YOU are my therapist.

Hey, muchas thanks folks, for all your kind words about the cat. I really appreciate your comments.:)

I am a ragin' cagin' angry beast right now. I think it is the evil combination of menstrual hate + meds not right. And being mistreated by my damn local CSB - you know the kind that treats us all like Crazy Sons of Bitches. Or as Dave Chappelle would say, Coked up Sick Biiiitches! Anyhow...

They just enrage me. Been going there for 11 years, and I'm starting to believe my friend's conspiracy theories since despite any new secretary they might get, for instance, they are instantly as condescending as the rest and they also do everything to thwart your mental health, despite the fact that that's precisely what they are supposed to be helping. So I complained. I find that voicemail is the only time that you can truly be given the time to say what you need to say, because when talking to their humans you are bullied, cut off, spoken over or outright hung up on. PLEASE, tell me that this is because this is yet another ill run county program and NOT indicative of any psychiatric contact I'm going to have again. I have been so stupid to stay with these people (until now, they have utterly fed me up. I'm ready to leave that Mickey Mouse outfit (and yes I told them this and so much more)) after getting married, because I now pay extra to be abused. They charge me way more for the same old crap but will only accept the old insurance. @#%%&^&!!!!

Oh and there is the issue of UT (useless therapist, if you'll remember). I see no more reason to pay extra so I can try to speak so fast (like I WAS manic) to cram in the last 3 months of my life in 45 minutes only to hear her say, "Well, you seem to be doing well, lets make your next appointment for..." #^&%* I am just so p*ssed.

Anger is not really socially acceptable in a woman. It makes people uncomfortable. It is not attractive. Well, not unless tempered, I guess, and then its just not rage now is it. I am just boiling and tired of being messed with.

I took the day off today. Left message on boss's voicemail that I had some family things to attend to and I plan to be in tomorrow. (I have to put that last part in or they get scared I'm taking the rest of the week off due to some unnamed insanity). I had spent the morning calling local vets to alert them to Mr. Sam in case someone brought him in or saw him and we're making a flyer to put all over the place. I keep having dreams that he will return. Well, I would since "family things" meant me sleeping a couple of hours and babysitting the puppy (which is sooooo fun!). It is so obvious I need some kind of exercise. I think I'll just sleep some frikin' more. I've only eaten a boiled egg today, because food doesn't seem interesting. Yeah, I'd like to just drop out of existence. All human contact irritates me, even if it means well, and in the case of the CSB is enrages me as they oooooh soo don't mean well.

The most rotten part of it is how they make me feel so bad about myself like I'm just some nothing and deserve to be treated badly. And THAT makes me really mad, cause that lasts for the time I talk to them and a small aftermath, all the while I know they're wrong and cannot believe I'm being treated this way. I try to bring up to them that they would NEVER talk to anyone else like that and no one would accept a real doctor or nurse speaking that way. But like I stated, I think they can't stand for someone to speak coherently to them and tell them exactly why they are a**holes and they literally cut me off.

Yeah, they deal with 'nut cases' all day, secretaries in GENERAL deal with annoying people and you either know to keep a check on it or you get out. I've been a secretary myself, and there's just NO EXCUSE for it.

You know at this point, I would much rather type into this than talk to UT. Useless is useless, what more is there to say?