I survived a social outing! (that I was dreading.)

It's such a long story as to why it's so painful for me but suffice to say, I went to a birthday party (sans present, because I was told two days ago, and didn't KNOW this was a birthday party!) where a person that I pretty much have bad feelings about also attended. I have good reason to not like this person but I will not go into it now. And I noticed that this person avoided me like the plague as well, even though I walked in cheerful and talkative and trying to be engaged in the conversation.

You know when you go to one of those stuffy joints, with stuffy people and just feel uncomfortable the whole time? That's how I felt. I could barely eat, even though the food was good, but, whatever. I hated the fact that I shook while eating, but whatever. (I shake because of meds, but I notice it and feel embarrassed. So that's uncomfortable. My husband ignores it, but I don't know how much it freaks other people out.)

BUT, I went out. I went over there. I DID engage in some conversations, and listened and did not butt in on many of them! In other words, dear friends, I tried to act normal. If normal is being quiet (and acting shy) when you're not necessarily. It's like you don't want to speak because I'll be embarrassing myself, even though people talked about plenty of inappropriate-you'd-think-it-would- be- party-killers-things. It about killed me, but I was as normal as I could be. And it was brave for me. I knew I was afraid to go, I had been avoiding it all weekend and I went anyway.