Hey, I post from deep outer space - North Carolina! Yes, I drove Husband down here last night so he could save our country on a moment's notice if necessary, (aren't I benevolent!) and have his Reserve duty. So glad this house comes equipped with computer so that I may share my frustrations.

Well, last post was a long discussion of why to leave my present pittance of a job. Strangely, I was pushed to almost walking out entirely on Friday. I am still so angry and upset about it that I am thinking of walking in Monday and giving the nice little two week notice.

The problem was that someone was such a _______ that I was forced to say,"Your attitude is unaccepteptable," and I hung up on him. I am not sorry for it, because I was being abused and I will not stand for it, sure as hell not for $8 an hour. I am so tempted to not only print here the name of that funeral home, but to go online at Google where people might look up f.h. in an effort to decide what to do, and state that people should never use them and to run for their lives. My husband says they would probably sue me, but I say its free f****kin speech and isn't too bad that being awful does come back on you. Of course, I don't know the legal ramifications.

Understand that there are, of course, lovely people that I deal with on a daily basis, funeral homes that are sweet in fact, and their people actually praise me every chance they get. I talk to bereaved people all the time and we handle the whole thing with dignity. My real boss, the editor in chief of our illustrious paper pretty much backs me up, but she doesn't want to hear me bitch, and she is one of the few people that knows I'm bipolar. I literally cannot be paid more because I don't want to lose disability and I don't expect normies to understand that and I don't discuss it with anyone. Really, I fight the good fight in that I continue to work, and I have had plenty of these bottom wage jobs, so somehow this is nothing new. But I have a college degree and I can't even be properly enumerated for this bottom feeder job because I cannot handle the baloney that is daily existence for most normies. That is why I truly do deserve the disability money that I've been getting for 11 years. On one hand I seem really with it and take much on the other hand people have no business messing with me, and in the end no job ever works out.

Herein lies an obvious seeable difference between at least me and normies: They are taught that they must support themselves and that money is intrinsic to the whole shebang - they must have it to survive. Money/Job are synonymous. No matter how hard I try, no matter how 'normal' I can seem, no matter how much I hold in in an effort to assimilate, I intrinsically can't. I am made, because of illness, to not fit into this dynamic at all, and instead rely on others (my family, the gov't) for sustenance. Can you possible comprehend how much that hurts? I continually refuse to accept it or believe it. What, do I expect to impress someone at a cocktail party (have I ever been to a cocktail party?) and say yes, I am an obituary writer, I contribute to society, I have reached the apex of what I can do with a degree, and I hope you see how important I am. Poppycock. I do it to prove to myself that I have worth in the normie world. And how many times have I said that it is an absolutely travesty that I don't expect that world to think that who I am has already outweighed the game of money, job,ridiculousness in general. Understand I know I have done great things...well, blah, blah, blah.

I just want someone to pay. The f.h. to pay for their behavior and my supervisor that made the mistake of not supporting me, pay for his behavior. There is the very real possiblity that I could flip out and just go off. Worse than the fear that I may be ugly, I could get sued, maybe even by my own company or at least end a 'career' (HAH, I just laugh at that word) in a bad way. I am still so overcome by anger that I don't know how to get myself together to play the rest of the game.

Why anyone thinks its okay to toy with me I don't know. I wonder if I should try to get a lawyer and make a complaint against the supervisor. I didn't specify, but I'll say now that he did not support me, he'd placated them. I expect when I give my all for $8 an hour that when things like this happen that my supervisor say,"I know Tart would not hang up on anyone if she was not pushed or abused. That behavior is not acceptable and nothing short of an apology is going to make her consider even working with this individual again." Seriously, nothing short of that was the correct answer. Parents of rotten children stand up for them with this much conviction or more. And I sure as hell deserve better than that.