Monday, August 31, 2009

Monday's 'Adventure' post.

The Carters, including Maybelle, June Carter (Cash's) mom.

I was thinking very hard about what to put on the Adventure of a JungleTart's blog, after knowing so easily what to put up on 'The Good Stuff' (go check it out).

I thought about updating you on my mental state. The update: I am still a little fragile, but I get a little better every day, perhaps quite shockingly having to do with an emergency medicine change done last week. I honestly didn't think it would work. It was hell to get through, but I think I won't be going into the hospital and that is just an unbelievable blessing.

So then I looked through My Pictures, of which I have many, and after posting about Johnny & June Carter on my other blog, well this one seemed perfect.

I don't know who each person is, I just know that it is the original Carters and that Maybelle Carter (June Carter's mom) is in it. I love old-timey anything, I love bluegrass, and this picture reminds me of family members that grew up in the Deep South.

I also think that it must have been rare for women to go out wearing/playing guitars & music and how pioneering these ladies were. I think it is beautiful and powerful. Good night to all.:)

(PS - Please pray for Denise's Dad who had a heart attack earlier today. I am thinking of you Denise, and your family. Love, 'Tart)

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Don't throw daggers and knives at yourself.

This is my new motto, repeated internally inside my head. I use it to 'stop-thought,' so to speak, bad thoughts sometimes if I can't be too busy to drown them out otherwise.

I have personally found that I am the one saying the meanest things to myself.

I don't think that anyone would have the canastas to say to me some of terrible things I have thought of myself.

I can sit perfectly still and tear myself apart without ever saying a word out loud. I know it's part of the illness. It says so in my informative brochure from NAMI (also titled, "Bipolar: you're crazy to visit and you definitely don't want to live there." Oh, those nutty brochures from NAMI)

This is not an MSN board, with every crackpot on earth being mean to each other for the fun of it, this is a blog by a person who has bipolar who would like to enrich the world in some way.

So I just want to leave you with that thought for the moment (don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. Endure to the end, remember?) I know I can be my own worst enemy. I invite those of us who especially need to be reminded, that for emotional safety to leave the cutlery in the woodblock.

Return of the 'Tart

Oh, it has been a horrendous couple of weeks. How time flies and I have not been on the blog for over a month! I don't like to go that long but I have been busy - I am now working two jobs and who knows maybe that contributed to one of the worst, most montrous lows I have had in memorable history. Of course, my memory is short (a little short-fused, if you will) but it's been bad. Part of it is zero energy, but that doesn't even begin to describe how low the down was, or how far I went with suicidal thoughts. The Aggressor has been working me hard, but I have won that fight, for the moment. It looked to everyone, except Husband who worked hard to keep me out, that I was going to go in the hospital. But I am not. I am still here. Boo to you, Aggressor, I win.

Well sure there's more to say, lots happens in a month, but these past two weeks have been utterly unbelievable. I have been at a loss as to what to say on blog, and zero energy if I could even formulate a post. So the Tart is back. Here's to hanging in there, to Life, to living. I hope blogland is well.