Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Thanks Mom

Just Unbelieveable. My mother does not believe in me. She says if I quit the job I will sleep all day. I was like, "What! I can't believe you're saying this to me!" She says, "You asked my opinion, that's my opinion."

I LIVE with my mother. This isn't some conversation on the phone. I'm telling you, she won't go away. She says she's going to RV the country, blah, blah,blah and she wants to sell the house to us. We have no idea if this means when shes done RVing she'll plant herself back here or not.

Regardless of all that, I am super pissed that she could not say anything positive. I have been taking MT since this past September and going to work every day. She never said anything. I informed her yesterday that I put my 2 weeks in (would you believe that even though we live in the same house I can go days or more in not seeing her???). Today she says "You will sleep all day." When I get mad, she says, "Fine, prove me wrong." There's a word I'd like to use here, but people get upset when about it when you're referring to your mother.

For added interest, my Mom used to to give very good advice in her youth, you know when I was a teenager. And she has gone through hell with me with the illness and hospitalizations and such. I think she feels 'retired' from all that now. Which is understandable, when the kid is 34. But imagine the dysfunction of still living with the same said kid in the same house, all for the past 11 years (not to mention the years between age 7 and 19, all living in this SAME house). Oh, and dear readers there have been other mighty issues in this house before, but I will probably never divulge them. Yes, she's a saint for taking me in after my six month hospitalization in a State Hospital (my only crime was being rottenly ill, okay) but where will it end...?

Now, its like I'm being judged. Hello, I don't live that way. I'm supposed to be produce or do something Now? Two years after being a drooling idiot in a mental hospital I had it together enough to go back to college. It took me an additional four years to get my B.A. in English because I took 2 classes a semester. I had gone bonkers after taking 18 credits so I figured slow and steady won the race. And it did. I got my degree. And of course, she was monstrously proud. So can we not play that? So I stay in this particular set of idiotville (the job) to appease my mom now? Ohhhh, you have gooot to be kidding.

I mean really we are talking about 4 hours a day. So, its either sad that I can't take crap for 4 hours or its ridiculous to expect me to take crap for 4 hours. Either was we establish that crap is being flung. Do you spend 4 hours dodging it? Do you spend time deciding the frangrancy of said crap, the consistentcy of it and how much it okay to be hit with it? I'm thinking Okay, we work something out, I stay, I still hate it. Won't I and everyone else feel like a chump during THOSE last two weeks? Like just get out then. I don't know! God they could come to me today, and I don't know the answers or how to continue to work the people. I don't know.


Raine said...

hmmmmmm I'm thinking Mom doesnt know much about mania or you are a REALLY lucky bi-polar. LOLOL sleep all day??? that does happen sometimes, right about now sleep is a distant memory:P

'Tart said...

In all fairness to the Madre, I do sleep until 11 a.m. every morning and then get up to go my job. And I tend to be a low-level bipolar: I mean that I tend to run on the depresso side, but of course that is not always. Anyway, it rots to even feel like I have to 'perform' for her, or prove anything. Could the woman please go on a trip or something? Sheesh!

Jennifer said...

Mom be darned! My mom used to tell me when I brought home good grades that I was "not as smart as I thought I was," and could not give a compliment without putting a zinger with it, a la, "That dress is so pretty; it's a shame your skin is so broken out." I went through a hypnosis thing when I was 30 (10 yrs ago) and was put through a guided visualization where I imagined my mother walking around me, spouting her usual stuff, all the while binding me with a thick rope. I was all tied up and could not move. Then I visualized angels and protectors who came and took the rope and unwound it, all the while saying what my mother should have said to me, "you can do this," "you're such a pretty girl!" "What a pleasant smile you have!" The typical stuff we all say to our kids to make them see that they are welcome and loved. This was very powerful and I repeated it a few times. The reaction changed my view of myself in ways that are indescribable.