Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Keep Your Religion Off My Body or My Bizarre Visit to the the Medical Doc

Had my big medical doctor visit today. Was supposed to have the 'full physical' including the female 'checkup' but two things stopped me from doing that.

First thing was the nurse asking me questions like "Are you new to the area?" and "Haven't you found an obgyn in the area?" Like why the hell would you let this guy do it? I've lived in this area my whole life and I don't feel the need to explain that to her. But then I looked to see where the 'instruments' were, ya know speculum all that good stuff. I was like "are you going to wheel them in?" because these rooms would better for the miniature 'board' meeting with doc on one side and me in the chair, with an examination table thrown in to boot - it's enormous, with plenty of room more. In other words, the obgyn that I have been seeing forever has the stuff in the room and it being their specialty it was the main game, you see. She says oh, no we just essentially plop the instruments down when needed. I was shocked by this (spoiled by going to a specialist) and said we'll don't you even sterilize them? She says matter of factly we autoclave them every night. Un huh.

What truly did it though was being completely repulsed and weirded out that the exact same doctor had seen Husband just the day before and he had to have his everything checked out. But I still donned the nothing garb and waited feeling ever uncomfortable about it. So that prompted a cell phone call with me standing in nothing bigger than a bib that barely covered my bust and a piece of tissue paper less weighty and smaller than a cheap tablecloth, to Husband asking if he too had to get to nothing for his exam. He got to wear skivies but in the end, of course, Doc checked EVERYthing. Hmm..I'm thinking. This is weird, uncomfortable and DON'T SEEM RIGHT!! So, bib and tablecloth off, I got dressed.

Doc comes in and asks if I'm getting a pelvic to which I reply "No." Oh, I see, he says, 'are we performing any physical today?" as if I were 5 (and if you think I'm being this way, keep it to yourself) I said we can do everything else, but we can save that for another day. People, I still got prodded, got an EKG (with a 'part' blowing in the wind), blood work, breast exam (what the hell).

Further weirdness, I got a 15 minute oration about God, Jesus, and the value of belonging to some kind of Christian church. I shit you not. I'm not saying any of things are bad but it is ODD to near the point of insanity to hear it from a doctor and Husband did not get this treatment either. It's not entirely foreign to me in some senses to have this occur because I had a wonderful nurse practioner who would even pray with/for me and even the last doctor seemed the slightest bit spiritual or understanding, but I attributed it to the fact that his son is bipolar, which he liked to remind me everytime I came in.

This guy seemed teeed off by the choice of religion I had as a youth (which for some reason was part of the questioning and no this 'medical practice' I was going to is not supposed to be medical work supplied by a church), which being the seemly and smart person blog-wise I am I won't name here. This seemed to have set off the tirade.

I just kept looking at him and thinking that if I was his kid I would have run away years ago, become a prostitute and starred in porno movies. And probably sent him one for Christmas.

What can a person say about this except I'm really glad I didn't let him get his hands on my co**ch.

I did pay attention like a good, what 'patient?' all about how I am set up to have heart disease because of family history, stop smoking, eating nothing but fruits and nuts...oh, I mean vegetables, chicken was okay without the fat, cut fat from meat, no bacon, cut down (meaning no, right?) cheese and dring 3 gallons of water.

So when I got home I proceeded to have several cigarettes to make up for the fact I'd had none today, since I had fasted for bloodwork, and cooked upall the rest of the bacon. When I got hungry hours later I had a piece of cheese. I'm not lettingthat silly little visit get me down, ya know!

I don't think any ranting is even necessary do you? The guy uh Doctor, is creepy, in all respects other than physically checking me out, which in reality is what he's supposed to be doing. Just think how bizarre it is to have the guy see your husband the day before and then check you out and what's with spouting the Christian (no offense, because damn it, I sure thought I was Christian!) beliefs? Why would he feel the need to 'guide' me in this way? Like you can just meet some dork (I mean DOC-TOR and since he already gives out lectures all day so why not proselytize the ones (that he THINKS) won't say anything? I'm sure he has good reasons, but EEEEWWWWWWW all the way around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I honestly believe I am more spiritual than the average person. While apparently THAT is a bold statement, I also believe that the concept of division of church and state must SURELY apply to division of medical personnel applying their religious beliefs on patients. HELLO! Do I look waywardly yet naive enough to have someone do this to ME? I was sitting in disbelief and wondering what the hell to do about all of this. I'm laying in my bib and tablecloth and taking a nap (I wasn't militant like some other patient who called out that she was being made late to work, cause that aint an issue for me anymore) waiting 'patiently' for my turn, thinking what the hell, its almost like no one would believe me. My Husband thinks this is a respectable good, top notch doctor and there are other people in his practice including his Dr. wife! Yeah, a nice little team they've got going there.

Gee I can't wait till my followup appointment in 6 weeks.

Oh, I did I mention, I'm 34 and now on Lipitor. Could someone just kill me now? But don't touch the cigarettes, bacon or cheese. That sh*t's comin' with me.


Enigma said...

Oooh, poor tart.
I can understand some. I don't like my general dr to do my .... girl-check-up.
1. he's too young & cute
2. I just can't have the same person do my pap that does my throat culture.
I know, weird but true.

Raine said...

Ok I think that is entirely inappropriate. Tell him you are paying him for healthcare NOT spiritual guidance. If you feel the need for that you will go to church:P that IS creepy, Im with you 100% as far as lipitor goes/ I been on blood pressure and cholesterol meds since I was 26 dot feel bad. Actually I take two cholesterol meds now. My family genetics arent good in this area. They work really well tho. And LOL to the rest of your post. I would have had a bacon, cheese and mayo sandwich and probably would have done a cleansing ritual LOLOL

Jennifer said...

Poor JungeTart! What a terrible visit!! My son has tinnitus and I took him to a local dr whose office sells books written by the doctor about "once saved always saved"! An allergist I used to see and really loved because he was so friendly and did not talk down to me still gave me little talks about Jesus and heaven when I went to get my shots. I liked him so much that I never gave him a hard time, but I still thought it was a little strange. The older I get the funnier this shit is to me.
p.s. thanks for coming to my new blog!

'Tart said...

Knowing you don't like the pap/throat culture combo makes me feel better. And knowing that Raine's been on this heart stuff earlier than me makes me feel better too! It is also heartening to hear about people being proselitized by their docs. I kept listening because he had such definite views on my religion and I was fascinated to see what he would say next about it. I think these docs definitely think too much of themselves when they think they are qualified to dispense medical and 'spiritual' information. There is such a thing as 'total health' but I was truly turned off by his quickie sermon. I'm just glad I have a place to go off about it, cause' who knows maybe my blood pressure would be even higher! :)
You are very welcome Jennifer and I'll be visiting you soon!