Saturday, May 3, 2008

Just to blog, to prove I'm here...

I'm definitely manic a lot these days, with tarkenisia setting in, especially in my jaw. My jaw moves constantly and if I try to stop it, my teeth grind. This after reducing my Lithium even more. So does this not prove that Abilify is causing this? This did not occur with the same mixture of meds that I've been on the whole time.

I focus on other things, like typing, eating, being, but that jiggling of the mouth is always there.

On a nicer note, my husband fixed up my bicycle very nicely for me. I'm not an avid bicycle rider but he enjoys mountain bike riding himself, and it made him happy to put it all together so well for me. He is so kind to me, and thinks of me by doing things, like many men. I feel very lucky that way.

The mania is shown with me doing stuff on the computer, 24 - 7. I feel weird if I don't check my email a LOT. I need to get off this thing. Like many manics, I can't focus on just one hobby, I can't do anything it seems.

At least with the computer, or emails, or whatever on it, you don't feel the need to explain in a face-to-face why Your Face is jiggling. I want to cry. How is this going to get better? How will it ever end?

I don't know what to say. I've never met anyone with ANY of these problems. Granted, I stay inside a lot, or go to public places like stores to buy what I need and get out. I don't socialize except to close friends and they are people that understand me very well. I'm not complaining per se about lack of socialization, but I wonder if I should attempt to join a NAMI group of mentally ill or something like that. Maybe I would scare them?


MYSTI said...

Tart i am sorry you are not feeling well. I understand the whole, at least if i am online no one can see me deal. It is hard to not be feeling well and want to be out and about where others can see you. I hope you feel better soon. Know i am thinking of you and praying for your health. We shall talk soon. Hopefully tomorrow if i am feeling ok,so we can do bible reading. Hugs.

Raine said...

Joining a Nami group might be a great idea. Maybe they have some kind of support groups at local hospitals or something?

'Tart said...

Thank you for you prayers Mysti. I'm starting to feel that they are working just good enough to slow my jaw shake when I see my therapist and pdoc but not enough to kill it otherwise. I do appreciate that love though, I hope you don't take my cranky point of view badly.

And thanks Raine, there is a Nami bipolar group apparently not too far from me. And I'm thinking of joining, at least once to check it out. That's me, my shit detector is strong, I should know if it's worth it after that.