Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Really I've had a good day, productive in some ways, so before anyone would accuse me of being in an outright bad mood with my next statements, I cannot figure out precisely what made me feel down or sad. Maybe it was the following events.

I guess all that did it was driving someone home this evening on a 45 mile an hour road and having some horrible big van thing RIGHT ON MY A**. I think that's the best way to put it, and I'm sure there's some of you reading this, probably the non-commenting kind, that think I cus too much on this blog. So be it. It's no copout for me to say that within me lies the beast of an angry Bipolar, expressed this many boring times, I know, but its the God awful truth, whether that is even a beneficial diagnosis sometimes or not. Okay, I guess disclaimer for saying a** is over.

So it's just mean the way that some people drive. My area, here's one for you to look up, is supposed Numero Uno in Road Rage. True. And every bit believable when you get in your beloved vehicle that you pay for monthly, buy gas and insurance for and 'head out on the highway.'

I will finish this evening's anecdote. Mr. Attitude moved EVEN closer AND put his high beams on. There's someone in front of me, and I refuse to be right on his bottom on pure principal and I am going the speed limit. So can I let person know I have issues with the beyond bold driving, high lights and evilness? Roll down the window and give a well lit middle finger, yes I did. When the road finally opened up it was over, I went to the far left lane and he went in the right to get on the superfreeway. It was a company truck, with an enormous sattelite dish on it, absolutely no wording on the vehicle and he had plates located from the big city I'm near. There I have completely described him while giving no useable information whatsoever. Aren't you proud?

Simultaneously, I am driving home a 'friend' and discussing (that would be me talking, friend: I don't know if received info, as he is a fellow MI individual and after having dinner with my husband and I expressed that he'd just like to take a nap and damn if he wasn't purely gone after that, as in eyes open/brain shut down.) some things I was concerned about and, no shock here, not receiving much of an answer. So I dropped him off, and the combination of having an a**hole I completely don't know mess with me, while one that I do know do doing the same thing did and has taken its toll. To top it off there are issues with a person that is supposed to be Husband's friend and I do feel bad about it.

Okay, so here's the real statement. The upshot of all this explanatoriness for you. I am thinking that people just suck. In a deep, hitting me at my core way, I feel it is useless to trust even the people (and there are only few of these okay?) that I thought were my friends and don't even get me started with the world at large. Before blogger friends get upset and think I'm referring to them: Nope, I'm not. I'm way intelligent enough to figure that blog friends are a whole kettle different that those reality friends, the ones that look you in the face.

I just think, 'What's the point?' Every person that was my bestest bud has vanished from my life. People that I still love so, one's that know me incredibly well: Gone bye-bye. I'm thinking, "Who needs them?" If you want interaction go to the store or something, I swear that's what most women too busy to have friends do. That's what church social groups are for. Blah, blah, your looking great these days, blah, blah, go on your merry way. There's nothing significant going on there. (For those involved with these things DO express your sordid rage, because I'm not apologizing).

All I'm saying is, I have a great family, a tiny one, I am an only child so I am truly just not socialized properly, and I'm not seeing too much need for human interaction. My cat's fuzzy, my dog's fuzzy, they love me I am sure of it, and those critters are also a part of my family, so go figure: They're cool, they're in. They are better than people.

For anyone who's shocked that someone would say any of this, well read the last couple months of entries here on the blogola. I say what I mean. I feel that I'm denouncing life, society, that I want to hole up here at 'Terra' and involve myself in my own activities. I think I have been heading towards a realization like this for a while. I am not even sad as I say this, don't feel like crying. Yet, maybe I should feel those things because it seems such a deep step to take.

Get off me, Nasty Cruel World. And keep your pathetic humans as well.

Oh, and really this impacts the average blog reader not really at all. I may spend more time uploading videos and yak endlessly on my own pityous (yes, new word) problems, because I won't have to even try to entangle myself with real-life humans and their time draining patheticness. Lucky you.

(I could have called this 'Good bye Cruel World' but I hate it when people yank your chain like that. So no name.)


mysti said...

(((Tart))) I always feel better after a good vent! I wont give you the whole not everyone is all that bad speech, since I am one person who sat here and was shaking my head aha yep I agree, aha, yep, with you on that one the whole entire time I was reading your post. There are those people who do flat out suck...... Sometimes the safest place is at home with those you love. Although even I have days where I just want to be left alone! Even my family can tick me off. (raising teen sons after all)

Hugs To you.. OHHHHH and here is a prayer for you. I think it is okay, since angels are not people! Besides I liked this prayer so I am sharing it with you.


May the angels keep you till morning.
May they guide you through the night.
May they comfort all your sorrows.
May they help you win the fight.
May they keep watch on your soul.
May they show you better ways.
May they guard you while you're sleeping.
May they see you through your days.
May they show you new hopes.
May they still your every doubt.
May they calm your every fear.
May they hear you when you shout.
May the angels keep you til morning.
More than this I cannot pray.
And if the angels ever fail you.
Then may God be there that day.

'Tart said...

Thank you mysti, for all of these lovely thoughts. I am blessed to have a friend like you. Or perhaps you are an angel, so we won't get into anything pesky or human, but you prove that there still are lovely people, yes veritibly I say, humans, that are wonderful. Thanks for being so sweet and proving it.