Part of the reason that I think I hit a downward slope three/four weeks ago was that my schedule started being very apparent to me. Meaning, it started being very real that I had stuff that I had to be at nearly every day of the week, and it frankly got to be too much. These jobs, I have two, went by the wayside while I tried to recover.
Some people think that a person is not 'recovered' unless they hold onto a job. I don't think that is true at all. In fact, I have issues with the word 'recovery' especially when applied to mental illness, because I think what they are referring to is 'the journey' - not some supposed zenith of perfection, that the word 'recovery' seems to suggest. But I admit to using the word a little more sometimes, because more and more, it is being introduced as lingo in the mental health lexicon.
Anyhoo, my two jobs are:
1) The baking project, which I get paid a small amount for and is the project that I attribute my finally leaving my house to get out there and be employed. No minor miracle. It is actually run by a fabulous person who has mental illness herself and she is doing great things for us, one person at a time. It really is a beautiful thing.
2) Trillium Drop-in Center. I volunteered for them, mostly behind the scenes, for about a year, before being 'recruited' to a paid position. This job has proven to be difficult for me in some ways as I have direct, and unrelenting, contact with people. I think I would much prefer not to, I am not nearly as good at it as some facilitators are at dealing with people, but our wonderful Executive Director assures me that I have a place there, and that we all have gifts of some sort and do belong there. When I don't believe that for myself, I rely on her opinion, and that helps.
Both jobs were very understanding when darkness descended upon me and I needed home time to avoid the hospital. It is still a miracle and a testament to my husband's love that he kept me out. I have said that I thought it cruel sometimes, I still know that I was pushed farther than could ever be expected, but it has brought us closer together.
I never say very many nice things about my husband on the blog, and that is a shame. Because he really is a nice guy, a loving person, and he has my best interests at heart. I express my thanks right now, to him.:):)
So, I have these two jobs, very carefully crafted to Not go over the amount that the SS (Social Security) will allow. That is very important. I know people still come here, wondering if they can work while receiving disability. Remember, I have Bipolar and stress is a real issue in the illness. You can work, I have found, but you Must be VERY CAREFUL to never go over the line. The only reason I am doing this, working either/both jobs is that we are sooooo careful about not going over the line.
I have said previously, years ago, that I was burned by the system, that they were wanting a LOT of money from me and it about drove me into the hospital again. So my advice is be careful, but it can be done, especially with understanding bosses or work set-ups.
Showing posts with label Social Security. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Social Security. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Good news!:)
dancing hamstersHey! Joyous news! I got the position for the paid bakery training that I had been hoping to get!
As many of you know, I have not worked since I left my position with the newspaper as obituary clerk in 2006.
I have written about not working, since the Social Security office wanted tens of thousands of dollars from me a few years ago, because of minimal work I dared to do in the late 90's.
I was able to stop that entire process I think because of a sympathetic clerk at SS, and the fact that I wasn't trying to bilk the system like the guy with the appointment with her just before me.
This bakery training is perfect because it pays little (you heard it here...I prefer it that way - it won't in any way come close to the amount we're allowed to make per month on Disability), it should be relatively low stress and it lasts 6 months and then we talk working in the community.
Didn't mention it b4 bec. I didn't know if I would get it!:)
Have a positive week and a Great 4th of July!
Tart:)
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Working, My Way
Off the Beaten Path, Great Britain, WebshotsI have done an amazing thing. I have finished my resume and submitted it to the employer that I have been watching daily. I just kept checking them to see if they're still asking for people. I stopped trying to 'perfect' my resume and took the plunge.
Employment now has to be on my terms. After 20 years of working for someone else, I have said, "No more foolishness and forget the stress, TY." I'm the best boss for my needs, because I don't want to ever be in the situation again where I feel the strange and stressful obligation to keep my 'bipolar secret' from everyone around me.
I've learned the hard way that there are still people who 'can't handle the truth,' so I dutifully make it easier on everyone, because I can't stand the embarassment. In work situations, I would much rather not trust ANYone and run myself into the ground trying not to tell.
That's one reason its so hard to have a job for more than a couple of years, if I'm lucky - nobody can uphold such standards, and be perfect at their job too, which of course, I always was. I'll succumb to working, but it will be at home.
I have a two year gap since my last employment. I don't care because after taking an entire year of training for medical transcription, fully expecting to work at home, I was told I must perform 2 years of work outside of the home, preferably in a hospital.
This wasn't mentioned before taking classes, that I know of. No, I got into this deal, so I could work at home and for all I know, I was lied to. Nothing new. And nothing new that I stuck to my guns and said, 'At home, or nothing at all. Period.'
I was told I 'couldn't' work for the one lady who came our class to recruit, because she didn't believe that anyone located where I am would drive daily to her location. Funny, I drove that route daily for my newspaper job! So I said the hell to her, back at cha!
Never doubt my resolution about this work at home thing. Never doubt that I was going to work again, when it was 'my time.' Look, I've forgotten everything transcription, I'll be starting over, and that ought to 'scare' me, make me get my tapes out and go at it, but I'll get there when I get there.
Social Security is letting us make about $1,000 a month now. I only need about $500 a month to fill the black hole that our last 'renter' made by leaving. I don't have to kill myself over this, I don't have to spend a penny in gas, and I can perform my job in my Spongebob flannel pajama drawers. If this works out, I'll surely let everyone know.
I'm not a drooling, clueless individual, as we all well know. I do deserve the best in life, I do deserve to get over my hangups - in fact, I deserve the good life.
Just so you know, I am always in the back of my mind, thinking about 'my' alpaca ranch. I've gone to a seminar, learned about taxes and veterinary needs, I've been researching, I save every pamphlet I get - because some day I might be designing my own, I want to see the competition.
So, I look at land, which is astronomical around here, and truly is a pipe dream - at this time. But the saddest thing I recall was an ex-friend seeing me look at land and say, "Why do you get your hopes up? Why do you even look?"
Because daring to dream has never been a problem for me. Because Dennis Hopper and Ameriprise really hit a nerve by saying, 'Don't give up on dreams, even when you're geezing,' and they are so right. Refusing to give yourself something to look forward to isn't healthy.
When you stop dreaming, and tell others to quit too, that just makes you pathetic and you better stop. I might curl up in the embryonic position occasionally, but I'm not dead yet.
Underneath the surface, something is always bubbling. When everything aligns just right, there are moments to grab onto. You won't find a normie thankful for 'silly' things, like just once something working out right (miracle!), but you'll find I will. Oh yes, I will.
Monday, April 23, 2007
My updated say on receiving SSDI and working
I know that a lot of people have been led to my blog by Disability Blogger and others who use one of my posts to confirm what they say about being on disability and working: Don’t mix the two.
I wrote that post under extreme duress. For those of you who may be holding within your sweaty palms a similar kind of letter from our country’s illustrious SS, I’m sure you know what I mean. The abject fear, anger, and may I reiterate the fear of the unknown and more than likely feeling that it is unfair and you just don’t know what to do is a palpable and memorable feeling to me. Every time I see a letter from them my stomach drops. Hence, if you’re like me, you start googling, looking up places like Disability Blogger and somehow, find a blog run by an angry ranting bipolar. Hey, I’m insightful as well.
I would like to explain. The following is the stuff off the top of my head that I recall having to be painfully aware of during a horrible time in my life when the Social Security Administration said they wanted $20,000 from me (if you care to know the outcome drop me a response and I will spill). Disability Blogger and all the rest should let you know about this information and give you the chance to research it to your hearts content, as well you should.
When you are initially disabled, as in you have not worked since getting the disability designation where you will now receive SSDI (congratulations by the way. Many hire lawyers just to get this far.) – SSI receivers I can’t comment on your personal hell as its not the one I’ve experienced, I’m sorry. Regarding work at this juncture, you are allowed a NINE MONTH trial period by the Social Security Administration where, to be honest, I am not sure how much you are allowed to make. I want to say you can go wild with the amount (hence the specially designated time period) but I am not sure. Research this deeply because it makes all the difference.
Now, you can’t just earn ‘crazy’ amounts of money after this time period– this is where you can go deadly wrong. Let me make clear that if you get a ‘nice’ dead eye (gov’t worker) you might beg to intersperse that nine months inconsecutively (put one month here and there as you please on paper while they are grilling you in Federal office hell) – but do not count on it! I’m telling you with utter and complete honesty that you will always do better being utterly conservative in terms of thinking to yourself, “Hmm…I can earn X amount of dollars for X amount of hours per week and STAY SAFE.” If you do not wear condoms during sex (um ever heard of AIDS? Ew!) still please THINK about what you can reasonably earn without getting in trouble. Darling, you could live your whole life and not meet a dead eye, never piss off the Federal Government. Take it from one who has (Thank you Lord, I praise you every day that I have) SURVIVED the experience – don’t tempt yourself into meeting the devil. Amen.
You can at this juncture (April 23, 2007) earn up to about $860 a month, this above and beyond what you are receiving from the SS. Do not, whatever you do, make more than the ‘allowable amount’ designated by the Social Security Administration each month you are working. Countless have fallen. You will find yourself stammering in front of a dead eyed government worker trying to explain how you dared to go over this amount. You may owe that amount, but worse, you may owe your entire check or even be forfeiting your disability status because you damn well know, (even claiming) NOT KNOWING does NOT get you off the hook. I know I am making a dead eye’s wet dream this very minute by explaining in a common vernacular. I apologize for that, but this is info you need to know.
May this be a warning to those in contemplation (of working). Sad is the life of not working when you feel that you really would like to, and that you could (and monetarily speaking, need) to earn a little somethin’ somethin’. I’m a fine example. I worked for nearly 2 years (with no trouble from SS, mind you, on this job as I purposely begged to be underpaid. I don’t know which is worse mentally, being underpaid and thereby avoiding a passel full of trouble, or sitting in front of dead eye at the local SS office.). As is my modus operandum concerning most of the jobs in my life I left because I socially/stressfully couldn’t take it (and MountTheHassle Funeral Home is the most retched establishment on the East Coast and made my life a bloody hell. There I said it. Sue me, bitches.)
I digress. The point is, I have been used to prop Disability’s Blogger’s premise that you simply shouldn’t work. In a perfect world, and you WELL know it is not, that makes sense. I mean, you’re disabled, why should you work? Poor is poor, darling. That’s for one thing. And I think a lot of SSDIer’s could use an extra $830 (technically $860 but for the love of God ALWAYS lowball your income TO BE SAFE.) a month. Moreover, I can say also from personal experience, that I am just now realizing that the thing I really feel that I am missing in life is something meaningful to do. The thought of getting to do ANYthing that would give me sense of fulfillment immediately lifts my depression, if only for a moment. So you see, you CAN be both simultaneously disabled and able to do something of worth, and I think it’s a terrible shame to encourage people to sit at home (if that's not the only thing they want or can do) and do nothing so as not to piss off the government. I mean REALLY, what has this world come to?
Don’t answer that. But research the info, definitely look into your options. And there really are options. I’m willing to answer questions, looking up what I don’t know of course, because I see SO MANY people coming here looking for answers and I feel for you. Whatever you do, don’t lose hope because if I could get off, HONestly anyone can. Heck, I couldn’t even get a lawyer to TAKE my case, so I can’t say enough that miracles do happen. The upshot is I really would like to help if I can.
Tart
I wrote that post under extreme duress. For those of you who may be holding within your sweaty palms a similar kind of letter from our country’s illustrious SS, I’m sure you know what I mean. The abject fear, anger, and may I reiterate the fear of the unknown and more than likely feeling that it is unfair and you just don’t know what to do is a palpable and memorable feeling to me. Every time I see a letter from them my stomach drops. Hence, if you’re like me, you start googling, looking up places like Disability Blogger and somehow, find a blog run by an angry ranting bipolar. Hey, I’m insightful as well.
I would like to explain. The following is the stuff off the top of my head that I recall having to be painfully aware of during a horrible time in my life when the Social Security Administration said they wanted $20,000 from me (if you care to know the outcome drop me a response and I will spill). Disability Blogger and all the rest should let you know about this information and give you the chance to research it to your hearts content, as well you should.
When you are initially disabled, as in you have not worked since getting the disability designation where you will now receive SSDI (congratulations by the way. Many hire lawyers just to get this far.) – SSI receivers I can’t comment on your personal hell as its not the one I’ve experienced, I’m sorry. Regarding work at this juncture, you are allowed a NINE MONTH trial period by the Social Security Administration where, to be honest, I am not sure how much you are allowed to make. I want to say you can go wild with the amount (hence the specially designated time period) but I am not sure. Research this deeply because it makes all the difference.
Now, you can’t just earn ‘crazy’ amounts of money after this time period– this is where you can go deadly wrong. Let me make clear that if you get a ‘nice’ dead eye (gov’t worker) you might beg to intersperse that nine months inconsecutively (put one month here and there as you please on paper while they are grilling you in Federal office hell) – but do not count on it! I’m telling you with utter and complete honesty that you will always do better being utterly conservative in terms of thinking to yourself, “Hmm…I can earn X amount of dollars for X amount of hours per week and STAY SAFE.” If you do not wear condoms during sex (um ever heard of AIDS? Ew!) still please THINK about what you can reasonably earn without getting in trouble. Darling, you could live your whole life and not meet a dead eye, never piss off the Federal Government. Take it from one who has (Thank you Lord, I praise you every day that I have) SURVIVED the experience – don’t tempt yourself into meeting the devil. Amen.
You can at this juncture (April 23, 2007) earn up to about $860 a month, this above and beyond what you are receiving from the SS. Do not, whatever you do, make more than the ‘allowable amount’ designated by the Social Security Administration each month you are working. Countless have fallen. You will find yourself stammering in front of a dead eyed government worker trying to explain how you dared to go over this amount. You may owe that amount, but worse, you may owe your entire check or even be forfeiting your disability status because you damn well know, (even claiming) NOT KNOWING does NOT get you off the hook. I know I am making a dead eye’s wet dream this very minute by explaining in a common vernacular. I apologize for that, but this is info you need to know.
May this be a warning to those in contemplation (of working). Sad is the life of not working when you feel that you really would like to, and that you could (and monetarily speaking, need) to earn a little somethin’ somethin’. I’m a fine example. I worked for nearly 2 years (with no trouble from SS, mind you, on this job as I purposely begged to be underpaid. I don’t know which is worse mentally, being underpaid and thereby avoiding a passel full of trouble, or sitting in front of dead eye at the local SS office.). As is my modus operandum concerning most of the jobs in my life I left because I socially/stressfully couldn’t take it (and MountTheHassle Funeral Home is the most retched establishment on the East Coast and made my life a bloody hell. There I said it. Sue me, bitches.)
I digress. The point is, I have been used to prop Disability’s Blogger’s premise that you simply shouldn’t work. In a perfect world, and you WELL know it is not, that makes sense. I mean, you’re disabled, why should you work? Poor is poor, darling. That’s for one thing. And I think a lot of SSDIer’s could use an extra $830 (technically $860 but for the love of God ALWAYS lowball your income TO BE SAFE.) a month. Moreover, I can say also from personal experience, that I am just now realizing that the thing I really feel that I am missing in life is something meaningful to do. The thought of getting to do ANYthing that would give me sense of fulfillment immediately lifts my depression, if only for a moment. So you see, you CAN be both simultaneously disabled and able to do something of worth, and I think it’s a terrible shame to encourage people to sit at home (if that's not the only thing they want or can do) and do nothing so as not to piss off the government. I mean REALLY, what has this world come to?
Don’t answer that. But research the info, definitely look into your options. And there really are options. I’m willing to answer questions, looking up what I don’t know of course, because I see SO MANY people coming here looking for answers and I feel for you. Whatever you do, don’t lose hope because if I could get off, HONestly anyone can. Heck, I couldn’t even get a lawyer to TAKE my case, so I can’t say enough that miracles do happen. The upshot is I really would like to help if I can.
Tart
Sunday, April 30, 2006
The Dreaded SS letter
Many (or some) of you may have been wondering what the deal with the Social Security problem that I relayed has been slammed upon me. Listen, and listen to me well...
Do not work while receiving Disability.
If I had heeded this simple concept years ago, I would not be in the mess I am now. Simply put, even though I had a "job coach" from a Supported Employment Program run by the county, funded by the State, I somehow managed to work over the 'allowed' amount by the SS and they demanded an overpayment from me years ago. In 2003 was when I was informed of this.
We're talking about a whole lot of buckaroos, $$,$$$.
I received a letter this week, just 4 days after quitting my last job, telling me that my request for waiver that I submitted in 2003 was rejected at that time. Why on this beautiful blue-green Earth did it take them 3 years to inform of something that took place at that time?
I was concerned about this whole thing and even called them at some point between 2003 and now to ask what the deal-e-o? Did you accept my waiver or not? Only be to told the most non-sensical crap that can only be said by a lawyer or a bureaucratic idiot (I believe they'd willingly plead bureaucratic idiot, frankly) and was basically told that the head SS place was still considering it. How then could they have rejected it at that time?
I'll tell you why because they are bureaucratic bastards with their people so wrapped up in bureaucratic tape that they didn't know and frankly that wording alone in this letter is an outright lie.
The reason it bothers me that this letter starts out with such inconclusive or really, incorrect, speech, is because I have to get a lawyer to deal with the meeting they have set up for me. I think when you serve an individual with a letter or notice of this kind you better be damn correct in what you say in it. Period.
FURTHER CONTINUATION WILL LEAD YOU TO RANT STATUS:
I am also concerned about the fact that it says in this letter that I have a right to review my file before the actual important meeting that will determined whether I pay back this money (or have my check 'garnished' (taken) for a couple of years, YET the date and time they have designated for this pre-meeting is exactly the same date AND time as the actual meeting!
????????????????????????????????????????????
If telling them that I was literally under the care of a State sponsored program the entire period of time in question and that it was these people's job to monitor my paychecks, and they still don't care about this then I don't know what else to say. Are they going to audit me like the IRS, because they only care if I could pay back the money? It's just chilling.
I don't really know what the 'charges' are against me. It seems to me a common criminal is treated better than this. They are caught, brought before arraignment, read their rights and told what their crime is. They know precisely what they are being tried for. They are provided with a lawyer, if they can't afford one. In short, I don't know what to say in my defense, because I don't even know what they are looking for. Again, complete mismanagement of the situation on their part, as per typical.
I am deathly afraid of these people. I have always been afraid of the SS and have avoided contact with them, I will be honest. Everything I have seen has shown them to be a government agency that if nothing more, does not have it together, yet controls something really important to me. It's little having idiots control a Zoo, where the animals die (hello Washington Zoo), idiots in the White House sending our best and brightest to die, and screwing things up so bad that nobody may ever be able to fix it....
Here, it is talking about a bureacracy being in charge of my check, with the power to yank it or do essentially the same thing. I'm still trying to find a lawyer. I was the crying embryo the day after receiving this letter that you may remember me discussing in a previous post. I had to made phone calls, see my therapist, call the people that I thought were in charge of that Supported Employment Program, track down lawyer leads to finally feel like I was doing all I could and could therefore relax and feel human again. Talk about the damn bottom falling out!!! I am already reeling from plungling myself into non-work status only to the get the mother of all Shit dropped on me in terms of being Bipolar except the same stuff that rots out the rest of the public (Death of a Love One, Moving, etc.)can send me to a damn loony bin. Been there done that, and there's really nothing to see. Mostly I am pissed. Where is Johnny Cochran when you need him (how could he die?). I need someone who knows their shit and we can take SS and this rinky-dink Mickey Mouse operated Supported Employee Program to the f'n cleaners. I did my part, I know I must've made money for the state by participating in this bullsh*t, yet I don't see them coming up to the plate for me because theySCREWED UP. Where does it say that the ill person be held responsible when the program set up to help or protect that person FAILS????!! It's just that simple.
The system is apparently not set up to see that a person CAN be disabled, intelligent, have a B.A. degree in something, and want to MOVE UP in this world and feel like a contributer and still not be able to do that 8 hours, 9 to 5, 40 a week thing. I have stradled on the edge with this my whole working life and these people have been on my ass for just as long. They can't get that I need that check but I keep needing to pretend that I'm better than that. I just can't get my a** over the fence. I'm stuck there with pit bulls tearing at my leg. SS is just slow and steady and takes the chunks out one bit at a time.
Do not work while receiving Disability.
If I had heeded this simple concept years ago, I would not be in the mess I am now. Simply put, even though I had a "job coach" from a Supported Employment Program run by the county, funded by the State, I somehow managed to work over the 'allowed' amount by the SS and they demanded an overpayment from me years ago. In 2003 was when I was informed of this.
We're talking about a whole lot of buckaroos, $$,$$$.
I received a letter this week, just 4 days after quitting my last job, telling me that my request for waiver that I submitted in 2003 was rejected at that time. Why on this beautiful blue-green Earth did it take them 3 years to inform of something that took place at that time?
I was concerned about this whole thing and even called them at some point between 2003 and now to ask what the deal-e-o? Did you accept my waiver or not? Only be to told the most non-sensical crap that can only be said by a lawyer or a bureaucratic idiot (I believe they'd willingly plead bureaucratic idiot, frankly) and was basically told that the head SS place was still considering it. How then could they have rejected it at that time?
I'll tell you why because they are bureaucratic bastards with their people so wrapped up in bureaucratic tape that they didn't know and frankly that wording alone in this letter is an outright lie.
The reason it bothers me that this letter starts out with such inconclusive or really, incorrect, speech, is because I have to get a lawyer to deal with the meeting they have set up for me. I think when you serve an individual with a letter or notice of this kind you better be damn correct in what you say in it. Period.
FURTHER CONTINUATION WILL LEAD YOU TO RANT STATUS:
I am also concerned about the fact that it says in this letter that I have a right to review my file before the actual important meeting that will determined whether I pay back this money (or have my check 'garnished' (taken) for a couple of years, YET the date and time they have designated for this pre-meeting is exactly the same date AND time as the actual meeting!
????????????????????????????????????????????
If telling them that I was literally under the care of a State sponsored program the entire period of time in question and that it was these people's job to monitor my paychecks, and they still don't care about this then I don't know what else to say. Are they going to audit me like the IRS, because they only care if I could pay back the money? It's just chilling.
I don't really know what the 'charges' are against me. It seems to me a common criminal is treated better than this. They are caught, brought before arraignment, read their rights and told what their crime is. They know precisely what they are being tried for. They are provided with a lawyer, if they can't afford one. In short, I don't know what to say in my defense, because I don't even know what they are looking for. Again, complete mismanagement of the situation on their part, as per typical.
I am deathly afraid of these people. I have always been afraid of the SS and have avoided contact with them, I will be honest. Everything I have seen has shown them to be a government agency that if nothing more, does not have it together, yet controls something really important to me. It's little having idiots control a Zoo, where the animals die (hello Washington Zoo), idiots in the White House sending our best and brightest to die, and screwing things up so bad that nobody may ever be able to fix it....
Here, it is talking about a bureacracy being in charge of my check, with the power to yank it or do essentially the same thing. I'm still trying to find a lawyer. I was the crying embryo the day after receiving this letter that you may remember me discussing in a previous post. I had to made phone calls, see my therapist, call the people that I thought were in charge of that Supported Employment Program, track down lawyer leads to finally feel like I was doing all I could and could therefore relax and feel human again. Talk about the damn bottom falling out!!! I am already reeling from plungling myself into non-work status only to the get the mother of all Shit dropped on me in terms of being Bipolar except the same stuff that rots out the rest of the public (Death of a Love One, Moving, etc.)can send me to a damn loony bin. Been there done that, and there's really nothing to see. Mostly I am pissed. Where is Johnny Cochran when you need him (how could he die?). I need someone who knows their shit and we can take SS and this rinky-dink Mickey Mouse operated Supported Employee Program to the f'n cleaners. I did my part, I know I must've made money for the state by participating in this bullsh*t, yet I don't see them coming up to the plate for me because theySCREWED UP. Where does it say that the ill person be held responsible when the program set up to help or protect that person FAILS????!! It's just that simple.
The system is apparently not set up to see that a person CAN be disabled, intelligent, have a B.A. degree in something, and want to MOVE UP in this world and feel like a contributer and still not be able to do that 8 hours, 9 to 5, 40 a week thing. I have stradled on the edge with this my whole working life and these people have been on my ass for just as long. They can't get that I need that check but I keep needing to pretend that I'm better than that. I just can't get my a** over the fence. I'm stuck there with pit bulls tearing at my leg. SS is just slow and steady and takes the chunks out one bit at a time.
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