Thursday, December 27, 2007
The face of grief in Pakistan.
I would just like to extend my condolences concerning the killing of Ms. Bhutto today. I am not an afficianado of politics immediately inside Pakistan, as in - I don't know much about it. However, this area of the world is obviously a hotbed of important political activity.
A nuclear bomb to India is the least of what I'm talking about. They are right next to Afganistan and the United States desperately needs them, and would really prefer them without unrest, to be stable.
But they have their own problems to think about.
I truly think of Martin Luther King when I think of Ms. Bhutto. She had a different fight but she put her person on the line many times, was imprisoned in her home just this year for SPEAKING, that's right TALKING (I don't think Americans can imagine). She came back to her country to be subjected to that.
Today, she was speaking and was shot in either the neck or head, then a suicide bomber let loose, killing her and 20 other people. I guess nobody was taking chances.
I don't know who to email, I don't know what guestbook to sign but I want to say that this little American blogger is sorry, to Pakistan and it's inhabitants, for your loss of a very significant Pakistani leader today.
It is a blessing that she tried to make her country a better place. Although her fight is sadly over, it seems inherently obvious that she is now in a better place.
Thank you, Ms. Bhutto for although your efforts here on Earth did not seem to be appreciated, I believe in Heaven, all is made right.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Honey, you are on the wrong blog. I’m bipolar. Everything gets ME high.
It would never occur to me to type in, or go LOOKING for items that bring upon highness, because you should talk to my Husband – we don’t want no more of that.
So this is a clear case of normies, with no life, let’s be specific because plenty have lives, bless them, coming to my blog wondering if this shit is crushable and can be inhaled. Or whatever you do to get high off a mood stabilizing drug – YOU IDIOTS!!!
You have nothing better to do than type that in? Were your 15-year-old friends snickering in the background, telling you how cool you are? (Can’t ya just tell that to yourself (I AM COOL!!) and save us all a lot of tax payer money for your rahab/jail stay in the, probable, not so distant future???)
Oh, I know, you’re a mother of seven, and somehow thinking of ripping off a pharmacy for some aBILify and wanted to check first before taking the wrong things. It’s just to help the overwhelming tiredness, the fact that NO one must understand (snarf), and the frigidness.
Why don’t the two of you hug each other and stop taking drugs that don’t belong to you. And get your sorry ass off my page.
What you weren't expecting a pug?!
Tart's Original thought for today (that means citing me as it is MY quote), inspired by Elvis the Pug's online page:
Old dogs are like decrepit people, but cuter. In many cases,
waaay cuter. And the best part of all is they never complain, never say
anything, and seem to appreciate the little things you do for them like you
I suggest getting plenty of animals, rescue a few older
ones, and cut off all ties to any people you know over 50. You’ll be too busy to
listen to their bitching eventually anyway, and I never saw a dog that wasn’t
But I say that so sarcastically, as it seems so difficult for the majority of whatever to accept that there are even minor amounts of joy out there, thaaat I'll post some At-least-I-had-a-happy-Christmas and others do-have-happy-lives, here (after all, fake drama is not necessary in many people's lives. Most have real drama and real happiness). Hunh.:
Executions Decline Elsewhere, but Texas Holds Steady
That's a special for Mark LofTI’s, whom I'm sure wouldn't mind seeing a nasty lawyer given the juice. It must happen sometime, what with Texas electrocuting 60% more than the rest of the country. Proudly, of course, and why not?!
Isn't that great? Oh, check the other blog for the Real Happy Stuff. As if I'd waste it here.:)
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
their old familiar carols play;
and wild and sweet the words repeat,
of Peace on Earth, Good Will to men.
I thought, as now this day had come,
the belfries of all Christendom
had rung so long the unbroken song
of Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men
And in despair, I bowed my head,
"There is no peace on Earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
of Peace on Earth, Good Will to men."
Then pealed the bells more load and deep,
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep,
the wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
Peace on Earth, Good Will to men."
Words by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
After his son was severely wounded in the Civil War, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote this poem. It was later joined with an 1872 melody composed by Englishman John Baptiste Calkin.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I am worried about her as she is very sick and just had to leave the hospital, not because she is well, but because the insurance ran out.
She is so sweet, such a good hard-working person. With scoliosis and emphysema.
She took steroids for years for her asthma -which could not possibly have been made better by a lifetime of smoking - and those steroids can soften your bones adding to her twisted back.
At least I understand they made things bad, now, near the end.
It keeps being pounded into me that we must all go. I am just Never ready for it. It is unconscionably sad.
A week and more ago, I gave birth to 3-5 pound terds once a day. It was as horrible as you can imagine without anesthesia, but at least I had something to be proud of when it was all over. For 5 seconds.
But now, the predicted verklemptness concerning the Abilify has come true. No more, at all.
I have a remedy that few know about, I found out about when I had to go to the ER over this problem a decade or more ago.
I don't share because it's a bulimic/anorexic's dream and I don't want to further those illnesses. Seriously. But I'm so glad I've got something akin to a grenade for my simple and abhorrent needs.:)
Something to consider about Abilify, because nobody's gonna tell you true quite like I just did, I am pretty sure.
Mentally, I guess I feel better. Hmmm, come to think of it, I haven't had a suicidal thought in a week. But its Christmas time, and I have worked so hard to get some spirit. But people do off themselves this time of year.
I think I am more even.
Oh, and that Abilify pill - it's a tiny one. Smaller than my Lunesta. Both seem to pack enough punch to get their respective jobs done.
Helen Bonham Carter. Besides being a little cutie that worked really hard on her latest movie, while suffering the travails of pregnancy, she sports a hairstyle that resembles my own in the morning. And that makes me feel good about myself.:)
Again, a Carter in sepia tones, making me feel good about my hair & probably my baking skills.
If you're talkin' Carters, you would be amiss to not mention those famous singing Carters who are icons of country music. I believe the Carter on the end is Ms. Maybelle Carter, mother of June Carter.
June Carter was destined to marry Johnny Cash and have a son who made a movie about their lives.
And that brings us to Reese Witherspoon, who played Ms. June Carter in that wonderful movie, 'Walk the Line,' annnnd got an Oscar for it.
That would be your complex brain exercise for Today.
(The World needs people who think like me, and you know it.:)
Friday, December 21, 2007
First I want to express my appreciation, because there have actually been people that tried to help, that went above and beyond. (Thank you, Mysti:)
Well anyway, I have just had it. It seems very strange to me that I feel very numb about a number of messed up family issues, and my personal body just breaking down.
I've said before that Christmas seems to be nothing but pressure, something I don't enjoy at all. And frankly, whether they meant to or not, (and I'm pretty sure not) my family has let me dooowwwwn.
There are some things that I've been working on a while and I want to send them out. But my Christmas spirit is shot, I am sick in so many ways, and I'm just not going to be responsible for 'it' (Christmas) anymore.
I usually make one item per year, as I am so slow and for some reason it takes me sooo long to crochet. I am a fringe away from being done on a special scarf, and I figure the person who's getting it will be happy whenever it gets there.
And so forth for the pictures I finally had made a loving Aunt.
I paid a butt-load to have 35 Hallmark imprinted, and more to make those magnets to go inside.
But I admit I am pissed, and beside myself, that at no point has Husband lifted a finger to figure out how to make labels or to do anything about his big ass family and sending these cards to them.
I get sick of being his unpaid, but extremely professional, secretary that is expected to take care of such things. Despite the fact that I mentioned it to him a while back. To write their addresses. Or make labels.
You gotta understand. I ended up going to the doctor yesterday, because the night before I must have been suffering from what can only be called a fever. The day before I got worked on by the dentist and that evening I started the Abilify.
I'm on the edge of my period. It's so 'funny' I've told countless 'professionals' that I have self-diagnosed myself with PMDD, and they just look at me. Again, isn't there a test for this?
There would be if 13-15 year-old boys got the malady, since they are apparently so prone to violence.
Maybe parents would stop buying 'killem' games, and make those kids play Monopoly or football for once.
Or they would have to sit there with a pad on, hoping it didn't slip anywhere funny. Yeah, can you tell I've been there?
A healthy game of 'Risk' that goes on for days beats D&D, and teaching kids chess makes them good, non-violent thinkers. I never heard of anyone that liked chess shooting anyone. They're too busy being brilliant in other areas of life.
Enough about everyone else, I'm telling the world that there will be no Christmas at Tart's house. We still don't have a tree (so I say fk it), we still haven't send, mailed, anything, and I say unless it's my people (who of course, Husband wouldn't even know to deal with) it's not my problem.
The joy is gone. Making me wonder if you have to be a little kid, or have kids, to enjoy it all?
I don't know how to convert the Excel file into labels. I am not typing all those names in. Just because. I guess I want a raise.
Because I am a damn time-bomb waiting to explode. Don't worry, I'll implode on my tiny family and you'll never hear about it.
Because I'm that good.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
End of story.
I feel, oh and lots emotionally and the occasional whopper physically, but it doesn't occur to me to whine, complain about it because its just a part of my life.
I know there are plenty out there who do the same even if it's physical (you see the joke, as so many people refuse to acknowledge emotional pain). Kudos to you!
This rant is provided because I'm tired of anyone EVER suggesting I'm weak. I admit I seize on the rare occasion the truth is made known.
Thanks nosy office workers who read people's records (a Federal offense, I hear). You made my day!:)
Update: Out of pure boredom I finally hit the 'Next Blog' button for the first time.
There is a lot of crap out there!
A lot of people who have no clue, and don't care for that matter, how to make a coherent sentence, or that it wouldn't kill them to put a picture up.
Then there's the sex sites (I must have come across 3 out of 10 or so hits - um Blogger you disappoint me), which confuse me because they're all women and I think they're looking for women, but I'm not sure.
Then there's the site which looked to be in English, but was the typical bitch that I often mention that's REALLY into her kids. Had a post about her friend who quote "treats her dog like family" end quote - as though that were odd, crazy, or nuts.
I vow that when/if I have children I will continue to share my patience with my animals, who indeed have brought me great joy.
I already have to be patient in ways that defy understanding, just to get through the day, and just to keep from killing myself.
Not understanding why a normie who thinks she's the shit for getting up early every morning AND potty training a kid doesn't have the inner capacity to truly 'get it.' Every year more and more Americans are spending butt-loads of moulah on their pets and a SIGNIFicant portion of people say they're family without blinking an eye.
I believe that the 2 million or so non-diagnosed bipolars are gonna find out the truth, hopefully soon, which will right there make significant gains in out numbering the normies.
And I believe that all the bitchy 'mommies' that in fact would have NOTHING to do if they hadn't gotten pregnant in most cases at too young an age, will be drowned out by sense and sensibility, or simply go the 'Mommy Chat Room in Hell' which is still, conveniently located in Hell, after their nagging asses, thankfully, finally die.
I can't tell express how much I can't stand that mentality. Want to hear more? Wrote 500 other posts about it.:)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
I know I'm not good enough for him.
But it sure is a thrill to watch him do his thing on the silver screen. And to know such a person even exists (self-actualization, it's a beautiful thing).
To top it off, he's box-office gold. For Real.
The measure of a movie by Hollywood standards is how much money it makes on the first weekend and does that amount cover the cost of making said movie.
If Will's in the movie, opening weekend will break the previous records and he naturally will rake the dollars for the studio & all involved.
'I Am Legend' just opened to the tune of approx. 76 million dollars. For the first weekend.
I am interested to see how Sweeney Todd does, because it feels destined to be a classic. The myth it's based on was started in the 1700's and the tale has been told maaany times on the stage.
In this movie version it is recreated with Tim Burton's very singular, albeit weird vision, using close-ups and his macabre mind (and penchant for fake blood) - hey, we know what to expect with him - is sure to have produced something sensational, and reviewers, etc. have pretty much said so.
Did I mention my beloved Johnny Depp sings? Tim Burton, nominated for Best Director, Helena Bonham Carter nommed for Best Actress, Johnny Depp: Best Actor, The Entire Shebang: Best Movie - I feel a deserved, well-anticipated sweep at the Oscars this year.
This post is my promised present for Mark, Lord of the Idiots @ http://pakulakmadness.blogspot.com/ who has returned to 'blog world,' after settling a very painful, almost decade-long, and well fought for, dispute.
Good for you, Mark, for taking care of yourself and not backing down.
The Tart appreciates those kind of true canastas.
May your Christmas season, and all Jungletart reader's season, Be Bright, Merry & all that you hope for.
Monday, December 17, 2007
I have only slightly begun to calm down from it.
Yep, ‘tis the season to destroy a few family relationships.
It’s such a long story.
Husband & I go see my In Laws, his parents, Aaaaall year long. It’s a five hour drive to and from. We do this once a month, despite the fact that Husband is no longer in the Reserves and doesn’t have to go.
We went to Thanksgiving.
MIL has a severe mental issue about her daughter. For all practical purposes, she has forgotten about giving birth to three boys before the Golden Child.
It is manifested in many ways. At Thanksgiving she forgot to even mention we were there, but somehow discussed, to the minute, the hours long stay of Golden Child, while calling her mother. Her mother asked about us though, and we were fleetingly mention: Oh yeah, they’re here.
So, I tired of the whole shebang. I decided Christmas will be for Husband and me for a shocking, once in a lifetime, change this year.
So, it seems MIL’s most precious, one and only Daughter decided to stay home as well.
And that I think must have been the breaking point, for MIL, anyway.
Suddenly, I receive an email that In Laws are flying to her mother’s this year. Just for 3 three days. ‘Because Christmas is for families.’
I let that one slide, sort of. Husband refused to see the ire in it, the god damn Guilt Trip herein. Said they could do that if they wanted to.
Then, the killer, breaking moment for me. We received the In Law ‘Christmas card’ today.
No where in it does it say ‘Merry Christmas.’
Instead, it is a repeat of the email, this time short and handwritten. Clearly stating that since no one came to them for Christmas they would be buying plane tickets and flying out to see the family.
I would like to state for the record, that we have gone to them once a month, every month, for years. We went to Thanksgiving. Why is this being directed toward us in any way?
I have decided to return their ‘Card’ and have written a scathing letter. Really, really scathing: that means Truthful.
I explained that we are not going to ONE function - Christmas. And that frankly, this has
nothing to do with us.
Send it to ‘Golden Child,’ because we don’t
Oh, and ‘Merry Christmas’ to you.
In my world, that means give me something for the pain, Doc, Valium is preferable.
Is that just so retro, or something? I don't hear about anyone on that anymore.
The last time it got mentioned in my life is when the sister-in-law's cat died (right in front of my eyes. It was freaky.) which had been thrusted on me since Precious's fiance was allergic (and of course, I was the only one to get upset at the beast's death, and hysterically so - bitches) and I lost it.
Mummy in Law heard me, told me to get a hold of myself (it's only a cat, after all - direct quote) and take a Valium or two. She was serious. (Further proof she's not on my planet. Cat's are people, geez.)
As if I've got the direct line to the black market for those special purchases.
Must be what they did in the 1950's. They certainly self-medicated somehow. What was in those evening cocktail's? Cause I WANT some!!!! (Oh and Shock: I have now taken to drinking. This from a sweet Mormon girl who never walked into Alcohol & Beverage control until last month. Yes, moving up in the world. I've still never had a Margarita, but I'm working on it.)
Nowadays I think I could get on the floor and beg, but for some reason the County pdoc apparently doesn't give 'quickie' drugs.
No, I must give till it hurts - meaning my money to the pharmaceutical companies, my health to shit nobody know if it works, and be a god damn guinea pig once again.
I'm agitated, I'm full of rage, I'm an ocean deep puddle of depressive goo: I am the picture of 'mixed state.'
And now I'm sitting with the pamphlet of the annoyingly skinny woman standing in a meadow, asking 'Bipolar Disorder? Moving Forward With ABILIFY,' sitting in front of me.
So, to my pdoc's credit, he discussed the side effects with me (after 12 years I've trained him so well).
My big one was constipation, as I already have a problem with that so bad that it looks like after Abilify, I may never shit again.
But no, that's not the worst of it. It appears that they actually admit that restlessness can be an issue. This means, anxiety in real terms, says the pdoc. He says it should last for a week (that means a month in real terms, says Tart).
Holy crap, like I need restlessness and anxiety, on top of my rage & depression, right smack on Christmas. Or on New Year's, when we agreed to go see the damn in-laws.
Why Abilify? Because it's not 'supposed' to make you fat.
Why is that an issue? Because my triglycerides are 3X what they are supposed to be. Triglycerides are a direct indication of how much you exercise.
Then there's cholesterol: one of mine are bad, I take a pill every night for that.
The weight causes high blood pressure. I take a pill for that in the a.m.
I take 18+ pills a day.
I deserve my pills, I've earned my insurance. I married my insurance almost 3 years ago, but I've been courting it (him) since 1992. I also spent time (6 months, should anyone forget) in a state mental hospital, (close to Hell on earth) presumably because at that time I did NOT have a lot of insurance.
I deserve my man and I deserve the fact that he does wonderful things for me, such as keep me company as I have no other friends, so I won't hear any shit about someone/anyone's jealousy over my good god damn fortune.
I have paid for it all, in such pain that you can find someone else to judge, not me, wanh-wanh.
Alrighty, maybe I'll keep the public updated on my ABILIFY. I plan to buy stocks in all the major drug manufacturers because they are a sure thing. They never Not make billions in stock every year.
That way, my retirement will be built on the backs of the suffering, just the way it was meant to be.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Lakshmi was named for an Indian goddess for a reason.
Probably because her extra limbs look like the gods/goddesses that Indians are fond of worshipping.
She was born with 2 sets of arms and 2 sets of legs, a result of her parasitic twin stopping growth during gestation.
The local circus offered to buy her (why couldn't they buy the screaming kid I had to sit next to while trying to eat lunch?) but her parents decided surgical intervention was better.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
1) I'm having heated, hating times with myself these days. I can't explain how everything has gone to hell in a hand-basket, and I've realized that one of the utter conondrums of this illness is that sometimes you just gotta say: I can't explain it.
As for the NAACP, I think you backed the wrong horse, hunh? Not only is it reprehensible to murder dogs, make plenty of money off it and call it a business, I think the more important point, if they ever were trying to make one 'that Vick had made the mistake of killing dogs,' is that he made the mistake of killing 50 or more, as I'm pretty sure they had to euthanize his pits.
If he killed 50 or more human beings we couldn't electrocute him enough. And Vick enjoys a good electrocution.
This has nothing to do with race or football.
I couldn't care about either. I'm just glad Justice finally reared her head in Virginia. She oughtta come aroun' more often.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
First of all, I still feel every bit of harsh about the situation.
This person was a pathetic coward. He lacked skills, to be sure, and I'm not talking about dancing or drawing ligers. A decent normie should take some blame, because they should have taken the time to discuss life, his life with him.
But most of all, a 19-year-old who pulls a gun is a gunboy, even a gunchild, but stop giving the copycats something to look forward to being called, a gunman, hah.
The note said, 'I am going to crack.' As noted below, you have to have experienced life, been old enough for the wet spots to dry behind your ears, or for that matter have your balls drop down in order to claim this phrase. The young gentleman had no clue. Sorry to all the pre-pubescents, the young with issues. Guns bad, no touch guns. Let alone take 'it' out on pure strangers. *&*(&&(!
I cracked at the tender age of 16, but I am apparently more intelligent than most and I kept it to myself and my family, so that I could write a book about it in my late 30's or 40's. Key components: I did the brave work to help fix myself, much more than anyone could ever expect. That's a big: Take note.
Again, 'people' like this are a sorry excuse. We need to stop giving them excuses and the normies that enable them. For every shooter, bomber, or whatever way people find to be destructive to others (I'm all for them taking themselves out quietly, if its anywhere a choice between that or other people) there's a devil put aside. Unless your Angel Earl got there at the last second. After all, it's God's job to judge.
After considerable thought about the things I put on this blog, specifically my boundlessly angry entries, I realized that I am representing my morality, my judgement, my thoughts. Maybe its because I don't see me, my thoughts or I represented on MSN or Yahoo and I never see my fellow bloggers (in truth, about 3 people I check up on a lot) ever say things like I do, I now feel the need to acknowledge that yeah, it may not be for everybody. It may not be for everybody to connect with my anger, connect with my fantasy judgements, and admonitions about what must be done about anything and everything. That's okay. I know it takes a certain something to admit this. Oh, and I'm not sorry, not one bit. Just so you understand.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
If you would like to do your best to keep out of the 'war zone' that is today's public places: malls, your workplace, etc., you apparently have to stay home, work online, buy your gifts online, only answering your front door equipped with more protection and firepower afforded Iraqi soldiers. Get yourself a bullet-proof vest (this should be my next thing to get), pepper spray (I got it), a tazor gun (I got one), or a baseball bat (we're still wondering if wood or metal is better. I'm leaning towards wood. I like a good cr-ack sound.).
All this, because I accept the paramenters of of a person having been in a state mental hospital and therefore not getting the good firepower. Besides being stripped of dignity, many, many times, I've been stripped of my stupid 2nd Amendment rights, and I'm over it. There are no guns, including shotguns, no A-K 47's, semi-automatics, or anything would shoot a little 'ol deer, squirrel, or person, in my life because I accept reality.
I would never go to a gun show and I don't like it when Husband looks at (may I say bitty) guns online and talks about getting one. I've said no 1,000 times, and Therapist is concerned. Stop it, 'Dude that married me.' I know what's right. Why do you got to be like all these losers that somehow got a gun, or facilitated the aquisition of one by one who should not, right under the nose of a normie. What the hell is wrong, truly, with All of you?
Have you heard of the latest numnut, jerk, waste of human flesh to just go a-shooting in a mall after his life takes a pathetic turn, kills 8, and kills himself???? Worst of all, you know the next thing is delving into his 'mentally ill' history, since he was depressed.
Do you have to ruin mental health, and problematic but hard-working lives, FOR EVERYONE?? That to me is the worst, you fucked up understanding for the rest of us, put the movement, if nothing but a movement in my mind, every damn time this happens. There's a devil set aside for you Mr. Hawkins.
I guess I struggle with my Christianity when we get yet another story like this. I’m starting to think people who automatically want to organize prayer groups and don’t feel overwhelmed with anger are just robot units sent here to annoy.
This does nothing but anger me. Here I am ‘taking on’ a load of stuff that is Not My Problem. I feel beholden to say something for my own sake to get it out and for all the people that either don’t or can’t feel – that’s a biggie – and because anything else from me would be lies – and I think God ‘hates’ a liar, either to themselves or other’s, more than an angry, truthful bitch. Thank you.
The shooting in Omaha, the deadliest in their history, angers me most when I think of the shooter. Ahem, for you and every loser ‘thinking’ about doing this in the future – my bipolar opinion:
You are weak. If you are going to plead depression, breaking up with your girlfriend, losing your pathetic-ass job, or just that you’re some confused mentally ill whelp – well, in This case you made one of the stupidest mistake if you wanted to say it was SAD - you committed murder too early in the season, idiot!
Seasonal Affective Disorder has not even BEGUN to strike, so that’s no excuse in this case – you’re just plain pathetic. Wait til January, with the rest of us, when we are going insane with a lack of Vitamin D and sunshine. You numnut. Here’s a ‘b’ for the bitch who likes it spelled her way.
If you’re going to murder people, why don’t you wait a little later in your life to accrue a proper ‘history of mental illness.’ Once again, 19-year-olds haven’t lived long enough for a history of anything. Unless they live in the inner city and have been accruing misdemeanors since age 14. Regardless, hold on till you’re 40. If things haven’t got better, you’ve got more money for more firepower and I can hate you even more after you’ve killed even more and then taken the easy way out, killing yourself.
(&*(^(&%^&%*!!!!! You won’t find any sympathy about this jerkoff from ‘Tart. It’s a disgrace to the mentally ill anywhere when someone pulls murders in the name of their depression.
Newsflash: Whether it’s a normie’s fault for not stopping them, a normie’s fault for pushing them over the edge in some way, in the end it’s the mentally ill person’s name all over the newspapers/internet. It's the mentally ill jackoff's nombre in some dork-list of similar numnuts in a (hopefully soon to be) misplaced history book.
The fact that they are ‘mentally ill’ is NEVER lost on the media or people everywhere, even if you just walked into a clinic once.
So if you didn’t look like you should be committed, take some responsibility for your god damn life. As a person who has been committed TWICE (Me), true by a loving family who didn’t want to, I think we can swap champion-esque, ‘I controlled myself’ stories just as easily as this pathetic bullshit.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
The name blogger came about by putting web log together. One who writes on a web log. As often happens when busy people get going on things, blogger became the hashed together version.
No, I'm not reading this from a dictionary, therefore this is Tart explaining to all you Googler's (what a new word that one is) and you better cite me.
I am a citizen journalist and I didn't know my full respectful name until today. I've been blogging my life, my feelings, my thoughts, all in my own writing for almost two years now. I even put up pretty pictures and save the most joyous things for the other blog I created!
I love doing this even though I am not paid, it takes time away from my life, and the majority of people who come here stay for less than a second, from what I understand.
That's okay, because this blog is my thing of beauty, created for me, giving me a place to express, like no other. Even my therapist said she thinks its good for me.:)
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Maybe I'm just being me, but this page/link that was touted as 'Good News' on the MSN front page is...Not. Maybe my expectation for 'Something Happy' is too high. A guy who's wedding ring kept his finger from getting shot off, while having lead still wedged in his middle finger and neck does NOT hit me as Good Fucking News.
I feel somehow proud and good, myself, that Nicole and baby daddy Joel Madden showered 100 Los Angeles Health Clinic moms with $200,000 of gifts this weekend. These shocked moms received the same things that Nicole will be using for her soon-to-be newborn, which has probably got to be special if you're a Nicole fan. Let alone that this was truly a gesture in giving to the poor and needy.
Yes, this could all be a publicity stunt, meant to get all of us to forget some of Nicole's problems (the same previous unniceties that I've mentioned before), but it was such a nice stunt, backed up with perhaps one or two previous things that the couple mention on their new joint website.
Joel & Nicole seem to be a very nice united front, and say that their families are very close to each other (I assume that means emotionally, as well as living 'near' to each other) and that they helped with this endeavor.
The two have established the richiemaddenfoundation.com, which, in a way, is dedicated to their baby that is yet waiting to be born in January. Nice.
They say they have been putting this together, or thinking about it, since learning of the pregnancy. Sweet.
I've looked at their site and their companion site www.babycenter.com and I'm pretty impressed. Not only as a consistent lover of baby education, myself, I am now a considerer of the lifestyle for me, myself & Husband, and found the information alone on http://www.babycenter.com/ to be very interesting. Oh! And you can buy baby stuff there too!
The two lovebirds seem to perform their acts of kindness coinciding with what is going on in their own life, meaning I don't know if they'll still be handing out toys when Nicole's in a totally different stage with her own tyke, but they really seem sincere.
And that's a profoundly different thought than the ones I had earlier this year about Nicole and I'm not afraid to report a change in my feelings, especially when she's done something to 'wow' me. Nice job Nicole & Joel! Thank you for making Christmas more real for one bipolar blogger, giving me a celebrity turn-around moment. I wonder if I should have put this on my 'Good Stuff' page? Maybe if you keep it up.:)
Not complain unduly, but has anybody else noticed what a beast it's become to format on the Blogger page these days? This and a couple of my last posts have had horrible formatting problems, especially in spacing between paragraphs. It's a 'whut the' moment./Discuss
Now that he's adding two black comedians, promising to chat about race relations while 'never saying anything to compromise the promise made to the Rutger's 'young ladies,' (a definite difference next to the description of them that got him trouble last time!!) he's got the all clear.
Excuse me, while I clear my delicate palate after those retching sounds just exuded that I had to turn the mic off for.
What IS it that I hate about I-mus so much? He is a hypocrite, plain and simple. I'm sure he explained to the money-makers that made him and themselves so much off his 'humor' that he didn't mean to piss the black people off so bad and They know that he just pushes the envelope everday because teenage boys getting ready for high school need a friend so They can sell crap to them. EIGHT MONTHS and he's reinstated.
Do you know what my most favorite movie of all time is? I had the joy of watching it again this weekend with Husband. I love it so much that it's impossible to control my parroting factoring, my repeat before they say it of what's said. Ready, kids??
Gooooood Morning, Vietnam!
This role was Robin Williams true calling. That was HIM, and he is utterly hilarious and true as Adrienne Cronoaur (sp) brought from Crete to do a radio show in Vietnam 1965.
Yes, he gets kicked off the radio at one point, for telling the truth! in a 'conflict' where the censors must be listened to.
You rent the movie. You do the research on Imus. Somebody's a dirty, media-owned slut and someone's got morals. One is funny, the other wouldn't know funny if a (wacka-wacka) horn wuz shoved up his butt. You be the judge.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
I've learned the hard way that there are still people who 'can't handle the truth,' so I dutifully make it easier on everyone, because I can't stand the embarassment. In work situations, I would much rather not trust ANYone and run myself into the ground trying not to tell.
That's one reason its so hard to have a job for more than a couple of years, if I'm lucky - nobody can uphold such standards, and be perfect at their job too, which of course, I always was. I'll succumb to working, but it will be at home.
I have a two year gap since my last employment. I don't care because after taking an entire year of training for medical transcription, fully expecting to work at home, I was told I must perform 2 years of work outside of the home, preferably in a hospital.
This wasn't mentioned before taking classes, that I know of. No, I got into this deal, so I could work at home and for all I know, I was lied to. Nothing new. And nothing new that I stuck to my guns and said, 'At home, or nothing at all. Period.'
I was told I 'couldn't' work for the one lady who came our class to recruit, because she didn't believe that anyone located where I am would drive daily to her location. Funny, I drove that route daily for my newspaper job! So I said the hell to her, back at cha!
Never doubt my resolution about this work at home thing. Never doubt that I was going to work again, when it was 'my time.' Look, I've forgotten everything transcription, I'll be starting over, and that ought to 'scare' me, make me get my tapes out and go at it, but I'll get there when I get there.
Social Security is letting us make about $1,000 a month now. I only need about $500 a month to fill the black hole that our last 'renter' made by leaving. I don't have to kill myself over this, I don't have to spend a penny in gas, and I can perform my job in my Spongebob flannel pajama drawers. If this works out, I'll surely let everyone know.
I'm not a drooling, clueless individual, as we all well know. I do deserve the best in life, I do deserve to get over my hangups - in fact, I deserve the good life.
Just so you know, I am always in the back of my mind, thinking about 'my' alpaca ranch. I've gone to a seminar, learned about taxes and veterinary needs, I've been researching, I save every pamphlet I get - because some day I might be designing my own, I want to see the competition.
So, I look at land, which is astronomical around here, and truly is a pipe dream - at this time. But the saddest thing I recall was an ex-friend seeing me look at land and say, "Why do you get your hopes up? Why do you even look?"
Because daring to dream has never been a problem for me. Because Dennis Hopper and Ameriprise really hit a nerve by saying, 'Don't give up on dreams, even when you're geezing,' and they are so right. Refusing to give yourself something to look forward to isn't healthy.
When you stop dreaming, and tell others to quit too, that just makes you pathetic and you better stop. I might curl up in the embryonic position occasionally, but I'm not dead yet.
Underneath the surface, something is always bubbling. When everything aligns just right, there are moments to grab onto. You won't find a normie thankful for 'silly' things, like just once something working out right (miracle!), but you'll find I will. Oh yes, I will.
Friday, November 30, 2007
My need to have some 'solidity,' no matter how small, leads me to this:
- I blog anger/evil twisted thoughts & feelings to get it out of me, and most likely, work it out. My blog is a fabulous gift to me in this way.
- I have a gazillion hobbies BECAUSE I am bipolar. This seems very new to me, and it seems very important to report. This has the potential of getting me up in the morning, which has only taken me a few years to realize, is important.(NEWS FLASH: my latest 'things:' taking up the guitar, the real one with strings. Also, I think about doing decorative painting a lot, now. Wish me luck!)
- Oooh - new realization - this just in: I hoard, and have paper all over my house BECAUSE I am bipolar.
I *think* this MAY mean that my refusual to do dishes is BECAUSE I am bipolar.
I *think* this may mean that my inability to FOLLOW THROUGH with important things like getting my d_mn resume finished but could blog all the live-long day is BECAUSE I am bipolar.
So, end result: 3 real things, and 2 almosts. My self-therapy is just soaring along.:)
In addition, lately I have really come to the conclusion that one of the main reasons I have been essentially 'pouting' and refusing to come in line with 'everybody' elses reasoning for life, is my anger over my last job.
It has just been percolating, festering if you will, for about a year and a half, and I think I'm finally looking at it, as I have started going off about it, ad nauseum, to the two people in my life that (matter) will listen. This is a sign that I am getting it out.
Can it be possible to actually heal from? I don't know, because I still don't know where to leave the monster anger. I know that if it's not ready to be locked in a box, it will bust out, worse than before. And I am no where near what I think is optimal health - to let it free to the winds, with no residual fall-out. I can 'see' opening (a rather ornate box. Hey, I house my hatred in nothing but the best!) with red dust wafting up and into the sunset, sucked into the distance, mixing with the colors of the sunset and NOT COMING or RAINING BACK!
But at least I can IMAGINE that - my God, what a miracle. This is a first, to even picture what 'healthy' could be.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
I very much recall Britney Spears BEGGING to show one of of her pregnancies on the good ol VF pages or anybody else for that matter. She was DENIED, something about 'over-exposure' or something.
Well, fellow mentally ill folks, other bipolar babes, maybe we should all prepare to welcome Ms. Spears with open arms into our worlds. I now hear the media saying there is suspicion that the Brit-ster is mentally ill.
No specification if they are thinking schizophrenic, schizo-affective (could someone please tell me what that means, before I have to ask my best friend who has it) or Worst of All - zeee dreaded Bipolar Virus (that's a joke, bipolar is neither catchy or something you can ever get rid of).
Apparently, you will get jettisoned out of her crowd for mentioning it, let alone those who have bravely tried to prep her for some institutional work, but you can't blame her. As a spoiled brat she seems too weak to buck against stigma.
For all I know, all normies go spend $50,000 on chandeliers on the way home from the court, with her two kids that she just won partial custody of in tow. Sure, rich people/or even powerful people get away with a whole lot of crazy. History's full of 'em, and frankly it's fun to watch. Or keeps you awake during class.
I'll just feel bad when the big 'ol meltdown happens, or someone gets killed.
Why not try some Lithium, Brit? They don't know why that works, either, but you can buy a hell of a lot of it for the same price as a pair of chandeliers. You Already look fatter, grown more zits, and heck you've already dropped your kids a couple of times - no one will even notice!
So this British teacher is going to spend 15 days in the clink and will be deported afterward because:
She allowed her class to name a Teddy Bear 'Muhammad.'
Uh, I thought these were 'eye for an eye' people. Wouldn't taking an ugly doll of Osama Bin Ladin and lovingly naming it 'Jesus' be the more fair sentence?
Hell, certain portions of society are naming their kids Hey-Zues and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. I love the story about some Chinese parents who were getting flak for wanting to name their kid '@.' Hey, at least it sounds intelligent, futuristic, and damn it even creates some kind of weird html on my page.
If you thought whatever Arabic's country inability to separate church and state in the teddy bear case is UN-be-lie-vable, you didn't hear about the 400 extra lashings a muslim rape victim will have to withstand because she was with an 'unrelated man' at the time of her 7 'MAN' RAPE. Please don't ask for a link, you can Google it as easily as myself.
Yeah, the guys are going to get some kind of punishment, but all I can say is Gloria Steinem and The Feminist Bunch must be too busy with American foolishness, or too old, to say anything about a rape victim being further victimized by her non-U.S. government, even if we've apparently accepted that that country is sexually backwards and the women are forced to wear sacks every day, apparently among other things.
But then Americans don't REALLY believe anyone but themselves exist anyway, Right?
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
This link to the MSNBC version of the story has a video of Riley's father's family. I was overcome to tears when they showed one of her sweet earlier baby pictures, of her literally as an angel:
Yahoo's got a story on it too:
In the first link above, the MSNBC video, they show photos of the mother and step-father. That mother looks chilling. When I look at pictures of Riley, I cannot help but think this white trash 'mother' may not have been able to handle the intelligence/or even the beauty of this very pretty little girl. I don't think this little baby had a chance, to tell you the truth. Her 19-year-old mother left her hometown because she 'met' this man on the internet, playing some game and ran to Texas, with her child in tow.
Unfortunately for all of us, the 'step-father's' recent suicide attempt was unsuccessful. So, once again, too much money will be wasted on his sorry as_.
Over Thanksgiving, I was sitting watching T.V. and a show trailer came on about how prisons are just turning out more efficient criminals: they get physically stronger, get more contacts, learn how to do what they 'do' best: drugs, or whatever criminal thing. Then, they get let out and they're stronger than ever, ready to do the only thing they ever knew how to do: be better criminals.
So I said, "They ought to just take them all, and shoot them." To which my father-in-law said, "Well, that's not very Christian."
True enough. However, whatever the hell they did to get in there in the first place - I guarantee you was not Christian. And forcing the rest of us to put 1,000 people in a space that was only designed for 300 - well, that's not too Christian either.
Having a system that gives every help, every possible way out for a nasty perp and STILL being found guilty says to me, Great take 'em out back and shoot 'em. Stop the appeals, overcrowding, stop spending so much money to house, feed, hook up their cable T.V., shower, shit and shave people that are a waste upon this earth.
Yes, you heard it here. And pedophiles especially should be shot upon sentencing, if nothing for the fact that they are impossible to 'retrain into a human' or whatever the term is, not to mention we might have to waste MORE money and manpower protecting his or HER ass in the clink because NObody likes a pedophile or babykiller. It's always about saving their hide when 9 times out of 10 there's nobody to even stand up for the victim's hide.
The 'system' lets people we've already decided should die end up living an extra 20 years (that a hell of a lot longer than their victims got to live!!) and every once in a while I hear Scott Peterson is getting out. Now if he isn't a case of should be shot immediately and in the balls, I just don't know what is!
Now these people make me recall my days of reading 'The Scarlett Letter.' Puritans hated an adulterer so much that they made them live their days in the woods, with the letter A always pinned to them, should anyone see these shameful creatures. Imagine! In this day and age the letter 'A' would be the cooolest thing, probably the most tatooed thing ever, people are such sluts, they couldn't care less, heck it's celebrated all over T.V. at least. But these people? A MOTHER that would do these things? I'm thinking BABY KILLER, or UNDESERVING CUNT tatooed on that bitch's head. Or a simple, "I AM GOING TO HELL." We just need to pick the day.
It's okay though. I am calm. Because I am a Christian and I know exactly what Jesus says about people who hurt His babies. He says they will wish that they had never been born. There's a devil put aside for these people, and if they were smart they wouldn't be so hasty to meet their Maker.
I said to my father-in-law, besides choice parts of my argument above, that there was a great general or person who once said, "I believe the judgement is made by a Higher Power. It's just my job to make sure they meet the Higher Power." In the end, it's all gonna come out. You can hide it from your neighbor or even a whole community, but God sees the whole shebang. The only one fooled about your sins is you.
I would like to say that I am considering strongly the idea of having my own child. Yes, you heard it here. And the thing is, I have mental illness which I have to consider constantly, in the consideration of a having a baby.
Here we have proof positive of a woman who most likely never considered HAVING a baby, worst of all she thought nothing of the most fabulous gift that a bitch like this will EVER be afforded.
I know because of things or stories like this that just maybe I could make it, I could do it, because I wouldn't even treat my dog like this, not even on a bad day.
Update: Because I know you don't listen to the news, read anything on the Internet and ONLY come to my site.
The bitch that helped tortured 'Baby Grace,' known as Riley - she is pregnant at this time.
I think she thought nobody would kill a pregnant baby-murderer in jail. So's we'll wait. Nah, I'm 'kidding' but I say the family that gave a damn about the kid get the 'new' baby, or let anybody on the earth adopt it, since anybody could a better job than her.
Then execute her.