Sunday, October 8, 2006

Rated: Hot/Contested Topic

Today may be my day to piss off a lot of people. I don't know, because once again, it being my opinion, I do think I'm right and makes every bit of sense in my world. But it's a touchy subject, so maybe some should know to hold on for the ride, or wait for everyone else at the bottom.

The other day I came across one of the MSN articles that said Ms. Magazine is going to print the names of 5,000 women who have had abortions and are not ashamed of that decision. Gloria Steinam and Kathy Najiminy are among. (Gloria Steinam seems a given, Ms. Najiminy was the very fat witch in 'Hocus Pocus', or if that doesn't stir your memory, Pat Hill's voice in 'King of the Hill.')

So of course, MSN makes a chat/discussion list and asks people to voice their thoughts, opinions, experiences. I am thinking of one 'brave' woman who explained that after two children, she and her husband were working towards having another. She is 42, and unless you're dumber than rocks you know that after 40 a woman is much more susceptible to having a child with Down's Syndrome than most. Wouldn't you know it, she tested for it and found that the child did indeed have this syndrome. She aborted it. They are continuing to try to get pregnant.

All I can say is, I hope you don't have to abort TOO many more babies to get the perfect baby.

I'm not saying anything about the irresponsible 16 year-oldS (it takes two, does it not?), the mamas without money or means, and every other scenario that is out there, but this one takes the cake, as in NO its NOT okay. Not to me.

This was stirred within me simply because I saw a Down's child at dinner this evening. It looked like his Dad was taking him by the hand to the bathroom and that he had other brothers and sisters. Maybe its the bipolar in me, but I hold something special in my heart for Down's kids. They can't hide what is different about them. While probably having learning and physical issues and any other problems that I don't claim to know about, it seems to me that there is a lot of love in those people. Like bipolar, they are given 'scourge' but alternately often have really sweet personalities. They might be 'simple' or whatever in some people's vision but they seem sweet to me.

So I'm trying to put myself in this woman's shoes as to why it was okay to finally receive (in her case, another) one of God's miracles and she would literally throw it in the garbage. Sounds like she and her husband feel pretty confident that they will be able to feed, raise, and shower money on yet another new being, but the thought of knowing this one is 'abnormal' or messed up in some way (before they've had a chance to do it themselves) is too much, just not acceptable. Or perhaps they realize that maybe they DON'T have that extra bit of energy to deal with a kid with disabilities.

I admit a part of me feels that it sounds like they have a wonderful life. I'm just saying if they are going to invite another one in, especially with her risk factor, how can they not accept it, what in society or their family for that matter says its okay to literally throw a baby away, even a different potentially disabled one that they should have known they were in for anyway. I guess it depends on how many you've already had, in this case, and they must seem more disposable.

It can't be their Christian values, because no one is trash not even fetuses, at least to Conservatives or the baby chugging Right? (Heaven forbid, if it sounded like I agree.)

You know, the rest of us assume that the reason that doctors ever do tests to tell a person if their baby is a boy or a girl is to, just that, inform them. It is not to tell them that they have some kind of frickin' choice over it!! What kind of monster aborts their baby because it is not the right sex?? Yeah, I know there are some that do it, but don't be fooled, I just can't see that as anything other than sick!

So am I saying this woman, husband, family are a bunch of monsters? Ummm...I don't know but it seems an awful lot like the same thing to me, or selfish, clueless human comes to mind. You know you're high risk, you're married and have all the societal norms into place, apparently enough money to handle another child (but only a perfect one), but I'm thinking maybe because you've already been a bit a baby factory before, that you are not appreciating what you are getting. You're knocking at the door, but don't like what you are given. I don't know what in a person's world would think its okay to be selfish like that, but there you go. And willing to tell the world in a discussion/chat saying you're apparently not really sorry for it.

It does make the Tart mad.

In case you think Tart will just talk about other people, I will bore you with my situation. If I get pregnant I must stop taking the two drugs that have actually been a serious part of my staying stable for such a long time. They are both teratogens (things that can hurt the development of a baby). One will cause the heart to be missing a chamber, the other brain defects. Just key elements of a healthy person. The mere basics of life. Already been told, already been explained to me.

Tart goes off meds if she becomes pregnant. In a nine month period I am near certain Tart will go psychotic. Stress, hormones, upheaval of long time medications. Psychotic+Pregnant= the scariest most terrifying thing I can think of.

So I am careful. BUT IF I found out that I was with child I would cry for days, not just out of terror but out of joy. What a miracle would have then been bestowed on me. Isn't that really the most important thing we're thinking about? And then there's people purposely asking for that miracle, only not to be able to see it unless it's the way THEY want it, and that seems unbelievable unfair to say the least.

Do you think I would abort it because it has Down's? I would have a hard time I think but I think I would feel He gave that little baby to ME for a reason. I would do everything keep it, even go crazy. I can say that now because I'm 35, married and am a stable bipolar and can see what a gift a child is especially since I haven't had any.

I do my best not to get pregnant, cause it's not only not really the right time, I don't know if it would ever be the right time. Don't think that knowing I may be the dog/cat lady with no kids and crochet's alot, instead of doing all the crap that mothers get to do, isn't hard on me.

It's just that I fear being psychotic and pregnant even more. Call me crazy.

And A-gain, THAT's just me. Oh, and I guess I'm not ashamed to put it in print.

I have many sweet heart friends that struggle with these issues, and I don't want to upset your personal feelings and the things you've gone through. I am just being as honest and fair about simply typing out how *I* feel about the subject, what *I* would at this time in my life. That can no way be a comparison to what many of us have done when we were younger and in different situations. There really is every scenario under the sun, although many seem to have similarities, it's just that the scenario above did not seem right. That is all.


mysti said...

(((Tart))) I have a lot to say on this. I just am at a loss for words right now. Your heart is big and full of love, and I personally would not abort a child just because it had downs syndrome. I too think that there is something very special and sweet in these children. Children are a gift from God. Not one child should be lost to abortion. I fully agree with that. I also know that I sound hypricritical. (spelling is wrong I am sure.) I did have an abortion... I mourn that child every day. well dang... I am going to leave it at that for now.


'Tart said...

Hugs to you mysti!!!! I knew that this one would bother you, but I said what I specifically thought about the thought processes of this lady and her family.

I never say things on other people's blogs about this subject, because I never had an abortion so how could I ever matter to the discussion. But VERY close people to me have had them, its not like I live in a vaccuum. I've never met one that was 'happy/no effect' with the decision, but then I don't subscribe to Ms. Magazine.

I don't see it as hypocritical to have had an abortion, to mourn that child, and to feel the whole thing is wrong, and then moreover: to say so. I called that in sincerity, a learning experience, that was beyond words difficult. Not hypocritical, hurt is the word I'd use. The word hurt does not conjure guilt like the other, and is much more true to how you feel. Wasn't it much more hypocritical of people who do these things day in and day out to never clue you in on what the after math is like? Hypocrit. for Other people that went thru this and not put the warning out for You?! No, you state what happened and how you feel about it, openly, for others to take the hint - how can that be hypocritical. THAT my dear is brave, truthful, open, honest - everything I think of about you. Hypocritical does not apply to you.

YOU have a big heart, (((mysti)))!! You're life experiences have sometimes been so painful and I have never seen anyone else have the most sweet, Christian, loving reactions in spite of it. Please don't beat yourself up, you've done it enough. And I think you did so much to write sincerely and from the heart on your blog. I just love ya, Lady.

:) Tart

mysti said...

Sheesh I think I cry to much my friend... Thank you for your words. I knew you were thinking of me as well as a few others when you said your last statement on this post...

You are right though.. Not one person has ever been happy after having an abortion that I know of. All have truly regretted it. That is why I am going to work with young women again who are thinking of having an abortion. It is the reason I am putting myself through some very difficult classes. They are making me a mess. It is why I took a break from my blog. I did not want others seeing me in such an upset state.

You are a wonderful lady, and I feel blessed to call you my friend. Thank you for all the love and support you have given me. I appreciate it very much.

((((Tart)))) now I am off to think.... Thank you for being such a wonderful friend...

Raine said...

I have a greatniece with down's syndrome. Her mama was only 21 when she was born. She is loved no less than any of her 3 siblings

'Tart said...

Thank you for your comment, Raine. It heartens me to hear of your grandniece's love for her children including a very special one.

You know I'm thankful they don't have tests for too many other illnesses. No one would be born, mostly out of fear and ignorance.

I know people who test to see if they have a certain gene, but that is BEfore they conceive.

People will do what they want to do, but it seems wrong to me that it would be so acceptable after conception: okay to test and then throw away.

And if you've literally already conceived something that you apparently can't live with once why not hang it up, be happy with the kids you have Or adopt. Just be sure you don't adopt someone with disabilities, hunh!?

And you're right: What the hell is wrong with having a Down's baby anyway?!! That's probably the real point thru all of this.


'Tart said...


Tests should be for preparation,
more knowledge for future elation, not for stopping a little person's maturation!!

(Now you KNOW why I don't do poetry.)

I really don't consider myself a 'militant prolifer,' a regular 'prolifer,'or even a person who thinks constantly upon this subject. I went off about a particular situation, out of the idiocy that I perceived in said situation and I really just think every bit of this is a no-brainer, obvious conclusion. And noooooow....I'm done.

Okay, I'll stop. I swear.