Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Okay, what would be the Jungletart blog without its yearly vacuousness of Oscar glee? Well, I'm not going into the entire winner's list, like always I want to herald the Tart's favorites!

MSN pic.

As some may remember, Ms. Jennifer Hudson was a fav pick of mine during her Golden Globe win. In case some folks can't put a finger on why this lil lady is such a fireball, they must have not watched the veritable 'contest' between Hudson and Beyonce during the Oscars. Ms. Hudson held her OWN, she has the voice, and obviously the talent to beat the contenders. I love the fact that she's got a caboose and then some. This was not about looks, it was finally about ability and its so obvious she is not afraid to bring it, no matter that others have the look, are more well known, etc. I know she fought to get this role and I see art imitating life here. Bravo, Jennifer ~ you made the Oscars worth watching and you do this Bipolar heart good. pic

My sweet Forest! Again, a Tart fav from the Golden Globes. A true gentleman and a great heart, his values and what he said is exactly what its all about. Something to the effect - I just wanted to share from my heart and bring out what is in all of our hearts, the common human experience. He tapped into why I love to write, why I don't give up on my dream to write a screenplay, to share human experience with everyone. Mr. Whitaker understands. I love him for that. It couldn't happen to a better guy.

Martin Scorcese with 2007 Golden, MSN pic

No, I'm not impressed with this one. Martin could not be more in the 'Good Ol' Boy Network' if he tried - he was literally handed the Oscar by The Director Brat Pack - George Lucas, Spielberg, and some other guy (going off memory here, cut me a break!). If I was more a believer in conspiracies, well, I'd smell one. "The Departed" won Best Pic, I think that's kind of a stinker (the win, honestly haven't seen the movie, so, again, this is personal opinion). I don't know, I just think it should have been more spread out. (Don't even get on me about this, I admit that I go on emotion more than knowledge sometimes. It's just entertainment, right? Sheesh.)

Besides Cate Blanchett being up for a supporting role in Babel (or was it Best Actress, well she didn't win anyway, okay?) we really didn't hear a peep from Babel. Perhaps because Brad Pitt didn't even show up? (I'm pretty sure E! and everyone else would have went gaga if he did!).

Here's one for you, while I'm on Pitt. Why does it seem he keeps going for the ugly and uglier look with each subsequent film? His first recognizable role to my knowledge was 'Thelma and Louise' (a classic, I love it. I am Louise.) where he was HOTter than hot and knew how to make every woman on the planet horny. (I'm pretty sure that's my first use of that word on the ol bloggeroo!) We welcomed his face in Ocean's 11 and 12, not that his performance stuck, mostly just his beauteousness. Anyhow, in trailers of Babel he looks pretty surly, icky and now for Benjamin Button he looks just plain ridiculously awful. (A movie recently in the can or soon to be. Filmed mostly in Canada. Sheparded by Angelina Jolie's constant prescence. She's not in the movie. How do I know these things? I pay attention and I'm sponge to my People magazine. :) Brad there's nothing wrong with it - GIVE IN to your hotness. Tart loves your Man-beauty. And so does everyone else.

Speaking of another guy going completely out of his zone (in my humble opinion) what the deal-e-o with Jim Carrey doing a thriller? Thriller in Tart's lame book means horror, for she (okay I) doesn't like the supernatural anything and admits maybe I always see too much in those things, hence I avoid. Look, Jim Carrey is one of the funniest guys on the planet, I do compare him to Robin Williams and anyone else that tickles the masses (people Liar, Liar maybe one of the greatest acts of physical comedy caught on tape and eclipses Jerry Lewis's 50's versions in general. God, I'm a guiness, yes this all comes out of my head.) and frankly, I think he carries even more of a name in the laugh-0, funny off the scale category. So what-the in going so vastly out of his genre and G-spot in life? I know "Number 23" has already apparently made more money than they expected on the first weekend (the media sounded so shocked when it did so I assume we're on the same boat here) but I don't care. I think it's an anomaly, like "look Bozo the clown's in the tiger cage." I think he's going to get eaten, or frankly should. I'm not taking away that he probably has the acting chops for this, and I assume that's what he's trying to prove, but it's uncomfortable and I want him to stop. Of course, I don't understand the public's apparent hunger for horror, so I guess I'm on the fringe with this one anyway. All I'm saying is, did Mike Myers already burn the silly-yet-fun franchise and there are no decent comedy screenplays, or will some brave soul please save Jim Carrey's and bring him back to where he belongs? I don't have to be popular on this, but I still may yet be right.

Alright, there's enough movie talk to tide you for a while.

Monday, February 26, 2007

by photographer Satyendra K. Tiwari

More on that.

Northern Lights in Winter, Churchill, Manitoba Canada (Webshots)

I've been thinking about responses to my last post.

I've got to say that I don't know what it feels like to feel the need, or to live a life with drugs and alcohol. I qualify that, because when I am at the lowest, or even in a rage, I'd like my IV drip to something numbing and fast, please! But I don't want to wallow and stay there. And contrary to any impression I might have given, I am, by far, not some prissy little Mormon girl. I know what values or morals are now, but I can say I certainly did not lead a life of some kind of perfection, before or now, and I'll just leave it at that. I've been lucky to know people like mysti who really exude a sweet Godly quality without even knowing it. A few sweet friends like that have blessed my life immeasurably.

I also know what it feels like to grow up in dysfunction and just have things happen to me that I was sure were bizarre and there must be only 2 (okay 5) other people on the whole planet that went thru things like that. That's just a guess, but it sure feels that way. It's crazy how we can all feel so alone when nearly all of us are suffering and could in fact bond with each other.

So I don't want to be the evil judge for what goes on in peoples' lives. And I don't ever want to suggest that when rotten horrible things happen in our lives a person can't in fact turn out great. In fact, it seems having rotten, scary or weird things happen often makes a person strong. It really is like the all the pressure and friction of life cracked and faceted and made it so that all could see the gem that is that person.

I wish for people to love and know within themselves, that it does not matter what you look like, it does not matter how large or small your body is, it does not matter the things that may have happened to you - you really are that gem already, whether you or the world can see it yet. For those that that is a shocking thought, or one that they had not digested before, know that if you believe just a little in that value - the possibilities, the places you can go, what you can accomplish and be is unfathomable.

My peeve with folks who 'use' has much to do with the environment where I met some.
Even in a place where we were all together, in a mental hospital having problems, it still seemed that they somehow felt superior or better than the lowly mentally ill person. Perhaps that is their bravado. So my bravado is the reaction against it. It's hard to always seem to be considered on the bottom when it's entirely unwarranted or unfair. That was an anger and resentment that I held onto. I never really fully understood their hell, and I'm pretty sure they never knew mine.

As I was typing even more response to my last post, I realized that the usual person, even other mentally ill folks, don't know what its like in a mental hospital. My MH experiences do define me, I still think of periods of my life being punctuated by this or that time in one. Maybe a good way to put it, is that some may feel that drugs and alcohol stole their youth. I feel that going psychotic and the ensuing 'treatment' stole mine, and more than once. And no can relate to it, or would even want to admit it. Again, I admit to feeling bitter about that. I am not sure how to get over it, because the past is unrepairable is it not?

I think the key to accepting so many of the horrible things might even be a key to stopping or dealing with my unimaginable rage sometimes. I've been told many times that my problem is that I don't accept this, the bipolar. In my heart, I agree that I don't accept it, all I know what to do is to try to rise above it, a tactic that has reaped some rewards. Are we supposed to accept this? I think everyone around me thinks so, and keeps waiting for me to 'do it' but I haven't a clue how. I really don't know how to even start accepting this. Maybe I'm afraid that I would stop trying to get anything done. But the truth is, I don't know the first thing about accepting 'The Plague,' I really don't know where to start in order to accept it.

I don't want to snuff out anyone's light. My own light struggles to shine. The last thing I want is to be some derisive bitch pissing off people. I'm not the judge. And I am not here to make you feel bad.

Be nice to the mentally ill. For one will rise up, get a blog, and try to cut you like a bad knife out of the cafeteria. Then, they will plead insanity. Have a nice day. :)

Friday, February 23, 2007

Sometimes change is difficult.

It can hurt,

Even though its meant to lead to a better day.

I feel pretty secure that despite things that change in my life, even the ones who swear they are for my own good yet hurt anyway, that I can withstand it.

Bipolar, life, God have all given me that insight because large obstacle's have been shoved in my way, even in my young life, and I have already survived, perservered and conquered.

Withough illicit drugs, without a drop of alcohol, trying very hard not to eat too much, and now not even smoking as a crutch to get thru trying times.

Honestly, I attribute that to the fact that I've been on Dr. recommended, and not abusing, medications that have kept me stable and not craving the next big high or whatever people do it for since the tender age of 16.

Having been raised as a Mormon taught me to be distrustful of the easy or big high. I have to say that I seem to have been innoculated from falling for those things. And I admit I have disdain for others falling for it. I often think if I could keep myself from falling for it, why are people dropping like flies. It makes me think that they are even more morally bankrupt than I thought my life had been, after all I didn't get formal religious anything until age 11.

It's not that I couldn't be potentially friends with someone who boozes, meths, cokes, heroins, or whatever, especially if they are over it but I think most of all my disdain stems from being put into 'mental/rehab' institutions where both species mix and have to endure each other.

Always there is new evidence that bipolar goes hand in hand with alcoholism, or everybody's self treating themselves because its really stemming from a mental illness. I think they should specify from an untreated mental illness because frankly I feel the druggies/alchies lower the clientelle in a mental hospital. I am there because I am sick which is bad enough and I frankly resent being shoved in with people who if nothing else are weak. Nice stories, but take responsiblity for your life. Period.

So, as per usual, I digress. There is change going on in my life. Hopefully the end to a very dysfunctional time in my life but still its very weird. And of course, the car issue is ongoing. It has become very clear to me that this country, fair and free as it is in many ways, is a reamer of the innocent, truly indifferent to the victim. I hate dealing with insurance and I'm not going to fight. I'll let my auto shop do that. It's really cool that they do that.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Keep the ice off of your car, or your insurance better be up to par!!!

Yes, this is an actual picture of my vehicle after a huge sheet of ice came off the top of the minivan in front of me and landed right on top of my car. Un beleeevable isn't it!!?? What you can't see is the fact that the windshield is also broken into a zillion little cracks.

I'm fine and we are dealing with their insurance people now. But let this go to show ~ DE-ICE your vehicle before you head out during the day!! Or you may be hitting an innocent bipolar over the head with your thoughtlessness - and be paying for it for a long time!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007 - Now a click away from Adventures of a Jungletart!! has images/slogans about everything ~ including bipolar, animals, celebrities and tons more!!

They put them on T-shirts, buttons, mugs, aprons, dog shirts, and other products! All made by creative individual-types like you or me.

Jungletart is an affiliate member at (soon to have my own store!!) Click on the button in my sidebar, buy anything and I can get a teensy %!!
I'd love if you'd come check it out!!

So many fantastic designs - I did a lot of research in checking them out!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day from a Jungletart

Love from a Jungletart means kittens and puppies, flowers ~ of every kind and tulips, LOTS of tulips!~ in a big giant gemstone digital heart. I wish a beautiful day to all, love in every heart.

Cool Slideshows

131st Westminster Dog Show!!

Sure, an English Springer Spaniel won the whole shebang (that would be 'Best in Show') but I snagged some sweet and fabu pics off MSN's sport page last night, and I just GOTta share!!

Click on the first pic to see a digital book of goodies! :)

Cool Slideshows

Oh, and Photobucket slideshows and probably pic hosting is a thing of the past - gone!!! I am done fighting widget inparsability.

Google and much trial and error on other sites brought PictureTrail to me, whose slideshow html worked on the first try! Sooooo many styles of slideshow to choose from, I can't wait to bring it! Too bad, so sad Photobucket - hello PictureTrail!!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Who's 'silent?' and new things comin'

I got one of those 'thirty zillion things about you' emails, you know - friend fills it out about them, then you're supposed to fill out about you and send it back. I got a shock when one of the questions was 'Who amongst all your friends is the most silent?' and my friend said me.

I know I have this 'problem,' being silent or closing up, shutting down, or even not sharing. Most of the time when it gets pointed out to me, I am shocked some, mostly because I don't think of other people trying to figure me out or thinking of me. But when I get over those things, it doesn't really shock me that I'm perceived that way.

It's a defense mechanism. Darlings, its part of being bipolar.

I 'have to' shut down in an effort to protect me.

Perhaps its because I'm sensitive and it doesn't take much for me to get hurt, but I do, get hurt that is. So what does one do to protect from that? They shut down, don't share, close up and stay in some safe location and busy themselves with other things. Thankfully, there are other things for a person like that to busy themself with.

Oh I'm delightful, a wonderful person. But so many people are judgemental hags and hagamerers and it feels to me to be just not be worth it. In my mind that is their loss, but sure it hurts anyone to be alone endlessly.

Turns out that many bipolars have a problem with 'antisocial behavior.' Honestly, I don't think its going to far to say that it's just hard to be those intelligent creative types (perhaps I am only describing myself), but its certainly d*mn hard to live with this illness. Hard on the person, hard on anyone around them. You do need a support system, and that's something to hone and get, which thankfully I've got, but after that people can just go to hell.

I say all that because in the history of this blog, I don't think I've touched on that particular topic. And I think A) I'm not the only one, B) it's worth talking about because it's a real issue. We need to stop being embarassed or not talking about our issues because people die never knowing how alike and similarly smitten we are!

It's just the way we get sometimes, like sometimes we get elated as h*ll, we get depressed as h*ll, we bawl, we laugh ~ and sometimes all of this in a 20 minute period.

You can't live a life like that and not have some introspection or for that matter blind acceptance. To suffer so much, one cannot help but ask questions of why, why do I have this, why God do you hate me so much, when are you going to start helping me, make this STOP. And when you're feeling good, you recognize it so much, (dare I say more than a normie that wasn't crying a few mere minutes ago?) and say a Thank you prayer and then blindly hope it will stay for a while.

So if that sounds fantastic to you, as an outsider, why aren't you knocking the bp's door down every morning to have tea/coffee, or calling all the time, or wanting to be around them all the time. Perhaps they scare you, as they scare themselves. Perhaps nothing in the paragraph above sounded like Garden Club conversation or Game night invitee material. I certainly would question it, if it weren't my life.

So, the upshot is, removal of my person from activities A) keeps me from having to use my social skills which are pretty shot or never existed, granted, but B) most of all is a protection for you, dear outsider, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS? If so, you ARE a fantastic person. If not, don't feel bad, you're just like everyone else.

I am going to be starting some new things, I think. I am thinking of starting a blog of my accomplishments, things I've made, whether it be food, my crochet and other fiber arts and other things (I swear I have more accomplishments, somewhere!). Also I am considering doing some things with here on the blog. Selectively selling other people's stuff and DRUMROLL...creating my own things for selling.

Also, I am delving into some 'new' arts for myself - relearning knitting, as it is crucial in making some of the things I want to do, and I'm thinking about polymer clay, potentially as something I maaaaybe could sell, if I show a knack. I already know how to crochet.

Also, I still have my burning dream to have a farm, a place of rolling pasture and space. I have been looking into what kinds of animals, etc. I could use to help me afford it all and I am again really excited about alpacas. The industry of caring for and turning precious alpaca fur into yarn and items pretty much fits into everything I love about animals, fiber arts, the whole shebang. Turns out that this is not as crazy or misguided of a dream as one might think, because within mere minutes of me are alpaca farms already living the life and I will be contacting and inquiring with them.

Maybe that one is a big dream. There's no reason not to dream, so I'm gonna.

Friday, February 9, 2007

HOLY COW!! Nothing feels as good as...

WORKING SO HARD to get that dagone (!#(@&!!!! Anne Nicole Smith slideshow to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to larn a little html.

Hmmm...can I make money doin' that????!!!!!! I feel so invigorated and down right smart for tracking down four letters and a slash that were holding up the whole thing.

Seriously, calling all html working individuals out there - can you 'html' and work from home?


i'M Taking some time off now.

Apology to my readers.

Since I can't stay up until 3 a.m. waiting to find out why it is so difficult to post a slideshow from Photobucket, I apologize deeply, to those that wait in suspense, that you can't see the wonderful pink monstrosity that was planned in the middle of my post below.

Why it should be so difficult for the widgets to parse and just show the show, I may never know. Those pesky widgets, why can't they get along??!

I will keep everyone posted as to if Photobucket will continue being my photo/slideshow host of choice or if the search for a reliable working site will in fact have to begin.

Thank you for your patience.
I don't turn on my computer for one whole day, so imagine my shock at dinner (at a restaurant) when husband asks, "Have you heard?" No, I say, what's going on? He says, "Anna Nicole is dead."

Holy cr*p, that was a SHOCK! And I pretty much said so, so dumba**es are looking at me from other tables. I mean to give me this kind of information in PUBLIC, I'm not so sure it was a good tactic.

Yes, she was white trash tacky ~ for those of you who refuse to realize there are such things ~ yet delightful and devilishly interesting. And she pretty much exploited herself onscreen in front of our eyes, doing everything but pulling up her underdrawers and flushing for our benefit - and a heck of a lot of us LOVED it and her all the same.

That was the good part probably. The bad was a crazy life that invited lawsuits and true traumatic tragedy. I can't imagine a person as emotionally fragile as she obviously was to not dabble in things to kill the pain. I honestly don't see her strong enough to consider refraining from it, and there's not a heck of lot of people that would blame her

This particular showing is my favorite of hers. After losing the flab with Trim Spa pills, she does her first catwalk in a long time. On television it was unreal, like her big pink glossy buzoom was going to jiggle right out of this craziness. She was quoted as saying she was afraid she would fall on her face in her spiky stilletos. Fall indeed.

The good times. (December, 2004)
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

The love of her life. (R.I.P. together)
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Ms. Smith had the ability to clean up and fight her fights all the way to the top. Ever a source of fascination. Oh, and I liked her latest Jewish choice of a boyfriend/husband. He's seems like a nice boy. (February 28, 2006)
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Anna Nicole Smith 1967-2007 Obviously not an easy life, but thank you for sharing it with us. I for one, wish you well. :)
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Today's photo salaciousness was snagged in its entirety from Slideshow and pic hosting by Photobucket.

After emailing Photobucket and being given more codes that did not work, without explanation of why widgets don't parse, I used my Googling skills and found ImageShack.

I could have fallen madly in love with ImageShack were it not for the fighting I must do to find the 'hidden' html issue that is giving blogger fits and won't let me publish.

I am, however, much more thrilled with the new ImageShack since the tiny, three picture slideshow ACTUALLY SHOWS in Preview! Hallelujah!!! This makes me continue to try to get the d*mn thing to show. If it does, I went to go relax with wine and put my feet up (and I don't even drink people!!!)

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Winter! Shminter!! :) This too shall pass.

The whole Winter thing happens year after year, with the same results every time. Yes, you get scenes like this...

Country ranch in Oregon, during Winter (Webshots)

And this...

Covered Bridge, New Hampshire (Webshots)

But none of that is going to keep this...

Spring Flowers (Webshots)

...from happening!!

Oh, and I recently found the following in a torn out page of last year's (just to show how cyclical these things are) 'First' magazine. If you are feeling the typical winter blues these days don't let it get you too down because A) you're in the same boat as a lot of other nifty people, and B) I promise, if you hang in there, this too shall pass. :)

Without further ado,

7 signs it's been too cold for too long:

1. You've had so many comfort foods that a salad actually sounds appealing.

2. Three words: Permanent. Hat. Head.

3. That snowman out front has stuck around so long, you're thinking of charging him rent.

4. Snow boots are such a staple, you're sure you've forgotten how to walk in heels.

5. You've vowed that the groundhog will see his shadow - no matter what.

6. The weatherman is starting to run out of ways to say "It's cold."

7. You have to beg the dog to go outside. (I am so there.)

Haven't gotten there yet? Oh you will get there, oh yes... you will. (Think menacing, like Yoda to the young Luke in "A New Hope." Hmm...methinks Tart watched 'Star Wars' recently, me does. :))

My prescription: Continually glances at those 'Spring Flowers.' They're comin' people, they really are! :)

Monday, February 5, 2007

Apparently, I am having Seroquel 'kick me bottom' side effects.

Don't get me wrong: I like the 'quel, it is my friend. It keeps me from going nutsky from never sleeping by utterly drugging me into bed. (It doesn't take advantage of me either, except to give me awful, vivid, nutty, crazy nightmares that make me want to run and scream in the middle of the night, if only I could move. That is all.)

Am I fatter? I think I might be. I'm now logging my weight in with an extremely well known weigh loss chain computer online weight loss tracker, and my weight continues to hover in the 'fattest 'Tart's ever been region' although I may have gone down a bit!! This isn't going to help others searching for the f'n magical cure cause I am not prepared to talk about that yet.

Proven fact: Our (that would be bipolar) meds plump us bp's up. More of us to love.

Alright, well regardless of all that Seroquel is meant to make you tired at night, the usual appropriate time to take it, but sadly that can go right into day. No, my psych did not ever explain this to me. Maybe because I have a college degree and it was thought unnecessary. Maybe because he just don't care.

So the long winded point of all of this is, I woke up after 11 a.m. (!), its now 1:18 p.m. and I think I may be waking up.

Sometimes I wake up at 2 p.m. The day is pretty much shot.

Maybe if I had a job I'd try harder. Hunh. Considering the chump change I made my whole life with that job thing, I'll let the chumps keep playing that game. Not to mention I'm no longer wasting my time doing what someone else wants me to do to. Period.

Wasting it for myself, on the other hand, is now what it's all about.

Maybe I could go for more schooling, in whatever capacity. Hunh. That does in fact get my mind going. But you have to care. And bipolar meds are great for making you not give a dmn. Or just want to shoot yourself over the guilt of being a sloth. I'm just stating a fact. I'm not there right now.

Now, if I could just wake up earlier. And not be so damn sleepy that I either want to go back to bed again (except for those dmn nightmares!) or live as a comatose item in front of my computer screen waiting for wakefulness to occur. Only have to head back to bed and do it all over again. Arggh.

Friday, February 2, 2007

fuzzy heads unite.

What!? I just woke up! Sheesh! :)