Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Phentermine Update

British Columbia, Canada

I've lost 11 pounds in 8 days.

My 'side effects' (they sure feel 'front and center!') include:

Feeling really, really hot or really, really cold. This interchanges between the two. I'm talking sweating and then chills. Absolutely did not begin until (re)started taking the Phentermine on Sept. 17, 2007.

Constant and abiding movement of my fingers and toes. If I'm typing, eating, bowling, playing Guitar Hero the toes are ALWAYS moving. If the fingers are free to move, they do.

Aches & pains: specifically in my neck & shoulder area. My eyes dried out. I had that last time on this drug. I got that 'misting' eye drop stuff. Don't know if it's any better than regular eye drops, but its cooler/neater.

I am taking my phentermine with my fivers. (My 5:00 meds). This seems to be working well. I am even forgeting my fivers far less since I consider this drug critical. So now I'm getting the proper amount of Depakote these days, which should help with mood.

So, I know you're dying to hear about mood. Well, just as it difficult to pull apart a 'correct' bad mood from my personal bipolar hell, so it is for me, a mere minion of science, to dissect why I'm cranky, or even happy for that matter for any reason. That is the worst thing about bipolar (okay, one of the worst things): Never ever being sure if whatever emotion you are feeling at the moment is 'correct.' You become a personal sleuth, a thinker, TRYING always to figure out if it's okay to feel anger, sadness, lots of happiness - any and every emotion. It's terrible to distrust oneself, especially when you've been put through the wringer already for all of it. It's the nature of an evil chronic emotional illness, and honey, I've got one.

I can tell you I have been able to control myself when most normies cannot. God has asked a whole lot from me, for me to be patient with normies, for me to live undercover among them and not just blurt out to anyone my terrible secret, so that normies might not feel uncomfortable. So if I just flat out hate normies for these and many other things, who is to say it is phentermine or just a highly-raised awareness, that again, God has scorned my life with.

I wish I could say I feel better for getting that all off my chest. But it does nothing, and I'm still mad. I see people who are dumb little bitches that should have had to spend even a month in mental hospital before getting drunk and scream their dumbass little non-bowling-able heads for their team (playing mine) this evening while we try to keep our scruples together. Other normies laugh at her inappropriate behavior. All I know is I hate her and talking about her on my blog brings no respite.

So, all in all, doing GREAT! Losing weight like crazy and when I stop aching so much I'll probably get on my elliptical. I know, don't you wish you were me?

1 comment:

Raine said...

Wow- thats excellent weight loss- but you are sounding really really angry hun. Im a bit worried bout ya. I'll be sending "good thoughts" your way. And yeah I totally wish I was losing weight that way. I think I caught some of the pounds you lost:P