Sunday, June 29, 2008

I survived a social outing! (that I was dreading.)

It's such a long story as to why it's so painful for me but suffice to say, I went to a birthday party (sans present, because I was told two days ago, and didn't KNOW this was a birthday party!) where a person that I pretty much have bad feelings about also attended. I have good reason to not like this person but I will not go into it now. And I noticed that this person avoided me like the plague as well, even though I walked in cheerful and talkative and trying to be engaged in the conversation.

You know when you go to one of those stuffy joints, with stuffy people and just feel uncomfortable the whole time? That's how I felt. I could barely eat, even though the food was good, but, whatever. I hated the fact that I shook while eating, but whatever. (I shake because of meds, but I notice it and feel embarrassed. So that's uncomfortable. My husband ignores it, but I don't know how much it freaks other people out.)

BUT, I went out. I went over there. I DID engage in some conversations, and listened and did not butt in on many of them! In other words, dear friends, I tried to act normal. If normal is being quiet (and acting shy) when you're not necessarily. It's like you don't want to speak because I'll be embarrassing myself, even though people talked about plenty of inappropriate-you'd-think-it-would- be- party-killers-things. It about killed me, but I was as normal as I could be. And it was brave for me. I knew I was afraid to go, I had been avoiding it all weekend and I went anyway.


Jena said...

That IS very brave. I barely survive outside on a small walk let alone any kind of engagement with people. Good for you!

Tracy said...

Wow tart again you amaze me. Your courage is an inspiration to many. I have been in the situation you have been in, and i understand how you were feeling, and i know how hard it is to do something that one is very much dreading! You did it!!!! Now as for the shaking, I also understand, i have been there. I think no one notices it as much as we do. However if they did? YOU can not help it that you shake! Hubby knows it, that is why he does not pay any attention to it. Do not worry what others think. :) haha coming from the lady who worried like crazy what others would think seeing my shake. Those that said anything to me, actually hugged me and said to me oh Tracy I am so sorry you are shaking so much, that must really hurt. :) Those around you probably felt the same.

KOOODDOOOOSSSS for going my friend. Hugs!

I am off to spend the day with my hubby yayyyy

Love ya lots,

'Tart said...

Thank you Jena. I think you will see better days - and just feel better in your skin around other people. Heck, I think I'll take my own advice!:)

Thank you, Tracy.:) I am so blessed to have a friend like you. Your support means sooooo Much!:)