Tart's Take on 2 inspiring headlines of today

This one right off of the MSN homepage:
7 killed in N.C. beach house fire - Anyone I know? (I'll never know since I didn't even get invited! I hear about people still going to beach houses, in North Carolina, in October no less, but again, I don't get invited.:) Who burns to death on the East Coast?

This one came off of MSN as well to get you on the Slate page - who I hate to give any advertisement to:
Lie to Your Children—It's Good for Them The terribly wrong message sent by Jessica Seinfeld and Missy Chase Lapine.
http://www.slate.com/id/2176564/?GT1=10538

Tart says:
If a mother can't 'lie' to her children to get a little nutritious food down their spoiled throats then what has this world come to? America please listen and repeat to yourself Endlessly: You are in charge of your children, Not the other way around (And neither is the 'terribly' over-rated Slate, either, Thank God). If they won't eat their carrots when You Instructed Them to, then they deserve to have it snuck in with their orange juice. Repeat.

Thank God there are Moms addressing the problem, making all the other Moms feel better about the whole thing AND who know how to use their blender. Amen.

I refuse to see what drivel they have written about this and I'm going to have to partially categorize this post under hopeless_b_tches without even looking at it for all the women who have nothing better than get nasty with each other, the author, blenders in general, and the carrot industry.

You people ruined your chances of getting a decent review about any of your shit concerning anything 'motherhood' (which I do give careful, giving evaluations to the side of true motherhood) ever again with the Slummy Mummy disaster. I can't take the hatred.

Why don't they appoint a lawyer for every kid issued a Social Security card so they can sue before they even know how to yawn? It'll help with the lawyer surplus as well. (I thought that up, and I dedicate it to Mark, my favorite Idiot.) Put something new up on your blog, Mark. That goes for all of ya's.

Bizarrely (sp? I feel like I've lost my mojo!) this Turtle thing has even MORE significance!

Yeah, so I was looking for happiness last evening, hopefully in all the right places, and I came across the story of 'Brother John' and his 'turtle,' his pet name for his depression! Too weird, because this story is printed way before this (my) site's turtle fetish. See fo' yoself!!

http://www.bipolarplanet.com/turtlestory.html

'Fleet Street' - Suuwwwweeeet!

MSN printed the top ten holiday movies to look forward to. Please note that this is a musical, Johnny Depp, amongst others, will sing! They are also singing 'Golden Globe' nom for Johnny channeling David Bowie's bloody side, already! So now, I REally have something to live for - ty, Johnny.

http://movies.msn.com/movies/hitlist/10-26-07_2

Direct copy:
"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" Opens: Dec. 21 Why: Combine Stephen Sondheim's Tony Award-winning musical of a revenge-seeking barber, Tim Burton's distinctive vision, the charisma of Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen, and you're up for one hell of a bloody (literally) ride. Biggest Misconception: It's not a musical. Judging from the trailer, you would never guess it's a musical, but it is, and those stars will sing. Standout Performance: Johnny Depp is said to channel David Bowie in a rock-star interpretation of the demon barber role. Place your Golden Globes bets now, because he will definitely earn a nomination.

Post 391. 9 away from my 400th! Feel free to bake a cake and eat it! I only request that it have chocolate frosting. --Resume--

My Over-flowing Secret Knowledge - and on a Sick Day!

Okay, the following post started out as a response to Mage from my 'All the Letters I've Written Before' post on Sun. Oct. 21, 2007. I decided to post it here instead of just a response back, because of all my smarts exhibited within it during a time when I still feel physically sick, which is an amazing feat at this point.

Even though I HATE to admit it, my mental health goes hand in hand with being physically sick, as well. The more I fight this reality, the more tired it makes me. The more tired I am, the harder it is to fight mania/rage and this week's bitter damn lows (where dooo they come from?). I don't believe in flu shots (ask, if you want to) but aspirin popped like candy is working much better that thought. Well, anyway, you're all up to speed on my health (did I mention I still sound hoarse, and I swallow snot at night? As for number 2, I'm glad I've a toilet near the computer. Yeah. You needed to know.:)

Alrighty then. Bring on the responsola. I think I'm spent, so this will have to do for a while. Oh, and Mage? Thank you for professing thy love for me. Right back at 'cha. About your blog - you could always make a new one, and you sure know how to operate Blogger.:)

*************
The response from me:

It's okay, Mage. Your first comment gave me my first LOL moment all day, and possibly all week!

I know the Ono-meister is creeping up in age, like in her 70's! if I'm not incorrect on that. I think she has tried, thru the years to use some John Lennon things that she is willing to share with us - for instance, his quickly cartooned self-portrait released onto baby clothing, no less.

I bet you didn't know that Mr. Lennon was enrolled in art school, early-pre-Beatles when he was secretly married to Cynthia Lennon, his first wife and mother to John's first son, Julian (named after J.L.'s mother who was run over by a taxi in front of John's 8-9 year old eyes. Her name was Julia, and he wrote a song for her - check 'The White Album':). For some reason, John was also merciless about the physically impaired, making open fun of 'cripples' and drawing less than nice doodles of them.

He must have got over this sort of thing at some point, as eventually he was known for inviting the homeless, even mentally ill, on his property. I think many people think about this, how sad it was that partly because of compassion (at least that's how they've been saying it in biographies) he probably allowed 'nutcases/the sick' much closer access to his person than most people ever would, opening him up for assasination.

Why, I know you're asking, do you KNOW all that? Because I read one of his biographies, a good 5 inch tome, in my early teens, when it mattered, with voracious interest. I think perhaps these generations might read about Kurt Colbain in a similar way (which of course, I wouldn't mind doing myself. I would think there is plenty still unsaid, plenty to protect, as of yet, if I were to guess.)

And did you knnnnow (as a little aside) - Mr. Colbain is number one in raking in the moulah of the top ten famous rock & roll dead?! More than Jimmy Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and yes - Elvis! Search on MSN & you will find! And you thought Courtney Love was stupid. Hardly. If there's one thing that woman loves more than her heroin, is Kurt's heir, France Bean, and she's not f- that up.

Also, you can be guaranteed that there will always be someone 'close' to Yoko that agrees with your assessment, Mage. Julian Lennon is BIT-ter that Yoko will only allow him to have 3% of Lennon's royalties. While that still is no small sum of money, I assume, I'm sure he's madder than a hornet. Unfortunately, I think Dad & son were still feuding at the time of John's demise, and unless she's made changes since, she certainly was acting on the 'love' at the time.
Your personal J.L. tome,
Tart

I AM spent. I'm going to pop aspirin and lay in bed. I'll see you all soon. Every body hang in there.
Sincerely yours,
Tart

Please don't expect me to post anything important when I feel like mumble-chump. For those of you who can't figure that one out, I feel like a chump driven to write nothing for fools, one who can barely mumble that VERY true statement. As if most of you care:

Crazy

Craaaaaaaaazy

Craazy for feeling so lonely

Craaazy for feeling so blue

I knew

You'd love me as long as you wanted

And then someday

You'd leave me for somebody new

Woooooorrrry

Why do I let myself worry

Wonderin'

Wondering what

What in the world did I do?

Patsy Cline

Please don't expect more

Ya'll lucky ya got that outta me. I AM SICK.
Tart

I'm glad, for All The Letters I've Written

Have you ever noticed how much people who think they are in charge, or who think they are in some higher realm than us (average person) don't really like being written to, don't like knowing that there are blogs that say what they think. They don't want contact, really, and just don't want to have to deal with any of 'it?' Yeah, me too.

And I just want to say that I am PROUD of myself for my letter to Yoko Ono, when I made the probable mistake of alluding to my non-perfect mental health status, especially when she has dedicated the last 30+ years of her life keeping her late husband's killer in a mental ward. I guess I'm feelin' it when I didn't get a signed Yoko Ono photo. I'm not sure she even 'does' that.

And I AM proud of the letter I sent to Ozzy Osbourne, Prince of Darkness, telling him that, when he dies, I won't be thinking of him as the guy that bit the head off a bat, oh no, I will think of him as a champion (and incredibly sneaky) for keeping his bipolar such a secret and living through all of it. I suggested a remake of 'We are the Champions' which should be a Bipolar Anthem. My admitted mistake, I said if I was wrong about him being bipolar, he could throw my letter away. And I didn't ASK for a picture, but I think if he doesn't have mean-spirited/Satanic youth answering his mail, I might just have a chance on my next letter.

I am PROUD that I truly wasted my time writing ANYthing to some alpaca farm in Cana-Di-Ah and asked them questions about their Kommodore (sheep dog w/ dread locks) and their thoughts on why that kind of dog. Apparently they don't have thoughts. I do. Their blog was very incomplete and shared same info back and forth and they had an email address posted, which was very curious - because they either don't read, don't English, don't write or don't write English. Tak your pick, because they were Incommuncado, and I'm not talking Catholic sacrament.

No response-vous on my letter to Judith Warner, NYT's columnist. Welcomed to comment, I guess I could print what I wrote to her, perhaps eventually. I thought my work sent to her was definitely some of my most lucid, probably bottom-kissing stuff ever, and we all know how very unused to producing/sending that sort of thing, am I.

I don't know how it came to me actually, but I was quite sincere at the time and did feel that my effort was worth it, especially if she could take similar joy in finding that someone not only wrote on the same topic, without being forced to, but came to the same, very altruistic/loving conclusions.

Would it be so bad for a person of her 'caliber' to 'lower' herself to say 'Hi, hello good for YOOOOOOOOUUUU' (I feel a 'Will & Grace' moment coming and I am not gay. Must be a New York thing.)? So think 'Jack' from the show and say, "YeAY, I'm a LITtle bitter." As far as printing that letter online, I'm waiting, hovering and then I might print it. But I'll give it some weird name so high school and college kids can't easily google it for their bottom-kissing activities.

Somebody Hacked Into My Site!

Yeah, some fiesty bipolar beyotch has been tapping into my things. I couldn't stop her when she said:

"Gee, Turkey, why you being such a big baby? The Congo still supports our war and we call them genocidal maniacs all the time."

"What up Soviet Union? If you don't want us to bomb Iraq, we'll start with your ass first and THEN get them. Since when did anyone give a 'Putin what you think?"

If you pay attention, this world is getting scarier all the time. I thoroughly believe that this Administration has never really had a clue which end goes up, and I'm sure it doesn't help when other people, besides real Americans, keep making unfair demands. Recently, people who ought to know better, like the ones above, seem to be coming out of the woodwork.

To top it off, David Letterman, usually a stalwart, trusted entertainer, at least in Husband's point of view, has been very off his game and as always, its Tart's job to point this stuff out.

For instance, I understand he hedged around what so many celebrity-slobbering-focused individuals want to know - Is Jennifer Lopez cooking a bun in the oven under all those loose fitting designer clothers? It sounds like he was loathe to ask her the important questions, much like the very painful espisode of 'The Daily Show' where Jon Stewart interviewed Lynn Cheney, which I did see. That was so painful because Mr. Stewart could not use any form of love and laughter with this lady because she is such a bitch.

Yes, you heard it here, I think our Vice Pres-wife individual is a horrible bitch (oooh, I mean that chick who hacked in today, does). She looks like the kind of hag I hate most: if the hair is teased and you're wearing your little gold earrings, you are all powerful.

I'm not even saying anything about her views, which are all wrong as well. We had to listen to her convoluted history entanglement, that twists things the way she wants it, because Jon Stewart was absolutely terrified of her, like they had threatened to bag him and beat him after the show if she didn't get her piece in.

Well, you know what Lynn Cheney and your lying, torturing administration can do?: bite me, I CAN see through you. While everybody got so entangled in the Jena6 (somebody DID beat the crap out of some kid, did they not? And is that not only against the law but against what society expects of human interaction??? The hanging of nooses is inflammatory, symbolic, upsetting, a hate crime and not right but does not justify revered leaders, whatever the color, to walk and speak with no care for the law and reality. I believe Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton just wanted the good 'ol days back, I don't see any real care for right or wrong, and I see their participation as a sign from the devil. I believe they should save themselves to properly explain and uphold righteousness for an ever-confused youth, not take part in every idiot party that comes along) nobody takes up the fight, or the banner, of the complete trashing of American and world-wide human rights that the Bush administration not only upholds, but then turns around and lies about. This administration is built on lies and travesties, with those in the know fighting for every classified, marked document, just to show the rest of us tip of the iceberg. I can no longer watch him, I'm not interested in the streaming videos, in the beginning for the verbal idiocy (by 2005 there was a daily calendar dedicated to his 'dumbisms' that we read at my job with the liberal media. Now I fear how much he has f'kd us in every aspect, from human rights to how much he has set us back environmentally. I think some bad stuff will come out about him. I just want him gone, and can only hope the next won't be worse.

Then I here that Mr. Letterman picked on Richard Simmon's outfit ruthlessly during his time in the 'chair.' Dave if you continue with this we're going to kick you off and say that your expiration day has come.

Mr. Simmon's is the sweetest of fairies (a lovely, delicate gay man) that gives hope to fat chicks everywhere (yup, that includes me). He's lost a lot of weight, he did it a long time ago and Mr. Simmons has kept off. He's proud of it and if he's not afraid for the world to see what looks like on a no-cellulite thigh day, then who the hell are you to pick on him? I'm thinking when it's all said and done, Dave, you probably wear something like this to bed.:)