Monday, August 6, 2007

Today's Headlines - Yesssss, it's time Again!!

Okay, I don't make this cr_p up. Nope, most likely, I'm guessing some underpaid minion that works for MSN comes up with their headlines, which fills them secret joy, and that, as every evil Manager knows, makes up for for minion's piddly salary. People, PEOPLE, I was in charge of my paper's Celebrity section. NEED I say MORE???!!! :)

STRAIGHT from today's MSN:

Pencil pulled from woman's head after 55 years - Whoa-ho-ho! I am thinking that lady from 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' ("mmm-mmm-mm, what a little a__hole" - wasn't she just a cutie!) or some weird reference to 'Hairspray,' - saw it! loved it! Or a blatant referral to hairspray, the product, because they'll find a way to frighten that lady who really Does use too much of it. Oh, did I mention that I did not actually click on on the headline? Oh no, no, NO! We all need to experience the Headline, not the silly story. Do that on your own time! (Journalism majors, I know you love me. Those last two sentences remind me of one of my fave profs. And the fact that I am a god_amn genius! :)

Too young?
Married at 24. Crazy in love, or just crazy? - Oh my God, because I am a bitchy PMs beyotch, I could not resist this one. Um, sis-in-law just (LAST YEAR) got married at this tender age. I don't know what they were thinking either, except maybe they still wanted to be able to 'enjoy' each other in the tender sorority/fraternity years. When I say enjoy, I just mean, perhaps they will wake up next to each other 10 years from now and don't have an 'after party' freak out 'cause it actually IS time to clean up the digs and learn to cook. Um, explanation above. Don't get upset at the bearer of truth. :)

Miners Trapped After 4.0 Quake in Central Utah - my immediate reacTIOWN to this one was Bush, back in the Oval Office, going 'Dang, didn't I just go out there? (referring to the bridge break in Minneapolis, Minnesota) 'Well, this one's not our fault. I say they figure it out for themselves.' May I say, they would be better off 'figuring it out for themselves.' Mmm, mmm.mmm. This poor administration. Having national disasters, I mean natural disasters, at every turn. What IS an idiot to do? (OH! As a side note: Has everybody seen Li'l Bush on Comedy Central? I must pay attention to who the heck is writing that one, cuz he/she needs a big JungleTart smooch. Damn! That's funny.)

I HATE sports (it's one of those things that galvanized me & Husband, we could NOT care less about baseball, football, basketball, whatEVERit-ball, unless its NASCAR. :) BUT this one, I KNOW, took thought in the thinky-thinky department for that poor minion (probably has to post this stuff online for MSN AND think of headlines, oh I almost care.)
A ring for Ming: NBA star gets married

I know you're thinking, how could you post this stuff, it's just too easy! Precisely! This is the drivel we are fed everyday. You don't have to agree with me politically or anything else for that matter but...well, I AM right. God, don't read Bipolar if you don't want some Bipolar. Sheesh!

Have a pleasant day! And try not to think about what that liberal media is gonna cook up next! Oh, almost as an aside, have you noticed how utterly rabid the media gets at a 'real structural problem-oriented' disaster, like the Minneapolis bridge fall? I swear to the LORD, that if I hear about it ONE MORE TIME as I innocently flip my cable channels I will scream even LOUDER at my TV set. People, Anna Nicole dying was fascinating. This is a damn bridge. Oh I know, someone's going to say "Think of the dead in cars!" Think of the incredulity that this bridge passed inspection in 2006!!!! People, I have thought about it. I have contemplated it. I may have included important persons involved in my prayers. I may have said, to myself, to my television set and to the World: NO MORE!! No more will my psyche be raped and worked and pushed to sadness by that Liberal Godd_amn Media who has nothing better to do than do so (God love 'em, when they are not pissing me off). Thank GOD, something happened in Utah, to get them off the scent. After all, you know those miners are Mormons and going to Heaven anyway, and it's all a moot point. I'm just sayin.' Like you didn't think it yerself. Ciao! You have a gooood one, now!

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