My weekend was remarkably relaxing and I should say that's pretty unexpected. I realize I've grown some, in terms of either not getting upset by people or being able to get over it pretty well. That's saying a lot for me.

I am still amazed at others capacity to judge (while realizing that that I am judging as well to come to this conclusion). It seems the people who have the least sense, and really the least right to judge, do it the most, as in they are the most critical. You think to yourself, Lord what a pinhead this person is, they've gone through nothing significant in their lives (except maybe the makeup artist didn't probably blot the crease in their lips, and I'm not making this up, I know someone who went OFF about this when we were getting ready for a wedding. Hello?) yet the rest of us are their minions, idiots, and subservants and I can't imagine that anyone would put up with them other than family.

Oh how can I explain this all properly? I guess I really shouldn't. But I would like to put this out there. Does anyone else think it's rude for guests to be sitting in a person's living room while that Hostess makes a long distance call to relatives and during that conversation which you are pretty well held captive to, you hear hostess mention yours and Husband's name and you can tell from the reaction that the person on the other end (let's say her Mother/or sister that you were subjected to in the previously mentioned wedding above) says something nasty and the hostess is trying to react in a way that will not embarrass or hurt the practically jailed guests sitting uncomfortably on the couch, pretending to watch something stupid that was left on the tube for them?

Perhaps the biggest run-on sentence I've left here yet, but I've taken my meds, I can't be held responsible.

Anyway, I sure as heck did find that quite el rudo. Rude factor number one: What the hell's wrong with you Dumbass? Excuse yourself to go talk to whoever you want in your bedroom. See I can't cut on Hostess (supposedly) because she's nice, naive but more than anything, a dumbass. It's the Mother and Sister that are Vipers.

Someone once introduced me to the concept of 'common.' As in people being common or saying, doing common things. How common and mean is it, of Mom, when hostess has told Mom we're sitting right there for her to just blurt out or say something rude? (And let me say, it was obvious that she had) Like she doesn't give a crap about us or our feelings, which is just flat out common. And a few other things too, which I'm sure your imagination can float to.

So this occurred near the end of our stay. All had gone well up to this point. I had always felt anger at being judged by Hostess in the many previous forced visitations I'd had with her and her husband (my Husband says he's friends with them, so Yoko gets dragged along), so I was prepared for that and I was feeling no pain, literally.

The amazing thing is I did a fast turnaround, a very good recovery. In the past, I could have become sullen and pissed and ruined the rest of the evening. I always found it interesting that for the fact this couple acted that I was of no consequence whatsoever, yet I held such power to make everything a downer. It's unfair to suck the liveforce out of somebody and hold it against them. Look, it's not my fault I've was born with more neurons, brain chemicals and therefore more feelings and I have to put up with sniveling superficial lowlifes, who are focused on the wrong things.

It's people like them that make me say things like, "Isn't it ridiculous that normies look down on the mentally ill when we are so much better than them."

It's an oppression, even if one of the sensibilities, and I hate it. It takes such patience to deal with normies. I'm learning to hone that into looking like a laid back attitude, which normies always appreciate. WHAT-ever never sounded more real!

Of course not all normies are evil. People who have not dealt with mental illness in terms of reality, survival and something to live with either in themselves or someone they love and in turn become afraid/judgemental of it and don't want to even open their minds up (pun intended) to it: These are the people I am talking about. That's a lot of people. A lot of people with Lack of Empathy Skills.

You know someone's a knuckhead when they've been exposed to this, exposed to me, I've told them many of my stories, and yet they continue to have issues with me and simple concepts of reality for others. I have learned: That's them having issues. Them, Them, Them. Everything I might say is describing it for others, you the reader, but there is nothing I need to do to fix me, and sadly, There is no fixing Them.

I did decide however, that I could work on the package that is me, for all the superficial fucks, just to show up one day and make the jaw drop. That would be quitting smoking, which I'm in the process of, having started yesterday, and dropping some pounds. I felt an impetus after the weekend, call it the inner anger at being judged, but I thought it can't hurt to work on the things that doctors have been telling me for years I should do.

I know nothing I've said has expressed that I am doing this for me, but its true, I am. I want my power back. AND I know that I can do it. This is because I have proven many times in the past that when I set my mind to something, I do it. Period. Because I rock. If I work hard enough on it as well, I might really learn to not let anyone take my bliss away. At all.