Sunday, November 4, 2007

To Mage, The Unforgotten

Death is horrible. If you care one iota for someone and they are gone, and can never be spoken to again – how is that not horrible? Do I know how to handle such things, the gravity, the finality of it? We do what we must. I can be your 3rd, Raine, but somehow it seems important to keep trying (living) at this point.

As many of you know from my blog, my Dad died in March. Now, we hear that Mark, the Dreaming Mage, is gone now too. I’m glad that I engaged him recently here, with a talk about John Lennon, and he was a nice commenter and poster on his own blog. Hey Mage, perhaps you can meet Mr. Lennon now. I hope his spirit’s not too big for it’s britches.:)

Mysti has given a lovely dedication or talk about Mage and I agree so much with Raine that I wish it were a hoax, a delusion –just not true. I don’t have that many friends, and I am truly sorry to lose even one of them.

I see from Raine’s blog that Mage said he did not want to be forgotten. Really, how wonderful and I’m sure how strange to Mage’s family that there would be complete strangers connected tenuously on this thing called the web, that would call ourselves friends. I did not chat with him, I never had his picture, but if you asked me, I think I would call him my friend. Certainly, these tears on my face, must mean that I feel sad for this loss.

I wonder about the supernatural nature of death. I can’t help it, as I have felt so close to it for a while now. I wonder of the release into a new space, place, do they remember us as much we remember them? I believe the life they lived here means so much even after they stop being here. I’m not really into reincarnation, which makes no sense in continuing to be who we were on Earth, don’t we wait for our loved ones to join us, not turn into something else and never being a creature of always, who we are? What about taking responsibility for every little thing we do, with forgiveness slathered on top - our lives mean so much more than just turning into a butterfly and flitting away. I think they (ones we knew) intercede too, from where they are to where ‘we’ are. How else, to explain that I have now talked to all of my cousins, we are not apart anymore, not even after the pain each felt at their mother’s (my Aunt and my Dad’s sister) passing. I feel those gone had something to do with it, I think that is amazing.

I also think of Mage and his heart attack. I have been thinking of trying harder to exercise. I say that because Mage was 40ish from what I see of his dates, and that’s not that old AND not that much older than me. My Dad had his bipolar diagnosis and angioplasty, probably a stent and the beginning of our knowledge of his heart problems all in his late 40’s or so. I keep being told, you gotta exercise, you gotta move or you’re not going to live long. I know procrastination, I know not wanting to do that stuff. So isn’t that like making a decision in the wrong direction, to not try? I guess that it is. That can be a reminder, a sad remembrance, turning me in the right direction.

I would like to say something special, to a person that didn’t want to be forgotten. That you affected me, that I feel a decided emptiness in the force this evening, that I’m bawling and that is for you. I hope you might know, Mage, that you are not forgotten, you don’t have to worry anymore, that there has been a quiet sweetness for me for having known you, and I hope you have truly, lovely peace. I pray that for you, sent to you in the Internet winds, in the name of Jesus Christ (because that is the proper way to end a prayer), Amen.

1 comment:

MYSTI said...

Amen my friend. I know we will all miss Mage. Many tears have been shed this week by many of his friends on line. He will not be forgotten.