Soothed.

So I sobbed to a friend and saw my County therapist today and in general (which seems like my new phrase!) I feel a little better.

Bipolar is a really sucky disease. My counselor says it seems that only recently have I been coming more to terms with it, whereas before I had some senses of denial. During my times of denial, when I refused to see how bad it was, which still happens, I am able to soar more in the world, complete college, work, that kind of thing. Now that I've had time to be alone and think about it, it is like going through stages of grief to realize what we are dealing with.

I have been upset, I think, because I wish I knew what to do with my life, like it's ever that easy for anybody to figure out. But more and more I am realizing what the illness does, that it does take away, and Honey, it hurts.

Today I will try to focus on what it does not take away. Today I will try to think of the things, the blessings, that I have. I will wipe away the tears I cry as I type that, and go on.

*****

I am thankful that my brother in law is okay. He was hit by a car on Saturday, May 16, as a pedestrian, and suffered a broken upper left arm (he is right-handed) and a crushed shoulder joint (broken in eight places).

He now has steel pins in his arm, a reconstructed shoulder and a foot-long scar. He is so lucky he was not hurt more. Thank you God, for protecting my sweet brother-in-law.