Thursday, March 27, 2008

Let Me Express

How dramatic that sounds, no? But that was my prayer I lifted to God this afternoon, to let me type and get some me-juice out in blogging land. I just wanna make a post, Lord. I want to get a little out.

I respectfully speak to Him. He answers in beautiful ways.

Yes, I am shaking. Something is wrong. Not all is well yet. I gnash my teeth, when I think about it and realize it. I’m shaky like a hungry diabetic, but as you can see, I’m being given reprieve to ‘speak’.

I’m not diabetic. I’ve been drinking water like crazy, because I’m told to. I know, I could flush out toooo much of something important.

Actually, last Dr. check (long story, because I’ve yet to see the P-doc yet!! Hah!) he said I have a sinus infection (elevated fever, blood pressure, ears with fluid, blah, blah). So, I’m sick with that. And again on an antibiotic, which makes me paranoid this whole thing might start again.

Why the shakey-shakey? Too much Lithium still? I don’t know.

I wait to see the P-doc (County guy) on Monday for results of a post hospital sticking (2 weeks ago).

Well, now I’m on half the Lithium – but twice the blood pressure meds. I’m on a new low sodium diet, in which I don’t know what I am allowed to eat.

When will this stop?

But, I am glad to be alive. I have even dropped a couple of pounds (water weight probably, but who’s sneezin’? It made me feel great!)

Thank you to the kind souls who have made kind comments. You’ve really buoyed up my senses and made me want to type again. Thanks to all of you.

Thanks to the God who has blessed me with a supportive family. I have often said they are small, but tenacious, like a pit bull terrier.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I feel weakened after all of this.

I’m not driving right now, because I just know in my heart, I’m not up to it.

I want to stay in, like a hermit, and people me freak me incredibly.

I worry (anxiety) constantly, to the point that the authorities want to drug me for it, but I resist as much as I can.

Sometimes that stuff sounded really good in the hospital (I was in the cardiac unit – this was not a psych stay, THANKFULLY) and I begged for some ‘calm down’ meds to get through. I was afraid to take anything at all at first, but the cute doc guy assured me that it was in fact, a good idea.

But I DIDN’T go to the psych ward, who I see as vipers waiting to sting me (that’s only from previous personal experience, my God, what a debacle that would’ve been) – couldn’t because this is a physical illness – I started with numbers in the 4 range, my mother tells me, when you want to be 1.67 I think, or somewhere in there.

I’m so glad we went to the emergency room.

God bless my husband, who did the right things, took me to the doctor, got the okay as to what to do (we did not know what to do, or if I was coming back as myself – it was indeed an emergency) and took me to the emergency room – we were so scared.

I was shaking like Ozzy Osbourne, literally because of the toxicity. It was impossible to stop or hide. Husband even said, ‘ Well, you look like a rock star, you’re shaking so hard.’

I’ll never forget it. :) Silly perhaps, but it helped with the fear.

Good job, Baby, for looking after me.

And I’ll stop there. Our time is up.

1 comment:

MYSTI said...

My sweet friend I am so glad you are home with your family. Know that you are not only in my thoughts, but also my prayers. Take it slow, step by step in healing. Remember to breath, and know that you have a friend that is always there to listen or just sit quietly with you in prayer. Hugs you tight.