Thursday, November 30, 2006

Cross stitch furever

If you love cats and want to cross stitch you must have heard of Kats by Kelly. A little black cat or two pops up in naughty places, like the kitchen sink or a file cabinet drawer. Or destruct and perform mayhem like furbabies do.

I admit that I own 'Kitchen Aide' with kitty sitting in the middle of dishes in the sink. I've lost track of its location in my house and I haven' t done the work yet, but it can't be too bad because we're talking about working mostly in black thread.

I have bought my first real cross stitch patterns over Ebay recently. A pattern shouldn't be confused with a kit because it is simply the pattern with a picture of what it will be, no floss or any other extras.

My purchases came from England from star_charts. I think they will all be beautiful in the year 2030. I say that because the finished product will be HUGE, as in 25"x20" in at least one case. I will need a lifetime supply of gift certificates to my local craft store, just to purchase the floss. But I am okay with that, since I knew I was going to have to do that. The only thing I'm not sure of is how to read the chart. I'm wondering if I'm supposed to take the many (13) pages and lay them all together to 'see' it.

My most favorite among the three is 'Scarlet O'Hara.' Tons of gorgeous burgundy, my fave, in her flowing dress (the costumes are one of my favorite things in 'Gone With the Wind') whilst she sits on the famous red steps. Then there's a huge pug cross stitch chart which seems perfect to someday hang on our wall as pug is our life. I also got a Christmas door chart which looks just like the in-laws front door. I was planning on killing myself to get it done for next Christmas, but as you can guess from the post below, I now pretty much don't give a cr*p anymore. It takes me eons to do the tiny 'Stitch n Hangs' that are about as small as a kit will come and I'm definitely not going into overdrive for the ungratefuls.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Families Are Forever (at least they feel that way here on Earth)

Going to Thanksgiving meant being subjected to my MIL. According to her, 'everyone' thought we were crazy for the gift we gave everyone for Christmas last year.

I guess we 'lost our mind' when we gave gift baskets, from a company, to everyone as thanks for their attendance at our wedding that year. We thought it was worth it, from all the shower and wedding gifts we received and the fact that his side was very much in attendance, when honestly we figured 5 people would attend our nuptuals.

She informs me that NOone in the family gives gifts larger than $25 worth. So I now feel like I'm working in a place that gives Secret Santa gifts with a limit.

I guess then too, it would be crazy what I had planned since October to give the family. Since we're driving I thought we would have the space to bring the gift baskets I planned to MAKE this year for my husband's relatives with stuff I make and little gifts that you find at Walmart or Target

There are many things wrong with what my MIL said. It makes me want to return the baskets that I bought from a local craft store and give them each a bag of pennies. I was sooooo looking forward to making and doing stuff and seeing the looks on their faces, but now I just couldn't give a cr*p. Further, since we're driving, MIL and her Precious (my SIL now, or should I just call her Princess) have now loaded up our vehicle with their gifts to their family. They always assumed it was okay, even though I told MIL that we really were going to be loaded up this year. Whatever, from her. The solution: buy my husband a car top carrier as his Christmas present. What other time of year are we going to need that thing?

Talk about killing the Christmas spirit. I can't take those baskets back because I shredded the receipt never thinking I'd want to back out. I don't even want to go. It's a week long thing, a 14 hour drive and I don't want to spend one week pretending to a normie (albeit a 'lazy' one with no job. It will be put in my face many times over, I predict) when I just want to tell them to go to hell. If they are all as cheap as my MIL, if they can't even be thankful and instead feel uncomfortable just to get a nice gift, like MIL makes it sound then that is the saddest f'n Christmas story I have ever heard. Besides making me mad at MIL, she has managed to make me mad at all of them. Good job.

It's all probably a load of cr*p anyway, insinuating that EVERYone was just so overwhelmed to receive a frickin' gift basket. It's probably just her as she is beyond cheap and has no skills except finding the perfect sale and clearance items. For the record, not only is this the only way she finds joy in life, but she has the unbelievable gall to actually tell a recipient of a gift from her that she did not pay the price (she leaves on the tags), in fact it was practically free. And she is proud of herself for this activity.

So I've been told what we are talking about is jealousy. I was like, No way can she be jealous of me. But none of it makes me feel better. I think I should be figuring out how to can or make one of the things that was going to go in everyone's basket. I have zero desire. I just don't want to. I can't help wondering if everyone in the family really is that cheap or so weird that they would feel uncomfortable by a nice gift. Why the heck should I care? It's NOT MY FAMILY. Don't you hate the lie that married intos count as much as the blood relatives. I'm breaking my back for someone else's relatives/ingrates? Why? Stop the madness. I need to find a lot of pennies, and fast.

Why do I even have to be subjected to this? My husband literally says, 'Because you are my wife.' I guess I should say 'Good bye City Life! Green Acres heeeere weee come!'

Monday, November 27, 2006

Such Beauty: Just Like My Jungle!

This looks so much like my Emma. A bigger nose than most pugs, big big brown eyes, just the CUTEST! This came off of Amazon pictures.com. I wish I could get portraits of my baby like this.



My Siamese has even bluer eyes, but these are fantastic! Blue eyed barn kitten: this pic was put on the web by Lyn Winans, Minden, ON.


Friday, November 24, 2006

So Late

It is an excruciating aspect for me that it takes a little pill to put me out at night. No pill, no sleep. How degrading that I have no existent sleep cycle, not after all my years of living can I wake, live, tire and go to bed like so many idgets on this Earth.

This thing called bipolar? Its h*ll. You can't have it without it having/owning you. Its not a sidedish of existence, it is existence, for the people who really truly have it. It consumes you whole because it can't even be split off. There is no this is it, and this is not it.

Either you feel like a piece of cr*p for always having to battle, or exultant for having to fight so hard. Do you feel that dear reader? Can you even understand that kind of battle and the oft draining strength that it demands?

You're either here to figure out what its like (for reasons I'm not so sure I approve of) or to commiserate. To my commiserators: May God bless you. You are not alone. Keep the faith.

**********************

More and more I am finding a roaring strength within. Instead of complete abject or slight fear when thinking about some situations I find myself kicking a##. Just imagining yourself doing this can be very powerful. I really don't have to take cr*p anymore. Why should I? I have taken/experienced more of it than most, so people's petty issues, based on judgements that don't even fit anyway, mean nothing. Sometimes we put up with things to keep the peace or in an attempt to be respectful toward someone. I have realized that if a person, say out on the 'street,' or a relative that I try really hard not to go off on insists on pushing me, there is nothing wrong with me telling them that's unnecessary, keep it civil if possible, but not stay quiet just because you're afraid to of fend. After all, they certainly weren't. Get a backbone. It's kind of essential to life.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

"Scarborough Country" producer discusses TomKat wedding photo

Never in a thow-sand years did I think I would post a post from Scarborough Country on my blog, as I see Mr. Scare as the same thing as Mr. B. Oreilly and his counterparts. But luckily his producer Kellyanne Dignan writes on the site about celebs and other fascinating topics. I really like what she has to say about the official TomKat wedding photo, so here it is and I am citing their blog, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15624439/#061120a as all borrowing bloggers should, and state that I hope its okay that I am showing the pic as well. Hollyweird banner is all theirs as well. I'm posting here as well, and below is all her, until I state my opinions below it.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Nov. 20, 2006 3:21 p.m. ET

Tom's fairytale wedding
(Kellyanne Dignan, "Scarborough Country" producer)

So now that all the TomKat dust has settled, the rose petals have been cleaned up and the happy couple is on their Honeymoon, I have to ask -- where was the Dawson's Creek reunion? While I never doubted the wedding of the century would be attended by Hollywood Scientologists A and C list alike, I do admit I hoped to spy a few of Katie Holmes former co-stars in the wedding photos.

Joshua Jackson, Katie's sometimes on and off-screen "Dawson's Creek" boyfriend joked with reporters while promoting his new film "Bobby" that he wasn't even invited. He also says he hasn't talked to Katie since she cruised into Tom's orbit.

So, what's the deal? Maybe it's as simple as Katie just doesn't get on with her former co-stars? It's possible, but I did notice this TomKat wedding was really more about Tom than Kat. It seems the guests, the ceremony, and yes even the publicly released wedding photo are all about Tom.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Robert Evans / Reuters
Actor Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes pose for their official wedding portrait in Lake Braccino, Italy in this photo released to Reuters November 18, 2006. EDITORIAL USE ONLY REUTERS/Robert Evans/Handout (ITALY)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have to admit I'm not so much a fan of TomKat's official wedding photo. The couple used famed L.A.-areaphotographer Robert Evans who took the photos at Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's wedding. The now defunct Braniston were another Hollyweird couple who released just one official photo. But their picture tells a different tale.

While in the long run it obviously didn't work out, the couple looks equal and happy in the photo. That's perhaps the most perplexing part of the TomKat photo. Either Katie is slumped or Tom is wearing lifts because it's the first picture I've seen with a taller Tom. And while Katie looks happy, Tom just looks like he is posing.

Now a wedding is a time to be happy for the couple whether they are friends or strangers, so Tom and Katie I salute you. But Katie remember you're a tall woman with a decent career (and as Jennifer Aniston can tell you these things don't always work out), so don't cruise too far off your own path.

Post borrowed from "Regular Joe," 'Talking about issues that matter to a regular Joe," Scarborough, written by Kellyanne Dignan, Scarborough Country producer, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15624439/#061120a, Nov. 20, 2006 post.

**&&**&&**&&**&&**&&**&&**&&**&&**&&**&&**&&**

Tart's thoughts:

Alright, well personally I think despite any 'talent' Mrs. Cruise might have had, its flushed down the drain now. Forever and always, whether this marriage works or not she will be thought of as Mrs. Tom Cruise, which might be pretty great if he is still backing her, and if not, she will have to find some serious inner strength. I Don't think this one is as talented as Nicole Kidman and would probably have a very hard time putting things back together again.

I found it notable in the companion MSN story about the wedding that Katie walked to the altar surrounded by people in medieval costumes and the beat of drums. Much like Marie Antoinette on that fateful walk to the guillotine, no?

Perhaps the reason Tom is not looking so happy on his wedding day is he might be a tad O-ver it on Katie being the 'most amazing woman in the world.' I think there may have been sitings of the most amazing woman in the world in Spain, no maybe it was Italy or France, wait - walking in EveryTown, USA? Not unlike weddings for the rest of us shmucks, maybe he's doing it for her and their born-out-of-wedlock child (stats on MSN show 4 out of every 10 are now born this way, again to us shmucks and a growing number of celebrities, alike). Also, Katie's got on her side that she is Catholic and if this marriage ends, she can annul it just like Nicole did hers, start anew and still get married to hopefully less of a weirdo, and with the Pope's blessing.

Tom will be looking for wife number four, someone willing to fling her own religion aside and marry into his made-up one. I'm thinking she will be about eighteen years old and/or a little mentally challenged, 'cause its getting harder and harder to find someone to fall for it. He'll really mean it when he calls her, "special."

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Microwave Cleaning


pic off of one the 'housewife blogs' I visited once. How's that for citation!


Microwave cleaning: Hate it! I prefer cleaning surfaces that will not only come clean, but looks like you did something, and will stay that way.

None of which describe microwave cleaning.

Many years ago, I returned home to my apartment after being away during the weekend to find a note on the microwave from my roomate's mother stating, "Clean after every use." Despite the note interestingly enough being in roomate's handwriting, I knew precisely where it came from, as Mother performed her routine inspections during the weekend and roomate would never have the balls to think of this or boldly message me this way otherwise. Well anyhow, this was the last straw in a long litany of Type A, ridiculous insane behaviors by roomate/her mother that I had already endured up to that point. That and roomate screaming at me for utterly no reason put the nail in the coffin of "I'm getting the h*ll out of here!" And so I searched and moved.

Moral of the story: Think twice before putting the "Clean Microwave After Every Use" sign on it, as it may well spell the end of having a roomate to bother about it. And roomate will be traumitized for the rest of their life, holding a grudge and microwave cleaning hatred for life.

Reality Check and address for Cyber Angels



Russian Tiger: One of the most beautiful creatures on Earth. On endangered list. Why? The selfishness of people.

It should not surprise you that people would kill one of the most beautiful creatures on Earth for their own purposes, just to make a few dollars or simply for their own sick and may I say entirely illegal purposes.

People do this every day, to themselves and other humans. To kill the soul of any living creature is not off limits to many people. It's the same reason people can abuse the sweetest of creatures: children or their own pets. Or other people for that matter.

Tart tells it to you straight. I'm real and never thought to be anything less than that. Know, those of you that are sweet and loving, that there are plenty that are NOT real, not themselves on the net. Be careful who and what information you put your trust in. As a sign that I mean this I am putting here, for all the world to see, the site for CyberAngels www.cyberangels.org associated with the bonafide original Guardian Angels and the originator for the Guadian Angels, Curtis Sliwa. Read and take to heart internet safety, it applies to all of us, and if you or someone you love is ever a victim, don't hesitate to contact them. This kind of thing is so serious that the FBI can be consulted: yes, attempting to destroy another online, as well as in the real world, is a federal offense.

I said to Husband that there is no justice in this world and that it is though we are commanded to try anyway, yet get shot down so often that it can't help but bring you down. Maybe, in many cases.

If a criminal is not caught and skewered in this life you can be sure that person will pay in the next. There truly is Ultimate Justice, it is not a fable in the Bible, nor an opt out for anyone. The human heart is completely open to the Lord and every single one will be judged by Him, perhaps bad people should consider this a little more carefully, as this is an absolute truth. However, that does not mean that we don't continue to legally punish the deserving while on Earth. Imprisonment or sending someone to meet their maker early is to protect the rest of us because we cannot flourish and live with trash around us.

The best thing you can do in truth is not only living your life knowing that it will be analyzed in the next but knowing that He, the Lord, is here for you, yes every moment, right now! Yes, that means he is ready and waiting to help each of us through this test, actually many tests (which I believe this existence is). For those that haven't considered yet to taking this to heart, He really is waiting for you to start.

But what attracts many to the tiger, above? Not just its beauty but its strength and its possiblity for rage because they do no take kindly to being provoked. They let you know when they are mad and that is their perogative. Most wouldn't ever want to upset it because it would tear you up. Righteous rage is a powerful thing, and it seems that my particular brand of bipolar, especially when I turn into an angry manic, taps me right into that. So I leave you with a reality check today. Don't worry about any angst I might have at the moment, I'm gonna go take out with my bowling ball and the pins this evening. Bon soir, all!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Time, Watches and a little bit of Cellphone

Realizing today that I have not had a watch on in some time made me start to think about the useful or non-usefulness of the little buggers.

Often the average public is advertised to that watches show your personality, they are a window into your worth as a human. This is usually in the effort to sell you the diamond studded wonder for women, sometimes even men, or the expensive, multifunctional man watch.

Interestingly the people who could afford such things easily, stars, celebrities, the rich, claim to not ever wear one. Turns out, when you are rich there must be a plethora of trusted people around that you can ask the time of, or your publicist makes sure that you get to those important places on time.

They like the freedom, these celebs say, of living in the moment. This right there tells you that their moments are better than the rest of us, as most average everyday folks don't have the 'freedom' to not know or care what time it is.

When I think of people that really do need watches, college students come to mind. I think every college student should have a watch, preferably a digital one that goes off ten minutes before every class. This would be especially great if they are already in the class before it. Everyone in class loves a loud annoying beeping sound while in the throes of learning something important. It would be even better than cellphones, cause everyone has those cool rings tones now and you can tell so much about a person by their cellphone ring. A loud annoying beep, beep is great for waking up the sleepers in class as well. It shows that you are timely, care about time, are really into academic life and quite possibly that you are Type A, which may help attract other Type A's, essentially a big boost to your social life.

There is so much to rant about cellphones, I'll just say this. Society is getting more and more pathetic each day, when you have to be told to turn the thing off. Movies, doctors offices, nursing homes, are the main ones I can think of, perhaps you can think of more. Anyway, courtesy is dead. Gone. I don't want, I swear this truly, to hear your phone conversation, not even if Martin Scorsese is offering you a part in his next movie. And the best bumper sticker I ever saw read: 'Hang Up and Drive.' Now people in their cars have to tell you to get off it. Since etiquette and courtesy are dead, its no wonder, since most people don't have the sense God gave them, or at least made available for their use.

I thought of this while baking brownies today and using my trusty Sunbeam timer (which I recommend). I recalled some page in a past People magazine where stars expounded their lack of watch. At least Scarlett Johanssen had the sense to admit that she looks at her cellphone for the time. Hmmm, good one. A little sneaky really, but a darn good idea which made me think of doing the same.

Tart doesn't really have anything against watches. But I'm home a lot, am on my computer a lot and low and behold the time shows at the bottom of my screen. I pass a few clocks here and there in the house and in fact we have no less than three alarm clocks in our bedroom, which I have shut off. Perhaps it is a bit of miracle that I get to appointments on time but I manage off of clocks, not anything personal stuck on me. After all, Tart does have time to enjoy the moments as I very much shun society, working that sort of thing. If I go somewhere, say the dreaded grocery store, I just do what I'm doing and not worry too much about time, except to make sure I'm home for Husband and make that evening home cooked dinner. Perhaps I am a celebrity undercover, living in the moment. Husband says I'm just lazy and has even started working on me to either get a job or get better at the one I kinda have (Domestic Goddess). I try really hard but it never seems good enough, so I say the heck with him, I'm here to make myself happy. When you don't have kids it makes it super easy to work towards that goal. Although I have plenty of time and space on this thing, I'll stop now.

Jerry Lewis's appearance on Law and Order

Jerry Lewis has appeared recently on television as the homeless, extremely depressed uncle of one the regulars on Law and Order. I was very impressed by his performance as we all know that Jerry is one of the originals/kings of slapstick comedy. I expected some aspect of his comic side to burst out, but instead he played drama and this particular part very respectfully. He played a person who is medicated with antidepressants which essentially turns him manic, or bipolar, very very well. So much so that one wonders if he in fact does suffer from the condition or he has missed playing dramatic roles of this caliber too much in past that it seems an awful shame. Did it take his older age for those to get offered or did it seem like the public wouldn't accept this side of him? I have not looked up stats - is this guy bipolar and we didn't know? He did a wonderful job.

He hooked into the serious tone of Law and Order quite easily and Husband did not believe or see right from the beginning who he was because of his scrubbiness at the onset. After getting 'cleaned up' after 10 days of antidepressants he looked like himself, albeit much older than his comic incarnations, and Husband said, "Oh, that is Jerry Lewis!"

Jerry's antidepressants turn him into a manic state, eventually into psychosis, as explained to us by the dear doctor on show, and Dr. makes a point of saying in rare cases this can occur. I can tell you right now that I am one of those 'rare cases,' so I was right on it watching what Jerry would do. We see the psychosis clearly, when Jerry's character pushes a deserving criminal into a train, after being convinced (as are the rest of the characters on the show) that this is a very bad man getting away with murder. We know or believe that he would not normally have done this, as he is so remorseful in the end that he says that he deserves to be punished and won't take any further meds. I think the message was also, I don't want to take more meds, look what the idiots (and the meds) did to me in the first place, which to me, though I know the truth of how dangerous it is to give on medication, seems very understandable even to a lay person, since they screwed him up so bad last time.

I don't think I can say too much bad about his performance as he seemed to really tenderly play a person with mental illness, and a good believable bipolar. Of course(I say this because in the public's view its 'only natural'), he commits a crime, but an understandable and thankful one. It was a good nice venue to introduce to the public that in fact, antidepressants can go awry, that while yes they can save a person from the depths of depression they can also carry you right into crazierland, as I know from first hand experience. Difference between me and Jerry's character is that I did not have to commit a crime to get help, just make an arse of myself being crazy and be so bad off that it could not help to be noticed. Hello people, the mentally ill are not outright criminals (I know many, and they are often sweet as pie), but you'd never know it watching T.V. However this venue brought out a lot of great hidden talents in Jerry Lewis and he did a service to our cause. To be so brilliant in a hidden, finally released way seems in itself so much like bipolar.

It would have been nice if there could have been more emphasis in the end on how really beneficial taking meds would be, the right ones designed for, in this case, a person who fluctuates greatly in mood instead the ones strictly for unipolar depression - because the right ones found for a person's specific chemistry are miracle workers! To go from not right, to much more right makes a HUGE difference in a person's life, and if they are going to educate on the supposedly small fraction of people who go from antidepressant to manic, educate that meds can be found to control that irreversible state, and it wouldn't have been so hard to make a more substantial point-out of that on the show. I can't go back to being unipolar, but I can take care of my needs, including the right meds, now that I've reached a new, different stage of illness. Anyway, thanks Jerry for a job well done.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Glimpses of Asia

Seiryoji Temple. Kyoto, Japan


Young Buddhist Monks, Cambodia


Hagi Castle Garden, Western Honshu, Japan


Junket in Victoria Harbor, Hong Kong, China


I love it when I find a theme amongst my maaany Webshot pictures. Today, your mission is to think of the zillions of adventures available here on planet Earth. And treasure the beautiful moments.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Mother of the Year

In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only 'orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weaner pigs. The zookeepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger.

Would they become cubs or pork chops?? Take a look........ you won't believe your eyes!!









Love can conquer all, can it not? From an absolutely rockin' email I received today!

How to Stay Married

A man and a woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.

"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?""Oh, that?" she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."



From this month's online Lion Brand catalog which sells their yarn. :)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

NutriSystem cardboard (I mean food!) has arrived!!

All right! I have received my NutriSystem food. My main concern at this point is that the pictures on the cartons and whatnot of each food item make the food look nearly unpalatable. I'm thinking this is a serious concern, since I assume the company would make every effort to make this stuff at least look potentially yummy. I am not convinced, but sincerely this is literally judging the food by its cover. I will get more of a chance to confirm or (hopefully) deny this when I taste my first morsel tomorrow.

Since I am bipolar and I sometimes have to do the simple things that many normies take for granted, included here is a simple list I have for myself for tomorrow:

1. Get up early enough to eat breakfast at breakfast time. I am so looking forward to my breakfast bar or dried scrambled egg concoction, as my months of not going to the grocery store (a related bipolar issue) has caused me to somehow not be in possesion of my skim milk, so pre-portioned cereal in its own prepackaged bowl will have to wait for another morning. I must say I feel like a bit of an idiot paying a company to simply portion my cereal to me. If I liked cereal I would already be eating it. But this is a time of testing, I shall eat what they gave me and customize later. I am prepared for a potentially bland diet, I assume I have to give something up (taste?) to give up the fat and fling it to wherever invisible place that fat doth go.

2. I'm looking forward to my shower. My hair is ready for an oil change, and since I'm planning to actually rise in the a.m. I have made the important and stunning decision to wait until morning to do it. I had to choose to wait as much thought was put into when the all-important hair cleansing would occur. This is an added self-inflicted, competitive pressure upon myself to do three simple things that every working normie thinks nothing about (get up/take shower/eat~maybe not in that exact order).

3. I will stay awake. I will not go back to bed, despite any morning dementia experienced, wipe the drool, and ACTUALLY HAVE ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY IN WHICH TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING. I am already dizzy thinking of the possiblities.

Why on Earth, you ask yourself, would a person make a list of such inane, everyday activities. It lets you into my mind, people, and shows how not so far away from the actually mentally challenged that I am. Good evening, and may the morning bring stunning, dazzling accomplishments to us all! :)

Sunsets: Around the World!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Somewhere my Jolly Farm awaits..


I would like to live in a place of peace like this. I would love to own my own farm or ranch with acres of land if nothing to be away from a trillion idiots.

As it is, I don't. I live in a 'burb with every house is nearly 10 feet away from each other in a town or area that is apparently so wonderful that more and more people pour into it every day. I have lived in the exact same house since I was 7 years old, literally only leaving to live on campus a few years and later to share an apartment with a roomate or two. Only to have to return to said house after being ill. This was in fact a huge favor and wonderful thing, because the only other option was residential living with other mentally ill women. So while I see people who had no other choice and had to do this, the most they could ever look forward to is Section 8 housing on their own.

If you ever wonder if the government is in fact controlling reproduction or coupledom of the mentally ill all you have to look at are the strict guidelines for overnight stays etc., as though your mother or R.A. were still monitoring you. Unless a mentally ill person has a sugar mama or daddy to help them out of their situation, they will most likely be bachelors and bachelorettes for life. None of this happened to me, because my mom is lib-er-al and I was already an adult with a relationship coming back into the home situation. And I essentially have a Sugar Daddy. Otherwise I would be poor as pie, probably wouldn't even have a computer to blog with and you would never know about my fasc-in-ating life.

Yeah, so its been awhile since I dished on my day. I had the eye doctor appt. and they were so great with me. Turns out my vision has improved, literally three notches, since my last visit. :) I am sooo excited because I am getting new glasses! They have rhinestones on the sides, very contemporary shape and get this, come with fitted magnetic sun shades that have rhinestones in butterfly shape on each side that kind of give them the catseye look of yesteryear (retro good)! Now this may hideous to some, but I was absolutely enamored with them and I have the feeling I will look like everyone's first grade teacher or Elton John. Either way, they go with everything that is flambouyant about me and I am ready to embrace that part of myself. I am all prepared for someone to say something derogatory about them. So far my rehearsed response is:"So tell me, which bothers you more: that I would have the courage to wear things that make me feel great, or the fact that you don't?" Pretty good, huh?!

What might have helped this experience is that when I sat down with the lenses person she said, "Are you wearing perfume? Who makes that? It smells sweet but not overpowering." I told her it was Celine Dion and that I liked it for the same reason and that I don't even own any other perfume. Then she looked uncomfortable and said, "I guess that was a weird silly question." And I emphatically stated, "No, not at all! What's the use of wearing it if someone doesn't notice!" I honestly think that being that honest put her at ease and we got along so well that she even asked me if I had any other insurance, to help pay for everything. Well, it was a nice experience all around and I can't wait to pick up my new glasses next week!!

Then, bowling. There are just a handful of teams in our league and of course this means you play the same people over and over. This week: my most un-favorite team. I don't not mind getting tromped, and its great that they are consistently very good bowlers. Problem is that the majority of the people on this team know it and are terribly arrogant and pompous. Again, I could take that, it would seem understandable. The real problem is that they are unsportsmanlike and make comments. I really believe this is because they are so good that they are bored with every strike and spare and need to be this way for the excitement. But it is no fun to put up with. In particular, the female team captain enrages me, to the point that I'm mere inches away from truly telling her off. Perhaps if we just spread the rumor that I am bipolar and have been a mental hospital (or two) would put a little proper fear in them. Otherwise, I have no problem telling her that she needs to keep the nasty to herself. She has no idea how much I want to hit her and I'm trying real hard to keep it that way. Good bipolar!! Down girl!

Well, to continue the rant on where I live, I want to go somewhere beautiful and safer. My mom realized that someone had rifled through her car, as it was pretty obvious. Like I said, we have lived in this area for nearly 30 years and it doesn't surprise me that she hasn't yet seen the need to lock her car doors. I of course have been paranoid from the get-go and constantly and always lock doors, but bless Mom's heart she truly is the trusting sort. Those days are over, at least concerning her car. What really gets me is the utter disrepect and break of your trust this kind of thing is. Nothing was taken but it just enrages me that someone would walk up our driveway and think its okay to check out our stuff. Yet another form of human e vil. I don't need these masses of people. It does no good because no one looks out for each other and now people are around all the time, driving and walking by and you don't know them. When I see how seemingly normal adults can be so stupid whether its bowling, driving, or really any contact with them I thank God that I don't live with them and that there are some spaces on this planet that are yet still MY world, MY space. Yet the bastards want to impinge on that too.

Total thought change: I have signed up for NutriSystem. This is after watching Mom lose 40 pounds and talking to my Dad who have been convinced to try it by Mom, is still on it and after a month and a half estimates he's lost about 20 pounds. Now, men lose fat or weight much easier than women and I'm not on any comparison track with either of them, but really according to doctor advice I really need to do something. Many of you know I'm on blood pressure meds, Lipitor along with my various other sundries and it just gets worse if you don't lose the weight. So I'm taking the plunge. I'm not really worried about Thanksgiving because its basically one day, and I plan to follow NutriS. all day and eat a sensible dinner. I'm really just excited to go (in-laws) because I have fantastical plans to make brownies wrapped up in saran wrap, ribbons and litte turkey tags that say "Happy Thanksgiving." I'm hoping to make enough to spread the joy to other people I know. Anyhow, I thought I coould wait until January, to get through Christmas, as that will be a week far away with in-inlaws and gives me more trepidation, but I thought why should I wait when I could be doing myself some good for a month and half earlier and I deserve to take care of me. Maybe mentally its a Christmas and life! present to myself.

If you wonder, I really do not 'look' like two ton Annie, an amazing amount of my flab seems evenly proportioned and I'm lucky that way. But number wise and health wise it is all there, taking a serious toll on me. I believe that if I don't try (again) to make a difference and get this OFF me, I will be even bigger, taking more meds and stealing the beautiful future I additionally imagine for myself. Energy, dancing, movement, more fun with clothes even. NutriSystem is not going to fix me. I have to get up earlier (go to bed earlier) and exercise. I have quietly been trying to fix my sleeping problem, try to go to bed earlier in an effort to stop snoozing all day. I did this in correlation with signing up for NutriSystem because the whole thing is meant to be breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. I hope that if I truly follow this (and I am experiencing a lifestyle change just with my sleeping pattern change) then I will stop the e v il known as night time eating. Sleep late, no body movement (exercise) and eat late - I'm surprised I'm not the size of a house!! The key and truth here is I still believe I can change. I have not lost my belief that if something is wrong with me, I can change it. That one thing can rock the planet, if more people would embrace this simple truth.

So there you have it. The mega update on my life and what I have been percolating lately. I've been quiet, premenstrual, postmenstrual and ALL that good stuff, and probably holding in a lot. So it must spew out sometime, one must exhale, and there you have it.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Chee Whiz!!

Emma the Pug and Reese, la Siamese extraordianaire are fine!

As a matter of fact, today confirms that I *must* buy a can of Cheeze Whiz, because I'm pretty sure Emma would jump through fire to get some. You know your vet is top notch when they use it to get through any procedure. I see a huge potential savings on anesthesia too - Nah, she doesn't need it, just keep the Whiz comin'! (That is a joke people. I suggest you try this with a relative and their favorite snack. Or yourself. Not me, though. :)

More appointments for me in the near future: tomorrow ~ the eye doctor. Then bowling. I am on a league, in case I have not iterated that before. I don't think dilating my eyes should be necessary, after all I'm bipolar, big wide dilated eyes are a good way to spot us! Next day, dentist. Hubby and I to go at the same time. So if I was 10 to 15 years old I'd be all set to go out for sports, since it seems like I'm getting my physical this week. Hmmm, that's why I like bowling, no physical and in most bowling alleys you can smoke and eat their fatty foods to your hearts content. ESPN swears that it's a sport and it's probably one the rare things that I would watch on their illustrious channel.

Anyway, everyone should have something to love as much my Puggie loves Cheez Whiz! Tart, out.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Babies to the Vet


This is one of 16 pandas recently born in China. Just one of the very adorable pics I stole out of an email about it.


Tomorrow the babies are going to the vet. Emma needs her Bordatella shot (prevents kennel cough) and she has these small bumps for no reason. Poor Reese, my Siamese, has a swollen right eye and what sincerely looks like pus leaking out of it! Yummy, I know. I am NOT losing another cat, not to anything, so I will attempt an early get up time to make his appointment, preferably when Emma's is (she's already set to go tomorrow.) Hah! Reese is NOT a good travel companion and is truly the most manic kitty I've ever seen in the vet room. Please think of me and prayers are accepted. :)

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

A Rose in November

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

A real miracle has occurred. Something that budded right here in blogland has bloomed out in the real world and it truly is a beautiful, precious thing.

mysti of a place to journal and I met over the weekend! Now I know blog readers have wondered where I have been for so long, and it just seems like I got busy with other things, things that didn’t include posting. But I have been thinking about just how I would write this special post and I apologize that it’s taken me so long to get it here.

How neat is it that an utterly wonderful, beautiful fellow blogger would live near enough for us to go visit on a weekend? I call this post ‘Rose in November’ because I thought it interesting and strangely beautiful that flowers and especially roses are in fact still blooming in her area. But moreover, it is because mysti is a rose in November in so many ways, from her actual person and outlook on life, to her effect on me. I realized even after talking to her on the telephone after meeting her gave me the strength to actually be happy and enjoy my day, even amid rain and other crankiness, and I cannot account for that joy otherwise. What a sweet blessing! :)

Husband and I had a great time during our visit, because it is a beautiful area, we got to see mysti’s house in progress, had a great dinner with a salty-mouthed and very entertaining waitress, and Husband and I felt very privileged to introduce the family to bowling. We all had a great time and that was just Saturday!

On Sunday we all spent time at some of the beautiful places in mysti’s area, shopped at a cute shop, and got to go to her house and have some of the best pizza (who makes that stuff, seriously? We can’t find good pizza like that here.) and a very special dessert – pumpkin cheesecake made by mysti herself. She has a gift with pastries as she very humbly admitted that she had been a pastry chef. I’m betting she was one of the best they ever had – hey, I can toot her horn for her can’t I?!

I know that mysti was concerned about us meeting her dog, because he is older and sometimes emits a smell. She need not be, because Tart's olfactory is pretty shot for one thing! Also, you can tell a lot about a person in how they treat their pets and their children. In both cases, mysti seems to be doing everything right. Her teenage boys are so polite that I was momentarily unnerved since I've heard that's not the norm. They're also sweetie-pies, and while the whole family is indeed experiencing the travails of teenhood I feel deeply that they are going to turn out some wonderful grown people. As for their dog, I know what its like to have an older animal and I when I see them care for their pet and do everything they can for him, there is utterly nothing finer that you can do for an animal. I shudder at the people that would put their dog down because of an occasional odor or any other problem. Owning a pet is a promise from the first moment to take care of any need, and to humanely take them to end of life and I believe that with my soul. mysti's family is doing precisely that and they have nothing to fear in Tart's eyes!

So those would be the particulars but I think some readers would be interested to know that mysti absolutely is the kind, loving, Christian soul that you would have guessed from reading her blog. She is an incredibly sweet person who made me feel so comfortable because she is utterly accepting of me. It’s not that I’m an entirely horrible person, but as I openly admit on this blog, I’ve got issues and honestly I think it’s things like that made us bond even more. I think we both understand that everyone’s got problems, and I think we both deal very well with our own, but additionally, I find her to be an inspiration just going about her life. I feel so lucky to have found this friend, that it seems obvious that she is an answer to a prayer (yes, Tart prays, and often). I really thank God for bringing her in my life. Thank you, mysti, for the gift of your friendship.

:)

Tart Speaks~And Savors

As my long-time blog readers know, Tart never talks about political stuff. But I do find myself pretty happy with today’s events and felt compelled to write about these things. I strongly advise however that those who Google or try to find people to parlay their political thoughts will not inspire me to break out my industrial strength Normie-Be-Gone and have to do a heavy shake and spray on my blog. I’m allowed my joy after being quiet for a long time and I’m not here to be someone’s battering post, so those types have duly and squarely been warned.


I couldn’t be happier with the spanking new political situation we find ourselves in today. I must laugh as people are so predictable in their fickleness and shortsightedness, but since it is in my favor I am just soaking in it.

Being a Virginia voter and one that stood in a very long line to cast my vote and one who fully supports my newly and properly elected Senator I have to say: “Once again, Republican babies stop your whining and get out of office. May the door hit you on the rear, perhaps you’ll finally find some reality.” Is it just me or is that camp most likely trying to look into that 2004 Florida playbook on cheating one’s way into office regardless of a fair and legal vote? It’s not going to work, jerk.

I can completely relate my comments in a bipolar aspect, because for me I like stability and this is something that most medicated-in-reality bipolars long for. I’m speaking about stability in the sense that I know what is right (umm correct) for me. I haven’t swayed from my ideals because I actually have some and I chuckle when I see normies swaying literally one way to another because they don’t like this particular thing or that.

Also something can be said for people like me who have a massive emotional sense, often able to see underlying things. I’m not saying I’m a mind reader but rather a person with a very dead-on sh*t detector and I can apply it in a variety of arenas including the political ones. If it involves people, especially when they want you to perceive them one way and there mostly likely is a real way or actual underlying factor, Tart’s pretty much on it.

It amazed me that the common public could not see what a d**k wad Mr. Bush was going to be from the get go, as I can honestly say I always felt this was the case (and not after that was a conveniently acceptable thought as it seems to be now). When a person cannot verbalize even the simplest of things, and thinks that Texan bravado can cover your arse in all situations – well these simple facts didn’t ever give me the confidence to put that individual in charge of (thankfully still) the greatest country in the free world or let him be the guy to push the button. I think we can all see where his lack of ability (and lots of use of his known inabilities) got us after 9/11.

But the true icing on the cake was something I did not foresee. The ‘stepping down’ of Mr. Rumsfeld. I can say nothing but YAAAAAY! as he sickened me so much to even see him on television that I would just click off his useless image and every other one in The Regime.

I have never considered it a Republican Revolution, rather a Republican Oppression. I feel that way regardless if things go good or bad, even if my perceived good guy does well or not, and that probably says a lot about me. The truth is that the average normie is going to feel very bitter if the Democrats don’t do something stunning in two years to reverse twelve years of idiocy. I think that’s a lot to ask. Hopefully they can really pull together. If normies see enough magic they’ll be inspired in 2008 and that’s what I can’t wait for. The framework is laid for a complete reversal and I am overjoyed at today’s turn of events and look with hope into the future. The truth is more normies than not normie have spoken (literally: people without mental illness compared to those that do), so my opinion in a way, and as always, is just commentary. Their choices are something that could be analyzed for fun as a social project and I’ve pretty much said what I think about their thinking and choices. The outcome of their obvious angst is finally something that brings joy to me.

Thank you,
Tart off podium

Friday, November 3, 2006

Institutionally Wrong

As a voice of truth, as I do think of myself, I have an actual subject today to go off about. I have someone else's story, my take/opinion and of course, it would not be complete without a story of my own!

When I go to have my cig outside, just like with every other aspect of my day I end up think, think, thinking. Actually, thinking seems easier and more clear outside than other times. So today, my mind wandered in its admitted circular thinking and I remembered a NYT's story that I had found and printed and here it sits on my lap for reference.

This may seem a post of bitterness but I see it as a post of truth. I relate to this woman and join the in the fight against institutional wrong.

Dina Gottliebova Babbitt, now 83, is an Auschwitz survivor of the Holocaust. During that evil, her life was saved by being forced to paint pictures of gypsies by the notorious Josef Mengele. Before the Nazi's would torture and kill them he wanted an acurate picture of the coloring of their skin since he did not think photos could capture it. Miss Gottliebova's mural of 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,' an attempt to cheer up the children in Auschwitz brought her to Mengele's attention.

She was singled out of a group of people to be exterminated and would agree to do this only if her mother would be spared also or she would commit suicide by touching the electric fence. So she painted the gypsies and after every single one was killed, she was forced to paint Mengele's medical procedures.

Ms. Gottliebova and her mother survived the horror and she went on to be an animator in Paris, marry and divorve a Mr. Babbitt while living in the U.S. , continued her career as an animator and worked on such characters like Tweety Bird, Wile E. Coyote and Cap'n Crunch.

And she wants her paintings created in hell back.

She says that every single thing she physically owned was taken from her, from her dog, furniture, to her underwear and that now that they have found something that actually belongs to her they refuse to give it back which makes her feel as helpless as when these atrocities first occurred.

Now, the Auschwitz museum insists that her paintings belong to them, that they exist because of her forced servitude to Mengele. and will not give them back to her. Period. They are afraid of the precedent that it will set as other artists and 'contributers' are still alive.

This is what I have to say:

What is a museum if it is holding its artifacts hostage? More than any other institution in the world, Jewish caretakers of a museum depicting the most horrible, inhumane activity ever known of upon this earth should have the empathy and morals to understand precisely what this woman went through and if she wants her things back: give it to her. Period.

I don't care to see things in a museum that are displayed against the will of a living artist. If everyone took their things out, so be it, because in reality it is a sham of a 'museum.' I was thrilled when I saw a real Monet at a Chigago Museum when I visited. Or I think of Van Gogh - he chose to sell his paintings to live. But if someone grabbed them from him in the name of history or their own purposes any fool can see that is wrong.

Here's my story:

I was 16 years old, finally reached a private mental hospital for care as I had gone out of my head psychotic. They tell me I created unbelievable stuff during this period in 'art therapy.' Stuff that I don't even recall, stuff that was created by a person who had no boundaries, someone for all practical purposes was not here and wouldn't have been able to iterate, hear, or answer a yes or no question. In short I created in hell, for the interest and benefit of others, not even realizing *as I was doing* what I was doing.

When I left same institution, part of the signing out papers was to give up all my rights to my work created in 'art therapy' to the (may I say evil) art therapist herself. This was not being analyzed to help me, this had no purpose except to go into her personal collection or for all I know to get her off on. NO CHOICE - I was told sign it or I COULD NOT LEAVE!!! My mother was so in a hurry or wanted me out so badly that she was basically like "sign the fn thing." I kept refusing and I believe they might have brought the art 'therapist' down to talk to me. Perhaps it is just my own memory, but I recall her smiling smugly as I signed the piece of paper when they kept telling me impatiently that it was standard procedure.

Both institutions want to take from people who had no control over the creation of their work or the circumstances that they had been forced into. Before anyone gets concerned about any perceived comparison between Aushwitz and psychoses in a mental hospital, I will say this: One was a real and physical hell on Earth, the other a real hell experienced only in one person's head. The real and physical has always taken precedent to most humans, so you come to your own conclusion.

Still, I must end this with stating it is unbelievable how any institution, made by people no less, can continue inhumane treatment and make it as easy to enforce as saying - it's our policy. And to make you sign on the bottom line, with no choice, to cover their butt is reprehensible.

I don't see a real purpose, even for history, in taking something from someone when they have more than paid the price for their own creativity and just want to own what's theirs.

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Ay-yi-yi!!! Christmas Overwhelm?!!



Ever be pretty much fine all day and muster up a nice fit in the evening? Mine occurred today as the complete overwhelm of realizing Christmas is coming took me over!

I really and truly want to do, make, or give something unique and special to my multitudinous in-laws (with whom I will be spending Jesus's birthday with) but with every creative thought I have and realizing that it takes me FOREVER to cross-stitch, crochet, or anything handy to accomplish I get sooo overwhelmed.

Husband's idea of Christmas for these people are gift cards to restaurants. When he was completely on his own sent Travelers checks in small amounts to each, using Federal Express as he umm waited til the last minute with these thoughtful gifts. Now, I have been handed the reins. If I remember birthdays, send out cards, etc., he is thrilled because he has admitted that it makes him look good. I have good intentions but I simply don't have enough time to make them come true, and I love the fact that I have all these wonderful people in my life now. And I am excited about now being an aunt, albeit from a far away state, now that I married into that. I will be internally thrilled the day I am called Aunt Tart. It may not ever happen because I have never heard Husband called Uncle, despite his blood relation, as they refer to him as that Goofball. It's sort of like being Duchess of Poo, but you're upset because no one calls you by your rightful title. I'm kidding. Our last name's not Poo.