Friday, February 24, 2006

Freak out

I am so stressed. I am going to see about taking obits out of my life, and if they won't I think its the end of this job. They told me Classified's were going to take it over in November but nothing has come of it that I know about. I am having unbelievable stress dreams. I left an email for my boss last night to have a meeting. Had a cigarette first thing in the morning, a first in years after my restart of over a month ago. I about lost it yesterday after the evil f.h. pulled another stunt. I never say anything to them, just OK pretty much, and then think, "When is anyone going to put them in their place?" 'cause you don't want it to be me, because there will be a meltdown. It's much better if I bow out gracefully. Believe me, the people in direct vicinity to me know I am pissed. I know something is really wrong because I don't hear others go off like that. Again, I am alone in this. I can tell my husband, but he's like 'I agree with you, just do it (get rid of obits)' my therapist is useless: if I call I will only be leaving a message and her tag line is even in the face to face: you're doing well. Doing well ON MY OWN. I know better than to freak out in normie world, heck that might be the beginning of freaking out in an institution.
Well, gotta get ready for my 4-hour job that leaves me sweaty-palmed, beyond stressed and pissed. Gosh, I make Bipolar working look so good. Pleasant day, all.

3 comments:

Raine said...

((((((Tart)))))))) You get props from me for even being able to work at all. I'm not able to anymore. I'm not saying this is happening to you by the way- just a thought- for me I have to work really hard at keeping in mind (when dealing with the rest of the world the few times that I do) that my emotions are more often than not illness. So I "try" to take time before I react to any emotion to evaluate it for a while and see if its really valid or if its bi-polar rage, depression, elation etc raising their heads. At any rate sounds like you are really frustrated with your job and unhappy with it. Maybe a change IS in order

'Tart said...

Thank you Raine. I have such a hard time realizing/recognizing my emotions. It's heartening to know there are words like 'bi-polar rage' because it lets me know I'm not the only one. Sadly, I am still dealing with accepting it - like, 'That's me?' But that is life.
'Tart

Enigma said...

Hey Tart
I'm just dropping in to see how things are going...