Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Shoe danglin' but I'm tryin' not to let it DROP!

Please laugh now if you have been waiting for the other shoe to dislodge itself and dangle precariously over the other one tht's on the floor. Perhaps you may think, if I care Tart, if I care, but hey....go ahead and amuse me, mai non? I am feelin' so FRENCH today!

Well, the buying the house is not a done deal. Turns out we are American pigs just like everyone else and have a debt/to payment ratio that has already scared off one potential bank. I think once I got married it was no longer my game, I laughed sarcastically to myself last night when I thought about us needing to have a 'handle our finances' and be financially in sync' or understanding what the hell we have coming in and going out. We have NEVER sat down to discuss this, except here Tart sign here, be a cosigner, while Husband's got his feet up in the air on the recliner. I always imagined sitting at a table and looking at paperwork and discussing, 'Oh, we could cut an expense here,' and so on. So much for imagining. Keep on imagining, girlfriend! For some reason, he has yet to see this as a good thing to do. Maybe when I'm not feeling so ill, honestly. Done, on that subject, move on.

Raine asked about the 10% thing with Weight Watchers. Oh, by the way, I got weighed for the second time yesterday. Turns out you have to follow the program to actually lose weight! Hah, hah! Seriously, with the menstrual period from Hell and my realization as I was standing in line for weigh, that ya know I'm sure I didn't drink enough water this week I'm honestly NOT beating myself up with that other shoe on the floor. I save that shoe for later frankly.

Well, anyway Raine, when you first get weighed instead of saying you need to lose 100 pounds (I'm just putting that there, I of course, don't know what anyone should lose, and don't feel bad if its more or just ten, ya know!) or whatever they tell you what 10% less of you from that point would be so, take your three digit weight (cause I think you'd be anorexic if it were less than that and you need a hospital not WW, okay?!) put a (.) in front of all three numbers then move it over two decimal places and Behold! Ten percent less of your present weight, which upsetting as that can be, is the number to think, (think Barbara Streisand here) SOMEday, SOMEday, I'll la lalal lala la LAH! I guess they do it because A)it is a bit more manageable thoughtwise and B)it's been proven scientifically that if you lose that small percent of your weight blood pressure improves, cardiologically you improve and you lower risk of diabetes.

Yeah, well thank you for the very sweet comments people have been leaving, things that are just truly kind, and things that I can handle hearing right now.

I have been feeling the hit of a real torpedo to my self esteem with the disability issue and my not working and feeling that I don't contribute much. In other words, I have felt like a sack of shit, and unfortunately been wallowing in it, a place that no one should be and you don't want to be taking your friends into. I admit, I get like this when I'm physically ill. I haven't been able to hear properly for days, I am congested, darn it I'm just being hard on myself! But I'm still taking a torpedo hit for the other stuff at the same time and THEN...

To add to financial fears and my mental state of financial woe, its looking like Reese MAY have one of the more expensive cat illnesses. Damn it, I've only had him ONE month! How could he "fall apart" like this! (I want my warranty!) He has not been well, and I could tell from looking at him that it was time for the ol' vet a-roo. And I was right! The little guy has lost a pound in a month! He's only ten pounds to start with, and they are thinking thyroid issue, but I don't have anything definite yet. This is something that can easily cost thousands and tens of thousands. I just don't have the money. I was like, Husband's going to want to 'give him back' and I was trying to prepare myself to fight over it, and I just don't have the strength. Luckily, he's on a wait and see status, like any normal person would be, so...

Add this to what I finally figured out is that I may be suffering from some form of mania, I'm a bit plugged up still, no money, the prospect of having even less money but still having to fight over it first (The SS Meeting) and something I love (my purty lil Siamese cat) being sick and expensively so, I think I might have to borrow Marks 'picture' because my life is feeling so "George" that I can't even laugh about it, even though I am thinking about trying.

So I've got to end this with a picture BECAUSE I can't be ending things like I'm going to off myself. I take great pleasure in that I have had no physical attempts at that regardless of all the messed up in things in life. In that way, I proudly say, "I win!" over the forces of evil, I'm here, I'm breathing, no cuts, no pills taken or gunshot wounds inflicted. Ah hell, I'll say it, "I'm a champion" (a little Freddie Mercury music, s'vous plais!!)

A Bed of Roses: Cause I'm tired of wallowing in other things, and zay ar jus so pretty, mai non??!! Imagine sweet smells for yourself, would ya, a lil present from moi.

1 comment:

mysti said...

Glad to see you back and writing. I have been worried about you. Life just is never easy is it???? I am so sorry about the bank turning you down, and also about Reese. Sheesh a cat having thyroid issues???? Sounds human to me..... lol I sure hope things get better for you soon Tart. Know I am here if you ever want to chat.