Somewhere my Jolly Farm awaits..

I would like to live in a place of peace like this. I would love to own my own farm or ranch with acres of land if nothing to be away from a trillion idiots.

As it is, I don't. I live in a 'burb with every house is nearly 10 feet away from each other in a town or area that is apparently so wonderful that more and more people pour into it every day. I have lived in the exact same house since I was 7 years old, literally only leaving to live on campus a few years and later to share an apartment with a roomate or two. Only to have to return to said house after being ill. This was in fact a huge favor and wonderful thing, because the only other option was residential living with other mentally ill women. So while I see people who had no other choice and had to do this, the most they could ever look forward to is Section 8 housing on their own.

If you ever wonder if the government is in fact controlling reproduction or coupledom of the mentally ill all you have to look at are the strict guidelines for overnight stays etc., as though your mother or R.A. were still monitoring you. Unless a mentally ill person has a sugar mama or daddy to help them out of their situation, they will most likely be bachelors and bachelorettes for life. None of this happened to me, because my mom is lib-er-al and I was already an adult with a relationship coming back into the home situation. And I essentially have a Sugar Daddy. Otherwise I would be poor as pie, probably wouldn't even have a computer to blog with and you would never know about my fasc-in-ating life.

Yeah, so its been awhile since I dished on my day. I had the eye doctor appt. and they were so great with me. Turns out my vision has improved, literally three notches, since my last visit. :) I am sooo excited because I am getting new glasses! They have rhinestones on the sides, very contemporary shape and get this, come with fitted magnetic sun shades that have rhinestones in butterfly shape on each side that kind of give them the catseye look of yesteryear (retro good)! Now this may hideous to some, but I was absolutely enamored with them and I have the feeling I will look like everyone's first grade teacher or Elton John. Either way, they go with everything that is flambouyant about me and I am ready to embrace that part of myself. I am all prepared for someone to say something derogatory about them. So far my rehearsed response is:"So tell me, which bothers you more: that I would have the courage to wear things that make me feel great, or the fact that you don't?" Pretty good, huh?!

What might have helped this experience is that when I sat down with the lenses person she said, "Are you wearing perfume? Who makes that? It smells sweet but not overpowering." I told her it was Celine Dion and that I liked it for the same reason and that I don't even own any other perfume. Then she looked uncomfortable and said, "I guess that was a weird silly question." And I emphatically stated, "No, not at all! What's the use of wearing it if someone doesn't notice!" I honestly think that being that honest put her at ease and we got along so well that she even asked me if I had any other insurance, to help pay for everything. Well, it was a nice experience all around and I can't wait to pick up my new glasses next week!!

Then, bowling. There are just a handful of teams in our league and of course this means you play the same people over and over. This week: my most un-favorite team. I don't not mind getting tromped, and its great that they are consistently very good bowlers. Problem is that the majority of the people on this team know it and are terribly arrogant and pompous. Again, I could take that, it would seem understandable. The real problem is that they are unsportsmanlike and make comments. I really believe this is because they are so good that they are bored with every strike and spare and need to be this way for the excitement. But it is no fun to put up with. In particular, the female team captain enrages me, to the point that I'm mere inches away from truly telling her off. Perhaps if we just spread the rumor that I am bipolar and have been a mental hospital (or two) would put a little proper fear in them. Otherwise, I have no problem telling her that she needs to keep the nasty to herself. She has no idea how much I want to hit her and I'm trying real hard to keep it that way. Good bipolar!! Down girl!

Well, to continue the rant on where I live, I want to go somewhere beautiful and safer. My mom realized that someone had rifled through her car, as it was pretty obvious. Like I said, we have lived in this area for nearly 30 years and it doesn't surprise me that she hasn't yet seen the need to lock her car doors. I of course have been paranoid from the get-go and constantly and always lock doors, but bless Mom's heart she truly is the trusting sort. Those days are over, at least concerning her car. What really gets me is the utter disrepect and break of your trust this kind of thing is. Nothing was taken but it just enrages me that someone would walk up our driveway and think its okay to check out our stuff. Yet another form of human e vil. I don't need these masses of people. It does no good because no one looks out for each other and now people are around all the time, driving and walking by and you don't know them. When I see how seemingly normal adults can be so stupid whether its bowling, driving, or really any contact with them I thank God that I don't live with them and that there are some spaces on this planet that are yet still MY world, MY space. Yet the bastards want to impinge on that too.

Total thought change: I have signed up for NutriSystem. This is after watching Mom lose 40 pounds and talking to my Dad who have been convinced to try it by Mom, is still on it and after a month and a half estimates he's lost about 20 pounds. Now, men lose fat or weight much easier than women and I'm not on any comparison track with either of them, but really according to doctor advice I really need to do something. Many of you know I'm on blood pressure meds, Lipitor along with my various other sundries and it just gets worse if you don't lose the weight. So I'm taking the plunge. I'm not really worried about Thanksgiving because its basically one day, and I plan to follow NutriS. all day and eat a sensible dinner. I'm really just excited to go (in-laws) because I have fantastical plans to make brownies wrapped up in saran wrap, ribbons and litte turkey tags that say "Happy Thanksgiving." I'm hoping to make enough to spread the joy to other people I know. Anyhow, I thought I coould wait until January, to get through Christmas, as that will be a week far away with in-inlaws and gives me more trepidation, but I thought why should I wait when I could be doing myself some good for a month and half earlier and I deserve to take care of me. Maybe mentally its a Christmas and life! present to myself.

If you wonder, I really do not 'look' like two ton Annie, an amazing amount of my flab seems evenly proportioned and I'm lucky that way. But number wise and health wise it is all there, taking a serious toll on me. I believe that if I don't try (again) to make a difference and get this OFF me, I will be even bigger, taking more meds and stealing the beautiful future I additionally imagine for myself. Energy, dancing, movement, more fun with clothes even. NutriSystem is not going to fix me. I have to get up earlier (go to bed earlier) and exercise. I have quietly been trying to fix my sleeping problem, try to go to bed earlier in an effort to stop snoozing all day. I did this in correlation with signing up for NutriSystem because the whole thing is meant to be breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. I hope that if I truly follow this (and I am experiencing a lifestyle change just with my sleeping pattern change) then I will stop the e v il known as night time eating. Sleep late, no body movement (exercise) and eat late - I'm surprised I'm not the size of a house!! The key and truth here is I still believe I can change. I have not lost my belief that if something is wrong with me, I can change it. That one thing can rock the planet, if more people would embrace this simple truth.

So there you have it. The mega update on my life and what I have been percolating lately. I've been quiet, premenstrual, postmenstrual and ALL that good stuff, and probably holding in a lot. So it must spew out sometime, one must exhale, and there you have it.