Friday, November 30, 2007

Making some sense (out of my bipolar)

Sense, in this case: a truth, something that (for once) I can call a foundation, a Real Thing (perhaps I should copyright that, like Martha's 'good thing').

My need to have some 'solidity,' no matter how small, leads me to this:
  • I blog anger/evil twisted thoughts & feelings to get it out of me, and most likely, work it out. My blog is a fabulous gift to me in this way.
  • I have a gazillion hobbies BECAUSE I am bipolar. This seems very new to me, and it seems very important to report. This has the potential of getting me up in the morning, which has only taken me a few years to realize, is important.(NEWS FLASH: my latest 'things:' taking up the guitar, the real one with strings. Also, I think about doing decorative painting a lot, now. Wish me luck!)
  • Oooh - new realization - this just in: I hoard, and have paper all over my house BECAUSE I am bipolar.

I *think* this MAY mean that my refusual to do dishes is BECAUSE I am bipolar.

I *think* this may mean that my inability to FOLLOW THROUGH with important things like getting my d_mn resume finished but could blog all the live-long day is BECAUSE I am bipolar.

So, end result: 3 real things, and 2 almosts. My self-therapy is just soaring along.:)

In addition, lately I have really come to the conclusion that one of the main reasons I have been essentially 'pouting' and refusing to come in line with 'everybody' elses reasoning for life, is my anger over my last job.

It has just been percolating, festering if you will, for about a year and a half, and I think I'm finally looking at it, as I have started going off about it, ad nauseum, to the two people in my life that (matter) will listen. This is a sign that I am getting it out.

Can it be possible to actually heal from? I don't know, because I still don't know where to leave the monster anger. I know that if it's not ready to be locked in a box, it will bust out, worse than before. And I am no where near what I think is optimal health - to let it free to the winds, with no residual fall-out. I can 'see' opening (a rather ornate box. Hey, I house my hatred in nothing but the best!) with red dust wafting up and into the sunset, sucked into the distance, mixing with the colors of the sunset and NOT COMING or RAINING BACK!

But at least I can IMAGINE that - my God, what a miracle. This is a first, to even picture what 'healthy' could be.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Truly the Best Celebrity Quote (True Dat) for this past week (via

"We're like cranky trained monkeys if we don't get to perform."
– Amy Poehler, on why she and her SNL cast mates got together to do a live theatrical performance of their show during the WGA strike, to the New York Times

Ooooo, Britney Must be so Jealousssssss!!!!!

This 'tasteful' photo of Christina Aguilera on the cover 'Marie Claire' is a big 'ol slap in the face to Ms. Britney Spears. Some of you may remember that the original 'bare, naked, pregger' but painted upon body (so Artistic!) was that of Demi Moore on the front cover of 'Vanity Fair' magazine, de-ec-ades ago!

I very much recall Britney Spears BEGGING to show one of of her pregnancies on the good ol VF pages or anybody else for that matter. She was DENIED, something about 'over-exposure' or something.

Well, fellow mentally ill folks, other bipolar babes, maybe we should all prepare to welcome Ms. Spears with open arms into our worlds. I now hear the media saying there is suspicion that the Brit-ster is mentally ill.

No specification if they are thinking schizophrenic, schizo-affective (could someone please tell me what that means, before I have to ask my best friend who has it) or Worst of All - zeee dreaded Bipolar Virus (that's a joke, bipolar is neither catchy or something you can ever get rid of).

Apparently, you will get jettisoned out of her crowd for mentioning it, let alone those who have bravely tried to prep her for some institutional work, but you can't blame her. As a spoiled brat she seems too weak to buck against stigma.

For all I know, all normies go spend $50,000 on chandeliers on the way home from the court, with her two kids that she just won partial custody of in tow. Sure, rich people/or even powerful people get away with a whole lot of crazy. History's full of 'em, and frankly it's fun to watch. Or keeps you awake during class.

I'll just feel bad when the big 'ol meltdown happens, or someone gets killed.

Why not try some Lithium, Brit? They don't know why that works, either, but you can buy a hell of a lot of it for the same price as a pair of chandeliers. You Already look fatter, grown more zits, and heck you've already dropped your kids a couple of times - no one will even notice!

Remember those Other countries on the map?

So this British teacher is going to spend 15 days in the clink and will be deported afterward because:
She allowed her class to name a Teddy Bear 'Muhammad.'

Uh, I thought these were 'eye for an eye' people. Wouldn't taking an ugly doll of Osama Bin Ladin and lovingly naming it 'Jesus' be the more fair sentence?

Hell, certain portions of society are naming their kids Hey-Zues and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. I love the story about some Chinese parents who were getting flak for wanting to name their kid '@.' Hey, at least it sounds intelligent, futuristic, and damn it even creates some kind of weird html on my page.

If you thought whatever Arabic's country inability to separate church and state in the teddy bear case is UN-be-lie-vable, you didn't hear about the 400 extra lashings a muslim rape victim will have to withstand because she was with an 'unrelated man' at the time of her 7 'MAN' RAPE. Please don't ask for a link, you can Google it as easily as myself.

Yeah, the guys are going to get some kind of punishment, but all I can say is Gloria Steinem and The Feminist Bunch must be too busy with American foolishness, or too old, to say anything about a rape victim being further victimized by her non-U.S. government, even if we've apparently accepted that that country is sexually backwards and the women are forced to wear sacks every day, apparently among other things.

But then Americans don't REALLY believe anyone but themselves exist anyway, Right?

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Post 420!!! Why couldn't the world provide me happier material?!

So I read today about 'Baby Grace,' now identified tenatively as Riley Ann Sawyers, an adorable 2-year-old. She was 'beaten' to death by her mother and 'step-father' savagely, in such a way that I cannot stand to read about it again.

This link to the MSNBC version of the story has a video of Riley's father's family. I was overcome to tears when they showed one of her sweet earlier baby pictures, of her literally as an angel:

Yahoo's got a story on it too:

In the first link above, the MSNBC video, they show photos of the mother and step-father. That mother looks chilling. When I look at pictures of Riley, I cannot help but think this white trash 'mother' may not have been able to handle the intelligence/or even the beauty of this very pretty little girl. I don't think this little baby had a chance, to tell you the truth. Her 19-year-old mother left her hometown because she 'met' this man on the internet, playing some game and ran to Texas, with her child in tow.

Unfortunately for all of us, the 'step-father's' recent suicide attempt was unsuccessful. So, once again, too much money will be wasted on his sorry as_.

Over Thanksgiving, I was sitting watching T.V. and a show trailer came on about how prisons are just turning out more efficient criminals: they get physically stronger, get more contacts, learn how to do what they 'do' best: drugs, or whatever criminal thing. Then, they get let out and they're stronger than ever, ready to do the only thing they ever knew how to do: be better criminals.

So I said, "They ought to just take them all, and shoot them." To which my father-in-law said, "Well, that's not very Christian."

True enough. However, whatever the hell they did to get in there in the first place - I guarantee you was not Christian. And forcing the rest of us to put 1,000 people in a space that was only designed for 300 - well, that's not too Christian either.

Having a system that gives every help, every possible way out for a nasty perp and STILL being found guilty says to me, Great take 'em out back and shoot 'em. Stop the appeals, overcrowding, stop spending so much money to house, feed, hook up their cable T.V., shower, shit and shave people that are a waste upon this earth.

Yes, you heard it here. And pedophiles especially should be shot upon sentencing, if nothing for the fact that they are impossible to 'retrain into a human' or whatever the term is, not to mention we might have to waste MORE money and manpower protecting his or HER ass in the clink because NObody likes a pedophile or babykiller. It's always about saving their hide when 9 times out of 10 there's nobody to even stand up for the victim's hide.

The 'system' lets people we've already decided should die end up living an extra 20 years (that a hell of a lot longer than their victims got to live!!) and every once in a while I hear Scott Peterson is getting out. Now if he isn't a case of should be shot immediately and in the balls, I just don't know what is!

Now these people make me recall my days of reading 'The Scarlett Letter.' Puritans hated an adulterer so much that they made them live their days in the woods, with the letter A always pinned to them, should anyone see these shameful creatures. Imagine! In this day and age the letter 'A' would be the cooolest thing, probably the most tatooed thing ever, people are such sluts, they couldn't care less, heck it's celebrated all over T.V. at least. But these people? A MOTHER that would do these things? I'm thinking BABY KILLER, or UNDESERVING CUNT tatooed on that bitch's head. Or a simple, "I AM GOING TO HELL." We just need to pick the day.

It's okay though. I am calm. Because I am a Christian and I know exactly what Jesus says about people who hurt His babies. He says they will wish that they had never been born. There's a devil put aside for these people, and if they were smart they wouldn't be so hasty to meet their Maker.

I said to my father-in-law, besides choice parts of my argument above, that there was a great general or person who once said, "I believe the judgement is made by a Higher Power. It's just my job to make sure they meet the Higher Power." In the end, it's all gonna come out. You can hide it from your neighbor or even a whole community, but God sees the whole shebang. The only one fooled about your sins is you.

I would like to say that I am considering strongly the idea of having my own child. Yes, you heard it here. And the thing is, I have mental illness which I have to consider constantly, in the consideration of a having a baby.

Here we have proof positive of a woman who most likely never considered HAVING a baby, worst of all she thought nothing of the most fabulous gift that a bitch like this will EVER be afforded.

I know because of things or stories like this that just maybe I could make it, I could do it, because I wouldn't even treat my dog like this, not even on a bad day.


Update: Because I know you don't listen to the news, read anything on the Internet and ONLY come to my site.

The bitch that helped tortured 'Baby Grace,' known as Riley - she is pregnant at this time.

I think she thought nobody would kill a pregnant baby-murderer in jail. So's we'll wait. Nah, I'm 'kidding' but I say the family that gave a damn about the kid get the 'new' baby, or let anybody on the earth adopt it, since anybody could a better job than her.

Then execute her.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Liz Taylor slideshow w/ Titles

Her 'Passion' - none of it ever meant for the meek!

Because I love her, I wanted to put the endless amounts of pictures (mostly found off MSN) of (now Dame) Elizabeth Taylor on my blog. There just may be someone as mental about celebrities, old-school Hollywood, and Liz in specificity as I am, and I want to share and make your obsession easier by giving to you and the world, what I've got.

It's fun! And if you suffer from depression the way I do, anything that makes you feel better is great. Besides, it's a harmless little obsession, right? It might come in handy someday, like when I'm trying to put my mind back together after another psychosis or something! As long as there's People magazine, I'll have scores of 'familiar faces' to look at!

Gathering pictures of someone who has led a life of fortitude (that means she doesn't give up) just couldn't be a bad hobby, indeed it's a wholesome one, so I feel no (0 -zero) shame. I do wish I could meet her, but her pictures are pretty helpful, if that never happens.

I've talked about her before and, of course, I spent a ton of time naming each photo, the year, etc., only to have them turned into a hodgepodge and I'm not even certain you with get all the fabulous info when you click on each one - but you should at least get a larger version!

Incredible women like Ms. Taylor are not going to be around forever, however, this Liz has proven to have stood up to the test of time - still making appearances, as of a few months ago! There is just no comparison to her youthful beauty -as in there never was and has not since been a violet-eyed, buxom, voluptuous, stunning creature as she was in the 1950's.

I'm going on memory here, not research - but has she not outlived every pin-up and 'old-school' beauty, ever? She's outlived all of her old-school men and lovers - I think all that's left is Senator Warner, who's an old poop, and probably Larry Fortensky, one of the largest age gaps in a man Taylor married.

She's gone for a swim in a shark tank in her mid-seventies, (and says she'll do it again for her 75th birthday, coming soon!), married the most guys, some even twice, for a grand total of 8 marriages, I believe (I heard her once say it was because she BELIEVED in marriage and felt it was the right thing to do!) and let's not forget, she owns THE most fabulous jewels on top of it.

She has led an incredible public life and nothing less but a passionate if not tumultous private life. And, as the famous T-shirt says, "I'm not dead, yet!"

I dedicated this post, to a lifetime of crazy, amazingness that is Elizabeth Taylor, because Gosh Darn it, I want to.:) I hope you enjoy the pictures. Each one is named and has info about it, I hope you can get that as I let photobucket host this time.:)

Click on the link below for the FABULOUS SLIDESHOW I created with many of these pics. This has the titles I spent so much time on!!!!!! (Yes, it's the same one as in the above post.)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

I want to wish a happy holiday to all my blog friends. :)

I think I have found some wonderful heart-warming stories from MSN to share. I hope that you enjoy them.

Also, I recall a quote I found off my on yahoo, something about a thankful heart is the true way to joy, not joy causing thankfulness. Being able to find something to be thankful about in your life can be the causation of joy, when it is all said and done. Something special to think about.:)

Forty-three years ago, Rick was born without the ability to talk, walk and barely move.

"They said, 'Forget Rick,'" remembers his father, Dick. "'Put him in an institution. He's going to be nothing but a vegetable for the rest of his life.' My wife and I cried a little bit but we talked and we said, 'We're going to bring Rick home and bring him up like any other child."

Dick knew deep down that his son was thriving on the inside, and he insisted Rick go to school. He believed with every fiber of his being that his son had something to say—and he was right. At age 12, Dick had a special computer built so that Rick could communicate.

Rick, born with the heart of a true athlete, made a request that would change their lives forever—he asked his father to team up for a five-mile charity race. Dick had never run in his life. "We finished the whole five miles coming in next to last," Dick remembers. "When we came across the finish line, it was the biggest smile you ever saw in your life.

Rick wrote on his computer, 'Dad, when I'm running, it feels like my disability disappears.'"

After many local races, Dick and Rick took their new passion even further. Even though Dick couldn't swim and hadn't been on a bike since he was 6 years old, the two began training to compete in triathlons.

So far Rick and Dick have competed in more than 206 triathlons and 64 marathons!"

Until my dad agreed to run that first race, I had no chance," Rick says through his computer. "My dad is my everything. He has made my dreams come true.

To steal a line from a song, my dad is the 'wind beneath my wings.'"

Patrick was born without eyes and with a birth defect that won't allow him to straighten his arms and legs. At first, his parents say they were devastated.

Then, when Patrick was just 2 years old, they discovered something miraculous about their son. Patrick started playing the piano and was able to take requests. As Patrick grew, so did his musical talent. In addition to his piano skills, Patrick also plays the trumpet.

Today Patrick attends the University of Louisville, but he's not there alone. Every evening his father works the graveyard shift at UPS, finishing at dawn. This leaves him enough time to rest a few hours before heading out to help his son at school.

Patrick asked to play in the University of Louisville pep band. But one of the band directors had a different idea…he asked Patrick to join the marching band. "I thought, 'Can you not see he's blind and in a wheelchair?'" Patrick's dad says.That never stopped Patrick before and it didn't this time either. In the fall of 2006, Patrick and his dad became the only two-person marching band member in college football.

"My dad is a wonderful man having to sacrifice a lot," Patrick says."It's not a sacrifice," Patrick's father says. "There's no sacrifice in spending time with my son. It's an honor, it's a blessing."

When Texas couple Mark and Andy decided to start a family after 13 years together, they knew it wouldn't be easy. They decided to apply to be foster parents. "There were a lot of children out there needing families," Andy says. "We figured, why not us?"

After they submitted their application to an agency, they received shocking news. "The agency director called us and said no state case worker would ever place children in a gay or same sex couple home," Andy says. Devastated but still determined, Mark and Andy found a second agency that accepted their application.

Grateful for the opportunity, they opened their home to the children no one else wanted.

The couple cared for children of all races and needs, including autistic children, sexually abused children and children who had been severely neglected. Now, kids who were desperate for a home have a family to call their own. In their five years as foster parents, Mark and Andy have fostered 21 children and have adopted four—Marcus, Monique, Clyde and Faith. They're now in the process of adopting James and Layla.

After living in two other foster homes, the couple's oldest child, James, came to Mark and Andy when he was 11 years old. "My dads are totally perfect," he says. "They're everything I could ever want and then some."

Monday, November 19, 2007

Horrible People and the Lives destroyed

I'm taking some time out of my day here to discuss the one unbelievably, sad, and as the parents put it 'vile' (always a favorite word for me, glad they used it) story today.

Unless you're living under a rock, I'm referring to the 'parent' that created a Myspace account of a fake boy in the pretense to monitor and 'find out' what other - what people, KIDS? (actually specially one young lady) - were saying about her 'child.'

At some point, the fake boy created by this bitch (are you following that she is an adult and 'mother?') stopped being kind and being the smallest semblance of a self-esteem lifter for the young girl - whom the account was specifically created to fk with, but started that ever-popular present-day cyber-smackdown high school experience for way too many bullied kids - the, evil, listing over and over of aggregious lies that are like an atomic bomb to the innards of a barely hanging on kid. Words like that are meant to kill, and this girl is not the first to fall in its crossfire. She killed herself.

Do I have THIS right? I think I said it better than any flat story you'll read about it, and it's all over MSN, if you need details.

First of all, this is proof positive - Do not kill yourself, not for any reason

Not for what you think is the most 'obvious' reason in the world (you are worthless, what am I, an amateur??) caused by what anyone SAYS, or even by what anything inside you says - believe it or not, there are legions of us that can feel suicidal WITHOUT some son of bitch listing, and listing, and listing, and listing, and sending, and sending, and sending, sending a bunch of CRAP that basically boils down to Sa tan ic lies. When a kid is a kid, they're impressionable, and can really buy into the idea - THIS is the whole world. Everyone/old friends/a significant other hates me, they must be right and this is the end of the world.

Oh, tip #2 - THEY are almost never right! When you survive all this and get as old as I am, you truly won't even care what they think - if only youth had this magic gift. Note to self: when I have a kid someday I will try to instill these things in that person from the time communicatory skills are established.

I MEAN THIS WITH THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART - NEVER KILL YOURSELF FOR ANY REASON. If nothing else, don't EVER give anyone the satisfaction.

I know some people need to hear this. I bring it up because that is not only one the biggest travesties of this entire situation, it saddens me greatly that there is no one out there giving basic facts.

We all, maybe the young even more, need to hear hear that we are loved, that we matter, that life IS tough but we are strong enough to soldier through, even if that means an occasional fetal position and an inability to get out of bed for several months. No one deserves to die. No one deserves to be a teenager, with a whole life to live, and kill themselves. And may I say this kid sounded like she would have grown up through all her awkward stages and been a terrific person. My God, it pisses me off.

The parents of the victim are so overwrought that they are divorcing. They were told by the FBI not to say anything to the press as they tried to figure out what happened. This young lady died October of 2006. I think they've been hit, blindsided, and sound like they are still deciding what to do and have been quiet for long enough. Apparently they have to shop in the same town as these pathetic sacks of shit, and the lady who perpetrated this thing (why do they call it a hoax, she committed a criminal act!) 'asked the mother to stop talking to the press.'

Additionally, the perps have offered no apology. It seems like a simple, civil thing to do but the perp family utterly refuses. All I can say is, the moment the Mom-perp started the bombing, the cruelties, that is precisely the point that the woman became an animal and apologizing should be the least of her fears. If everyone is shielding the perp-daughter, they need to stop. It's time that bullies, whether they be the mom, shocker?, or the kid, pay for the damages and heartache (in civil suits, that comes in the form of money) for what they did wrong. With a law on the books, someday, prison time.

The girl's parents act like grieving parents. Their lives have been irreparably destroyed by this. They monitored the heck out of their daughter's internet use and this still happened. What amazes me is that they are just now talking about a civil suit.

Just because lawmakers and law enforcement are typically still back in the early 1900's regarding anything internet is No Reason why things should not be taken care of properly. And just because this awful woman is not forced, told, or held by the hand to apologize to the dead girl's family doesn't mean that a person with ANY morals or sense for the unconscionable damage she's done to these people's lives should not in fact BE FULLY EXPECTED!! Barring that:

I recommend suing them for every penny they've ever owned. And stop hiding their names, they have done nothing to deserve any kindness from you. We all think they're beasts anyway - it's just a matter of time before they really get it.

Update, 11-22-07: Here are some links to read about this story online:

ABC News: Mom: Daughter's Suicide Preceded By Cruel Web Hoax

Mom: Girl killed herself over online hoax - Internet -

Friday, November 16, 2007

If ya caint find me, its cuz I'm doin' my jail time/community service...

Yu herd right. I wuz not a-va-la-bull last evening due to my 62-minute jail sentence. Hey, I went free 'en clear, didn't put up no gumption or further problims to the orficers. I knows whut I did wuz wrong, and I'm hear to pay the price, do my civic dooty, and get ya'll off my back!

Yeah, I admitted to taking my car, running it in the wrong lane, mowin' down my last PR person, while drunk on high balls (80 proof, mm mm, I'm gonna miss those for an hour), smoked somethin' that they found in my jeans pocket (did that while they processed me. That was good shit - I'm so glad it didn't go to waste!!). In general, my o-fences include thinkin' I'm beder thn evryone else as I em a high paid movie star, or wuz it cuz my Dad had couple hit songs and I'm sad cuz we're both haz beens, or wuz it cuz my parents built expensive hotels that every high class ho a-spires to rent in, and I'm sad about that so I had to give my folks last name sumphthin else to be imbar-ass-ed a-bout.

No matter cuz all's good, even en clear, because I did the HARD time. A little over an hour is jail, heck I spent less than Lindsay, Nichole OR Paris. I must be arfully Smart!!!!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Here's a bipolar article for you - I don't agree with it, But here ya go-------

I am going to assume that nobody has for a homepage, and therefore doesn't see things like this - articles about Bipolar.

I submit this article as written (by a pompous windbag) with considerable handle on the language, but as a lay-person (that's what I would be) giving it the quick perusal, I deem it a load of crap. I don't really think he knows what he is talking about, and being about to write like you do know something (as professors are oh, so prone to) does not mean you know something.

Maybe there are people out there that this totally applies to. It doesn't apply to me but maybe it's going to be just the ticket for someone out there.

For instance, when he gives examples of over-generalizations that 'bipolars are prone to' I'm waiting for something that applies to me. Something about ranting or the need to do it, for instance, or some recognition that we are all not squalling babies with no control over ourselves, and in fact, some of us (ME) kept almost nearly all jobs I ever had, and keeping my deal a SECRET from EVERYONE was of the utmost priority - and by God, I did that. Leaving was my choice. Am I a fkn savant, a brilliant individual, or just a normal mentally ill person? Come on.

If there is a human being, with or without diagnosis, that is either High or Low, and is not in fact suffering to understand ALL the f'n in betweens (having absolutely nothing to do with 'hypomania' - just life, reality) - a person that follows this bizarre, fit into this up/down pigeonhole, I want to meet them. That is utterly ridiculous and why its so hard to diagnose a non-pyschotic bipolar - so hard to tack the emotions down, DUH!!! Idiot.

Further this guy doesn't provide anything that's going to get me back into the work world any time soon. I already take a shit load of meds and my therapist is useless. If that isn't a reason to take my computer and throw it, take a gun and start shooting random, drink a whole lot and enjoy it, then I DON"T KNOW WHAT IS. As it is, I'm in perfect control of myself and wouldn't think of lifting my computer or do anything that would cause me to reload.

So either the rest of you bipolars are pathetic and need to suck some of this pablum or this guy needs to meet a real bipolar.

Either way, I'm allowing his drivel to be wasted here, because I know you REALLY want to read it now.

Holding Down a Job—With Bipolar
How to stay employed when you have bipolar disorder.
By Nando Pelusi for MSN Health & Fitness
Q: I have a 23-year-old bipolar daughter who seems incapable of holding a job. She has had 16 jobs and has been fired from all of them. Is there anything I can do to help?
A: There may be many reasons why your daughter could be having trouble holding a job, and a diagnosis of bipolar disorder might give us a clue as to how to help her. Just like unipolar depression, bipolar disorder brings emotional and practical problems to overcome. I presume that she is currently under some professional care for medication, which stabilizes the emotional swings to a functional degree. Let’s help her weave together a philosophy about bipolar depression that allows her to weather the emotional storms with minimal stress to herself.
Many people with bipolar disorder hold down jobs, although they may suffer emotionally. Some also work very hard to monitor their thoughts and moods. People with bipolar use a type of thinking known as overgeneralization. Overgeneralizations are ideas that propound a form of thinking that is absolute and unrelenting—ideas that are fixed in either an overly negative or overly grandiose direction. Thus, the person with bipolar may experience two distinct moods—very up or very down. This kind of thinking—“Poor me, I’m always left behind,” or, “No one cares for me, therefore I’m worthless”—keeps your daughter vulnerable, wounded, and hurt. It is hard to buck up against the onslaught of these negative ideas.
Appropriate medication and psychotherapy are a key part of treatment. And while the physiology of BPD requires stabilization, so do some of the over-generalizing thoughts that accompany episodes of upset. These include:
“This is too hard—I have no control.”
“Poor me—I can’t stand this unfairness.”
“It’s easier for me to escape then to stay and work this out.”
“I need relief now—and if I don’t see a way out there is none.”
“I need constant reassurance of caring from others.”
“Not feeling understood is intolerable.”
Other triggers for episodes are seasonal changes, sleep disruption, and interpersonal conflict. As we seek to control the physiology, we also seek to control the psychology, the beliefs about herself, others, the world and the future.
A good approach would focus on managing your daughter’s ideational triggers. By getting her to recognize the external and internal triggers for her upset, we can then focus on some goals:
Accepting her condition of having an illness and not blaming herself for having bipolar disorder. Having this emotional condition is largely chemical and physiological, with a cognitive component. She is not responsible for having this illness, but she is responsible for taking care of herself and treating it. Learn what helps her feel better and to look forward to it, whether it be music, a movie, getting together with a trusted friend. Practice the coping statements that would counteract the over-generalized ideation mentioned earlier. For example, she could practice reminding herself that although this is hard, she has weathered it before—and can learn to tolerate it better.
As her emotions stabilize with a combination of medication and good cognitive restructuring, her chances of enjoying her life more and more—and holding down a good job—improve dramatically.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I am Manic

Here's how I know:

I am lovin' up the internet. I've been on it since I woke up at the crack of 3 p.m.

You'd think because I sleep a LOT, all day practically that that would be 'Depression.' I'm thinking it's brilliance because I'm avoiding most of the annoying parts of the day and - getting on the internet!

I'm fast, I'm thinking, I'm fast, I'm thinking - it is slowing down to talk to others.

I don't need anyone else. Which is great 'cause everyone else dropped out like the bottom on one of those cheesy carnival rides. Which is just proof that....I'm the 'Best.' I don't care and I don't need anyone else's opinion.

I have actually started 'online' shopping again. Nope, I don't buy (thank you 20 years of psychotropic medication!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but I'm lllllllllooooookin' again - Laurel Burch socks anyone?

On the same thought, I'm actually checking some of the gazillion favorites that I have saved on my computer. I use my favorites like my Dad would have used his books - have tons on every subject you love. It will come in handy.

Food? Oh, yeah, I guess I'm a Little hungry! You better believe THAT one's dangerous. I do 'make' myself eat. I'll worry about losing weight after I get over 'this.'

I'm gonna buy an SAD light, so by the time it snows I will have something new to fight with - myself, going between this new weird 'flush' (mania) and my usual state (confused, Doooooown, or Ranting). Thank you God, for this weird illness. I'm so glad I didn't put a kid into the mix.

Again Me, Me. I no longer care about the massive guilt I used to feel over: Not having a job, Not bothering to have friends...hell, I'd almost forget to feed the animals if they weren't equipped with such loud reminder voices. Who cares? I never killed anybody. I'm either protecting myself from the cold, cruel world or it from me. Either way I type brilliant crap for nobody at all, and at the end of the day my Husband comes home, we eat....and the rest is mine.

I have the semblance of mind to type this all out. Noones getting hurt. I love mania.

She's Leaving Vegas...

LAS VEGAS - Though she's undeniably warm
gregarious, you can hear a bit of irritation creep into Celine Dion's
voice when
her years away from the pop music world is referred to as "time

"I don't think it was a break," she says politely but firmly. "I
worked for five years."

Indeed, Dion's "A New Day"
concert extravaganza on the Las Vegas strip may have been more demanding than
pop life. The French-Canadian chanteuse performed several days a week in the
ambitious, Franco Dragone-directed show, which was heavy on dancing, theatrics
and of course Dion's booming voice. The career of Celine Dion the Entertainer
was vibrant and thriving.

But for all practical
purposes, the career of Celine Dion the Pop Diva was all but dormant where it
once had its biggest impact — the recording

Ah, no worries, Celine. Look at this no-talent industry try to suck your angel wings off before you've even alighted upon the ground! I know there is stress (read further in this Yahoo article and Renee Angelil is admitting to the stress, as well) in returning to life after Caesar's Palace, into life with a 'different sounding' but beyond powerful voice. This is a Whut thu? if I ever saw one.

I got to see that show! It was March 27, 2005, Easter Sunday, and the day after I got married - at Weddings at the Grove, just outside of Las Vegas (fabulous!). Celine told us about her son and all the sugar and the Easter bunny. Because Celine talks like that. I don't know if it's because she's French/Canadian and English is a second language, but everything is just a little grand, a little amazing, keyed higher.

I love her. We were in the seventh row and it truly was the experience of a lifetime. In a world that is so god damn negative, Celine is a person that has got something to give - and she has been involved in the giving of it pretty much her whole life. I don't worry about her voice/sound changing (what is she a 15-year-old boy?) and we all know that she can pretty much do what she wants to.

They have quotes like that above, but only yesterday they quoted that she is the highest selling woman recording artist of ALL TIME. Again, I don't care if you don't like her (?!) because I'm in good company - the rest of the planet is, too!

I've got a 'lil list' in my head of people/celebrities I'd want to meet. And oh yes, Celine Dion is one of them. It's not such a pipe dream either, because Celine Does meet and greet and love up her fans.

The truth is, her voice makes me cry, she touches a special place within. I played "Because You Loved Me" just for my Dad, years ago when I got to visit him. It will always be one of the most fabulous moments of my life when I told him that it was 'his' song and it was what he did for me. I know that he understood, because he said, "Wow, I didn't know you would feel that way," quietly. That is a gift.

Don't let the bastards get you down, Celine.

The Tart

There's still time to rebel - Starting with the farmers

Don-Imus-is-back-Save-it-for-a-barf-bag. Hey La, Hey La, Omigod there starting slow, marketing to idiots before springing him nationwide. (To the tune of Hey La, Hey La My Boyfriend's Back. &*&(*((& I just got sick again.)

"Don's passion and understanding of rural America fits in so well
with our ongoing effort to bridge city and country folks with this channel,"
Gottsch said. His station launched in December 2000, billed as the first 24/7
television network dedicated to rural America.

They say that you should use the word 'hate' sparingly. It's not that there isn't way too much of it sucking the world into a vortex of hate, it's just that readers minds need a strong love/hate thought process to work with. And a lot of convoluted, f'n sentences that confuse and don't make sense, no? Apparently, American readers/listeners of radio/watchers of TV/users of computers are simple creatures, (perhaps like the asexual worm? Hey, fat worms are wonderful fishing bait!) simple creatures that just need to be led by the nose wherever the marketers do take us. (Well, that's better. We're cows, not worms.)

I've said I'm ready and waiting to drop cow/pig/his own's blood on Michael Vick. Well, that is lovely and symbolic but I understand now why there are people that call on someone to get shot, please shoot, yes, just put a SOB out.

And THAT is how I feel about Don Imus.

No, I'm not a bleeding heart, or even affected by discussion of nappy headed ho's. Meaning: truth - I don't feel those words 'hurting' me, but it did hurt someone else. And our country is not, and really should not, be ready for ON AIR 'silliness,' like that, not now, not in 2030, not in 3052.

You don't know how many drafted posts I have explaining that I don't care that Imus said what he did AND I don't care Dog said the n-word in a personal phone call. I had a lovely post, explaining in full why I have no problem with Dog returning to cable, his job, etc. But this is Imus's moment to be skewered on my blog. And simple is simple isn't it? Maybe it's because I don't want to hear about Imus again and I like Dog. Dog is the only cable tv person to pray on the show. It was an amazing mix of leather, pepper spray and what I still think is a true caring about bottom feeders - criminals. You don't have to agree with me, because amazingly over 22 million viewers did, too. He was skewered by a bitter family member, OFF air, and I forgive him. Done. Back to Imus.

Honestly, when a 60-70 year-old man uses the phrase nappy headed ho's, I think we should all assume that he thought he was being hip-hop, real, and down with the homies, perhaps a new demographic that his station manager had suggested that morning. I am amazed that 'industry insiders' (meaning people who think they are far more importante than they are) can say, 'But Imus has 40 years of experience' and in the next breath, 'we must forgive.'

Somehow this fart makes them a lot of money, and they want more of it.

Simply put, 40 years of experience means you KNOW what to say ON AIR and what not to. If you've lost all sense of reason, if you forgot what offends America then you deserve to lose the 'right' (it's not a right, it's a damn priviledge) to get to supposedly say whatever you want on the airwaves.

What IS Tart's problem with Imus??? I still thought he was the Greaseman when this first started. I hated him too, for a very long as_ reason, involving my boyfriend's stepdad (I was 17, this stuff is saved for my book, I think) who yelled at me so hard that two veins popped out under his flesh on the sides of his neck while screaming at me. He LOVED Greaseman. 'Nuff said. They're all one and the same, and didn't Greaseman get canned for the same reason? At least he had the decency to go away, leave. I guess he hasn't died yet or we'd have already read his damn obituary.

I think Imus needs to accept that he is fired, get buried under dirt - maybe in a Malibu-ian, Peruvian, Chilian mudslide, and then be burned in a California wildfire, preferably the one started in Orange County, because I think he'll find a lot of 'homies' there, and maybe they'll give him a special send off into the underworld.

My ePeople.daily is like a cold 'wake up' Diet Coke! (Give Live Love)

Of course they're in love! They have exact same jaw structure, lip placement - people this is scientifically proven! If you want 'true love' get off eHarmony and - start comparing bone structure - swap photos, gasp - go out with people in person!!!!!!!! Know thyself - KNOW THY LOVER!!!:) (Or at least you'll find one.)

Someone please tell me WHAT this woman is in such a damn rush about? She got married in April, to give birth to twins two months early, to rush back to her stupid over-rated and frankly extremely annoying cable T.V. show (is she short on moulah? Or afraid we really WILL stop caring?), only to be put back in the hospital for her pulmonary edema (and you ALL know what that means, I'm SURE. I didn't realize how many web geeks were also medical transcriptionists, until recently.) cause she had two blood clots in her lungs. SLLLOOOOW DOWN, Nancy Grace. That is neither a prayer or a well-wish, it's just that you are sending my head into a spin and making me sick. That is a criminal transgression, Nancy.

Sexiest Man Alive: Matt Damon

Finally, celebrity media, You have gotten something Right! Buy a copy, check on online to see the very correct gushing on Mr. Matt Damon. All I know is, he looks like my husband, and I am a VERY lucky married woman, we were bourne for each other. De-licious.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

I swear I'm not cranky, but...'s a couple of today's Yahoo's headlines that still managed to irritate me:
Judith Regan sues her former employer (a publisher) for $100 million.

Okay that seems reasonable enough, but click on it and you find (I found myself) dazed and confused in minutes because it's a complicated tale because she slept with somebody important, who's related to Rudy Guiliani, who told her to lie to the feds, and her name was smeared (not by her sordid tale of sleeping with the 'wrong' person but) by these bad and OH so important people...I know! Maybe the ho should just write a book! LOL Or just the f'n Cliff Notes - yaaaawn!
Latin American fans ask "Where are our movies?"

Would it be too much to ask you to learn English?

Okay, perhaps that's a wee bit harsh for this particular story, which is actually concerning people living below Texas, and Mexico even. I guess they have the 'right' to whine about the overbearing output coming from Hollywood. Wanh.

But since half of those people are expected to be here in the U.S. in a decade or two (!), I hope I can be forgiven having the sentence above poised on my lips when they're officially (!) living here and asking the same frickin question.

Oh, please. I not only think it, yeah - I write it! And to be honest, I'm holding back.

They say I'm mentally ill, but I feel pretty clear as a bell, but I could be wrong. And who has a degree in English that may never get used, because nobody's f'n speaking it anymore? That was a lot of damn work and money to just get thrown away. I know that the average person doesn't care a lot about spelling or care all that much for the craft of writing, and I'm not perfect - but I do care. Now that there are so many people that couldn't care less to even Learn It - white, black, latin, or asian - that yeah, it does piss me off.

I wish that the U.S. Congress would have been able to pass the law that 'English is the language of the land.' Doesn't that sound so simple? But it really is key, it's a protection of our language, it establishes a foundation for public schools, and its a foundation that every American needs and should be on. It is also part of our identity and can help others become part of our identity as well! Look bleeding hearts, I know the white man destroyed the Native American, saved the best for himself and raped them too. Well, it's 2007, and I guess we are living with who we are pretty skippy, no? I know when there are so many people influxing into your little ol hamlet (hasn't happened? It will) that in your beastly little heart, you would like the newbies to learn your language, and to consider that they must have a driver's license to actually drive a vehicle (just 'cause you can BUY one doesn't mean you should DRIVE one!), and to follow all the laws of the land (you have to!), and - hold tight thy bleeding heart - assimilate. I have lost A friend over this (I think. The bitch won't tell me why she won't talk to me.) so I'm telling it True, as you well know.

There are billions of dollars poured into 'No Child Left Behind' yet it broke my heart and made me want to DO something when I read 4 out 10 high schools are drop out factories (it may be higher, maybe 6 of 10!) and teachers are overwhelmed with 9th graders reading at beyond unbearably low levels. Say that English is The language puts pressure on people to get it right, because we NEED some kind of solidarity, a fricking BACKBONE, if I'm reading any of these pathetic statistics right. If we can't even agree on what we're speaking, what every job is going to be spoken in, let alone really graduate legions of kids that DO have simple skills, then frankly that is havoc, that is incompetency and the wrong people are waking up in the mental hospital each morning.

Really, if those rich, dumbass bastards could have passed that bill, they would take away a lot of ambiguity and confusion. Not to mention, show that they might finally take even a tinkle of responsibility, which it is now unbearably clear it is not possible. What shall we wail over first?

Sure, there's PLENTY more to say about it, and Tart is definitely holding back. I almost wish I could tell you where I live, because we're on the news even! This area is saturated with illegals and a bazillion problems that come with it. My bleeding heart non-friend liv(ed?) in a rich area, and had no clue of, well, reality. People, someone, I don't know who, can look down on me, but all I can say is, it must be difficult, way up high, with that stick in your butt.

So I guess you fully understand my little breakdown of another stupid headline, no?
Next week we'll do something simple that doesn't take up so much of my damn time. Hah!

Tom's panties are in a twist - And it just might turn out I have something to with it!!

Yes, reports are coming in that Mr. Tom Cruise is 'disappointed' in the box office take of Robert Redford's 'Silence of the Lambs' - Oh big kiddo! I mean 'Lions for Lambs.' Well, to use supposed 'film talk' I do almost hate that box-office-wise a Redford film would be taken down - he is well known for only producing one pearl of exceeding snobbery per year or so (hmmm...hence his like minded co-stars Streep & Cruise? You be the judge.) - meaning, Redford directs/stars occasionally, assumedly when he is grabbed by the script and I guess Cruise was in on the gag and thought that the would give a sh_t. Um, are we SURE he's not bipolar?

Ah, but instead lots of people plunked the money down for "BEE MOVIE" and I was one of them! It is a nice, G-rated little number, that actually gave me a couple tear-jerking moments, and Jerry Seinfeld really did work his little beeesy bottom off to make a nice movie. Sure, go see it, everyone knows that I don't recommend scary stuff, I hardly even see dramas anymore - I'm ALL Comedy, Folks. And of course, added bonus, each time you are seeing 'Bee Movie' - You're not seeing 'Lions for Lambs.' Go figure, picking happiness and joy over preachy political stress/thriller. Some choices are just plain easy....and fun!

Friday, November 9, 2007

Pakistan, on the World Stage - Who would'a Knew??????

Okay, I think I'm one of rare people that heard of Pakistan in the early '90's.

I say that because I was living on campus with the President of the Pakistan organization on our campus. She was a Pakistani who was having a 'relationship' with a nice white boy on campus that she treated with such secrecy that you'd assume her parents would have slit her's (or his?) throat upon discovery - and now that I see how loving and forgiving these types seem to be, I am not surprised at her fear and care-ful-ness, concerning her "True Love" (Opposite of all that Mum & Dad would approve of) I think it was very selfish and not fair to the American guy. After all, she was all set with an arranged married (to happen after she got her All-American degree, I guess!) that had been set up since she was in 9th grade (when the acceptable husband-to-be got a look at her on the school bus, one day - I am NOT MAKING THIS SH_T UP!!)

Anyway, she dumped sweet American white boy (OH the DRAMA) and finally gave in to the 'Love' that was picked out and acceptable by the parents. Imagine my 'whut the', when she came to me one day (that would be odd right there) and started BAWLing and asked 'What to do, what to do.' It seems that she had been calling the fiance in a place that I kept thinking was Crotchistan, but I think it was Karachi, to the the tune of $3,000.

Well, you better get to selling yourself right now.

Oh, you shits who steal my stuff, these are my Memories, my School Days, the Best of College, you just don't know...

So now I'm hearing that Musharaff or whatever is di_king around with his country, putting the lady who just came in to help save his a_s in house arrest and all kinds of foolishness.

Look, Pakistan, We - the U.S. has been really gentle with you. We tried really hard to get through to your minds what We expect of you. You don't want to Listen? Ve haf vays of making you leesten, you buttwi_es. And who locks a woman in her house? China. Yes, China, you bastards and ve'ed like to give zim the what fer too.

I wasn't impressed with Princess Pakistani in 1992 AND I'm thinking that you all don't deserve your 3 minutes on the world stage now either, Pakistan. Get it together, Hon. You know, it's only because Gandhi gave a crap and starved himself for you on a couple occasions that we keep trying to get through to you. I for one, am all for bombing your sad ass in some order, after Iran, Iraq, Afganistan, North Korea, China (WHY is it so hard to manufacture a lead-free toy? Oh. Your chance is GONE), and the next SOB to act up. So sayeth the Tart.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Guess What! WRITING DOES matter!! (Gasp!)

I admit, my first thought of a writer's strike concerning the entertainment industy was 'Goody, maybe they'll take My work, and I can become a scab (a term for a person who crosses the picket line) and live in Los Angeles and be the bread & butter supporter of my family, and get to meet celebrites, which we all know I live for.

Well, I was born out in L.A. and I KNOW what rush hour is and that its about as wretched to drive there Moreover, I would be crossing Tina Fey (even though she's in N.Y.) and maaaaany others who really do want to get something-something done.

You know they always screw the 'quiet' writers. These are the intelligent types who know that copy/entertainment on the web is booming and so are other forms of entertainment which are just in the baby stages. Apparently, they have to fight for these future earnings and they figure now is a good time to take care of everything. At least, that's my take on it after listening/reading about this. And all those celebrities? They support their writers, if they are smart (and a surprising amount are). So my dreams continue to wait.

So Tart did (a little) internet research (gasp!) to find out exactly what shows are affected by the writers strike. Behold:

These shows are going into reruns. This must mean they are extremely dependant on the copy their writers give them on a daily basis and cannot go on without their writers:

• NBC: "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" and "Last Call with Carson Daly."
• CBS: "Late Show with David Letterman" and "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson."
• Comedy Central: "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and "Colbert Report."

Wow! All the late night 'funny' stuff (that's dependant on your taste). I Love this, because I am always interested in all of this - it could have been my career! Why not? This would be a great time to suck out the insides of everthing going on between Tina Fey's earlobes (again, Tina, I mean that just as uncreepy as can be!), as to how these people do this job, during this time that she can take a well earned break. (Hi Honey, I walked the picket line for 6 hours today. I'm home now to take my shoes off and take care of the kid. Dang, this is the best 'vacation' ever!).

Or, are they writing new things, veritable creative well-springs of thought that cannot stop the flow, and will come back with better concepts and zingers because they can't stop the fingers, the typing they do everyday to stay on top, and you know some of these guys must be anal retentive (I wonder is Tony Shahoub's, Monk, is doing okay). Well, you know someone's like that. But I'm sure he/she's getting her picket time in. Got's to be supportive.

Please note this article that I snagged. This includes a list of sitcoms affected, why soaps are not affected (they have scripts into the the new year), why 'Ellen' is not affected (SHE's got a contract to fulfull. Mmmhhmm.) And why Oprah is not affected (Oprah don't hire union writers. Mmmhmmm. You go smart Oprah.) AND why Eva Longoria thinks she can buy off writers with pizza (it's true, I would be bought off, and I think 'Housewives' was probably filming with scripts they had, aaaaaannnd now they've run out.) Movies in general are not affected because they have "stockpiles" of scripts -that's the American dream, to somehow meet an agent and show them your script and they 'love' or, better put, they buy it!!! Woo-hoo!

Also, stopping production is not forever in most cases. While some shows are up a creek when no more episodes are being requested by execs, all the shows you love are supporting their writers - and they will be back.:)

Writers' Strike Halts Some TV Production
By GARY GENTILE – 14 hours ago
LOS ANGELES (AP) — The impact of a strike by television and film writers was becoming more evident as the walkout entered its third day. Production on at least six sitcoms was halted because of the strike, and the hit ABC drama "Desperate Housewives" was scheduled to finish filming its latest episode Wednesday because it had run out of scripts.
Filming on the 13th episode of the freshman ABC comedy "Carpoolers" was also set to finish Wednesday, ABC Studios spokeswoman Charissa Gilmore said. No new episodes have been ordered.
Production on more shows was likely to be halted, and networks were expected to announce plans for alternative programming in the coming days as the strike continues.
Other shows were not immediately affected, including the talk show "Ellen," which will continue production. Host Ellen DeGeneres told her studio audience at Tuesday's taping that she was obligated under her contract to continue the show, although she supported the striking writers.
"I want to say I love my writers," DeGeneres said. "In honor of them today, I'm not going to do a monologue. I support them and hope that they get everything they're asking for. And I hope it works out soon."
Sitcoms that will stop the cameras include "Back to You," starring Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton, which will not return from a planned hiatus, said Chris Alexander, a spokesman for 20th Century Fox Television.
Actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus said production also stopped on her CBS show, "The New Adventures of Old Christine."
In addition, "Til Death," which airs on Fox, and "Rules of Engagement," "Two and a Half Men" and "The Big Bang Theory," all on CBS, will also end filming, according to people familiar with production of the shows who were not authorized to be quoted and requested anonymity.
Sitcoms are typically written the same week they are filmed,
with jokes being sharpened by writers even on the day of production. [I love this quote -Tart]
The strike began Monday after last-minute negotiations between the Writers Guild of America and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers failed to produce a deal on how much writers are paid when shows are offered on the Internet.
Nick Counter, chief negotiator for the producers union, has said he expected a long standoff. Writers said the next move was up to the studios.
No new talks were scheduled. Pickets were expected to return Wednesday to locations in Los Angeles and New York.
Striking writers at the Warner Bros. studios in Burbank were joined by several "ER" cast members Tuesday, including John Stamos, Maura Tierney and Mekhi Pfeiffer.
"We're all in this together, so we wanted to come out and support our team," said Stamos, adding that the cast was planning to raise money for crew members who might have trouble making car and mortgage payments if the strike goes on.
"ER" executive producer and creator John Wells said the show has three more episodes with scripts in various stages: one ready to shoot, one in good shape, and one that will be reviewed to determine if it's ready to shoot as a rough draft or not.
"The issues will effect everyone in the industry — the writers just happen to be first," he said.
In Toluca Lake, near the Warner Bros. studio, writers converged on a house serving as a location shoot for "Desperate Housewives."
"We write the story-a, Eva Longoria," about 30 strikers chanted, referring to a star of the hit ABC show.
"It is a very serious business," said Larry Wilmore, a writer on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," explaining that protesters were marching "so we can get back to being funny."
The protesters were joined by actress Louis-Dreyfus.
"I'm really here because I'm a union member," she said, explaining she belongs to the Screen Actors Guild and her husband is a member of the writers guild.
"If we prevent them from working today, that's a small victory," she said.
Longoria left the house and handed out pizza to strikers.
"We are done, and we'll be on the lines supporting you," she told them.
"I have a whole crew that will have a terrible holiday season because there's no resolution," she said. "I care about people losing their homes, I care about my hair and makeup artists who can't make ends meet."
The strike immediately sent late-night comedy shows into reruns, but it was not expected to have an immediate impact on production of movies. Most studios have stockpiled dozens of movie scripts, and many TV shows have scripts or completed shows in hand to last until early next year.
Writers have not gone on strike since 1988, when the walkout lasted 22 weeks and cost the industry more than $500 million.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Suicidal foxes & Useless people who can't hold their liquor

This is my 401th post! Woo-hoo! Did ja have your cake yet? Great, I'm not even thinking of baking one until Thanksgiving. Which is going to be at my in-laws. The ones a state away, not 15 hours away.

Yeah, so I go driving two nights ago, and I hit a fox. People, if its going to cross my path, go up in the air anywhere in my vicinity - I will hit it, or be hit by it. I'm pretty sure it was a fox, it was kind of gray in this case. It ran across the highway, was almost to the left lane, I veered to the right to stay away from it, and I swear to Gosh that it turned back like a squirrel and ran right for me. It committed suicide on me the, the dumb f_k.

Tonight would be bowling night, except Husband and I pre-bowled yesterday. This is because the pathetic idiots that feel they must drink at our public games either have no clue how to reign themselves in or just don't care. It's getting to the point where Husband was afraid that I was going to confront someone and I am damn well ready.

I must admit, as a non-drinker I don't see what's so cool about getting butt ass drunk after work anyway, but certain bitches have a screaming problem and herein lies the issue. The one most in question admits that she has no earthly idea how to bowl, but she can 'cheer' for her team. The screaming/cheering is so loud, unearthly and disturbing that all the other teams look around for the dying person. Now I find out that the freaky screaming bothers plenty of people, not just me, the difference is normies are too pu_sy to do anything about it.

I must say that it is exhausting pre-bowling because its just me and Husband, going back and forth, constantly. I think that was enough that we'll be back at regular league next week, with the distinct possibility of having to play The Drunk A__holes. I don't know why someone would pick that for a team name, but I'll bet some heads are gonna roll.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

I'm too stupid to Cha cha

Yeah, well, I checked into them after Mysti told me about being a Cha cha guide as a home job. Well, that would have been nice, so I kept following up on their emails. Today I took the 3 10-minute tests. Well, I took the first one which had way too many math problems in them and I guess I flunked! Cause they told me I was not Cha cha material and to try again later (some other planetoid lifetime, I guess!)

For the record, I have a college degree - in English! so I'm not crying too hard over this. People, I'd appreciate if more people would try speaking English, here in the good ol USA since I'm obviously too stupid to do anything with numbers, and correcting the rest of you would give me something to do - if I wasn't already busy writing, which I already do.

This is a slap in the face to Liberal Arts colleges everywhere - I expected their test to be a joke and they would see why knowing how to write is more important than 4(x)=2+17

And that's my story, which I wrote myself, and I'm sticking to it.

To Mage, The Unforgotten

Death is horrible. If you care one iota for someone and they are gone, and can never be spoken to again – how is that not horrible? Do I know how to handle such things, the gravity, the finality of it? We do what we must. I can be your 3rd, Raine, but somehow it seems important to keep trying (living) at this point.

As many of you know from my blog, my Dad died in March. Now, we hear that Mark, the Dreaming Mage, is gone now too. I’m glad that I engaged him recently here, with a talk about John Lennon, and he was a nice commenter and poster on his own blog. Hey Mage, perhaps you can meet Mr. Lennon now. I hope his spirit’s not too big for it’s britches.:)

Mysti has given a lovely dedication or talk about Mage and I agree so much with Raine that I wish it were a hoax, a delusion –just not true. I don’t have that many friends, and I am truly sorry to lose even one of them.

I see from Raine’s blog that Mage said he did not want to be forgotten. Really, how wonderful and I’m sure how strange to Mage’s family that there would be complete strangers connected tenuously on this thing called the web, that would call ourselves friends. I did not chat with him, I never had his picture, but if you asked me, I think I would call him my friend. Certainly, these tears on my face, must mean that I feel sad for this loss.

I wonder about the supernatural nature of death. I can’t help it, as I have felt so close to it for a while now. I wonder of the release into a new space, place, do they remember us as much we remember them? I believe the life they lived here means so much even after they stop being here. I’m not really into reincarnation, which makes no sense in continuing to be who we were on Earth, don’t we wait for our loved ones to join us, not turn into something else and never being a creature of always, who we are? What about taking responsibility for every little thing we do, with forgiveness slathered on top - our lives mean so much more than just turning into a butterfly and flitting away. I think they (ones we knew) intercede too, from where they are to where ‘we’ are. How else, to explain that I have now talked to all of my cousins, we are not apart anymore, not even after the pain each felt at their mother’s (my Aunt and my Dad’s sister) passing. I feel those gone had something to do with it, I think that is amazing.

I also think of Mage and his heart attack. I have been thinking of trying harder to exercise. I say that because Mage was 40ish from what I see of his dates, and that’s not that old AND not that much older than me. My Dad had his bipolar diagnosis and angioplasty, probably a stent and the beginning of our knowledge of his heart problems all in his late 40’s or so. I keep being told, you gotta exercise, you gotta move or you’re not going to live long. I know procrastination, I know not wanting to do that stuff. So isn’t that like making a decision in the wrong direction, to not try? I guess that it is. That can be a reminder, a sad remembrance, turning me in the right direction.

I would like to say something special, to a person that didn’t want to be forgotten. That you affected me, that I feel a decided emptiness in the force this evening, that I’m bawling and that is for you. I hope you might know, Mage, that you are not forgotten, you don’t have to worry anymore, that there has been a quiet sweetness for me for having known you, and I hope you have truly, lovely peace. I pray that for you, sent to you in the Internet winds, in the name of Jesus Christ (because that is the proper way to end a prayer), Amen.