Saturday, December 1, 2007

Working, My Way

Off the Beaten Path, Great Britain, Webshots

I have done an amazing thing. I have finished my resume and submitted it to the employer that I have been watching daily. I just kept checking them to see if they're still asking for people. I stopped trying to 'perfect' my resume and took the plunge.

Employment now has to be on my terms. After 20 years of working for someone else, I have said, "No more foolishness and forget the stress, TY." I'm the best boss for my needs, because I don't want to ever be in the situation again where I feel the strange and stressful obligation to keep my 'bipolar secret' from everyone around me.

I've learned the hard way that there are still people who 'can't handle the truth,' so I dutifully make it easier on everyone, because I can't stand the embarassment. In work situations, I would much rather not trust ANYone and run myself into the ground trying not to tell.

That's one reason its so hard to have a job for more than a couple of years, if I'm lucky - nobody can uphold such standards, and be perfect at their job too, which of course, I always was. I'll succumb to working, but it will be at home.

I have a two year gap since my last employment. I don't care because after taking an entire year of training for medical transcription, fully expecting to work at home, I was told I must perform 2 years of work outside of the home, preferably in a hospital.

This wasn't mentioned before taking classes, that I know of. No, I got into this deal, so I could work at home and for all I know, I was lied to. Nothing new. And nothing new that I stuck to my guns and said, 'At home, or nothing at all. Period.'

I was told I 'couldn't' work for the one lady who came our class to recruit, because she didn't believe that anyone located where I am would drive daily to her location. Funny, I drove that route daily for my newspaper job! So I said the hell to her, back at cha!

Never doubt my resolution about this work at home thing. Never doubt that I was going to work again, when it was 'my time.' Look, I've forgotten everything transcription, I'll be starting over, and that ought to 'scare' me, make me get my tapes out and go at it, but I'll get there when I get there.

Social Security is letting us make about $1,000 a month now. I only need about $500 a month to fill the black hole that our last 'renter' made by leaving. I don't have to kill myself over this, I don't have to spend a penny in gas, and I can perform my job in my Spongebob flannel pajama drawers. If this works out, I'll surely let everyone know.

I'm not a drooling, clueless individual, as we all well know. I do deserve the best in life, I do deserve to get over my hangups - in fact, I deserve the good life.

Just so you know, I am always in the back of my mind, thinking about 'my' alpaca ranch. I've gone to a seminar, learned about taxes and veterinary needs, I've been researching, I save every pamphlet I get - because some day I might be designing my own, I want to see the competition.

So, I look at land, which is astronomical around here, and truly is a pipe dream - at this time. But the saddest thing I recall was an ex-friend seeing me look at land and say, "Why do you get your hopes up? Why do you even look?"

Because daring to dream has never been a problem for me. Because Dennis Hopper and Ameriprise really hit a nerve by saying, 'Don't give up on dreams, even when you're geezing,' and they are so right. Refusing to give yourself something to look forward to isn't healthy.

When you stop dreaming, and tell others to quit too, that just makes you pathetic and you better stop. I might curl up in the embryonic position occasionally, but I'm not dead yet.

Underneath the surface, something is always bubbling. When everything aligns just right, there are moments to grab onto. You won't find a normie thankful for 'silly' things, like just once something working out right (miracle!), but you'll find I will. Oh yes, I will.

1 comment:

MYSTI said...

Awesome Tart. You must be so proud of yourself, i know i am of you!!!

Talk with you soon!