Monday, May 29, 2006

I thought of titling this post, "Missing In Action" for my dropping off the blog world but considering this is Memorial Day I think I was rightfully struck by how inappropriate that would be, and since I'm only capable of the ultra serious non fictional, non funny, non humourous blog post I certainly don't want to be inappropriate.

I'm only writing to let Enigma and anyone else know that I am alive. I don't want to whine exessively (since its so hard for me to control it) so I'll try keep this post short.

I can't write about anything. I'm either too emotionally exhausted to deal or to discern what about my life RIGHT NOW is appropriate for this blog since I'm now dealing with 'me' issues, and get slammed, over and over with new financial issues which become self-esteem issues and it all takes a toll on me mentally. It's expected for bipolars to have ups and downs and whatever other crap is in the DSMIV naturally but it seems like life is hitting me up for fun, too.

I am here, I am alive and God works in mysterious ways, I'm sure I'll have a voice again. I am verKlempt (as far as I know that means 'not able to speak' and I got it from Mike Myers impression of his Jewish mother in law, on SNL, which was hilarious, "Tawk amongst yaselves") at the moment and in a state of overwhelm. Even overwhelm goes away, right? Thank you for your inquiry as to my aliveness. You kicked my butt into posting.:)


Enigma said...

I'm glad to see you post.

Hey, this is your blog, your online journal. If you need to vent, then type away. Don't worry about us.

Do you remember writing this:
"This is really the marriage of some great things for me, as I love to type endlessly about myself (I am a writer, really first, foremost and at heart), and am the kind of person that feels emotionally vindicated when I get it all out. As a matter of fact, it is the best form of therapy that I have found yet."

Then you said: "Good morning for no one at the present time!
And that is OK because no pressure is just what the 'tart needs."

Let me just say again, don't worry about trying to impress, entertain, or keep me happy. This space is not about your readers. It is about and for you. Vent, write, share. If it's too personal or you're not ready to get it out or you just don't want to, then that's fine. But, if you are not writing because you don't want to "bore" us, don't worry about it. 1. You are not boring and 2. Do what you need to do take care of you... Including repeating yourself for yourself on your personal online journal. We care about you, 'tart. If this blog is still theraputic for you, then go for it.

I hope that came accross the way I meant.
Hugs to you, Tart, and all that you are.


mysti said...

Thank you for posting this. I was really getting worried about you. I just wanted to know that you were still around... I try not to bug, but I had decided if I had not heard from you by tomorrow I was going to write you a personal email asking you how you were. Remember Tart that this is your blog.... Not mine, not enigmas, or anyone else who cares about you. Vent hun, vent, scream, rant and rave if that is what is going on in your life. It is your blog after all. I am just glad to see the post just now. Know I am thinking of you. I also have been saying a prayer for you.

Hugs Tart