Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Taking out Garbage

My Horoscope off of MSN today:

Yes, you may have another cookie from the cookie jar today, dear Virgo. Enjoy it and don't feel guilty. Guilt is a useless emotion, and you should use this day to help rid yourself from all feelings of regret. Express your emotions but don't dwell on them. Let them go. Your sensitivity is extra acute, so make sure your psychic shield is up. You might find yourself picking up on the intense energy of others, so be careful. Sympathizing with others doesn't mean taking on their garbage. They need to take out the trash for themselves.

How interesting is that? The more I think about my doctor/preacher experience today the madder I get. Thank you all for your responses.

I tried to tell the whole sordid thing to Husband, as he unwittingly admitted he does not read my blog (Perhaps a good thing? he suggests.)and he really didn't seem to care. To top it off his best friend told him that very doctor was a quack, without giving his reasons of course, without even knowing my lovely little story from today.

But his best friend suggested the doctor that he goes to now as an alternative (and friend doesn't live in the area anymore, go figure! It's a distance for his doctor visits!) That frankly is closer than Quacko Med. So I want the name and telephone.

Like I said, today's doctor has Dr. Wife in the practice as well. I will try her for my 6 week visit. If she tries anything I will inform her that the practice just lost a patient AND any attempt of a tirade from her is again inappropriate and she can tell her hubby the same.

The nerve really. I don't know this guy. I knew my other doctors pretty well before they'd pull something like this OR the nurse practioner walked in beaming one day and told me right off the bat her agenda if I was interested. As in, this is my bent, if you like I can pray or talk with you about things. It was a far different mystical experience than I had ever had with Western medicine and I had no problem with it at the time.

The pug (Emma) came into Siamese's (Reese's) room today AND I discovered today that that is not a good idea. First time I saw Siamese (Reese) really get his cat freak on with spits and hissing and really taking a whack at the dog. Emma just looked like "What, what I do?" and I got her out of there fast. Closed the door on Reese's room, went outside with and when I came back he was curled up in the usual place (my chair) and looked happy as a camper and fluffy free. Kids! Why can't they get along! :)

Speaking of, I found an absolutely lovely writing on MSN from a mom who said not everybody should have kids. In other words, while she adores her young one she says she does not ascribe to the thought that some parents have: that all (unabusive) people should procreate. She very honestly said if that is not your thing, to not feel guilty but enjoy your life and even benevolently stated to feel free to rub it in those parental noses.

Well, I would feel bad about that last part, but I do appreciate her opinion on that. It sometimes feels like there is the 'cult of the procreating' and they are p*ssed if everyone's not doing it. I'm just talking about some not all parents. It's a hard job and I'm sure there's some aspect of jealousy in there for them, which is probably why the whole issue is difficult for me. I've learned in the past that nothing good comes from others feeling jealous/and it's not an emotion that I treasure in myself either. AND I know there are plenty of great people who do not aspire or feel those feelings at all, at least plenty that are very tolerant of me. :)

I feel I'm lucky because these furbabies really are my babies. I've got my little bit of Terra in the backyard with flowers a people swing, etc. It's a good life. Maybe I'll find something to apply my true loves to in the future, but I am just really burnt on the idea of working. If I'm 'hiding' I'm content to hide in my own world. I know only too well what the rest of its got to offer. Not much for this Tart, not much.

AND none of these parental units are going to pay for me to go to nutty bin, either while pregnant forced off meds gone psychotic - a heinous thought, or for me to just have a breakdown because it turned out after all that I wasn't fit for the whole shebang. I don't want my kids to have memories of me in the nut house, crazy, or screaming and losing it at home. Let's not even touch how I got my illness in the first place. It's not from cooties folks, its in the genes. Now do I need to put that on a pin and wear it for every person I may come across who wonders why I don't have kids? I'm doing them, the taxpayer, the world and most of all myself a service. Now if I get pregnant tomorrow maybe this will all fly out the window and I'll just go with the flow. Since when did being responsible have to seem like something to feel guilty about? I don't even tell people I'm bipolar, why should I have to explain anything else? And I don't, I don't have to, on either - and I take the brunt for it. How many times might things have been easier for a normie to understand if I just told them I was bipolar? If we lived in an accepting world it just would be a whole lot different wouldn't it? People we don't. That is just the real deal of all of it. There will always be a need to hide this cr*p from some idiot (at least if you want to blend and be not be ridiculously judged out of people's archaic media-mongered misconceptions), and it just gets worse when you work. And that means plenty of days for Tart at her Terra (I loved Gone With The Wind) with pugs and a cat, computer and all of that!


Jennifer said...

Hi Tart, I took your advice and figured out how to change the links on my blog. Thanks! I also "adopted" a penguin and named him Chico.
You don't need to explain to anyone why you don't have kids. It's nobody's damn biz. If I had no kids and someone asked my why not, I would probably shrug my shoulders and say, "I guess I've just been lucky so far," and then knock on wood! Freak em out.

Raine said...

geez with the world being so darned overpopulated you would think people would be greatful not everyone chose to have children. Personally I think there is a serious problem in that too many people are having too many kids without thinking about how they are gonna feed them, educate them and how this world is gonna support them. It takes guts to say I'm not equipped to have children and I choose not to for my benefit and the benefit of the chose I and I salute you for making that decision. Its a very wise one and shows a great deal of heart and selflessness