Sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter what I do; it's going down the drain anyway ~ or at the very least, to describe it, I get full of negative thoughts and start going down that very awful winding path down.

I have come to understand through paying attention to an affirmation tape (CD) of mine that it is up to me to fill my mind with positive thoughts. It becomes a one foot in front of the other endeavor.

Then I start to feel that the little things I do DO matter.

And then I start to see or feel better or see positive results from that.

And that's a thought for the day that I think I'll leave at that.

I procured an African Violet today.:)

Although I am still feeling the effects of my back hurting I had a good day.

Yesterday, I discovered that I have a reusable HotCold pain relief compress and that is in the freezer right now, waiting to be used. I did use it yesterday and I think it helped actually.

I work on Saturdays, and went to work as usual. My boss came in and asked me if I would like to go on a road trip. One of my co-worker's daughter's office was moving and they/she was giving our non-profit first pick of anything they were planning to discard in the office!! So we found some things that will be a wonderful addition to our Center.
Along the way, I found an African violet, very small and not blooming in any way and asked if I could have it. They said yes, and I have the little Violet here by the computer. I am thinking of taking pictures as I am sure I can get it to grow and flourish. I love plants, really the creative process of any kind. I am looking forward to attempting gardening when it gets warm too.

Greetings and Oysters made me feel better today.

My Gosh!! It's literally been months since I've said anything on the blog. Well, as I sit here wriggling in back pain, seemingly unable to fully support my back for a lengthy amount of time, I think it's time I said something on here!! Hello, blogworld!
Each time I think of something to say, I think how absolutely boring it sounds, like how I've had a cold for WEEKS now. My place of work is a hot-bed of germs to be honest and it seems each time I've got this thing nearly licked, it rears it's raspy, throat-junked-filled, ugly head and I am now prone to thankfully only occasional fits of coughing at this point. Yay me!!
Today I did something fun. I shucked oysters and ate them!! Yes, it made my annual visit to not my favorite restaurant much more fun this year as I was busy working on those oysters.
Explanation: For his birthday, we take one of my very good friends to his favorite restaurant, we call it the annual visit, I won't even grace the place with it's name here. Normally, I feel somewhat uncomfortable there, but this year I actually had a good time there. They brought out a bucket of these oysters and a shucking knife and cute little fork. I was a little at a loss as how to open them as some were very shut and had to be pryed open with said knife, but I considered it an adventure.
Then for a rousing game of Scrabble with my friend, which I was soundly winning, before Husband and I had to go home.
And that is how my day is going right now. My back hurts but it was an interesting day.

Seem to be busy these days!!

The three things I seem to be doing this Fall are: working at the Drop-In Center, taking a class in knitting and k-nitting my heart out, and scheduling 'In Our Own Voice' presentations.

I also cook dinners a lot since we seem always out of money and eating out is a big no-no.

Oh, and controlling the Jungle when they are hungry like right now and the Pugs want to go after the poor Siamese kitty.

Speaking of kitty, he had lost 2 pounds in a year which the vet said was the equivalent of a person losing 30 to 40 pounds in a year for no reason. They wanted to do more blood work on him, which I said okay to and it came up with nothing wrong with him. Then they said the next thing is an x-ray or sonogram.

He is a happy purry, active kitty. I absolutely do not have the money for x-rays and sonograms and didn't really have the money for the blood test. I have to fight against the feeling that I am a 'bad Mommy' for fighting the 'authority' of the vet, but at the same time if Reese is dying he sure is the 'happiest dying cat I've ever seen.' So I have resigned myself to loving and feeding my cat as much as he can stand of the wet food and leaving it at that. He is 'lording' over my laptop and now on my lap as we speak, purring away and I hope for the best for him. I hope you all don't judge me.

I'm still hanging on mood-wise. I often expect the other shoe to drop in the Fall time as this seems to be the difficult time for me. And I have had some days of depression that I could not pin-point the reason and I chalk it up to the bipolar. But I do hang in there when it counts (like scheduling presentations or trying to be 'present' at my job or meeting new people at a night class) and I'm still at the point where I am enjoying my hobbies, which is a sign that I'm still in some other stage than the full-blown depression (where I can't handle much and hobbies are out of the question).

Okay, the Pugs are REALLY going at it ~ I guess they need a feeding and I need to work on my sock! (Just started my very first one last night. Knitting socks has been a dream of mine for a very long time - Joy!). When I first looked at the needle set-up and the pattern I thought, 'No way!' but my teacher assures me that I can do it!!

I wish good good thoughts and luvs to my blog friends and hope that you are all doing okay.:)
Most sincerely,
The 'Tart

We are on Retreat!

I gave my presentation today for my co-workers on 'Refuting Irrational Thoughts' and it went splendidly. I was organized, with hand-outs, and as the cherry on the sundae, I made little 'Affirmation' cards for each person and I think several people really liked them.

The best part about this experience so far has been the hot tub. I've been in it each night we are here. It rained All Day today, including this evening, but 5 of us were determined to get in the hot tub tonight regardless of being pelted with showers. And we stayed in it even though it's temperature had cooled down so much.

Tonight six of us went to a seafood restaurant buffet and tore it up. One guy was amazing, with several plates of seafood, a plate of salad, and a plate of fruit > 5 PLATES o' food! How we amuse each other.:) Glorious!

I am very tired right now, as I have taken my medicine and it is kicking in. Talk...soon...later.
:) Tart

Controlling emotions - a video from Livestrong.com

I will be going on a retreat for work and each of the staff is doing a section on 'Stress Relief.' My section is 'Refuting Irrational Ideas.' I have been doing some research and I found this video on Livestrong.com called the 'Beginner's Guide on Controlling Your Emotions.' Enjoy.

http://www.livestrong.com/video/3750-beginners-guide-controlling-emotions/

A Heck of a Week.

I see my last post a little differently. What an angry little title that one seems to have! (or at least a bit of a passive-aggressive one:) Well, it's been a few days and after discussion with my therapist and my boss/good friend, I've come to the conclusion that our last audience was, most simply put, immature, and I am just letting it go. On to bigger and more important things.

Even before I had my In Our Own Voice presentation on Monday, which was huge on my mind, I had something else on my mind.

Before I even wrote that last post I had found out that someone that affected my life and the life of others in our mental health community had died. In a violent way, which was disturbing. And so sad, because this person was a beautiful person inside and out and it was so sad.

So I went to her funeral today. And I was actually uplifted by it, and 'glad' that I went, as opposed to not having gone. We were encouraged to think of the good things, the positive memories, the ray of sunshine that she was, instead of the way and fact she died. Which I am trying to focus on.

Then, as an irony, our work had our Anniversary party. Which went on, it was not cancelled. We worked hard to make it nice for everybody, and had a lot of consumers come to it today. But it was so hot out today (apparently it reached 99 degrees) annnd I roasted a bit. I received a certificate of appreciation, as all the staff did, and that made me feel really good. I am monstrously blessed that I have beautiful meaningful work and wonderful bosses and friends.

Recently, I have been opened to the idea of 'affirmations' in my life. I will talk more about this and share more of this especially on the 'Good Stuff' blog, I think, because it is becoming enormously helpful in my life, and I can see it changing my life for the better.

So I didn't 'mean' to sound like a crank with that last post (title) but I was quite concerned about it for a while until I had those conversations I mentioned and recovered.

I wish all well in the blog world.'Tart:)