Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I think I finally figured "It" Out!!

I'm menstrual and I'm sick!! That's what it is! I don't feel well! I am always so horrible and MEAN to myself when I'm sick (have been that way since I was a child) and to top it off I've got a big mean period this time that made me GAIN weight and I can't wish it away no matter what I do. I'm sitting here not even being able to completely hear my computer run or the rest of the world.

By golly, I'm so glad I came to this realization. Because I could feel better SOMEday and be able to handle the rest of my life falling apart so much better!!! at a later, non-physically slammed state!!

Yeeeaaaayy! I've got time to be sick, too! For the first time in my life, I'm not letting someone else down by being ill whether its a teacher or employer. I actually have the freedom to be ill.

The freedom to be ill. Yeah, don't you hate me? And you can see the change from butt sick to getting better by following my posts. I was so full of hate lower down there in those posts, then I thought about sleep but kept going.

And like I said below, I'm a big believer in 'just breathing' as in what'd you do today? Besides attempt laundry, heck I 'breathed.' But with the kind of days I've been having, I was wondering where to procure a gun, and I was pissed with 'life' I could die. But I didn't do any of that. Sometimes the light shows very brightly on places you didn't think were there, and mine are still functioning and looking pretty good. And I realized that if there were a physical real Devil that I beat his ass, because there's nothing more than he seems to apparently want than for me to take myself out. And I just say, Unh,unh, no go, you lost F**ker. I may be unconventional but I fight the good fight. There's something to be said for 'guerilla warfare'. This bipolar aint goin' down. She probably just needs a nap. Honestly, I know feel like I'm on one big hospital stay, only my surroundings are much prettier and I have transportation rights. I win Devil, I win.

My advice to those who feel its all too much: just breathe. Otherwise you might find yourself in a long-term ugly facility with Plenty of breathing contemplation time.

Thought fo the day! Tart


Raine said...

I hope you feel beter soon hun. Keep posting

mysti said...

Breathing does help... I am so sorry you are sick. I hope you get well soon.

Enigma said...


Enigma said...

Tart... Where are you Tart? Are you okay? Are you feeling better or still sick? Flu or cold? Did you enjoy having time to be ill?

Miss ya, 'Tart! And your jungle too. ;)