Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I don't, in fact, have a lot to say, so I will leave you with this billboard.:)
I take that back.
I have had unusual energy yesterday and this morning. I would say that continued into the baking thing, BUT my back hurt so I wanted to pull my spine out and twist it the proper way, or pay for a tummy tuck NOW! Anyways,
I don't know if it's the impending solar eclipse on Aug. 1 (Yeah, Yahoo says so) or what and I don't know if I would call this 'manic' or productive.
I have scrubbed the floor in my bathroom without anybody asking me to, then when my blush (say pink stuff everywhere) broke onto said floor I nary blinked an eye to continue to get down on my knees and scrub it further - with a Toothbrush!! Yes! Then scrubbed the sink, the toilet even the toilet bowl. I had never used toilet bowl cleaner before and didn't even realize we owned any. Pret-ty blue in the bowl!!
Then, while making a dinner with two vegetables and enough food to feed us last night AND today, I vacuumed the upper stairs, all of which was uncalled for.
This morning I awoke at 6:30 a.m. took care of the dogs, laid down for two seconds, then made sausage and Boiled eggs, almost forgetting how to boil a --- egg! But they turned out perfectly! As always spent way too much time on the computer, hung up Husband's shirts, made a stew for the crock pot for tonight, picked up branches in the front yard, talked on the phone, took a shower, and managed to get to my baking opportunity on time despite it being 40 minutes away (can't say the same for the other 'newer' person who lives waay closer but always manages to be 10-20 minutes late (and then figures staying 20 or more minutes later will make it up), and yes, it boils my hide).
Oh, and I also wrote for my book for an entire hour (9-10 a.m.) this morning, really still trying to get a feel for what it will be about.
Now I find out that 'BP Guy' has published his third book about his blogging adventures with comments from the rest of us. I wonder if I'm in it, I didn't know by commenting that I gave up rights to even know that. Now that I may be potentially published, should I 'bother' writing my own book? Answer: of course, silly!
I wonder how long my 'prolific days' will last. After all, I'm bipolar (and can't expect the 'Happy Days' of housewifehood to last long). First and foremost, a bathroom floor scrubber and Then a bipolar.:)
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I am so glad that my friend Tracy has returned from her vacation and that she enjoyed it immensely and had a great time and feels better than ever!:) That's the way a good vacation should be!
I went fishing (again) yesterday, this time on another rented John boat, similar to the one we 'had' to sell back to IG. We brought a friend with us and had a good morning fishing on the water. We had a really nice time fishing for several hours until it got hot. Husband caught two very small fish, the first one on his first try of putting his line in the water - it practically jumped into the boat!
There it is!
The second one was the tiniest panfish and Husband barely knew that something was on his line. It seemed to have gotten 'caught' on the fishes gill. Husband tried to get the hook out quickly but it was also flopping on the hot metal of the boat, sadly it may not have made it. We like to look at our fish, take a picture and put them back so they can be caught by someone else!:)
This is Husband throwing the small fish over the side after getting it off the hook. It happened fast for me to take the picture, I think you can see the fish on the right side of picture going over the side of the boat!
Today we already had a thunderstorm that is over and I think I may try my 'Donna Dewberry' craft painting again, or get out my knitting. Despite 'recovering' from the heat and having to take a restful nap yesterday, I have had a pretty good, restful weekend.
I wish a Good week to all in Blogger Land!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I have pictures of my fish I caught on Tuesday, July 15th, and a rundown of all the wonderful things I have made so far at my bakery job as well as the recipe of what I cooked in a slow cooker this evening so that I could have a yummy dinner with my Husband and not have to run to McDonald's or the like tonight.
I don't know if Tracy knows how much she is missed, but I guess she will when she returns from vacation in the next couple of days.:) I consider her one of my best friends, heck I don't have many friends, so this is just going on Tooo Long and I will be so Glad when she is back!:)
So, I'm done posting for the evening, I'll see ya later!:)
Monday, July 21, 2008
I know I focused on how angry I was that IG instantly wanted the boat back as soon as he heard the good news (my fish story, not about Jesus, obviously - hee hee), but I didn't really talk about how amazing the fish was, or catching it, so there's a blessing that went unheralded.
The other blessing was the beauty and wonder and COMFORT of air conditioning. This time of year without it in my area is sweltering and well, beyond uncomfortable and HOT! Wouldn't you know it, ours went out on Friday, July 18th when I was cooking dinner and didn't realize that the waning of the microwave, lights and A.C. was the air conditioning unit outside going Kaput!
I wanted to go fishing this Saturday, this time in a rented boat, yes, I admit, mostly to prove that we could have a great time without the IG boat. We went, got toasted, fried, hot, sweaty and heated, smothered in sunscreen and bug spray and did not catch a thing! But we had a great time, Husband and myself putting around the river with our motor and trying to catch another fish! Blessings, again.
When we returned, I called the air conditioning people, fully expecting them not to be able to come until Monday and we were getting ready to measure the window in the bedroom in expectation of purchasing a window unit from Walmart. I left a message with the A.C. fixers. They called back within 20 minutes! saying they could come over within an hour! They did and fixed it for a fairly minimal price. We have A.C. again! WHAT A BLESSING!
So now I have pics from our days of fishing, a farmer's tan, and a newfound love for my A.C. - blessings all over the place!:)
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I will have to read this lady's book, she is so gripping. This is Terri Cheney, a beautiful manic-depressive who wrote this for "Modern Love' on January 13, 2008. She relates to the reader the utter scourge of trying to figure out who the hell you are as a bipolar, especially in romance terms (gasp) INCREDibly well. Enjoy. I'm going to leave the computer Alone now.:) Tart
Take Me As I Am, Whoever I Am
Please go: Here for an important article. I knew that New York Times would do an incredible story on Bipolar Disorder someday.
Patient Voices: Bipolar Disorder
What is it like to have bipolar disorder? To be labeled "crazy"? How do you balance the ups and downs? Here, in their own words, are the stories of nine men and women living with bipolar disorder. (for more on bipolar)
Have your speakers on to listen to the multimedia of the original article.
I had to stop when I reached the man who almost hurt his baby, besides being disturbing I could somehow relate to his brand of psychosis, and it was too much for me.
Maybe now I understand how my Dad's kidney's could have failed, as he too, was afraid to be off the lithium medication, much like the man above explains.
You can learn so much. May we have compassion for one another.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
He'll pay us for said boat, but I am royally offended. My husband refurbished and made the boat usable and beautiful, compared to to what it was. I think he is slightly offended that IG (that's Indian Giver) sees said boat, notes how nice it looks and wants it because Husband says, 'of all the work I put into it.'
I'm offended because IG says to Husband, 'Well what kind of fisherman are you?' since I was the one to land the enormous fish and Husband did not catch anything.
Yes, I have pics of the damn thing in the water, you can't tell that it looked like it was nearly going to break my rod and you can't hear the squeals of joy I emmitted for catching one killer fish. I feel like this jerk, IG, either thinks if a woman/girl/MI person can catch this fish then I just can't wait to get out there too.
Seriously. That is the way he seems to talk to Husband, and the IG is not sorry at all to ask back 'his' boat. The utter nerve. I say give it back to him, I don't want anything more to do with these nasty people.
Husband will serve them till the day he dies, because he has one friend in the whole world, the offspring of IG. He will do anything for these ingrates. Not me. It's over. I don't want to give IG the boat and then 'borrow' it as Husband suggests.
I want that man to get on said boat and throw every bait into the water for the rest of his life and never see anything as awesome as I did today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Monday, July 14, 2008
It's all about ME!
I am: mixed emotions right now. Can't sleep and keep trying. 2 seconds ago I would have said I am 'down' but now I am girding myself to fill this out.:)
I think: I am tired but can't sleep.
I know: I have to sleep sometime.
I have: a computer to tell you all about this.
I wish: I was sleeping right now.
I hate: feeling. This way. Feeling this way.
I miss: My Dad. I was crying about how heartbroken I am without him, just 20 minutes ago.
I fear: too many damn things. Just shoot me. Oh, I forgot, I'm afraid of that too.
I hear: the LOUD hum of the hard drive on my computer, the trickling of the cat's water fountain behind me.
I smell: Not much. Which is lucky, since I'm right next to the cat's litter box.
I crave: cheese, and foo-foo food at this late hour. Sour cream perhaps?
I search: for respite, calm, and peace.
I wonder: if I'll ever find respite, calm and peace.
I regret: the stupid things I say on my blog. People, please forgive me.:)
I love: my family, on Earth and in Heaven, my friends, and my animals.
I ache: in the back, and strangely in my left achilles tendon in the back of my heel. Sleeping is impossible when it feels like they should just take my legs off at night. Just sayin'.
I am not: as mean as I sound sometimes.
I believe: I finally admitted that.
I dance: foolishly and for fun. I boogie for no reason sometimes. Caught my MIL off guard once when I did it. Don't think that will happen again.
I sing: at home on my Karaoke machine with no audience but my animals.
I cry: a lot it seems. Did it a moment ago when I wanted to off myself but decided to meme instead.
I fight: the illness.
I win: period. I'm still here aren't I?
I lose: my cellphone sometimes. Gotta call it to find it, sometimes.
I never: not wear underwear. I feel pretty proud of that.
I always: wear underwear. Who knew that was coming up next?
I confuse: myself and therefore everyone else around me, all the time. But at least I write succinctly about it.:)
I listen: probably too much. You start doing that and people keep going and goooing...
I can usually be found: right'chere at the computer.
I am scared: I'll never break the habit of spending the whole dang day on the 'puter.
I need: many more better things to do than being on the 'puter.:)
I am happy about: Hunh? What does this mean?
I imagine: We're all glad this came to an end.
I would like to tag...
The Lord of the Idiots - are you still here?
Annnnnnd....Anyone in blogger land willing to take this on. Please come back and tell me if you did it and who you are. Thanks!:)
As one of my friends says about himself, 'my totem is the turtle, the king of non-confrontation.' I seem to live my life that way too, for better or worse, and I don't think it's a bad thing. It lead to a good friendship! I also learned impartiality at the newspaper and I try, try to keep it that way. (That's probably a big, 'Hah!')
But the twins and every thing Angelina seem to be fascinating to me. When a beautiful woman and celebrity such as Jolie gets impregnated (and pregnancy fascinates me) and then gives birth to not one but two beautiful babies, well that is a source of 'fascinato' to me, on top of all of it.
I can only hope that they are selling their what is expected to be $20 million dollar picture of the new darlings to 'People' magazine, as this is the only magazine I receive, every week and I read it cover to cover. I love that stuff as blog readers here, know.
If you wonder like I did, No! they are not keeping the money, they are donating it to charity. Don'tcha wish your first baby pic were worth $10 million (per individual)? That could build a couple of houses in New Orleans.:) Give it to (sell to to the) 'People,' Jolie-Pitts!
I almost posted this on my http://www.jungletartsgoodstuff.blogspot.com/ site but it almost sounds too catty to be 'Good Stuff' doesn't it? I don't mean for it to, I meant to just say, Congrats! and perhaps start a discussion about the names that were picked for the tykes. After all, my blogs should come with a 'I try to be 100% honest (or say nothing at all) tag! Only a bipolar could consider this 'good stuff' and 'Tart' at the same time!:)
See here for an interesting article from MSN dissecting the names/monikers picked for the twins. I think it's interesting, as an English major, that there are people specifically in the business of choosing and critiquing names, and that I intrinsically agreed with much that was said.
I would essentially give the boy name 'Knox' a C, and Vivienne Marcheline (to me, a normal sounding girl's name) an A. That's just me. What do you think of 'baby namer's' and their thinking?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Here is a little explanation of my songs. (I wanted to give background on some of my choices.):
'He's Alive' - Dolly Parton: I cannot help but bawl everytime I listen to this. I think it's one of most beautiful, Christian songs ever. I don't know how she doesn't cry when she sings it. I have seen an entire room of celebrities crying when Dolly Parton sung it at an awards show. I'm not the only one - not a dry eye in the house!
'Coat of Many Colors' - Dolly Parton: 'One is only poor, if they choose to be.'
'Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch' - The Four Tops: I sing this (yes, I Karaoke, in the comfort and safety (for me & listener!) of my own home!) for my Emma dog-Emma dog. She is honey colored. I just think of her, my sweet doggie, some of the lyrics apply, but not anything inappropriate!
'Sugar, Sugar' - The Archies: This reminds me of my Mia Pug. She's my 'sugar, sugar, ooooh honey, honey little black puggie! It just makes me think of her. Same thing about the rest of the lyrics!
'Because You Loved Me' - Celine Dion: Totally dedicated to my Dad. I got the distinct pleasure of playing it for him a few years ago and telling him it was for him. I think he was overwhelmed. I told him, that if I got married some day, no matter what I picked as the 'Father/Daugther song' this was the one I really meant. (I played 'Unforgettable' by Natalie Cole/Nat King Cole at the wedding, which is just as true. Maybe this song was too special, and different for dancing to.:)
'You Never Walk Alone' - Kate Smith: The words speak for themselves, and the song is so powerful. I love the retro, Ethel Merman-y sound of this song, and of Kate Smith's sound in general. I was born a generation or two out of synch, but that is OKAY!:) I'm attracted to more retro music as you can see by my choices of K. Smith and Old Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra.
'God Bless America' (1942) - Kate Smith: A beautiful, mid World War II rendition of the famous song.
'That's Life' - Frank Sinatra: This must be My Theme Song for life. I love you, Frank, for doing this one.
'High Hopes' - Frank Sinatra: Who told that ant he could pick up that rubba' tree plant? So Sinatra, and so positive!
'Young at Heart' - Frank Sinatra: One of my very favorite Sinatra songs - and such true lyrics!
There you have it, my playlist for now. I thought about adding songs from my wedding, like the songs I put on a CD to play while people were filing into their places (In the Garden, Elvis Presley, A Day Without Rain, Enya, etc.) but not now. Enjoy!:)
Just to let you in on a bipolar moment, I really thought I was feeling fine and was percolating along 'normally.' I even talked to a friend on the phone yesterday, and I couldn't find anything negative to say about my life, that I recall, I know I seemed to be doing pretty well. That 'feeling' can switch so fast!
My 'job' is only two nights a week for a couple of hours. We bake things. Last night was the second night of doing so, a very complicated recipe compared to what we did the first night. Really complicated.
But it doesn't really matter, the lady I work with and her Mom are the sweetest people ever. Also, I like the process of baking and figuring out a recipe, even more than the end result! (I much rather eat a steak than sugar any day. I'm so afraid of being diabetic that I'm not really into sweets!)
The lady who runs this program and her Mom are super nice to work with, and seem to be very understanding of the little blips and problems that a mentally ill person has, while understanding that we can be so good at things. This program is specifically for mentally ill only, and the person in charge has an illness too, and her Mom has obviously been through it with her. So the whole thing really is a blessing in my life, that is not lost on me.
That's why its not such a big deal that I discovered that I have such a hard time with social skills, while working with these people. I wish I had the kind of normal life that I could talk about normal things to people about, whatever the heck that means. That's what it really comes down to!
I hesitated to even put this all on the blog, because it seems kind of stupid, or nothing compared to some problems. But I like to move on and get better, and I know this problem will not go away so easily and I hate anchors. I don't like knowing that I've got hangups that seem unsurmountable!
Thank God, these people are soooo understanding and truly nice to the bone, as that's the kind of people to find these things out about yourself, I think. But I was trying to talk, trying to communicate, trying to RELATE, and I could tell I wasn't coming across the way I was trying to come across. Or wished that I had something to come across about!
It's such a small thing really, but it got me into a funk. I think I've been manicy anyway, because I've been irritable, to tell you the truth, just for yesterday or so. You wouldn't know it that much because I don't talk that much, but one of my friends tells me that's a sign I'm not doing as well, if I'm quiet (if I don't talk a mile a minute, I guess!:)
It's so hard to explain this communication problem. I don't know how to convey 'me' to other people. Readers of my blog might feel like they 'know' me better than my attempts at trying to establish a relationship with real life people for the first time.
And the little things I mention might freak 'new' people out, like occasionally anxiety, illness (even though this program is specifically for the MI only! I swear they don't want to talk about it, there's still stigma in Somebody's mind! At least it seems that way. Or they want to pretend that they are as normal as possible, and I just want to let my hair down, But I can play their game.)
Luckily, they are primed to accept me the way I am, right off the bat, much more I think, than most people. Here I have written an entire missive on something so small, it amazes me!
I realize I am able to take care of myself and cook dinners for my husband, predominently. I'm not so interesting. The things that get me going and light me up in discussion are my dogs and talking about them, and that's just boring to some (probably a LOT of) people.
It's also very, very tiring for me to try to put on the 'happy face' for people. I do it instinctively, it's not something they make me do. To be around people also revs me, which is tiring.
All in all, I'm doing well, (and I attest that it's probably medicine keeping me so stable) but I'm tired even this minute, and it's just that I want to go to sleep for a while and it would be nice to shake off this feeling. What feeling is that? Check back with me in another 15 minutes!:)
Friday, July 4, 2008
Flag baby, Leonardo di Caprio!
I wish a Happy & Safe 4th of July holiday to everyone! I hope everyone gets to do something relaxing and fun with people they enjoy today!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
I saw this on Dr. Deb's site and went to the Wordle site and created my own!
I think you can see it better on their site, maybe if you click on it.
I like it because it is predominently positive, which is interesting. It takes words from my blog and turns it into art. I'd love to see what it does for other blogs!:)
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Hey! Joyous news! I got the position for the paid bakery training that I had been hoping to get!
As many of you know, I have not worked since I left my position with the newspaper as obituary clerk in 2006.
I have written about not working, since the Social Security office wanted tens of thousands of dollars from me a few years ago, because of minimal work I dared to do in the late 90's.
I was able to stop that entire process I think because of a sympathetic clerk at SS, and the fact that I wasn't trying to bilk the system like the guy with the appointment with her just before me.
This bakery training is perfect because it pays little (you heard it here...I prefer it that way - it won't in any way come close to the amount we're allowed to make per month on Disability), it should be relatively low stress and it lasts 6 months and then we talk working in the community.
Didn't mention it b4 bec. I didn't know if I would get it!:)
Have a positive week and a Great 4th of July!