Monday, December 17, 2007

Tart's on Abilify!!

That's right camper's, I went to the pdoc as I mentioned I would this a.m.I told him to write me a prn.

In my world, that means give me something for the pain, Doc, Valium is preferable.

Is that just so retro, or something? I don't hear about anyone on that anymore.

The last time it got mentioned in my life is when the sister-in-law's cat died (right in front of my eyes. It was freaky.) which had been thrusted on me since Precious's fiance was allergic (and of course, I was the only one to get upset at the beast's death, and hysterically so - bitches) and I lost it.

Mummy in Law heard me, told me to get a hold of myself (it's only a cat, after all - direct quote) and take a Valium or two. She was serious. (Further proof she's not on my planet. Cat's are people, geez.)

As if I've got the direct line to the black market for those special purchases.

Must be what they did in the 1950's. They certainly self-medicated somehow. What was in those evening cocktail's? Cause I WANT some!!!! (Oh and Shock: I have now taken to drinking. This from a sweet Mormon girl who never walked into Alcohol & Beverage control until last month. Yes, moving up in the world. I've still never had a Margarita, but I'm working on it.)

Nowadays I think I could get on the floor and beg, but for some reason the County pdoc apparently doesn't give 'quickie' drugs.

No, I must give till it hurts - meaning my money to the pharmaceutical companies, my health to shit nobody know if it works, and be a god damn guinea pig once again.

I'm agitated, I'm full of rage, I'm an ocean deep puddle of depressive goo: I am the picture of 'mixed state.'

And now I'm sitting with the pamphlet of the annoyingly skinny woman standing in a meadow, asking 'Bipolar Disorder? Moving Forward With ABILIFY,' sitting in front of me.

So, to my pdoc's credit, he discussed the side effects with me (after 12 years I've trained him so well).

My big one was constipation, as I already have a problem with that so bad that it looks like after Abilify, I may never shit again.

But no, that's not the worst of it. It appears that they actually admit that restlessness can be an issue. This means, anxiety in real terms, says the pdoc. He says it should last for a week (that means a month in real terms, says Tart).

Holy crap, like I need restlessness and anxiety, on top of my rage & depression, right smack on Christmas. Or on New Year's, when we agreed to go see the damn in-laws.

Why Abilify? Because it's not 'supposed' to make you fat.

Why is that an issue? Because my triglycerides are 3X what they are supposed to be. Triglycerides are a direct indication of how much you exercise.

Then there's cholesterol: one of mine are bad, I take a pill every night for that.

The weight causes high blood pressure. I take a pill for that in the a.m.

I take 18+ pills a day.

I deserve my pills, I've earned my insurance. I married my insurance almost 3 years ago, but I've been courting it (him) since 1992. I also spent time (6 months, should anyone forget) in a state mental hospital, (close to Hell on earth) presumably because at that time I did NOT have a lot of insurance.

I deserve my man and I deserve the fact that he does wonderful things for me, such as keep me company as I have no other friends, so I won't hear any shit about someone/anyone's jealousy over my good god damn fortune.

I have paid for it all, in such pain that you can find someone else to judge, not me, wanh-wanh.

Alrighty, maybe I'll keep the public updated on my ABILIFY. I plan to buy stocks in all the major drug manufacturers because they are a sure thing. They never Not make billions in stock every year.

That way, my retirement will be built on the backs of the suffering, just the way it was meant to be.

3 comments:

wolfbaby said...

ok color me confused cause im just stupid that way but is abilify valium? cause im on that for anxiety and sleep deprevation yada yada.. is this what it is? or am i being dense again?

'Tart said...

Not it's not.

Abilify is a mood stabilizer and an anti-psychotic, so I'm promised.

I've never taken a Valium before in my life, but I watch a lot of old movies. I asked for that as a prn because I wanted something that would knock me the fk out, and I was under the impression it did so.

So is it Valium getting you to sleep at night? If its Abilify tell me what its like, because I just agreed for guinea pig duty.

wolfbaby said...

LOL valuim will pretty much knock my ass out. Only when im truely on the line will it not put me to sleep. I also take benadryl and soma ( muscle relaxer for my fibro) so between the three of them i usually sleep like a baby. I take a very very low dose of the valum though. I used to only take 2 mg but now i take 4.. gotta love that PTSD ya know... makes the nights long :P anways.. it works and a low dose keeps me from going postal during the day when i hit a rage. generally speaking theya re not my mode of operation but sometimes i'll be blind sided by them. not fun that but the valuim helps ALOT in that area.