Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I'd like a copy of this diet pleeeaaaaase.

300-pound inmate complains jail doesn't feed him well
April 30, 2008 6:00 AM
BENTONVILLE, Ark. — An inmate awaiting trial on a murder charge is suing the county, complaining he has lost more than 100 pounds because of the jailhouse menu.

Broderick Lloyd Laswell says he isn't happy that he's down to 308 pounds after eight months in the Benton County jail. He has filed a federal lawsuit complaining the jail doesn't provide inmates with enough food.

According to the suit, Laswell weighed 413 pounds when he was jailed in September. Police say he and a co-defendant fatally beat and stabbed a man, then set his home on fire.

"On several occasions I have started to do some exercising and my vision went blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out," Laswell wrote in his complaint. "About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl. I feel hungry again."

But Laswell then goes on to complain that he undertakes little vigorous activity.

"If we are in a small pod all day (and) do next to nothing for physical exercise, we should not lose weight," the suit says. "The only reason we lost weight in here is because we are literally being starved to death."

The suit also asks that the county be ordered to serve hot meals. The jail has served only cold food for years.

The meals, provided through Aramark Correctional Institution Services, average 3,000 calories a day, jail Capt. Hunter Petray told The Morning News of northwest Arkansas for a story Saturday.

A typical diet consists of 2,000 to 3,000 calories a day.

Be an emotional Warrior - Bipolar-style

Be an emotional Warrior.

I'm talking to the bipolar's out there, the one's who know they are, the one's who have no diagnosis but are thinking they might be, the one's in short that this is REAL for.

Choose light, choose right, go for the difficult - be courageous.

The soul is a very real concept to a bipolar. It is under constant bonbardment. It is up. It is down.

You can decide for yourself who or what is causing that. I say that because so many people refuse to believe that chemicals in the brain are responsible. But doesn't that make a hell of a lot more sense than the boogeyman entering your life and doing it? Brain chemicals are almost pinpointable. No?

I understand soul. I am down with that, I am very entangled in it on a daily basis.

I am starting to understand that there is something above that, SEPARATE from that. Separate from the goings ons of my turmoil, my push daily, my courage, even.

That is Spirit. Everyone has got both soul & spirit and its up to them what they do with them, or even if they get in touch with one or either.

I'm just learning about spirit, communing with it, learning the difference between soul and spirit. I'm no expert, period. People write entire books on the subject and I have only a fleeting hold on the concept at the moment.

But I know it's there. I know I'm proud of mine because I've been tested in all three major appliances: spirit, soul and body and I did good (my psychoses, my daily Life). I know, in my heart, that my Dad's in a good place, seeing his family, somehow I'll see him again. Maybe he watches and intervenes in my life, I don't know.

I can't GIVE that feeling, knowledge, whatever, to another. I can only state it and say you'd have to consider that any of these things are possible, if you are wondering, for yourself.

Being an emotional Warrior means don't give in to the dark and fight against the daily, moment to moment dying of the light (dy. of the l. is a song), the really hateful, sad, down, parts, especially. Don't give in to the really low stuff. You know what I mean. Recognize the miracle of how you kept yourself going. We do it daily, and receive nearly 'no props' for it.

I wonder if some people rely on their families and think if they are downers, I must be too. So be even more courageous and fight against the nasty and for at least a little good - for Your own family. Why not be the crazy example of the person who does the right things? It rubs off.

Fight against pessimism, as much as you can. It's fun to commiserate, and share the fights and battles, but it's not everything. The willingness to have an open heart and also try to 'stay in the light' so to speak, is beyond courageous, and people notice it.

That's incredible courage, I've always said, those little wins, those little known things, usually, and that's what a person should try to attain, or attempt.

That's not to say that it isn't hard as hell to fight the illness, nor can any of us be "Happy Harriet's" all the time, or try to be. Some ideal of perfect emotional happiness is just unreal and not right as an expectation for a bipolar. I was told to 'accept who I am' and I'm getting damn good at it.

I just encourage the fight for bipolars and for them to recognize their own worth, their own courage, in the fact that they ARE fighting. You simply wouldn't be here if not. It's what I have to impart, and it's also what and who I am.

Thank you. And good night. Or day, as it were. Carry on. My wayward son, they'll be peace when... well, whatever.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I'm back...With a New Hobby!

So I wasn't in the mood to blog (!) which directly correlated with my hormonal schedule.:) I even went a whole day or two with no computer! How was this possible? My Mother is cleaning out things, and gave me this fabulous Casio keyboard! I have been having so much fun with it! So new hobby for the 'Tart.

Other things I could have blogged about: I went to PDoc on Monday and had my Lithium reduced even more. The crackpot still doesn't understand that its the Abilify that is giving me tarkenisia symptoms (the constant grinding teeth has got to STOP!) but I am playing guinea pig where he will see that reducing the one does not stop the symptoms and finally have to deal with the culprit. Meanwhile, I live on less Lithium, which I'm happy with. Less drugs, I like.

The other bloggable note: Reese went to the Vet. He has an infected eye, but believe me, everything else is working fine. He's a skwirmy little thing and hates to be handled by our very capable Vet (can you see I have more faith in him than my own Pdoc???). Reese even went to bite the Vet when receiving a shot in the hip (can you blame him?). So all is well. I am alive and keyboarding away.:)

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I have been tagged for a meme

by jenalexa
Rules of the game:- Link to the person who tagged you.
- Post their rules on your blog.
- Write six random things about yourself.
- Tag six random people by linking to their blogs.
- Let each of the six know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment (on their blogs).
- Let your tagger know when your entry is up.
6 Completely random facts about me:

1. I wear 3 rings everyday - my wedding & engagement rings and my college ring. I consider them indicative of my accomplishments. They were difficult to get and I deserve a daily hard copy reminder.:)

2. I was in my early 30's for all of those accomplishments above in #1. (Which puts so much pressure on my upcoming 40's!)

3. I am a hoarder. (a person who holds on to everything and is personally attached to EVERYTHING).

4. When I took the test on Oprah's site for hoarding, I rated a 10, the 'highest.' There's hope for people like me. It's called Ebay. (That would be me selling and not buying more crap.:)

5. I love steak and mashed potatoes. I know its bad for me. Once in a while I get hankerings for salad and have to have a huge one. I take that back. I LIKE salads and will eat them, large ones on occasion, but not most vegatables, except because I know I should (under duress.:)

6. I love to take pictures. Conversely, there are few pictures of me since nobody else bothers to use the camera.:)

I don't think I know 6 bloggers anymore (or ever!). I do choose these bloggers:
bpd in okc
Mark, Lord of the Idiots if he'll come out of 'hiding'!
and Bipolar Guy if he'll come out of 'hiding' and play these silly games.:)

Saturday, April 19, 2008

The Face of PMS

From the movie 'Enchanted,' an MSN pic, Susan Sarandon playing 'The Witch'

She's beautiful, talented, messes with your mind, wears too much makeup, is 98% bitchy and 2% Dragon (well, change your percentages as needed). These all describe the excellent portrayal of witch that Susan Sarandon did in 'Enchanted' and ALL describe Premenstrual Syndrome, as one point or another during the suffering. Did I mention engorged boobs, mood swings, and backaches (from un-Enchanting-ly holding up the neck on that dress, OR just because PMS is evil.)

Yes, it's artistic, different and TRUE. Enjoy your hormones. I know I don't.

(But I love Susan Sarandon. Mwah! You rock, Dear!)

A Thank You Friendship Award to Mysti

I found this friendship award on Whitterer on Autism's site, as I looked for a proper thank you and very due award to my friend Mysti, who presented me with a loving and heartfelt friendship award this morning. I hope the Whitterer site won't mind that I found it to be the perfect thing to say to my wonderful friend.

I like this particular award because both Mysti and I have been through a lot (the 'wrinkles' - which are natural by the way), yet we remain the cute, sweet, even cuddly creatures that you see here.:)

Thank you, Mysti, for being such a loving person, a wonderful wife and mom to your family, just as you had always hoped to be, and then to be such a wonderful friend to me & others. Knowing that you have fibermyalgia and other issues, and that you keep on plugging away, and that you continue to be the fabulous woman that you are, gives me hope to be a better person and to know that it is even possible. Thank you for guiding me in the direction to be a better person which in the end, is the real sign of a true friend, and you did it without me hardly knowing.

I'm forever grateful that God guided us to our friendship. I don't have a lot of friends and that makes you even more valuable. Thank you, so much, for being wonderful, kind, understanding, honest, caring, and all the kind of characteristics I could have wished for in a friend. (In other words, you deserve me. Just kidding on the lack of humble, I just had to inject some Tart.:):):)

And the truth is, I love you, too.



Thursday, April 17, 2008

WHAT!!? Not everyone considers furbabies as fur-children!!??!

I guess I can see the neighbor's problem. My small, adorable black pug only barks like a crazed doggie when she see's their kid, a small girl. My pug, has issues with the small variety of human. They are strange, a source of concern, or perhaps she's playing with them, I don't know. But she is consistent.

We have other pugs here, my other fawn, and my Mom's fawn, for a total of 2 other pugs that came to check out the fuss. So I had told my Mom to call me if my little one barked or carried on.

The thing is, she won't do it unless the loud (I can hear her) child comes to the fence and babbles and goads the dog into a frenzy. I mean that, the dog is fine without neighbors child or mowing next to the fence, the two things I've seen get her going.

The short of it, is the Dad of child drags her away from the fence muttering something about 'Not right to have 3 dogs..'

Ouch. Not only did he not accept my apology for my puggie, which I don't think she started anyway, it's clear that they don't understand the love we have for our dogs. It was not a frenzy with the 3 of them, the other two were just THERE.

So, I would be surprised if I ever have a human child, being pumped full of drugs and already owning a ripe hormonal system. However, I'm doing well with the fur-children and I will just have to accept that human parents don't see it the same way.

I'm lucky I'm allowed to speak to people with children, after all I'm such a FREAK, as a 36-year old woman who has not reproduced. Can we take into account that during the years of prime reproduction I had three scorching cases of psychoses? I mean, we should be impressed with that and the fact that lately I've been hiding my tarkinesia as I can. Could a Mom be more superhuman?

Ah well, its a good thing that people like me are so tolerant of the rest. But I'm not impressed with the squealing and outright ruckuses in restaurants, and if I was saddled with it - the constant responsibility, the incredible possibility to screw up and the kid turns out 'bad,'and I'm not interested in my local PTA, because I've taught children and they were a delight, their parents were the nightmare - so why rock the boat on having what is already populating Earth too much anyway.

My illness is not my fault, but my ability to use reproductive shields successfully is apparently something to further be amazed with. I'm grateful for my consolation prizes and I'll try not impinge on parental territory any more than they should cut on what I consider my joy. I think I deserve some.

Next post: PMS, the scorge I can't rid myself of, besides Bipolar. What frkn frustration.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Good Day

Well, I guess life is good today.

I got in the hot tub first thing this morning. I've never mentioned on blog that we have one. It was my mother's, but I think it's going to stay here, even though she is in the process of buying property in Florida and could've potentially yanked it.

Don't get me wrong, I think she would tear it away from our house and plop it on a Mack truck to get it down there, but she doesn't need to because she found a great community place that has a pool AND hot tub, and they monitor its chlorine, all that great stuff.

Our flowers are in full bloom in the back yard, some who's time is nearly over, some just getting ready to bloom, some so open, colorful and gorgeous that there's nearly no words. That is nice to look at when you are in the h. tub, with a large tarp thing billowing above and the sun to your back, and you got up at 9 a.m. or so. and you know you're sucking in Vitamin D.

Aw yeah, Heaven in the Suburbs. Just surrounding me are people who don't have hot tubs, and not the nice landscaping we do. This may be because my family has had 30 years in the same house, and that's a long time to make things pretty, regardless of neighbors. Thanks Mom and Dad. She is mostly responsible for doing that, while Dad made the money for her to do that. True.

So then, I talked to a friend (non-blogger) which is nice, then I got to go to lunch with my husband. This requires me driving to him, something that wasn't happening before this past Saturday, since I got out of the hospital for Lithium toxicity. I was too jangled before, the time wasn't right, and I knew that was a debacle in waiting if I got behind the wheel.

But I'm no chicken and when Husband said, "If you don't drive soon, we're going to sell your car," that pretty much did it. I don't THINK so.

His goading worked and I tried it, driving the car away from a gas station and back home. I cling to the steering wheel a little hard, I feel a wee bit shaky, but worry not - America's roads are safe with me driving on them. It's the rest of the crackpots that there's not enough cops for. (Said like a true Tart.)

So I drove to see him, and we went to the best Chinese restaurant that I know of. I was so looking forward to it. We have been there many times. I knew the first day, years ago, that I got my first Hot & Sour soup there that this experience was primo - it's the only place that uses clear broth for the soup, instead of brown glycerine matter. For Hot & Sour soup afficianados, you know what I mean. I Love it!

And all of their food is top notch and the inside of the restaurant is upscale but not too good for the likes of us. I have told them many times how good they are (they say they are being healthy and are quite humble, but proudly receive our compliments).

The local paper needs to write about them. I think they have, but this Chinese restaurant is in a different county than the paper I worked for. I don't tell its name or location here for security purposes, but let me tell you, I enjoyed every bit of my meal there today. And it's nice to see Husband.

Now I get to blog (fun!) and my Mom got her storage Pod delivered back home, so I'm dreaming about all the stuff she'll want to get rid of that maybe I can sell at the big community yard sale, or Ebay. Yes, I sometimes sell on Ebay (extra new truth made available on my blog) but I don't share my Ebay handle to continue my anonymous (but oh so giving of info and me) presence in blog land. Sufficeth to say, that it's a lot of fun.

So far I've had a good day. I don't know what mood I'm in, except that its not down. I had to take a sleeping pill last night to get to sleep, I was doing the thoughts racing-no way I was getting to sleep in general- thing so recently I must have been manic. Most of all, I'm just happy to be driving again, because it really is the freedom that all the teens and (even illegal?) immigrants realize when they finally get to do it.

I think driving, for me, is beating some kind of anxiety I have, some knowledge of ER's and the inside of a hospital, and how easy it is to get yourself in one, including car accidents, even if it's not your fault, type of anxiety. (I have so many anxieties now). So I'm brave and happy today. I guess I'll change my imood to reflect this looooong post.:)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I'm a little verklempt today, so I'll let Oprah speak for me:

Botanical Gardens, Birmingham, Ala., Webshots

If you sign up to Oprah's site, each day she will send you a 'daily thought' something to think about with yer morning coffee as you read your emails. I think that's where this one came from:

"When you die God and the angels will hold you accountable for
all the pleasures you were allowed in life that you denied yourself." --

I know this came from today's Mission Calendar statement, as its called, and I thought they somehow go together.

"Authentic spirituality awakens the soul, reconnects us with
the sacred, and fills us with the passion of life. Spiritual development is
about religious rituals and practices; it is about waking up to the
wonder of
life." -- David N. Elkins

Enjoy life and be in the present. Neither of which seem to be really easy to do, if we're reminding ourselves to do it. But that's why we remind.:)

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Tart's Book Club: "Writing Down the Bones" by Natalie Goldberg

Aren’t you in for a treat? I am learning to free up my inner writer by reading a book that I have been holding back for myself all this time. I’ll explain:

There’s a chapter in a self help book that I have left, that to this day that I haven’t ready. I’m “saving” it for myself. I told a therapist about this once and she gave me ‘permission’ to read it. I still haven’t.

I guess I want to be able to fully soak in what it's telling me, have all my marbles together to understand and have it come into my life and affect it beautifully. The sad part is, it's been unintentionally shunned out of my life while waiting for the perfect time to read out. I'm still not ready for that one.

Then there’s this book on writing, that I knew had the potential to open me up to writing better that has been hiding in a certain box, I always knew where it was at, but until yesterday I hadn’t really pulled it out and read it.

And so I am reading again, which is novel since I haven’t felt like doing THAT in a loooong time. And the book, which I knew exactly the location of despite all these years, is great for me, because the chapters are literally 2-3 pages, so I can focus and get the thought.

We had T-bones for dinner and so each of our dogs got the bone from it. I put Mia in her crate (something that usually makes her fer-reak out) with her bone and I decided to hang out in my room with her so she wouldn’t start making those unhappy noises when she realized she was alone.

So, for some reason that's when I pulled out the book “Writing Down the Bones,” 'Freeing the Writer Within', by Natalie Goldberg.

I was told by my professor(s) in college that this book can make you write like a madman, just go and go. I guess I wasn’t ready for that until now.

So, there are writing exercises in it, sure, but it’s the thought process of writing not only as meditation, in other words, you could somehow write instead of meditating, though I haven’t ever Really meditated or know how this could be.

There’s so much more, it’s about letting go; letting go control of the material and letting it all come out, Girlfriend/or Boyfriend.

It helps you start and go, go, go. Trusting your first thoughts and stop censoring yourself – censoring I may do for the blog is editing, a second step from initially getting it all out, the first real step.*

What a joy for me! Writing is one of my favorite things and this is actually a helpful guide that I can finally deal with. I don’t know what this says about me, but now I will be even more capable to delve and talk about me.

After all, that’s what I know – the contents of my life and brain. And what a fascinating, sometimes maligned brain it seems to be. (If you want crocheting, knitting, x-stitch, crafts, pets, pretty pictures – check out my Good Stuff Jungletart's Good Stuff blog)

I may take on the ‘Oprah role’ of picking this as my Favorite book of the moment (besides the Bible readings I have with Mysti, which must have opened me up to reading again. How awesome, Mysti!!!:) and maybe I’ll have global classes for free on it. Just come to the blog. Your teacher Tart is here. I’ll get back to you on office hours.:)

*These are my thoughts on the book, my take on what Ms. Natalie Goldberg is saying. In college/school you learn to synopsize what you read, so that you are not plagiarizing it. I needed to explain what was so neat about this book, and this is what I wrote, with the book closed.:)

Saturday, April 12, 2008


Most of the people I see blogging, blog what they feel like at the time, chronicling their life, day to day activities, etc.

I was interested when I read a 'blog' or internet something about consistency and not going on tangents, since search engines can only do so much, I guess to bring readers to your page. It was in fact about Realty and I think it was instructing the bloggers or web page makers in that field (and anyone reading?) about this concept consistency.


I don't think I would ever be 'accused' of consistency since I go all over the place and frankly, that's me folks. I'm bipolar and inconsistent and that makes every bit of sense.

That's what I've got Bipolar Planet for, to bring people who understand/wonder what it's like being human and bipolar. They are of my greatest interest, frankly.

If you were so lucky to talk to me in person, you would find me on tangents in moments. Can't help it. My friends are people who can stand this. I've known people who kept talking and I did not get a word in edgewise. It would happen so much that they took for granted that I must have no speech.

"Friendships" like this fall to wayside. I even had someone tell me that I never spoke and she was 'letting me go.' Hunh. Smart beyotch, in that case.

For those who read this stuff and don't just Google/Yahoo/Blogger Connie Talbert ad nauseum, hey thanks. I'm just a bipolar coming up with this crap for you nearly daily and it can't be easy for either of us.

As far as consistency goes, I think I've stayed on topic within this post (Bonus!) but I go all over the place. What stays is that I'm intelligent and come up with these little topics for us to discuss at all. I hope you, dear Reader, have a good day. I mean that from my inconsistent heart.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Spring (Webshot) pics to cheer you


Springtime in Savannah

The big thaw

Dogwoods a' bloomin'

Springtime in Gorman, California

I usually save the pretty pictures for my other blog, Jungletart's Good Stuff ,' but I thought I would share some great Webshot Spring pics here on 'Adventures.'

Monday, April 7, 2008

Some reading I have been doing.

I’ve been reading the Bible with a friend of mine :), and we started with The Gospel According to St. John.

What came out at me was that Jesus, or God, created the Earth yet was unrecognized by it when He came.

The Son of God was unrecognized when he came.

I know we celebrate Christmas, that’s not what I mean. I think it means that when Jesus was grown, and even performing miracles, He was kind of undercover, the World didn’t recognize Who He was and taunted him to the end, if you’ll recall.

As a Christian, I believe He is the Son of God, and came to die for me and any and all that will accept this fact about Him.

He sure had a hard time, as God on this earth.

The other thing was that the Sweetest of All had to endure taunts and sneers, and frankly expected it.

I’m not God, my moments of confusion in that direction are over (my psychoses), I’m a lowly human.

I never thought to type my thoughts on Jesus into the internet winds. I don't know everything about Him and the Bible, but I have recently taken up reading a couple of times a week and I get such a kick out of it, out of the personality of Jesus that I felt no reason not to type about Him. They say you get a lot of flak for talking about religion, but I'm just being honest, as usual, what can I say?:)

I nearly deleted this entire post because it seemed negative and not quite what I wanted to say, but decided instead to try to modify it. The best way to talk about Jesus is talking about compassion, using compassion in my speech while talking about Him, because that is surely one of the main things He is about.

I admit that I was shocked to realize that the whole world did not rise up and throw great joy in Jesus's direction, not even entirely for his birth, not during his life, or as stated in the Bible, his own people.

Yet, He changed everything as far as our standing in the Universe goes, I believe, during our lives and after death, He was compassionate even when treated terribly and He in fact had the strength, so to speak, to stop all the taunts against him. He carries us, the 'weak,' the victims of the world, He is so strong. You can count on it.

Don’t take my word for it, read God’s word in the Bible about it. I’m taking the time to type from my King James Version. It’s in olde English, like true Shakespeare. But you would be surprised that you can understand it anyway.

Starting in The Gospel According to St. John:

1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended
it not. (Tart:God shined in the darkness, and the darkness just didn’t get it)

It talks about John the Baptist who bore witness of the Light (Jesus)
but was not the Light itself. And then specifically of the Light, Jesus:

9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the
10 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world
knew him not.
11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not.
But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God,
even to them that believe on his name.
13 Which were born, not of blood, nor
of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
14 And the
Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us (and we beheld his glory, the glory as
of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

When I read the Bible on other people’s blogs it makes me want to read it for myself. That stuff can change your life, if not quietly and slowly. There is a lot of joy to be found there. Try it for yourself.

*Thanks to Mysti for hooking me on reading this 'Great Book' and for our times where she read hers to me and used her NIV version to help translate ye olde English version (with a little vice versa, I think:).:):):)*

Friday, April 4, 2008

The Poem read by Oprah - composed by David Wagoner

BigHorn Sheep, North America, Webshots

Wow! This is the 499th post! Anyway, I have a poem to share from Oprah's class she's doing on 'The New Earth' which I admit I'm not involved with, but adored the poem.

But they are doing the 5th chapter about forgetting your past, something I could probably use (if I could really remember it, a short term memory problem I have. I have people around me that remind me, lucky me.)

Anyway, this poem is nice for me, because I take it as be happy with where you are, even now. Again, some more love for those scared to move at this time, that would be me really. Being stuck in now, Maybe better than being stuck in past, no? I don't know.

Yet, I feel positive when I read it, that it loves me even in my present messed up state.

This poem is by David Wagoner and I'm having you go to Oprah's site because I never know what to with the fact that it's all rights reserved. I never want to take another's work, but it's a good poem and wanted to direct all to it. Oprah read it aloud during their lesson.


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Hey! Spring is Sprung, and so are my new Colors!

Cedar-covered bridge, Winterset, Iowa

Thanks Mysti for noticing Jungletart's color changes! I love Spring for the flowers and promise of less fog, snow, the 'stuck insides,' and probable SAD disorder all lessening! And just so you all know, violet, or purple is opposite yellow on the color wheel thereby creating these harmonious looking colors. Maroon, or mauve, happens to be my favorite color (an almost red), so I had to use that as much as possible (on the sidebar).

Basically, I discovered I could change color and font (no font changes at this time) Today! How 'primovera!' New stuff for a new month.