Amusement Park day.

I went to an amusement park today and had a very good time. Rain was expected, and a couple of our friends did not want to travel only to have it 'cancelled' so it was just three of us - myself, husband and a friend. The rain mostly held off until the afternoon, so we were able to ride rides, have a nice free lunch (this is the yearly company picnic, everything was covered), and ride more rides.

I do not like rides with heights, so that cuts down on a lot for me, but I still went on several things, and had A BLAST!! It did start to rain in the afternoon/evening and then we just went home.:)

Here it is: The video from the National Alliance on Mental Illness's program, In Our Own Voice.

Some of you have wondered what in the world I am talking about when I discuss this program. Here is the very video used in the program.

I decided I wanted to take this program when I read about it's existence in the back of a NAMI Bipolar pamphlet a month or two ago. I brought it up at a meeting at Trillium Drop-In Center and Lo! It came to be for me.:) I hope this helps explain it much better. It's so easy to see it's worth in any community, in my estimation.

My 1st Day of Learning to Present for NAMI In Our Own Voices.

Oh my goodness, I have had a long day and am emotionally drained. I still have the energy to blog (and as a side note, feed myself), of course!:)

NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness (which is the correct meaning of that acronym) has a program called In Our Own Voices, where mental health consumers (the new accepted way to call people who have mental illnesses) learn to tell their unique story to a variety of audiences, starting with one surrounded by other mental health consumers.

The presentations are done two presenters per audience - in other words, we learn to tell our story with another person with us. I have an awesome co-presenter - just an amazing person!

The presentations are broken down into parts. So far, we have learned Introduction, Dark Days, and Acceptance. Dark Days was certainly hard for me, because I didn't want to be a 'cryer' (one who cries). I told some pretty dark stuff and held it together just fine. We actually get up in front of everybody and do this. It is pretty amazing.

Acceptance wasn't so easy either, because I don't know how much I honestly really do accept my illness, although I freely post here, and for several years!, about it. So I guess I do certainly to a point. But I don't think I am one of those people who embraces themselves or their illness, although there are actually some who expressed that and it was really beautiful. I could see that I have a ways to go.

Thank you so much for the sweet words from my blog friends.:) I certainly do need prayers to get through today (and tomorrow!). I woke up praying about this.

It really is a lot of work. The thinking of what to say, and the content and the listening to other's stories - it is frankly tiring. So I am going to rest for a while, and I'll be back at it tomorrow.

Important day.

This morning, and tomorrow, is NAMI's In Our Voice Program. Wish me luck as I learn to spill my guts.:)

Good morning to all!
:)Tart

I'm getting back into my yarn arts.:)

I love yarn and thread. I have crocheted a few things, and have actually given away scarves and at least one hat to friends as gifts. I made a hat for myself, too. I fiddle with knitting, I did take a class in it a while back and made a pair of mittens, but I was following a pattern and had a teacher looking over my shoulder. She said if I could do the increasing and decreasing necessary for that mitten, I could do anything. Perhaps true, but I am very slow with my projects, and sometimes take a lot of time from them. It may be that upping and lowering of energy that bipolars get, I don't know.

I also cross-stitch, especially when a kit strikes my fancy. I have completed a few kits, most memorably a 'best friends' one for my friend Tracy, and that sweet baby girl one I finished for last Christmas for a family member's new baby. That was really satisfying because I finished it just in time!

My new thing, is that I would like to learn weaving. I would love to have a loom and use it. I would love to have the room for a loom! My office is very 'junked up' to say the least. I am a horrible pack rat, it is so hard for me to let ANYthing go. I honestly think that is an outcrop of the illness as well. I saw my Dad struggle with it his whole life. Pack-'ratness' - genetics? bipolar? or just annoying thing to keep people from visiting? I don't know.:)

I am joining NAMI!

I never would have thought to do it, but I am nearly forced to join NAMI (the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) because I want to do their program 'In Our Own Voices'. You can't do the program without being a member.

I have read the stuff about the program I want to do, and about joining NAMI. You don't necessarily have to back up their particular beliefs/politics. The 'In Your Own Voice' program is supposed to be you telling your story (in about 15 minutes!) and it's meant to be your own unique experience. One should not compare their story to another, as many of us have different journeys.

So I feel like am moving ahead in my process to be more helpful and pioneering in the effort to remove the stigma to mental illness. I may post something on my sideboard about NAMI after doing In Our Voices this weekend.

I hope things are going well in blog land.:)

I never told you about my two jobs. (Updated advice on Social Security).

Part of the reason that I think I hit a downward slope three/four weeks ago was that my schedule started being very apparent to me. Meaning, it started being very real that I had stuff that I had to be at nearly every day of the week, and it frankly got to be too much. These jobs, I have two, went by the wayside while I tried to recover.

Some people think that a person is not 'recovered' unless they hold onto a job. I don't think that is true at all. In fact, I have issues with the word 'recovery' especially when applied to mental illness, because I think what they are referring to is 'the journey' - not some supposed zenith of perfection, that the word 'recovery' seems to suggest. But I admit to using the word a little more sometimes, because more and more, it is being introduced as lingo in the mental health lexicon.

Anyhoo, my two jobs are:
1) The baking project, which I get paid a small amount for and is the project that I attribute my finally leaving my house to get out there and be employed. No minor miracle. It is actually run by a fabulous person who has mental illness herself and she is doing great things for us, one person at a time. It really is a beautiful thing.

2) Trillium Drop-in Center. I volunteered for them, mostly behind the scenes, for about a year, before being 'recruited' to a paid position. This job has proven to be difficult for me in some ways as I have direct, and unrelenting, contact with people. I think I would much prefer not to, I am not nearly as good at it as some facilitators are at dealing with people, but our wonderful Executive Director assures me that I have a place there, and that we all have gifts of some sort and do belong there. When I don't believe that for myself, I rely on her opinion, and that helps.

Both jobs were very understanding when darkness descended upon me and I needed home time to avoid the hospital. It is still a miracle and a testament to my husband's love that he kept me out. I have said that I thought it cruel sometimes, I still know that I was pushed farther than could ever be expected, but it has brought us closer together.

I never say very many nice things about my husband on the blog, and that is a shame. Because he really is a nice guy, a loving person, and he has my best interests at heart. I express my thanks right now, to him.:):)

So, I have these two jobs, very carefully crafted to Not go over the amount that the SS (Social Security) will allow. That is very important. I know people still come here, wondering if they can work while receiving disability. Remember, I have Bipolar and stress is a real issue in the illness. You can work, I have found, but you Must be VERY CAREFUL to never go over the line. The only reason I am doing this, working either/both jobs is that we are sooooo careful about not going over the line.

I have said previously, years ago, that I was burned by the system, that they were wanting a LOT of money from me and it about drove me into the hospital again. So my advice is be careful, but it can be done, especially with understanding bosses or work set-ups.