Friday, May 22, 2009


So I sobbed to a friend and saw my County therapist today and in general (which seems like my new phrase!) I feel a little better.

Bipolar is a really sucky disease. My counselor says it seems that only recently have I been coming more to terms with it, whereas before I had some senses of denial. During my times of denial, when I refused to see how bad it was, which still happens, I am able to soar more in the world, complete college, work, that kind of thing. Now that I've had time to be alone and think about it, it is like going through stages of grief to realize what we are dealing with.

I have been upset, I think, because I wish I knew what to do with my life, like it's ever that easy for anybody to figure out. But more and more I am realizing what the illness does, that it does take away, and Honey, it hurts.

Today I will try to focus on what it does not take away. Today I will try to think of the things, the blessings, that I have. I will wipe away the tears I cry as I type that, and go on.


I am thankful that my brother in law is okay. He was hit by a car on Saturday, May 16, as a pedestrian, and suffered a broken upper left arm (he is right-handed) and a crushed shoulder joint (broken in eight places).

He now has steel pins in his arm, a reconstructed shoulder and a foot-long scar. He is so lucky he was not hurt more. Thank you God, for protecting my sweet brother-in-law.


Mike Golch said...

'Tart.I'm glad that he did not get injured and worse that that.
Yes being bi-polar is such a pain in the neck.I also take it as a blessing for that gives me one more day to enjoy the world as I see it.Good,bad,indiferent,is is still a great day to be alive.Hugs my friend!

Tracy said...

I am so glad your brother in law is ok! What a blessing that he was not hurt more.

I know i can not fully understand what it is like to be bi-polar because i myself do not have it, I want you to know though that you are in my prayers and thoughts. I am so sorry you have been struggling and i have not been around to lend you an ear. Know that I do care, and hope that as each day passes you will not have to struggle so much. I hope you have a blessed weekend! Hugs my friend.

Raine said...

You know, I was lost when I couldnt work anymore. It took a long time before I was "at peace" with myself. I dont worry what I am going to do with my life at all. I just life it, day by day the best I can.

'Tart said...

Thank you to my commenters.:)

I don't know that I will ever be at peace with myself, it seems to happen in spurts, like everything with the mood disorder. But I am glad that others feel that way.:)