Turn it LOOSE...

I have a wonderful friend, who has the schizophrenic diagnoses, that has such an interesting outlook on life. I go to visit him at his Section 8 apartment, where he lives a very unassuming life on SS and Medicare and goes to a day program in our county, which is where we became friends ten years ago. I left the day-program to return to school and eventually work part-time (because, ya know, that's the goal of every college, like, student) Anyhow, we agree wholeheartedly that the sad pittance that poses as therapy from our county services board, is well, just that, ridiculous and in some cases, things happen there that ought to get those fat-assed receptionist (*&(&*'s fired.

No there's no sexual relationship here, yeah he is a guy, he's a great friend and listener that lets me vent even more than I ever would here and makes life so much better for my husband so he doesn't have to hear it (and yes, my husband has thanked him for this 'service,' no one hides shit here.)

I NEVER talk about my true feelings about politics except to those super duper close to me. I work at a newspaper. I read things that make me fume all the time and believe me, nobody there wants to hear it. Besides putting in obituaries every day, I am the lucky typist that puts the non-email letters to the editor (a.k.a. opinion letters) into the system. Some of them make me want to cheer, some of them I remind myself of my normally abiding belief that only a very small percentage of people actually write in to the paper, (could it be the 'lunatic fringe' of 'either' side (why is there one or the other side)?) I have to hold any and all of it in. Sometimes I am successful. Well, almost entirely successful at work. So I guess it makes sense that it spills out later. Or maybe I'm finally growing up and developing that thick skin that everyone insists you're supposed to have. Fuck the thick skin. The people that have that are people that I pretty much want nothin' to do with, and I'll thank you very much not to touch or evaluate mine.

Anyhow, my friend is high functioning and maybe its just me but I think he does a marvelous job of hiding his illness. In other words, you would never guess that he is literally tortured on a day to day basis by his demons. It sounds 'nutty' to me not in the sense that I would skewer a normie for saying that, but that it amazes me that one mental illness can vary so from one another, as in I don't relate to his Particular Type of torture but I DO in fact relate as I too am tortured in my own way. And we can talk endlessly about my illness, his illness, illness, the crappy way normies are, politics, (isn't that the natural order of things?) and my big question of last evening:

Since things are so frikin' bad in this country, why the heck don't people rise up and say something? There are soo many things. The apathy alone galls me. We accept apathy in teenagers, it should not in fact, be a national obsession.

Why, for instance, doesn't a non-celebrity bipolar, AND fascinating individual (ok, lets say like myself) go on Oprah and says, "Oprah, I'm sorry, he's gorgeous and we're glad his junk works (Katie Holmes) but Tom Cruise did a great big disservice speaking to millions of stay at home moms and the world (viewing audience: millions) and telling them that ALL psychiatric drugs are unacceptable, unnecessary, and don't you ever touch those evil things. Or whatever he specifically said, but that is the upshot as I see it.

"Oprah, I would not be Alive, I would not be the person I am today, as in even cognizant with the balls to stand up and speak my truth, if it weren't for those 'pesky' psychotropic drugs. (pesky, yup that is sarcasm and lightener of the moment) I would be cowering in the corner of a crazy room, lost in la'la land, my parents pulling their hair out their heads in grief, if IT WERE NOT FOR PSYCHOTROPIC MEDICATION."

I know this is true to core of my being.

Why the hell are people so damn apathetic about every aspect of life? We don't even stand up for ourselves. Do we just know that what he said was so ridiculous that it doesn't deserve a response? Where the hell was NAMI or somebody that is supposed to give a damn? The thing is I'm pretty certain that there are definitely 'normies' (well, L. Ron Hubbardites call themselves normal, but I am not convinced.) that thought, hunh, I wonder if he's got a point there, or gee I was right to let my self suffer and not seek help. I'm just a slob that won't exercise or take vitamins so I deserve this lot in life. Way to weed out some of those pesky fans/stalkers, let em commit suicide and not even have a clue what is going on. How the hell did he get away with it?

Guess who won't be watching his cheesy W or the Wlds movie? Guess who hated 'Vanilla Sky' because I could not handle the psychotic qualities? Oh, and while we're at it, I love nearly every Jim Carrey movie, but I HATE The Truman Show for its psychotic qualities. I wanted to walk right out of the theater. just put my hands over my ears, close my eyes and go lalalalalalalalla.

Yeah, well this was meant to talk about my friend, and seems to have turned into one of my 'friend approved' rants. What I mean is I sometimes put out there to him what I'm thinking about stuff and see if what kind of response I get from him. I think he sometimes stares at me in disbelief like how the hell could anyone get so passionate about this stuff. But he NEVER tells me when my next appointment is or hands me a bill.

I am a lucky friend.