Sunday, July 26, 2009

A really good article that made me feel not alone. (It's so hard to name these posts:)

My life has been very busy lately. I'll get to that in another blog post.

Right now, I have two big thoughts on my mind, one I might share, and one I am definitely sharing Right Now! I am SOOO EXCITED to have found this wonderful article, right off the bat, of all things, in the Yahoo 'Most Popular' section, which frankly means something to me because I never see a well-written mental health article on Yahoo, let alone in 'Most Popular.' My opinion and I'm entitled to it.

Please go here

I have printed this article for my own purposes and taken two different color highlighters to it.

I think the title is little presumptuous, as the article even admits that that they are nowhere near 'stopping schizophrenia,' as they are still talking brain scans and that it is way too early to draw conclusions on what studies they are conducting.

I am willing to get over the typical media over-blown title designed to grab your attention (and that's why this will be listed under my 'some more from the Liberal God_amn Media' label, take it as you will) but read the article, and you will find gems on what the "prodrome" is - the beginning of psychosis, where you understand those odd thoughts aren't right - and a little discussion of psychosis, where that is all out the window and you are believing your odd thoughts (my paraphrase).

Most importantly, and heart-breakingly, and to me oh-so-powerful, you read about the nurse asking the student about the thoughts he/she has been having and the UTTER RELIEF it is for that person to know they are not alone, they are not the only one who has been having these thoughts, they are not the only one the T.V. has ever talked to, for instance - that someone knows enough to ask them these questions and that there is help.

I am also very interested in the hope that researchers are finding in psychosocial treatments, which is precisely what Trillium Center is all about, and I can't wait to show this article to our Director. I still believe in the meds, but this just confirms the power of the social arena for the mentally ill.

I swear it's the nature of these illnesses for us to isolate ourselves and I know how hard it is to hold onto friends while you're in the depths of hell, and this article specifically talks about keeping social contacts as extremely important to holding onto sanity. I know firsthand that is not easy.

Actually, I know firsthand that it is true, as I have had my bouts with psychosis and God only knows (ok my family, too) how the heck I have turned out pretty well despite not knowing anything about anything and somehow surviving it and almost getting to the point where I am thriving (well sometimes. Sometimes it STILL seems touch and go).

The good news is that life goes on. You can survive a hell of a lot, you can make new friends, you can make a new life for yourself.

You are NOT alone. I am not alone. And that means a heck of a lot to me.

Thank God, we talk to each other more now, thank God for that program they're talking about in the article that taught a nurse to recognize a student's real anguish. If all we do is help each along the way, well let's just say, that's the stuff that heartens this 'Tart's heart. It heartens my heart.:)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Back from Vacation

I had a wonderful week, visiting my Mom. I went fishing, caught a Spanish Mackeral (a very weird fish with teeth!), saw dolphins, boated, saw beautiful beaches, ate the best shrimp ever, swam in the pool nearly every day (and got a rooster red sunburn mostly on my back!), had long talks with my Mom, and even played pool with my Mom. It was a very special time and she looks great. She is very healthy right now and happy.

I also visited my inlaws. It is always a bit of trial for me to go there. I am not sure what it is but I feel squashed there. The moods come up and there is strong encouragement, just by weird osmosis, for me to suppress who I am and what I feel. As long as I make everything look normal, they are happy. Wanda talked about 'undamaged wealthy people' on her blog, and I am sure that these must be them. The thing is that they are damaged people too, its just about suppression of their own selves and others, in this case anyway.

But when I get on the road and start coming home and listen to some music and talk to my husband eventually I shake off those bad feelings. I am so glad to be home and have the Jungle all together again. We brought the dogs with us and pet-moteled the cat. I know Reese kitty is glad to be home too (it's too loud for Princely kitties in the pet motel!)

The sunburn is bad, but the sunburn spray is Cold and icky so I am just handling it. It's good to be back and I will visit you all as I can.:)
Good times to you,

I have some pictures of my Spanish Mackeral catch that I can put up on the 'Good Stuff' blog. Give me a couple of days to get my pics loaded on the computer.:)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

The tiring virus.

It's been a hard few days. I don't take physical illness very well, I am very hard on myself (and maybe the inner circle too) and there were lots of crying jags for 'no reason.' I admit to feeling suicidal for moments, moments that I quickly try to push away and try to get over, but I did have to promise my safety to a good friend. Thank God for friends.

This virus has hung on for a week now and is tiring. I am Much better than I was. The doctor told me to take Mucinex. I tried cough syrup but that made me feel loopy and anxious and the doctor (his wonderful nurse) said that was messing with my blood pressure and don't take that stuff anymore.

I went to Crisis Training yesterday and wouldn't you know it, it was on Suicide Prevention. Wow, I know we deal with tough stuff at the Center. I actually cried, because I feel that way. (How can I help others if I'm dealing with it myself?)

I tried to get out of there as quickly as possible but my friend caught up with me and I didn't want to look at her because she is so kind I knew I couldn't hold back. But she got me out of the car and wanted me to walk with her and I spilled what was bothering me. Everything is more amplified when I am sick, the fears, the problems seem unsurmountable when your energy is sapped and you just can't fight anymore. Sometimes I try so hard but there are time when you (I) must truly crawl into bed and rest and leave it for another day.

On an entirely different note, I have lost a total of 24 pounds. I haven't been very hungry or maybe my stomach is shrinking because I don't care about food, just enough to feed myself, which is actually a very enjoyable side-effect from all this. I admit I like feeling more in control, not a ravenous beast that must 'feed' like I swear some of the psychotropic medicines make you feel.

So far, still in reality which is a great blessing. Thinking about going back to bed for a little while.

I truly wish all well in the blogosphere. Thank you to all the well-wishers and new additions to readers of the blog. You have heartened the 'Tart with your love. Thank you.