness. But when you get stabilized (I say this positively because you CAN get stable!) you can do the things you want.

Bipolars are hooked into creativity and as for myself, a lot of self-awareness: the sky's the limit, if you accept that there are limits.

I've done things that most mentally ill people can only dream of and that is due partly to the illness being caught early, and on Lithium, amongst many other things, at all times. That miracle is available to all, but it has to be let in.

Dr. Phil is a cheese. I refuse to watch him. If Kay Jamison or someone reputable in my mind did a daytime show, I might be glued. And now he has to say something about 'helping' the family. Could you just tout your fat horn in some other country? What was Oprah thinking with this loser? Sadly, that shows how desperate the family is.

I'd be a better friend and confidant and helper to Ms. Spears. I would tell it to her true and I'd tell her all the secrets to living with this. After all, She's no poser.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Good Story Found - Man fall 47 Stories and Miraculously Survives!

Why can't we have stories where people plant pansies and they flourish into a beautiful garden? This is what bothers me about 'good stories.'

It takes something terrible to turn into something good.

How bipolar.

This is it, this is the day, for Ms. Spears

Britney was taken on a gurney into an ambulance last night, after a stand-off concerning her boys, a supposed custody battle with Federline.

All I can think of is NOW is the time to get the help she needs.

Britney, I have been toted, just like you into the ambulance, twice, with neighbors gaping (the equivalent of paparrazi in middle America).

You can do this girl, take care of yourself. For once, it is so about you.

If they think you have a 'mental issue' please go with it - don't be afraid, just get the help you need.

Millions of us are living with these things, responsibly and still creatively. If Britney handled this one thing well, I know its selfish on my part, but she could advance the cause of bipolar.

If she got the medication and therapy and started getting her life together and being what she wants to be most, a real mom, what would that show?

If she did these things while making records and videos, being creative, while on meds w/ therapy - the world would see if you can't hide it, then girl, have pride in it.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My sign of being a manic depressive, beyond any diagnosis that I deserved while sick (psychotic) is my Many, many hobbies and things I love.

I have tons.

We are moving books from a book shelf upstairs down to my office. I am looking at books I forgot about, but I still love!

I know when I don't love something, I get rid of books like that, to the praise of Husband - who gets worried I'll never let anything go.

I'm even thinking that I will sell some of my Dad's books on Ebay, once I get a gander at what's in all those boxes. (Also in my office.)

So back to work I go. Hope everybody's having a great new year so far.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy New Year!!:) A Message From Non Sequitur

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mi-ind,

Then why sing about
those losers now,
unless you're tanked
on really cheap wi-ine!!

Non Sequitur

Happy New Year All! More joyous news forthcoming....:)