A meme: I say, you think:

This meme was off of Mike Golch's wordpress site.
I like it because no one said I had to use just one word!!

1. Contemplate :: How to do this meme!

2. In the house :: 2 Pugs (one very high-strung that barks a lot, it seems! Both cute as can be though!), a Siamese cat, me, and a computer that I love (I get a lot of fun out it!:)

3. Classical :: music. This kind of reminds me that I play my clarinet sometimes, which I still enjoy!

4. Quest :: for happiness. To provide better structure for my day. To reach out a little more in reality land.

5. Best friend :: My husband; a reality-land friend I have that I don't name on blog; and Tracy:) The last two may not be in that order!!

6. 1991 :: OOhhh!! This was such a good year!! I was in college, this was the year I met my husband (who was in the Navy at the time), and the year I fell in love with The Black Crowes.

7. Never will :: give up.

8. Fool :: try very hard not to be, which closes my world in.

9. Unhappy :: at various times. The nature of the illness is sometimes to be unhappy for no conceivable reason at all which makes me even more unhappy, when that happens!!

10. Best man :: My bro-in-law, who I just love to pieces! He forgot what he wanted to say at the wedding toast, but pulled out a piece of actual toast, and it was hilarious! I love him for being him!

1. Contemplate ::
2. In the house ::
3. Classical ::
4. Quest ::
5. Best friend ::
6. 1991 ::
7. Never will ::
8. Fool ::
9. Unhappy ::
10. Best man ::

If you do it, let me know!:)

Prayers.

Today I would like make a list of people I am praying for and for what.

It is very much because of blog world that I have become aware of needs in my small world of Other People, and if you want to think about these wonderful people sometime during your day, I invite you to do so.

My friend Tracy, who Needs very much to find a doctor to help her with her fibermyalgia specifically and one who will understand her bleeding disorder and lead poisoning issues as well. Please pray that she will find one soon that will stop her from having to ration her pain pills and be in terrible withdrawal. It makes me cry, because she is a wonderful, SWEET person who does not need to be put through this foolishness.

My friend Stacy, who is Tracy's twin, who is struggling with a son who is very beloved and bipolar and who tries her, and has had a hard week with her job. I am so blessed to know her in blog world and I find her to be an utter delight. I LOVE her comments here on my blog, and I am so glad to know that she is a real person and she deserves to know I pray for her.:)

Mike Golch, a fellow blogger, and a friend to many, as he often sends out prayer requests for deserving bloggers everywhere. Mike, you don't know it, but you give so much, and I'm sorry for the seizures that you suffer often and are a significant bother for you. I think about you often and pray for you.

I add a prayer here for a friend of a friend, in the real world, that I know that I don't talk to often anymore but hear about through a friend.

This person's girlfriend just had a heart attack. She was suffering seizures yesterday, but today is in stable condition, although she is on a respirator. She owns her own house, but if she survives this ordeal she will have to sell her house to pay for medical costs and live in a nursing home. I don't know how much of her life she will be able to regain after this ordeal. I still hope that she can regain strength and I am thinking of my friend who is sad about his girlfriend.

I know I haven't 'covered' everybody, but these are just some that I think of and thought could use a tiny shout-out from my corner of the world.

My world has been greatly made better by being on blog and finding out the needs of others. Blessings to all in blogger land.

Improvement

Whew! Within a day - thank God!

Things that cheered me up after having my brain chemicals wreak havoc on me:

1. My brain chemicals let up on me just a little allowing me to think. Thanks Brain Chemicals!!

2. I performed my face regimen: I had ordered Mary Kay from a friend, so I did my cleanser, toner, and moisturizers, pulled my hair back in a pony tail (because it’s greasy and I can’t handle the thought of a shower right now, soooo sorry), put my contacts in and considered makeup – maybe after exercising which should prove to be a big picker upper later on after I digest cheer-up # 3.

3. Ordered Chinese food. I am now full, and full of hot & sour soup, which is such comfort food for me I cannot express. I don’t know how to make it, therefore I order.

4. I had good telephone calls, that cheered me up immensely and made me know that I am loved. Thank you truly from my heart for those calls. Several were made by me out to the world, but it’s the one that calls in to check on me that is truly kind.

5. I am considering scrapbooking. Nothing serious like my wedding pictures that are an ongoing thing, but a bunch of cards that I have received, like for my birthday and for my Dad’s bereavement, so I can flip through and feel the warm fuzzies. I am trying figure out the best way to deal with those acidic (the paper, not the sentiment, hee hee!) little cards. What a problem.

6. Working on that cross stitch for a Mom that is due TOMORROW (what that must be like interests me greatly, and I feel for her, I really do). Can’t wait to find out Baby’s name.

7. Working on crochet projets (yes, that’s French for project, cause crochet was originally a French word. Yup.)

8. Love up a critter. Reese kitty is always trying to warm his lovely chocolate-colored feet on me. Sometimes I take advantage of it and let him love me.:)

9. Not to mention writing this all out. That helps me mucho greatly.:)

I am just sharing some things that cheered me up, because I printed such a downer below and I did find ways to work on shaking it. It’s a process of forcefully shaking it, not hoping to shake it. Something had to be done, and it's the little things that often help me.

I’m not working on the grant stuff right now, maybe mulling it around in my head. The thing now is the letter that will open doors, that’s a little bit of pressure, but I think I have most of the info needed to do that. Anyway, this is life for now. Ups downs and all arounds.

bipolar has it's week.

I have been trying to think of a way to express myself on blog about what I have been feeling lately, since last night. I started posts, but kept erasing them.

I googled 'pit of despair' this morning, there's stuff on there about the stock market 08, so I feel I can talk about my piddly problems.:) That is some kind of joke, I think, for anyone who cares.

I am at Such A Low, there are almost no words. I know that I don't have a huge support system, not on the web or in life and I am barely hanging by a thread. That is the truth. There are tears flowing down my face. I don't think I make sense anymore. This one is a doozy. I'm going down for the count. I am thinking of ways to off myself and they are scary. There are not a lot of options today.

This is making me simultaneously angry. I have stuff to work on. I have some goals I thought. Oh! And I didn't mention that I singlehandedly started a fundraiser for the Drop In Center (I wrote a few posts down what the heck that is).

Seriously. I got a flyer in the mail for a local dollar store that does fundraisers for non-profits made the calls after talking to the people at DIC and set the thing up. So I should be thrilled that I Accomplished something. Not so, so much. I'm dreading standing outside the building on the chosen day and handing out flyers. It's never enough.

Back to being angry and monstrously sad (nearly simultaneously), is this the crazy almost no-name illness that no one gives a d*n about?

I have tried so hard to accomplish things only to have the illness try so hard to take it away. That makes me bawl just writing it.

Huuuuuuuggggs & blessssings to everyone.

PS- My therapist who I saw on Monday, says last week was hard on a lot of people. She doesn't know if it's the full moon, the change in the weather, or her lack of skills (that was my input here, and no where else) but people are Feeling Bad. Just a note.

Bodacious Blog Buddies Award

Mike over at http://mjgolch.wordpress.com/ is giving this wonderful award out to his blog list. I don't have a blog list but I would like to give this award to a few people:

Tracy

Stacy

Denise

Raine

Jena

:) Considered yourself awarded, Bodacious Buddies!!

The ABC's of grant writing

Raine asked an interesting question: “so you like ask for grants ? is that it?”

Well, there’s a lot to it that I am finding out about. The long story is this:

1) You’ve got to Find the Grants (lots of research)
2) You’ve got to Apply for the Grants (lots of writing & proof-reading & having the info to put in them.)

We’re talking about grants for a non-profit, which is where the majority of grants are, as opposed to an individual or a for-profit business.

This means the organization has done the legwork and has received the Non-Profit 503 (c)(3) designation from the IRS.

My wonderful person that I am working with explained to me that the organization is like a stool, with the organization being the top flat part of the stool itself, and the consumer being the ‘butt’ that sits on it (and in this case rests its weary soul upon it!). The $money$ that supports the organization is the four legs of the stool:

1) Government grants
2) Fundraising
3) Corporate/Foundation Grants
4) Selling things and making a profit for the organization

These four things are the money sources that keep a non-profit going. And they need money all the time, for everything from administrative costs, to paying for the light bill, to food for the consumers (the folks that show up every day and are the reason the place exists!).

I am working on corporate grants for the food program at the Drop In Center. This wasn't too hard as I found the right phrase to put into Google and I was set! I was so excited when I found the pages on the internet where it directs you to apply for a grant from say, the local grocery store foundation!

Sometimes you apply with their form, sometimes you conjure up a letter to ask them for the privilege of being thought of at their next board meeting for a grant – to start the process.

So, now that I have found a few grocery store foundations that may possibly give money, I must start a) filling out the forms they have provided or b) send a letter to tell them of our need. So there is writing involved especially when thinking of what to say in that letter.

Also, there is a lot of grant writing to do, since apparently often only about 1 out of 2 or 3 grant requests actually gets filled. That means a lot of work just to receive the monies needed to run a program.

You don’t know if all or one of your requested grants are going to be filled. It could literally be feast or famine for the Drop In Center’s food program, unless we make a concerted effort to write out about six grant requests to make sure we are safe, in the effort to make sure we get two actually granted. Whew! That’s a lot of work!

There’s a lot of writing and thinking about writing involved in this. I can only do what I can do a little at a time, to wrap my head around all the little parts involved in a large grant package/proposal. But it’s a challenge I’ve accepted. I’ll keep you updated.:)

Delving into the world of Grants!

I spent much of my day researching places that could be potential 'givers of money' for a particular reason for the Drop In Center.

Wow! It was a lot of fun, especially when I found my first address that I could send a request to!

I was hopping up and down for joy and praising God for leading me on this path, and frankly for helping me, when I don't quite know what I am doing.

I know He's leading me and I'm happy about it. I have prayed to be led the way He wants me to, and although these things take time, both my being led & grant writing in general, I am feeling GOOOOD about it.

I am thinking of suggesting a crochet class at the Center, and maybe the products made by people could be sold, for fund-raising purposes.

I know they will say, 'Hunh, I wonder who could teach that class?:)' If they are thinking it's me that will be INTERESTING as I have been avoiding teaching anything most of my life, especially the technicalities of making something. They may not like the idea at all for all I know.:)

Feeling better today.

As much as I love her, and I really like her a lot I thought, I have no desire to see any of Angelina Jolie's latest movies. She does a movie on Daniel Pearl, playing as his wife Marianne, admitting that it really was a downer playing that particular time period (we all know what happened to Mr. Pearl).

Now she does a movie, 'Changling,' where she admits when she first read it she wanted 'to stay as far away from it as possible.' So guess what? I am too. As a person who has spent more time in a mental hospital than her character does in this movie, I don't want to see it, hear it or speak it either. The brief synopsis that I just got from MSN was spoiler-alert good enough for me. Don't need to see it now, thanks.:)

My sore throat was significantly better when I got up today. Thank you to Tracy for your home remedies, particularly the garlic, which I had a lot of at the house and took plenty of. I really think it helped a lot!:) I also had chicken soup for dinner tonight (how did they make that 'terrible' supposedly-MSG laden Progresso only 1 little point in Weight Watchers? AWESOME!).

Spent the day at Drop In Center, some of it discussing the grant I will be working on. I need to get off my duff and work on that!!:) I'm excited, it's for a good cause.

Under the weather (physically)

My throat's a' fire, people! I had to cancel a meeting with a wonderful person today, just for a social visit, and for reading the Bible with Tracy (who is even more wonderful!).

I went back to bed hoping I would feel better - hah! My throat's still on fire, especially when I swallow.

I called the person I will be working on a grant with, as we were supposed to meet tomorrow, and she told me about taking garlic when you think you have an infection, as a method to stave off having to get expensive antibiotics, if the garlic helps and you don't have to go to the doctor after all. Hunh! That is a new one, but I went and took a bunch of garlic pills that I have. I do feel sweaty and infectious. I'll be by your blogs as I can, and I wish everybody a much better day than I'm feeling!

Love,

Tart

About my new weight ticker.:)

My friend Tracy has put a special weight ticker up on her blog, which has inspired me to do the same.

I am putting my actual weight in because I think it will help me stay more accountable and I will remember better what my goals are if its in real numbers. (I'm starting with a smaller goal rather than the whole shebang).

This is Not Easy for me, to just put that number out for everyone and everyone to see, please be kind, because I must hold myself accountable and I think this is a great way to do it. I thought about blogging about weight before and now Tracy has opened a great way for me to do so here.

If you read Tracy's post where she first talks about her weight gain, it was because doctors wanted to focus on her health, and weren't so worried about weight gain.

My situation is similar, my doctors have many times focused on my mental health, which included putting me on medications that gain the weight and sometimes give you weird cravings for the wrong kinds of foods. Couple that with less than a real desire to get sweaty and workout, a thyroid that has been messed up by Lithium, oh the list of reasons goes on, I weigh more than I want to.

But there is hope. The thing that proved that to me was my six-month stay in a mental hospital fourteen years ago. They were trying mongo amounts of drugs on me, slowly, But they put me on a specific-calorie diet and we walked and exercised a lot. I came out thin. It is possible to be on a lot of meds and Work it off.

That's why it's so great that Tracy mentioned water aerobics, because I was really enjoying that when I was going with my Mom. I just have to get myself motivated to go back, after that time of the month, and get in the pool again. I guess I am honestly looking forward to it.

31 Things Meme.

I've been tagged by Tracy to do the 31 Things Meme.The Rules: Answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four others.
1. Where is your cell phone? here
2. Your significant other? hubby
3. Your hair? brown
4. Your mother? adventure
5. Your father? missed
6. Your favorite thing? lots
7. Your dream last night? interesting
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? book
10. The room you’re in? office
11. Your hobby? writing
12. Your fear? spiders
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? satisfied
14. What you’re not? skinny
15. Muffins? blueberries
16. One of your wish list items? book
17. Where you grew up? U.S.
18. The last thing you did? telephone
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Favorite gadget? computer
21. Your pets? three
22. Your computer? helpful
23. Your mood? okay
24. Missing someone? yes
25. Your car? enjoy
26. Something you’re not wearing? watch
27. Favorite store? yarn
28. Like someone? yes
29. Your favorite color? maroon
30. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? yesterday

I tag Jena and anyone else who would like to do a cool meme! (Come back and let me know you did it!:)

Keeping busy, feeling better.:)

Ahhh! Feeling better because I have gotten a lot done, and if nothing else, stayed quite busy these last few days.:)

Yesterday I did not leave the house, but I learned so much about grant writing off of the internet. I really studied this site at www.raise-funds.com from a Google search and printed 14 pages of good stuff, highlighting along the way and getting an idea of how the performance of a grant writer should be evaluated, all the way to actually writing a proposal. Neat stuff!

It turns out that it is recommended that a grant writer be paid hourly or by the project, Not by if the grant is received (or actually granted) or not. The work is in the work to get the grant, not if it is granted!

Also, you should not be padding a request for 'real money' (for the operation or whatever it is you're asking money for) into the request as that's not really right and granter's are not keen on that anyway.

I am learning so much!!

So, I have an actual appointment to meet with a very cool and supportive person at Drop In Center and she said she would not leave me out in the cold, she is really going to help me through this (proposal-writing process)!

I am very much looking forward to doing something that is:

1. Writing
2. Using my dang degree
3. Doing a 'real' freelance job (one that has an actual Association and is in demand)
4. Helping a very good cause that I believe in

The Drop In Center is for the mentally ill by the mentally ill. Some very stable mentally ill women started this non-profit organization with grants and will continue to need them to continue the center.

It really is doing a world of good for a lot of people. People can come from all over to talk to each other, to play games and relax, to get on the computer - and to realize they are not alone in mental illness, and that mental illness doesn't have to be the focus of their life, its just a part of it, and that other people understand.

What a gift these ladies have created! And I'm so honored and hopeful and want to work hard to help them.

Today, I have gone to the library to turn in sheets that I put into the database, return books on scrapbooking for the family (and re-check out two more, he he!) and got books on Grant Writing, to get a better handle on it and understand it more, all before my appointment with the Center next week.

Thank you for the support received on my blog about some of the topics I've been talking about on here. You guys are great! Hugs & blessings to you all!

As an update from Denise at her http://samaritanwomen.blogspot.com/ blog: she thanks the many people for their prayers, and has such good news - her dear niece will get to go home to see her baby and husband to recover from her C-section, and in weeks will go for the heart surgery. It also turns out that the hole in her heart is not quite as significant as previously thought.

I am so glad for Denise and her family, and I haven't quit praying for you, as I continue to pray for so many blog friends.

God bless you all, and I wish a good day for all in blog land. Thank you for your support!:)