Saturday, December 30, 2006

Return of the Tart. My Christmas was good, Thank You!!

Yes! Tart has continued Not smoking AFTER the Christmas joy with the in-laws. Maybe this continues to be easy as I am sick, and my lungs are filled with mucus.

I want to talk about smoking cessation today as I just read an entire MSN board of normies discussing it. I thought of joining their board but then I thought my blog is the perfect place to discuss quitting smoking, especially, but of course not having to be, while mentally ill.

That is after all what I am, mentally ill. Forever tagged with the...tag, sometimes I wonder if everything I actually accomplish is due to superhuman effort and everything that might be wrong or even 'low' in my life is mental illness. Turns out if this is the case, then MANY present normies are in fact simply mentally ill or dumb enough to do something that some of the mentally ill treasure: and that would be smoking.

I had a nurse practioner that I adored (forget the Dr., I never saw him until my wonderful n. prac. left his practice) tell me something that stuck with me: Normal people don't smoke.

She knew my illness, she knew a lot about me, as a matter of fact she is the only medical professional I allowed to pray with me ~ because she was sincere, and not some nut-arse quack like the last one who only gave it lip service anyway ~ and it has been years ago that I saw her but her four word statement stuck with me.

Why do the mentally ill smoke? or Why do the mentally ill seem to hold on much more easily to a practice that will kill them, with many of them joining the die hard ranks of those who see little reason to give it up?

I don't know if the answers to that is as simple to everyone out there as it seems to me. Basically, we've got an outright corner on emotional upset and are the obvious ones to look at in terms of trying to treat our ills and not being afraid to use methods to kill the sadness, the emotional upset, heck for all I know it helps with voices. The fact that it kills, is merely a byproduct, and sometimes a welcomed one.

But it is a weak thing to do. Sure, I'm going to pi** off some that still holds onto it and might think I'm looking down on ya. I'm not. Do what you do, need to do, want to do - do you think my measly words are going to stop you? I knew the entire time I was doing it that smoking is a weak thing to do, and I smoked for 10 years before actually quitting for three, then smoked most of 2006, and now got off it. In other words, I participated in the weak for a really long time.

But even I know I'm participating in something amazing by quitting, and it does feel really good. I thought it would be excruciating forever, but that does in fact pass. Yes, I'll admit it, I probably gave myself the best gift for Christmas 2006. The best ones are the ones you work for. :)

There may be some assumption here that there is a point. Not really. Except, I would like to say I do understand why disturbed people feel a bit attracted to things that make them temporarily feel better, but are killing them in the process. But being disturbed/and or killing oneself is Not cool or desired, and those of us in that disturbed range, if we are not experiencing drooling idiocy, are cognizent about just plain wishing in fact to not be disturbed, or not as disturbed.

There's something textbook, literally, about that last paragraph.

Alright whatever.

I had a nice Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, (scored great gifts over all, THEY LOVED MY GIFT BASKETS!!! (Read: Ohmygosh, it was all worth it!), Emma was hit with everyone as she was SUCH a good girl and I enjoyed my family overall) and Christmas Dinner, and movie night at my Aunt and Uncle's. All despite wearing a patch a lot and having undiagnosed bronchitis. MMMMmm yummy, I assure you.

So I've been to the Dr. again (NOT the Doc. assistant, which was the first time around -What a joke!) and am on stronger antibiotics and an actual coughing pill. So my dreams are even MORE vivid and I am in a daze during waking hours. So I'm feeling pretty good. Except for the coughs that make me pi** my pants, no joke that really sucks and was the real impetus to get me to go back to the Dr.!! I'm a little young for Depends, ya know? You should hear my sick pleghm filled laughed as I watch you take that one in!!

Well its been two days since I wore a patch and I'm able to hide any evil so well that I think it's pretty obvious that this little health experiment is going to take. By the time I heal from the bronchitis I should be COMEpletely out of nictotine addiction/side effect range, or let's certainly hope so! Too bad these antibiotics don't last forever, I really like being spacy (yet in reality). Yeah, I guess we all do. :)


MYSTI said...

I am so glad you are back. Happy New Years my friend. I have missed you. I can not wait to catch up with you via phone on how everything is. I hope you are feeling better soon. (((Hugs)))

wolfbaby said...

Congradulations on doing so well!!! I will quite,, im going to quite i just need to pick a day and stick with it... im so weak.. *sigh* Im glad you had a good christmas. Your right the times I did the best on quiting was when i was sick. Have a wonderful New year.

Cheesemeister said...

The mentally ill tag--why did I have to be "it?"
I think that those of us who have been tagged are more prone to addictive behavior in general and smoking is a somewhat more acceptable addictive behavior than some. It's also one of the hardest to give up, so congratulations on doing so well!